Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Remember who you are

In high school I attended a Senior honors banquet before graduation, and there was a speaker who gave one of the only memorable speeches I've heard at that sort of thing. What has stuck with me over 20 years is his main point--remember who you are. I can't remember all his examples, but I remember the sentiment.

Yesterday you all made me feel for the first time in a long time like I really could get back to my fit, thin self. All this year, I've been on this slippery slope that has seemed hopeless and endless. You've had front row seats for the train wreck that was my life at times. And yet you all see in me what I obviously haven't been able to see in myself.

The me I am meant to be. The me I worked hard to create. The me I can still be.

I just need to remember that me, and I know I can get her back.

Remember who you are.

In my dark times, I remember the me I don't want to be, the obese me I started to become after only two years of marriage and six months on prozac (which causes some people to gain weight unexplainedly, but my doctor didn't know that in 1997), and I feel the helplessness wash over me.

Those 13 years of obesity pull and tug and drag me down sometimes. Like at night, when I'm all alone in our kitchen/family room (this is the real reason for America's obesity epidemic....all our houses are now built with the kitchen and family rooms combined, so family time = food, and tv time = food, and conversation = food, and kitchen = family room). That's when the siren song of cookies and milk and cereal and ice cream and little powdered donuts (sarcasm font--they're for the kids, really they are--sarcasm font) call me to that wretched island of false comfort. The sirens always lead to despair, and a promise that "tomorrow I'll finally get on a plan and I won't eat like this anymore."

I need to remember the me who knows how to get fit & thin, and then remember to forget the me who was obese for 13 years.

I need to remember the me I can be. The me I want to be. And will yet become.

Remember who you are.

6 comments:

Vickie said...

hugs

Laura@Run_Eat_Date said...

Your words inspired me this morning to get outside (even if it was cold and dark) and reflect on who I am now and who I want to be in the future. Thank you.

Jill said...

First of all, this is a really good post. Very well written and very inspiring.

Secondly, I think a lot of us focus on the "don't want" instead of the "want". I don't want to be overweight, I don't want to wear a bigger size, I don't want to give up cookies. If we could just put the "wants" in the forefront of our minds it would be so much easier!!

Also I think the remembering the "me I don't want to be" comes from a place of fear, and I think we've been doing this long enough that we know that fear motivates for only a short time. You and I both need to be motivated by love, kindness, and compassion - harder to come by, but longer lasting once you get it. I think that we can get it by doing exactly as you said - remembering who we are. We are lovable, we are funny, we are super-awesome, and dammit we deserve to love our bodies to fitness and health.

I'm going to print this one out and keep it in my Blog of Fame Notebook (that I'm just now beginning) because I don't want to forget this. :)

Jill said...

Okay, one more comment...

Remember in The Incredibles (I know you've seen that movie) when Helen thinks that Bob is having an affair and Edna beats her over the head with a newspaper and tells her "you will go to him...and you will remind of who YOU are!" I always loved that line because I think it speaks to all of us who have gotten mired in the "mom-ness" of life.We are still the superheroes we used to be, even though we might not be using our powers every day. And even if we aren't using our powers every day, they're still there, waiting to be unleashed.

Unleash it, girl. ;)

Vickie said...

Jill wrote beautifully

one thing I thought of as I read

Jill said
"Also I think the remembering the "me I don't want to be" comes from a place of fear, and I think we've been doing this long enough that we know that fear motivates for only a short time."

Wanted to add

anxiety comes from fear
(and OCD behaviors come from anxiety, so that means food habits)

So fear really is the heart of the issue for many of us

Vickie said...

halloween party this year? I just remembered that you and your hubby have had some fun ones in the past - how goes your weekend?