I'm around, just haven't been able to write because I've mostly used up all my words by speaking too much during the day and have nothing left to share here.
It's been a difficult week with my Dad, for many reasons other than his illness. I had an epiphany Wednesday--just because someone has a deadly disease doesn't make them into a new person. There are reasons I haven't been part of my dad's life for years. Those didn't go away just because he got sick. We had The Talk on Sunday and it was healing, but it didn't really change things.
And just as I chose not to be sucked into the loathsome relationship he has with his wife for the past 6 years (my dad is her 7th husband, and that sin is a faint blush compared to the rest of the evil which is contained in her being), I do not have to be part of what is happening now. I am still who I am, too. And I will not compromise myself or my family just because he's leaving this earth soon.
A person dies the way they live. There's just no getting around that fact.
So. Wednesday was The Difficult Day. In addition to driving to St Louis & back for Sophie's follow up neurology appointment--which went great...her MRI from 6 weeks ago was normal, of course, and she has had a great summer with NO significant dizzy spells. The meds are working and she's not suffering any side effects--I also listened in on the meeting with Dad, his wife, my sister, and the attorney on the Will discussion. That's when most of the trouble started. It's all "thou shalt not blog about" stuff, but needless to say it pushed me over the edge and despite my best intentions, I completely drowned my misery Wednesday night in Mike's Hard Lemonade, Lucky Charms, & Chips Ahoy.
Thursday I moved on. I had my epiphanies, ate a carb free breakfast, and got back to doing what I do best--putting the unmentionables of my life in a nice little box and shoving them under the bed where they belong. Well, not really. I talked about them more with family & friends, but emotionally I was done being upset. Done done done. Really. I'm done.
Exercise has been The Suck this week. Yesterday I finally ran 3 miles, and they felt good despite the heat & humidity. My diet has been back to where it's supposed to be, and my weight has been staying stable for days between 153.2 and 154.2, even after the Wednesday disaster. I expect to get more exercise in next week and staying on plan, so hopefully can shed another pound or two in Week 3.
In other random news, I've got this niggling pull in my brain that I should write a book. It's been there for about a year, and I keep ignoring it. I have no idea how this would happen or who would even read what I have to say (other than the handful of you fabulous folks who read my blather here, but, you know, I think a publisher would want more than 50 people to buy a book). But the new movie Julie & Julia, which was a blog, then a book, & is now a movie, has brought back the desire again. I keep thinking of Farmer Hoggett from Babe, and how he knew that ideas that pull and niggle shouldn't be ignored. I don't know. Probably nothing will come of it. I just needed to dump it out here so maybe it will go away. Or I'll do something about it. One or the other.
Today, Saturday, is The Great Endeavor to Clean Sophie's Room. My goal all summer has been to get it cleaned before school starts. Sure enough, Wednesday is D- day and we are cleaning today. It's scary in there--no food under the bed or anything, but so many toys you literally can't walk except for in strategically cleared spots. Needless to say, we're purging a ton of stuff, whether she likes it or not.