Tomorrow I start my new job. I was looking at my schedule for next week and realized (again) it's been 8 years since I've worked a 40 hour week. I'm more than a little intimidated by the idea.
And it's not just the time at work. It's all the things I did during the day when I was self employed that I now have to do after work hours, like opening our mail, paying bills, making appointments for haircuts or the doctor, calling the insurance company when there have been issues (I still have to deal with our insurance claiming the Children's Hospital is out of network), talking to my mom or friends, talking with my husband, sitting in front of my SAD light (this one worries me--I have to get up 30-45 min early, and early mornings & me don't go together, yet). The smart thing to do would be to go to bed early, get up early, do the household bills & computer stuff while using my SAD light (like I am now).
It's going to be an intense new normal for a while.
But then I remind myself that millions of women work 40 hours a week and manage to someone get everything else done. They may be frazzled, crazy, out of control women some days, and I know I will be too, but they manage.
I've spent the last few days getting my house ready for the New Normal. I cleaned out our kitchen closet, which housed the kids craft projects and school supplies--4 shelves of stuff that has accumulated over the past several years since the last time I cleaned it out. I filled 4 big garbage bags and put everything in bins (as opposed to cardboard boxes or shopping bags); now we can get to what we need easily and all the junk is gone.
That allowed me space to move my scrapbook supplies--of which there is a ridiculous abundance--to the top shelf and off my desk in the front room. I mourned the incomplete albums and photos I haven't done anything with while I relocated them. I have no idea when I'll get pictures sorted and put in albums. Someday.... (code for never). And now I have a desk ready to take care of all the household stuff at home instead of at work. It took me all day Friday and was totally worth it.
I keep telling myself, the busier and more active I am, the busier and more active I'll be. An object in motion stays in motion. I have no idea when I'll fit in exercise. I haven't fit it in for months. Now when will I do it?
Just like with Sophie's surgery, the anticipation is probably way worse than the reality will be. So many unknowns, and I don't do well with unknowns.
Sophie is doing incredibly well. Everyday is better. She can get in & out of bed and in & out of the car without hurting herself. She can do everything herself except pick things up off the floor (she uses her feet a lot and tries, though). She met with her homebound teacher twice last week. Since the first several rough days at home, it has been fairly smooth and easy.
Thursday's follow up visit to St Louis was cancelled. We were 20 minutes out of town when the nurse called & said the sleet and ice had already started and we should probably turn around. I wanted to just go ahead and risk it, but my wise husband told me to turn around. Glad he did. Getting there probably would have been fine, but coming home would have meant driving through a wintry mix the entire way.
So Tuesday, Mark is taking Sophie to the appointment. This does not sit well, but I have no choice. Can't very well ask for a day off on my second day of a new job. I will make a list of questions, prep him on how to get to the office, and let it go. It will be fine.
It's all going to be fine.