Tuesday, June 11, 2013

More on sleep (149.0)

Last night I did not sleep well.  It was the first bad night since I stopped taking trazedone.  I woke up frustrated and angry and determined to start the damn trazedone again.  I don't want to have another night like that again.

My husband doesn't sleep well.  His sleep habits are horrible, and it impacts me.  If we had a guest room, I'd sleep in there every night, but we don't so I can't. 

I don't want to talk about all he does wrong in relation to his sleep issues.  I cannot control his choices, and I have little ability to control how his choices affect me.  I know that sounds lame, but I've lived with this for years and it's the way it is. 

He will watch TV in the family room while I'm falling asleep; he's not totally insensitive.  It's the middle of the night crap that disturbs my sleep and is why I loved the trazedone. It knocked me out cold and he could tap dance on the bed and I wouldn't notice. 

Not so with xanax.  Last night I fell asleep at 10:20, easily.  At midnight, he woke me up.  As usual, he couldn't sleep and his noise woke me out of my not-so-deep sleep.  When I only take .25 mg xanax, I don't get into a deep enough sleep. (If I take .5 mg xanax, I have trouble waking up.)  And when I wake up in the middle of the night, I don't get back to sleep quickly and I don't sleep deeply at all. 

I slept, but it was more like cat naps. I was aware of the time passing several times during the night.  When my alarm went off at 6, instead of getting up, I foolishly kept hitting the snooze alarm because I was mad that I was so tired and didn't want to get out of bed.  And because those 9 minutes of sleep between beeps is (seemingly, although not really) better than nothing.

I haven't tracked my sleep behaviors in relation to my hormone cycles, but I'm suspicious that they may be linked.  I should start in about a week, which is prime PMS time.  Have any of you noticed your sleep being poor in relation to your cycle?  I will be paying attention to this, IF I stay off the trazedone.

Which is the big question.  Do I deal with the side effects?  Do I split my pill down into a 1/4 size? (Which is basically a crumb, since they don't split cleanly.  If I'm going to continue to take it, I need to call & ask for a smaller dosage.) 

I sleep better when I'm working out.  I haven't worked out regularly in months and months.  So if I can start that back up, perhaps I'll sleep better. I only drink coffee in the morning, only rarely do I have any in the afternoon.  Caffeine isn't the problem.

I have a suspicion that no matter what I do, I'm going to have to take drugs to sleep well.  But figuring out what works without a sleep hangover may be a challenge. 

I'm too PMS'y and crabby to make a good decision on any of it, so I'm letting it lie for now. I just wanted to vent while it was still fresh in my mind.


Jill said...

I used to sleep horribly during PMS time. I don't have that problem these days, but yes it can definitely affect your sleep habits.


Laura N said...

I was having a PMS-fueled pity party this morning when I wrote this. I feel better this afternoon. I shouldn't write posts in the morning, ha.

Vickie said...

Hormones do impact me in the sense that food impacts my hormones. I can either eat clean and have no symptoms, or eat processed and then have what feels like night sweats, hot flashes, sleep problems. Isn't that interesting? I thought I was going thru menopause for years and it was food.

I absolutely do not buy into the fact that your husband cannot be retrained. He can. Maybe he needs a pill. Or you need to relook at options. If it were not for the fact that it would wake the kids, I would suggest putting ear plugs in your own ears and then blasting him with air horn every time he woke you.. .

I mentioned that we sort of have to set the stage for my sleep. I have to have the right blankets based on temp, I have to be tucked in tightly. We sleep with a floor fan on medium. We sleep in two extra long twins. I have to be in something with sleeves. Yes, bare arms impact my sleep. We have all the phone ringers off.

If we are traveling, we do the best we can. I can sleep with youngest or oldest because they are very still. Middle and husband move too much. We usually book so that each of us has our own bed.

I am on meds for life and am okay with that. I take my pills about 9pm. No morning after effects.

I would call for lower dose pills (half if they make them that way) and then cut those on half.

jen said...

I take a medication for my allergies (neural dermatitis) called hydroxyzine. It is an antihistamine but is also used as a mild sedative. I take a small dose (10 mg) and don't seem to have much of a hangover. It also has calming effects. It gives me very vivid dreams, not unpleasant, just cinematic.

Laura N said...

I'm not sure how to go about retraining him other than kicking him out. He does take meds to sleep. They often don't work for him. He can't take the powerful ones--he can't wake up when he takes them.

I've talked to him about behaviors to change--don't watch TV while falling asleep, don't drink caffeine after 3 pm, don't chew nicotine gum at night (he used to use snuff a long time ago, switched to nicorette, now chews it all the time--don't get me started on that one), don't have bright lights on. I talked to him last night, explained that if he can't sleep, it doesn't mean he can wake me up. It's not fair to me. He understood & agreed.

I sleep with a mask, so I block the light & TV. It's usu sound that wakes me up. He was on his phone last night and the clicking noise woke me up (I know, phone should have been on silent--he's just not aware of his environment like I am).

I haven't tried ear plugs! I will try them, thanks for the suggestion. That might just solve my problem. Kids are old enough if they need me they'd come get me. They rarely ever wake up at night, thank goodness.

I took 1/4 trazedone last night and slept better and woke up OK. Vivid dreams (yes, Jen, cinematic is a great word to describe my dreams) about meeting Marcus Mumford, which was actually a lot of fun.

Laura N said...

I should also say that his sleep issues are also pain related. His chronic back pain sometimes makes it difficult to sleep. He's getting another RFL procedure in a week (where they burn the nerve). The injections and the RFL from 6 months ago have worn off and pain meds aren't helping much now. We are working his thighs a couple times a day, which does help with muscle tightness/pain in low back, but not the degenerative disc issue. He's doing what he can for the back stuff, and I think the things he does at night, that I think keep him awake, are distractions from the pain.

Vickie said...

If you are saying he turns a TV or a light on, in the same room where you are sleeping, in the middle of the night, that is not okay.

Or are you saying when he does that in family room, it wakes you?

Vickie said...

You might remember my saying this before - my husband says that men are exactly like dogs - train them by telling them what to do (not what NOT to do).

And it is best to be proactive in all areas (in my opinion).

So, my suggest would be to make yourself a going to bed check list:

turning the TV volume to a level that will not wake you (TV in family room from your bed, at our house that is volume set at 8-10).

when you tell him goodnight, have him turn his phone on silent right then,

figure out what lights work in family room when you are in your bed

teach him that if he wakes, he must go to the other room, cannot stay in bed and do any of the above from bed.


make a list and then just start somewhere and kindly remind or do set up each night before you go to bed.

If you had done all of this on day one, would not have to do it now. BUT if you do it now, will not be in the same position a year from now.


Vickie said...

With my back, I have to sleep on my side, with top knee bent and that top knee/leg on a very dense pillow. When I roll over, I wake and move the pillow with me. Intense pain if I do not do this. With this, can sleep through the night.

I understand back pain. I understand his is terrible. Not saying my pillow trick will work for him. But there are tricks.

If we are flying, sometime we have to go BUY a pillow for me to sleep with while we are at location. We just go buy pillow. Sometimes we have to buy a floor fan too. I am sure the maids love what we leave behind. I put notes on them.

Laura N said...

TV issue is in the bedroom. I often think of your husband's dog comment--not sure mine would appreciate that analogy, though. :) Family room is at opposite end of house so activity in there doesn't bother me.

I used to do the same thing, fall asleep to the TV. It's only been in the past couple of years that sleep has been an issue for me. Getting older? Hormones? No longer eating sugar before bed to put me in a carb coma? All of the above, I'm sure. So I've made my bed, so to speak, and am now lying in it.

Part of the issue of him being in bed to watch TV is b/c of his back. It hurts to sit, so he has to lie down. His back pain is so debilatating, when it's really bad, that I will do anything I can to avoid it being worse--including sacrificing my sleep, apparently. BUT I'll talk to him some more. And I'll try ear plugs too. We do not have any rules around bedtime; that's a good idea.

Thanks for all your feedback. I do appreciate it.

Laura N said...

And now that we have a new couch, he really could lie down in the family room. Our old couch was a back killer, even for me.

Vickie said...

My opinion - take the TV out of the bedroom. If there is a lamp he turns on in the bedroom, in the middle of the night, take that out too. If it is built in, unscrew the light bulbs.

NO ONE should put up with things being turned on in the room they sleep in no matter who is in what kind of pain, unless it is a hospice room.

When I thought about all that you wrote, I realized -

Laura, I do not think you have a sleep problem.

I think you have overcompensated for your husband and he has learned to be very rude.

The first time he did all this and nothing happened, he thought it was okay and continued. That is how men thing (or don't think).

Seriously - he would have you drug yourself and sleep with a mask and earplugs instead of (him) using a little courtesy?

And maybe he needs to lie on stomach for a while (on floor). Or on floor on back. In family room.

It is nearly impossible to function without good quality sleep. (And all that you are talking about is sort of another category of self sabotage.) This is not compromise. And I would imagine that deep down this does not endear him to you.

Vickie said...

Is there enough room in the family room for a twin bed for middle of the night back pain?

Laura N said...

I've been thinking about what you wrote. I agree that he can be rude & I compensate for it with the coping mechanisms I've used for years. There's room for improvement.

But I do have a sleep problem. I can't sleep w/o meds, regardless of whether he's in the room with me or not. I love my sleep mask...it's cozy & comforting and part of my sleep routine. I used one earplug this weekend (not two, b/c I have to have one ear open for the alarm) and that helped.

I use the TV in the bedroom a lot too, and so do the kids (it's our only other TV in the house--no rec room or basement and I won't put TV's in their rooms b/c I don't want them to isolate themselves in their rooms). And sometimes when I've not seen Mark all day, I want him in bed with me when I've falling asleep, just to have him near.

He will watch TV at night in the family room if I ask him too.

So I've made some tweaks but nothing too drastic, and I'm getting my meds straightened out (the smaller dose is working). For now I'm ok with the situation.

Our house is not big, only 1850 sq feet. No room for a bed anywhere else.

I do appreciate your concern.