Monday, June 17, 2013

Concert cancelled, Sophie away at camp, hair cut (151.0)

We were supposed to go to Kansas City today to see my favorite band of all time, Mumford & Sons, in concert.  The concert was cancelled, along with several others, because their bass player had a blood clot removed from his brain last Tuesday.  Thankfully he's OK and is recovering, but obviously he isn't recovered enough to perform. 

Strangely, it has worked out for the best for us.  Last week we got a lot of calls from clients because accounts were down in May and they aren't used to seeing downturns on their statements (for the past year anyway).  The market continues to be volatile & we need to be in the office right now.  Plus Mark is getting another back procedure Wednesday & will be out the rest of the week.  So for us, it's turned into a good thing.

BUT.  I don't do well when plans change.  It takes me a while to adjust. I'm getting better at adjusting more quickly (more below), but I am disappointed, of course. I don't know if we'll be able to go to the rescheduled concert.  I'm returning our tickets because I'd rather do it now than risk not being able to return them later if we can't go.  But I got over the disappointment rather quickly, saw the bigger picture and the benefits of not going.

I didn't sulk.  I didn't get angry. I looked at the benefits of the cancellation instead of my disappointment.

I am learning to live without expectations.  "Expectations are premeditated resentments." (First heard this in an OA meeting.)  I don't need resentments taking up space in my life, so I work to not have expectations.  Not from people or events. I've always approached vacations with no expectations--it's much easier to roll with what comes than to have concrete plans that blow up, as they often do when you travel.  I'm applying that approach to daily life.  It helps.


Sophie left for a week of sleep away camp yesterday.  She went last year for the first time.  It's the same camp this year, and she went with a friend from school who also went last year.  Sophie was really excited to go. 

We drove up with her friend's parents, about 2 1/2 hour drive.  Her friend Mary cried when we got there; she has a hard time spending time away from her home, even at one-night sleepovers with her friends.  Sophie is fairly independent, has spent many nights away from home and never had a problem.  She didn't cry; she hugged me a lot (Mark & Luke stayed home) and was a little sad, but handled it well.  The kids stay very busy at camp and are exhausted at bed time, so the emotions quickly dissipate after we leave and there's no time to be homesick (which is what they told us when we picked them up last year). She comes home Friday.

It's harder for us than it is for her, I'm sure.  Luke was a mess last year when she left.  He was never an only child, like Sophie was for 4.5 years before Luke was born, and he doesn't like it when she's gone.  He is tender hearted & sensitive, and the kids spend a lot of time together.  I will miss her terribly.

Her being gone makes me ponder what it will be like in 7 years when she leaves for college. I've watched how Vickie has handled her kids leaving home, and I can only hope I handle it half as well as she has.


I got 4 inches cut off my hair on Saturday.  I've worn it long for a couple of years now, and prior to that it was never long.  I've worn it in a bob for 20 years.  I love it long, but it's a nice change to go back to a short bob.  Mark loves it this shorter length, because it's how I wore it when we first met.  Luke doesn't like it--he doesn't do well with change and wanted me to keep it long.  I have been wearing it up so much and only styled it once or twice a week, that I decided it was time for a change.  I'll post a pic in another post from my phone.


Jill said...

I'm so sorry the concert was cancelled, I know how much you were looking forward to it. :(

All 3 of my kids were gone last week (2 to 2 different camps, 1 to grandma's house) and I really looked forward to having some Me Time, but once they were all gone, I found myself feeling bored most of the time. It made me realize 2 things: 1) I need to enjoy them while they are here because the empty nest will be here before I know it, and 2)I need to find some hobbies to occupy my time for when they are gone. It was a weird feeling, sort of seeing my future like that.

I want to see your cute new 'do!! :)

Vickie said...

Youngest cried for oldest's whole freshman (college) year. He would not even be out of the car, home for a holiday, and she would be on top of him bawling.

Then when he left, the front of his shirt would be covered with snot, tears, saliva. . .

Each time he was home, we thought surely this time she would be over it, but no.

He was 2 1/2 hours away. He then went to Ireland for a semester (maybe sophomore year) and she did well with Skype.

He has not lived at home since junior year (college). It has just been visits since then. And now he is on east coast. She seems to take it in stride.

She did well with middle starting college last year. It sort of helped that middle cried and called for two weeks. Honestly, we played pass the phone, until she got over it. (After two weeks, we were tired of it).

One of the things that hit youngest the hardest, when oldest went to college, was knowing she was going to get left again, in four years, when middle started college. I think she sort of got it all out of her system in that one year.

Last year, mayo, oldest moving to east coast, middle starting undergrad, I preemptively took her to therapist maybe April-August. Not sure if it helped. But it didn't hurt and she did well.

I think it will help (your son) that she goes to camp each year. He will get a taste of it.

Keep in mind - Skype is truly wonderful.

I am not sure youngest and oldest Skype anymore, but youngest and middle do, very regularly. I think they both do homework and sort of have each other in background.

Cute cut!

It is good you can see bright side of cancellation.

My post today is on this topic from my point of view (mom, not kids adjusting)

Vickie said...

Oldest was home for part of the time middle was calling, in tears, her first week of school. He had totally different perspective of how much work college kids still are, in spurts. Every time I handed him the phone and said it was his turn, he couldn't believe she was still at it.

They either need nothing. Or they have urgent, big need, that has to be handled immediately. Or it is the draining need (like crying calls or a huge legal paper last semester that I proofed once a week, for the whole semester as she added to it).

The two week crying thing does not embarrass middle. When we are talking about college adjustments, she tells people. And she is an RA this year, so remembering that feeling will serve her well. This is a child who never met a stranger, makes friends easily. So it is funny she had such a hard time.

It is good Mary had your Sophie, she probably would not have done well otherwise. This is good practice for both of them.

Ellen FatGirlWearingThin said...

Very flattering cut! Adjusting to change has always been a challenge for me. The more control I have over things the more I am soothed by it but that is not the way life rolls. It does get easier when you have a mindset about it but it takes practice, practice!