Saturday, January 14, 2012

Checking in (170.0)

I'm ok. I'm stupidly busy with work and kids this month. My running is
on track--two solid runs during the week and 6 miles this morning. My
house is clean and laundry is done. I'm back to using my SAD light
everyday. Everyone was healthy this week.

My eating could be a lot better though. I'm out of my routine. My
evenings are one long string of "afters." Somedays are better than
others, and I get a good breakfast and lunch in, and I tend not to
indulge at night as much on those days.

I can feel the extra pounds in my clothes and see it on my waist line.
I'm not happy about it. But I'm not beating myself up either. I'm
doing the best I can right now with my crazy life. That's not an
excuse and I'm not giving up. It's just reality.

I actually feel pretty stable emotionally (this week anyway). My SAD
light makes a huge difference.

I do need to shift my mentality away from food as comfort and reward
and back to food as nourishment and fuel. There's the rub. I had a
devil and an angel on my shoulders last night and I heard the angel
voice saying "you don't want to eat this. You don't need it. You don't
need this food for comfort." I ignored it and ate for comfort anyway.

A big part of me knows that if I keep ignoring this voice it will
eventually stop talking to me. It's a quick slide down into the pit
once that happens. And then there's the part of me that rationalizes
and says I've been here before and I can stop when I want to.

That's addiction thinking. I know it is.

I have issues. I am doing the best I can. January's always suck for
me. February is when I started in 2007 to lose weight. I am half way
through January. I think I can make it the rest of the way without
doing too much damage.


Lily said...

I absolutely love your honesty. I am in the same place, trying to remind myself to concentrate on what I want long-term, instead of what I want NOW. And then, when life gets so stressful, I feel I need to eat (plenty?) to stay healthy. Thank you for the reminder to get back on track.

Vickie said...

Glad to hear from you.

If you have to comfort eat in the evening, try to redirect WHAT you are eating to do the least damage possible.

You are 100% right that the right foods early in the day help with this. it is amazing what a difference it makes.

Jill said...

I'm with you. And I like Vickie's suggestion of redirecting what you are eating at night, except that I know for me, I don't WANT what's better - I want what's dangerous.

Like you said, February is almost here - along with the promise of spring! :)