Saturday, April 03, 2010

Birthday month

So I will be 40 in 10 days. April 13 is the day. I've been dreading it since before I turned 39.

And I'm still working through issues with getting "old," but I guess it's getting easier. Everyone says I look better than I ever have. Women in their 40s or 50s tell me the 40s are wonderful. And if my life weren't so topdy turvy because of my dad I would feel like this is one of the best times in my life so far.

I'm going to pamper myself on The Day. Hair cut and color then s massage and pedicure, all at the Aveda salon. Then will do dinner with Mark and the kids. Then on May 1 I'm having a girls night out and we're going to dinner and dancing at a club that has Ladies and 80s Night so we can all be silly and carefree.

I've asked Mark to get me something sparkly. I love getting jewels on big birthdays. :)

Diet and exercise are still blah. I have used my treadmill a couple times and the weather is getting better so I'm hopeful for more outdoor activity.

Dad has had some small heart attacks, we think. He stopped eating for a couple days but ate some yesterday. I still feel so guilty for wishing he'd just finally pass and give himself and us some peace. He wants to see his 2nd wife one more time to get some closure. That's got us all in a tizzy but we don't see any other option. She lives 5 hours away. I'm praying she comes and sees dad and can only handle a couple of hours with him. If he asks her to stay or if she refuses to leave we'll have problems. This is the woman who didn't want my sister to even go to Indianapolis to see the ALS doctor with them. No way she can handle seeing my sister or me wipe my dad's behind or put ointment on his catheter entry point. I just hope that after she comes and leaves dad can let go. I don't know how much longer we can all keep handling this.

Today should be busy and good. It's my favorite holiday.

Easter blessings to you all.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch


Monica said...

Laura, I'm so very sorry about all the pain your family is suffering through right now. I'm sure you've all thought of everything, but is your dad able to have Hospice come in and take care of him to relieve you and your sister from the difficult care that you are providing? I know EXACTLY what you are going through. It was sad when my dad passed last July but there was a HUGE sense of relief when it was all over. When "quality" of life is gone, it's so much easier for the quantity to be lessened for the person and their caregivers! Prayers for you and your family continue and I hope and pray you are able to enjoy your 40th!

Vickie said...

All the feelings you are going through (I think) are normal. With an illness like this - family does all stages of their grieving/adjusting while the person is still alive (usually). So I know it feels odd - because he is still alive - but it is part of the process.

Did the divorce ever go through? or is it still in process? Do you have a police officer friend to ask about this? I know two family situations (similar to this) where the police actually did come and that resolved it.

debby said...

Have a happy and blessed Easter, Laura. I hope you will be able to celebrate with your husband and kids.

惠蘋惠蘋 said...


Cindy...154 said...

I know it is hard what you are going through. My father died last week in the night and we were not expecting it to be this soon. I hope your father gets his closure that he needs. It happens so fast, even when we are expecting it and there never seems to be enough time to have done the things we think about afterward that we wished we could have done. I don't know why things happen the way they do. I know your family will have peace at some point. It is strenuous.
About being old, I see pictures of myself now and think I look better than in my forties because of the weight loss, so you are getting better actually. Keep hanging in there.

Jill said...

Hey Sweets - I think you got some good comments here, so I'll just say that I've been thinking about you and I still pray for your family.

I miss you!! :)

Vickie said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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