Life is still overwhelming. Some days I keep it together. Some days I don't. I should say, some MOMENTS. I'm often living a moment at a time lately.
Sophie's surgery is scheduled for 11/22. We met with the doctor again on Monday 10/14. Based on the measurement he takes of her hump when she bends over, it had gotten worse in between our visits, which was 2 weeks. The Feb 28, 2014 date wasn't okay with him. Even though children's hospital's schedule was booked through 2013, they moved things around and got her in. This is good news--we want to get it done so her spine doesn't get worse and he can keep the rod from going to far into her lumbar spine(he plans to put in the rod from T3 to T12 or L1). And at least I know the our insurance will cover everything through the end of this year.
I am looking for a job. Even though it's far, far from ideal, and even though we know it will hurt our perception with clients and make work really challenging for Mark, it's a reality that we have to face--we need more reliable income and we need employer sponsored health insurance. Health care reform still isn't affordable, which we'd been pinning our hopes on. The 80/20 plan will be $1300/month. That's about $500 less than we pay now, but still way more than we can afford to continue to pay indefinitely.
I have put in my resume with 8 different companies. I've had one phone interview, with a follow up face to face interview tomorrow. It's not very promising out there.
The last few months have been ridiculously challenging financially. So there's that additional burden. And Mark's back procedure has worn off (this is degenarative disc disease, facet pain--no amount of PT can help this issue), so his pain is back in force. Today we learned his procedure that was scheduled tomorrow has been postponed because insurance has to review it further. I called the insurance company; nothing we can do to speed it up. He's in serious pain and his pain meds aren't touching it. He's at work, but I can't imagine how hard it is for him right now.
Seriously, I don't know how much more either of us can bear. I am praying. I see God's hand helping us and guiding us (like Sophie's date being moved up, and finding a place to stay in St Louis that won't cost an arm and a leg for the week we're there). But there is SO MUCH, and SO LITTLE I can do. It's hard to just let it all go and trust it will be okay, when things seem so far from okay.
It really sucks to have to be going through all this. I am not eating well. I'm not exercising. I am not eating binge foods and I don't snack during the day, but I am eating before bed and I am eating too much on the weekends. I am not working my program like I need to. I'm slowly gaining weight. More suckage.
I am talking with my sponsor. And I also had a girl ask me to be her sponsor at last night's meeting (I was stepped up to sponsor a few weeks ago). So I sure do have a reason to start working rather than coasting.
It could be much worse. I am not in the depths, just very overwhelmed and scared and anxious.
It has to get better soon.