Monday, April 09, 2012

I'm doing very, very well right now

Several nights last week I had vegetables as the main course of my dinner. This astounds me.
I have read on Vickie's blog many times how her decisions about food are which vegetable am I eating for this meal?  I read in Karly's book how her meals are focused around vegetables.

I thought they were both a little nuts.

Then last week, I was craving zuch and yellow squash.  I cut them into chunks, then dry sauteed them until they were toasty brown but still a bit firm, then I did the same to some bean sprouts. Mixed them together, sprinkled on some low sodium soy sauce and man, it was fabulous. 

I ate more than half and could have eaten the whole thing but was afraid what a whole zucchini and squash with a bag of bean sprouts would do to my digestive system!  I think I had a sweet potato later that night and some hot tea. 

Not eating sugar and white flour is changing my life.

I did not eat Easter candy.  Not one bite.  I had the occasional tug of desire, but it wasn't a craving.  It was longing for the past comfort that candy has brought me.

I was also at a wedding Saturday and did not eat cake.  I had one of the best pork chops I've ever eaten in my life, and I had decaf coffee, and I was delightfully satisfied. 

Far overriding my desire for sugar was the physical and emotional sensations of health and balance from abstaining from sugar.

I am thinking more clearly, having fewer emotional swings, am much more patient with my kids and husband, am not taking naps or feeling sluggish or bloated.

Yes, I still have emotional desires for sugar, especially for chocolate. As a side note to Debbie's comment last week, I can't do sugar free chocolate because most artificial sweeteners in any large amount gives me a headache, plus too much artificial sweetener can trigger MY tongue and brain to want sugar... whether this is everyone's experience or not, I don't know.  But it's how I react.  I also can't have dark chocolate because even a tiny bit causes migraines.

One night last week I wanted chocolate badly, but I made a cup of decaf tea (which has been my comfort "food" of choice for several weeks) and in about 15-20 minutes it passed.  A miracle!

I am going to therapy this afternoon.  I have no illusions I am "cured."  I am a recovering addict who needs support.

Yep, our business move is next week.  We may have to delay it a few days because of an issue with our largest client who is out of the country on the date we plan to transition, but that will be worked out in the next few days and not by me. 

I don't do well with The Unknown.  I like concrete, "I know what's going to happen," plans.  It is a struggle not to scream and throw a fit with this uncertainty.  But every time the nutso thoughts enter my head, I am working to blow them away like clouds.  

I remember a post Vickie wrote about a yoga class (I think it was yoga) where the instructor said if you have a thought that you don't want, picture it as a cloud and then gently blow it away.  So that's what I'm doing.

I've been blowing away a lot of clouds. 

I also have only weighed myself once since I stopped eating sugar.  The one time I weighed about 2 weeks ago I was disappointed because I was still 169.2.  I felt like I weighed less because my body felt lighter and my clothes were looser.

I was happy before I got on the scale, and then I was disappointed and mad.  What's the point of that?

I am not going to change the way I eat based on what the scale says.  I'm not eating sugar or flour to the best of my ability.  I am eating when I'm hungry.  I am exercising when I can (did a boot camp workout Saturday morning that kicked my butt and was awesome). 

Whether I lose weight or not is irrelevant.  The way I am living my life isn't going to change based on what the scale says.  The way I feel about myself--whether joyful or disappointed--shouldn't depend on the number on the scale.

It is not an easy thing to unhook from the scale. But it is getting easier every day, just like it's getting easier to say no to sugar.


Laura N said...

Another benefit is, I am spending more time with my kids. I am more not just more patient--I am more PRESENT with them.

Sophie wanted the game Apples to Apples for Easter, and we played it as a family for over 90 minutes. It was a ball. I painted her finger & toe nails last night.

I can't do those things when I spend 3 hours on Sunday afternoon in a carb coma. Which I have done many, many, many times.

Vickie said...

such a good post

I smiled at the line where you thought I was nuts. I have received several notes lately where people have said things went right over their head (for years, reading me) and now suddenly they are having light bulb moments.

We all have more similarities than differences, in my opinion.

What we need to do to STOP sabotaging and TO help ourselves might vary slightly, but it is all on the same general path.

And most of us need therapy. Many of us need meds.

If you are eating at meal time, eating balanced, eating portions, getting your water in,getting your sleep, eating mostly whole foods and exercising regularly and these become proven things for you, then your need for the scale will be less and less (in my opinion).

it is when people are trying to combine too many unknowns (too many artificial ingredients for example) and are very inconsistent, that they must have the scale, in my opinion. It has to be one or the other, it can be both, it can't be neither.

The difference, taking care of ourselves, makes in our family is UNBELIEVABLE to me.

I understand we all did the best we could in our former lives.

Probably no one could have made us SEE.

Frances actually sent me an email that said - your kids can't be doing well (with you in your circumstances) long ago.

I did not take offense, I listened to her. I blinked, but I listened. I didn't know what to do, but I realized I needed to figure out something, dig myself out from under.

Lori and Grumpy told me I needed to tell my husband how NOT well I was doing and that I needed to be seen. And I did tell him, that very day.

Yes, it is yoga where we blow away our clouds.

Prioritizing was something I learned fairly early on. I learned boundaries in 2011, long after I got to my first and second maintenance. And boundaries was a very important piece.

Jill said...

I am both motivated and convicted by your post. And I'm not sure how I feel about that. I have such a long way to go.

I'm so proud of you though for doing the tough stuff and sticking it out when it gets rough.


Vickie said...

PROTEIN with your veggies.

Egg beaters,
eggs (couple times a week if your cholesterol can handle it),
lean beef (if you need to eat beef),
boneless skinless chicken breasts,
extra lean ground turkey (breasts),
water packed tuna or other fish (once a week),
raw nuts (if there are any you can eat),
low fat cottage cheese (1/2 cup), low fat plain yogurt (1 cup)

I eat those (yogurt and cottage cheese) with fruit and raw tree nuts (not veggies) but you might try yogurt and raw red bell peppers/cucumbers/green onions/tomatoes/lemon juice/cilantro/chick peas. Have to make right as you eat it because it does not save, but can have supply of chopped veggies and then mix with yogurt right as you eat it.

My other regular go to veggies are brussel sprouts, broccoli (lightly steamed with lemon juice), green beans, spinach, onions/mushrooms/zucchini, salad made with raw spinach

Vickie said...

I bake my fish and chicken breasts in oven (plain, spray pan). I cover chicken, I do not cover fish.

When I ate beef (I did for first couple years of my process) it was either George Foreman or on pan on stove with spray and that is how I make ground turkey too.

oldest has a 9x11 for oven that has a rack in the bottom - he does that for things like turkey sausage or cut of beef (he does not eat very much beef any more and I am not sure he is eating any pork).

My husband and I don't eat any beef or pork any more.

Both girls are vegetarians.

I think it is harder to maintain as vegetarian (I did that for a couple years) as too many carbs and not enough protein.