Monday, December 20, 2010

December is HARD

This has been an extremely rough month.

My SAD has kicked in, despite the 1200 mg of calcium/day & (semi) regular use of my SAD light at work. My hormones are also crazy--I get majorly weepy & down for days at a time, usually a couple of times a month. Stinkin' hormones.

I know that I'm obviously grieving my Dad's death, too. Even though I didn't spend many Christmases with him the past 10 years, this time of year is still really hard.

I have plenty of good and joyful times, especially with the kids. But I've had lots & lots of break down & sob moments, out of nowhere usually.

And my weight is doing the opposite of what I want it to. Ha, I talk about it like it's something out of my control. Like my scale or my body has a mind of its own.

It feels that way, a lot of times. Like in the early days of my blog, when I complained how I had no idea WHY I do the things I do. I don't want to eat cookies at 2 am, but I do. I don't want to eat ice cream when I'm not hungry, but I do.

I joined Weight Watchers a couple of weeks ago, trying to force myself to get on a plan. And I got on a plan. For a week. Then I fell off. Now I'm back on.

It's not sticking yet, but I'm not giving up. I walked on the treadmill tonight for the first time in ages. I even was able to jog for 2 minutes straight at 5.5 mph (did this several times). I did 4 miles in 62 minutes. That is slow for me (well, the thinner me) but it's better than 0 miles in 0 minutes.

I'm not giving up. I don't know why I do the things I do when I don't want to do them. Neither did the Apostle Paul. He talks about this exact thing in the Bible. He didn't give up, & he didn't beat himself up & call himself a loser or hate himself over his affliction. I guess I shouldn't either.

The rest of the month is going to hopefully be OK. The big stuff is done--our Christmas cards are out (I sent out almost 200), our office open house is over & was a success, our client gifts have been ordered & delivered, two family Christmases are done, gifts are all bought, and I'm off work starting this afternoon until after Christmas.

I still have to wrap all the kids' and Mark's gifts, but I'm hoping to get a lot of that done tomorrow when Mom takes the kids to her house for the night. And we have Christmas eve at church (Sophie & I are singing in the choir) and Christmas day at Mark's sister's house.

The next time I post will probably be in 2011. Here's praying it's a better year all around.

A very Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to you & your family!!!

Thank you all for your kindnesses and for sticking with my blog this year. A girl couldn't ask for better cyber friends than all of YOU.


Vickie said...

it does sound as if you are over the holiday rush hump. (And that was a lot that you did.)

I have suggestions:
1. Clean any non-food out of your house! and plan your food in advance - like write it down. Such a simple thing but it really helps.
2. I would encourage you to get on the treadmill first thing every morning before you get your shower. Post reminder notes everywhere - bedside clock, bathroom mirror, coffee pot. I think that will help a lot with your SAD and your feelings in general.

KEEP WRITING! that will help too.

so glad you posted - was wondering and wondering about you.

Jill said...

Hello Sister!! So glad you posted. You know what, it's not just December that's been hard, all of 2010 has been hard (for you, for me, for a lot of people I think), so I am glad to see this year go!!

Maybe now you can relax a little bit and enjoy the rest of the week. I am the last person to give advice about working out or eating right, but I think Vickie is right about the treadmill helping with your SAD. Even if you did just 20 minutes every day, I'll bet it would be a tremendous help!

Try to relax and just enjoy yourself for the time being! Merry Christmas! :)

debby said...

Merry Christmas Laura!

That's funny that you referenced Paul, because when I started reading this, I was going to quote something or other from Paul to you!

And I think there IS a lot going on in our bodies without input from our minds. After all, think about everything that is done without us giving a thought to it--blood circulating, hair growing, kidneys working, etc.

I'll add a third vote to just a little exercise helping with the SAD. C'mon, Laura! You can do it!

Oh, I'll be interested to see what you think of the new W.W. plan in the new year. I am tempted to go back just to hear about the plan.

Vickie said...

Merry Christmas!

Vickie said...

Happy New Year!

Vickie said...

your hard December is now over!
your even harder 2010 is now over!
fresh new year for you and yours.

Vickie said...

Yes, I am 4 of your last 6 comments, streets of blog land have been pretty empty. I am not in the loop enough to know if there was the usual 'new start' of blogs with brimming new years resolutions.

but here to gently say you are at the two week+ mark of your last post. And I have been wondering and wondering about you.