This has been an extremely rough month.
My SAD has kicked in, despite the 1200 mg of calcium/day & (semi) regular use of my SAD light at work. My hormones are also crazy--I get majorly weepy & down for days at a time, usually a couple of times a month. Stinkin' hormones.
I know that I'm obviously grieving my Dad's death, too. Even though I didn't spend many Christmases with him the past 10 years, this time of year is still really hard.
I have plenty of good and joyful times, especially with the kids. But I've had lots & lots of break down & sob moments, out of nowhere usually.
And my weight is doing the opposite of what I want it to. Ha, I talk about it like it's something out of my control. Like my scale or my body has a mind of its own.
It feels that way, a lot of times. Like in the early days of my blog, when I complained how I had no idea WHY I do the things I do. I don't want to eat cookies at 2 am, but I do. I don't want to eat ice cream when I'm not hungry, but I do.
I joined Weight Watchers a couple of weeks ago, trying to force myself to get on a plan. And I got on a plan. For a week. Then I fell off. Now I'm back on.
It's not sticking yet, but I'm not giving up. I walked on the treadmill tonight for the first time in ages. I even was able to jog for 2 minutes straight at 5.5 mph (did this several times). I did 4 miles in 62 minutes. That is slow for me (well, the thinner me) but it's better than 0 miles in 0 minutes.
I'm not giving up. I don't know why I do the things I do when I don't want to do them. Neither did the Apostle Paul. He talks about this exact thing in the Bible. He didn't give up, & he didn't beat himself up & call himself a loser or hate himself over his affliction. I guess I shouldn't either.
The rest of the month is going to hopefully be OK. The big stuff is done--our Christmas cards are out (I sent out almost 200), our office open house is over & was a success, our client gifts have been ordered & delivered, two family Christmases are done, gifts are all bought, and I'm off work starting this afternoon until after Christmas.
I still have to wrap all the kids' and Mark's gifts, but I'm hoping to get a lot of that done tomorrow when Mom takes the kids to her house for the night. And we have Christmas eve at church (Sophie & I are singing in the choir) and Christmas day at Mark's sister's house.
The next time I post will probably be in 2011. Here's praying it's a better year all around.
A very Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to you & your family!!!
Thank you all for your kindnesses and for sticking with my blog this year. A girl couldn't ask for better cyber friends than all of YOU.