Thursday, October 22, 2009

M.I.A.

Missing in action is definitely how I feel lately, & not just in blog land. My life right now is so far from what I want it to be--so far from what I've created over the past two years--that I feel like I'm missing an essential piece of who I am.

Namely, the Skinny Girl.

I'm in crisis, guys. My dad's dying, and he's getting a divorce (yes! a divorce! this is a very, very good thing), and it's a lot of work (I'm handling all his finances & paperwork) and emotional upset (the separation/divorce filing court hearing was yesterday and it was a really tough day).

I haven't run or done any exercise since the half marathon on October 11. I've had a few good food days here & there, but there's no consistency for me to get any traction. I've been having those "I can't control myself" feelings around food again and the "Why am I eating like this?" zombie brain like the bad old days.

Work is crazy busy, which is good because we have gotten a couple new clients recently and we are doing marketing events and we are making some money. Every month we are still in business is a victory. But busy is still busy, and it's just one more thing derailing my workouts & food.

I'm not in a place where I can just prioritize better, or wake up earlier, or plan my meals ahead of time. Yes, those are all excellent ways to live a better life. They just aren't possible for someone in my position.

Which is hanging by my fingernails from a very steep cliff.

Thank God, we are healthy. Neither of the kids is sick. I've picked up something in the last day or two but it's just an annoying head cold thingy. Mark is doing okay. Sophie's dizzy spells have been, praise the Lord and medication, pretty much nonexistent this fall. So I'm not without saving graces here.

I have tons of family support. My mom and my sister are always there for me. My uncle (my dad's brother) has been a rock. There are many extended family members--cousins, aunts--who are coming to our rescue, as well.

I am not alone. I'm just overwhelmed.

I will be around the blog world, as I have a little time. This part of who I am--my blog, my bloggy friends--is why I know I can resurrect Skinny Girl when things aren't so insane.

I just hope she doesn't get completely smothered by Fat Girl. I'll settle for Moderately Overweight Girl for the time being.

***
And yes, dear friend Vickie, I had a lovely time with my dad at the Celtic Woman concert, thank you for asking. Altogether, there were 15 of us there! Dad & Mark & Sophie & my niece Jillian got to go backstage & meet two of the singers. It was a remarkable evening that my dad said "filled a hole in his heart." Sophie said she will always remember that night, as long as she lives. I think the rest of us will, too.

10 comments:

Mama said...

Hang in there, chica! Know that we are all out here sending positive thoughts your way.

MCM Mama

Helen said...

Missing you, sweetie, but TOTALLY understanding why. Know that there are a lot of us out there holding you in our hearts...knowing stuff is tough and here for you when you need.

Dad: How amazing that he is taking the time to rid himself from toxic wife while fighting a battle for his life. A true demonstration of how, sometimes, we realize what is really important.

I was waiting to hear what happened with the concert too...glad to hear it was as you dreamed.

Most of all...just sending thoughts and friendship and sympathy...life is hard sometimes...our people who hold us up...now, THAT is something to celebrate!! ;-)

Vickie said...

I repeat. Surround yourself with only food that you CAN eat. Because you still have to go to the store and you still have to feed yourself. that takes the same amount of time. And you can buy frozen veggies that are just veggies that you can eat quickly. I understand that you might not have time to prep - but frozen are already prepped. And dumping a bunch of skinless boneless chicken breasts in the oven so you have them for the week - doesn't take extra time either. Don't buy junk. Hold your own.

glad that you had a great time at the concert. You are lucky that he chose to be different/make changes for the better in his end of life time. I think that it is a real rarity that he actually stuck to it and didn't revert.

thinking of you every day.

Ohio Girl said...

There are four blogs I read EVERY day, Helly Belly, Baby Steps V, Recalled to Life and I Surrender. I have never commented on any. You are the most REAL person, honest and raw in your writing. I feel sometimes like you are in my head. I struggle, I succeed and I fail..ALL THE TIME. But I will not give up, EVER. I think about you & hope you meet the goals you desire someday. You are not alone, there are many of us out there who have inner demons we are fighting all the time. I don't write on a blog because I don't think anyone cares what I have to say except myself. But when I read your comments, I think you are talking about me! Thank you for letting me realize I am not alone in my strong desire to be healthy.

Shauna said...

thinking of you lovely L... I wish I could help somehow from way over here. We will all be thinking good thoughts for you. xx

G.G. said...

Hang in there, Laura! I think you're doing remarkably well, considering the stress you're under. You're in my thoughts!

Doc Manette said...

Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way Laura.

Vickie said...

I took a good look around the produce section today with you in mind and realized that there are a LOT of already prepped fruits and veggies - open and dump type variety. that would work well for you too.

debby said...

Laura, I am always so happy to hear from you. There's no kidding about it. This is a tough time in your life, and it won't let up for a while. Vickie had some excellent suggestions for you. Just keep your vision in mind, and keep doing the best you can do. Give yourself some grace when you slip, and get back up and keep going. You are in my prayers frequently.

Cindy...154 said...

I am so glad to see you post. I have been thinking about you. I appreciate any updates you can give from time to time. good for your Dad to have the strength to end the marriage. We all love you and are here for you!! You are going to be ok. Honest.