Tuesday, August 19, 2014

August update

Kids went back to school last week. All in all, everything went ok. We
got Sophie's PE class switched to 2nd quarter in hopes her
restrictions will be lifted (or close to) by then. And Luke has the
best 3rd grade teacher in the school--everyone says so. Fun
fact--she's been teaching 40 years, but she doesn't look it (young and
fit 60s) and she taught my husband in one of her first classes in
middle school!

Sophie gets on the bus really early. Originally it was 6:40! Now it's
6:52. Every extra minute helps. Luke is picked up at 7:40.
Elementary schools start later this year--8:15 to 3:10. Middle school
is 7:30-2:30. This is a schedule change from last year. Middle school
starts 15 min earlier. Elem added 25 min to their day and starts 25
min later. Long day for them.

Best part of this schedule is that the kids don't see each other in
the morning. Luke wakes up after Sophie leaves in the morning. Last
year Sophie picked on Luke constantly, to the point of tears some
mornings (Luke and me both). I was beside myself with worry on how to
parent the situation. Now I don't have to deal with it! Hooray!

Onto other things. I am slammed at work. September start is our
busiest. We can work overtime the next four weeks if we want. It's not
mandatory (yet) but we can if we need to or want to. I will be the
weeks I'm working on Saturday.

I signed up to run the Princess Half Marathon next February, have I
mentioned that yet? Did that a few weeks ago. I have to run a race by
December to qualify for a running corral or else I'm stuck in the last
walking corral. The only local race that will fit my schedule is a 15k
on Sept 6. I'm so not ready for a 9 mile race, but I'm doing it anyway
and praying the weather cools off by then. In the meantime I'm trying
to run. I did 5 slow miles Saturday. I'm so slow. I mean slow. I may
end up in the waking corral after all. Whatever.

I am going back to my therapist. I see her Sept 22. I'm way overdue. I
have too many issues. I'm too controlling. Too much of a
perfectionist. Don't know how to parent a teenager or be a wife to an
aging husband. Medication and OA aren't enough. I need help. And my
insurance covers it (it should anyway).

One other thing I don't think I've mentioned. Another area of my life
I simplified. I haven't been on Facebook for months and months. I
decided that FB is like dessert--it's ok for other people, but it's
not healthy for me. It is emotionally bad for me. I would read other
people's status updates about how fabulous their kids or vacations or
jobs or workouts or whatevers were, or on the flip side I'd read how
sad or angry or disgruntled or righteous someone was feeling -- and
I'd internalize it irrationally. Depending on my mood for the day.

If I was feeling good about myself then it was fine. But more often
than not, I'd feel inadequate and would compare my insides to their
outsides and would make myself miserable. And not just once or twice a
day. But all day long. Because that's how Facebook works. People post
all day long. And the app is on your phone so you have to keep it
current. And when you have OCD you have to read all the way back to
where you finished the last time you read so you're all caught up. So
yeah. Some days it was out of control.

I wasn't that bad all the time. But i was feeling bad enough
emotionally that I decided to just call it quits for good and stop
checking it all together. Yes, I miss out on lots of happenings with
my friends. I have no idea when celebrities die anymore until people
talk about it at work. (I don't watch the news or listen to the radio
either. I live in a bubble, basically.) I figure if people want me to
know stuff, they'll call or email.

I checked it one day a few weeks ago just for a "taste" and the first
post I read was from one of our friends who is an attorney, whose wife
stays at home with three young kids, and they only write Christmas
card versions of their lives on FB. His post was "we're seriously
thinking of giving up cable TV. Thoughts?" I wanted to punch the
phone. Really? I didn't read any further. I got mad at his post
because of my feelings of inadequacy of never dreaming of living
without cable with kids in my house--or for myself. I love cable TV!
And mad at my assumption at his superior attitude of "look at us, we
don't need cable TV." See, this snarky crap is NOT who I am. FB brings
out the worst in me. I don't care if you don't have cable. That's
great if you don't let your kids rot their brains with TV for hours. I
just don't want to read about it on social media. It's my issue. So I
removed myself from the equation. Haven't been back since.

So that's enough of a brain dump for tonight. Thanks for reading my rambles!

5 comments:

Vickie said...

I have wondered if I could make it just on Netflix a few times. Because I love to watch a series all the way thru from beginning to series finale. But then when I make a list of the things I watch on cable, just not willing to give it up. Oldest and middle make it with no TV/cable hook up. They watch Netflix and then a few current shows on laptops.

I totally understand about Facebook. I am not on. Every once in a while middle's gets left on my iPad and it is just never ending feeds. I have to immediately shut it off or I get pulled in.

I have VERY few blogs I read. So not the same thing at all.

Very glad morning thing solved itself. Is it only in morning that this happens or after school too?

I am trying to think if parenting teenager is any different than that same kid at any other age/stage. I am at 24, 20, 16 now. And we have picked up a 22 year old too (middle's boyfriend).

I do not think the teenage years are to be dreaded. Mostly it is getting them all the life skills they need to know. College prep, cooking, laundry, cars, bikes, travel, paperwork, health, classes, organization, household, etc. I honestly have always looked at as working toward a common goal.

Now we are really focused on having fun when they are here. Keeping their lives as positive and stress free as possible. Really good communication.

All three of ours have major stuff going on as they are each almost done with the stage they are currently experiencing and within a set time they know they are moving on to next step. For oldest it is 6-9 mos and then change. Middle is 1 1/2 years and then change. Youngest is 2 years. So all three prepping for it now.

My parents and my husband's parents did such poor jobs, that it is easy to see such a huge difference and to appreciate that kids can easily have a major, positive support system under them.

Is the control thing anxiety (which is fear)? Insecurity? OCD that needs meds? Or a learned pattern where you need to change the loop?

Jill said...

I have a friend who had to go cold turkey on FB because she was addicted to it. And I don't mean that as an exaggeration, she was literally addicted to FB to the point that it was interfering with her marriage and her relationship with her kids. At first she told her husband to change her password and not tell her what it was, but that didn't work for long so she finally deactivated her account. I think she's a lot happier for it.

I have 2 teenagers now. My oldest is 17 and he's a breeze. My middle is almost 14 and she's had me scratching my head so many times it's not even funny. I wonder if it's the gender thing or just the difference in the kids? I find that in some ways, I enjoy them more as they get older, but in other ways it's difficult to let go and let them grow up. I guess that's just part of life.

I hope you and your therapist find some relief for you! Keep us posted. I'm pulling for you. :)

Vickie said...

http://www.gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2014/08/are-you-addicted-to-something/

Vickie said...

How did the holiday weekend go? Are you doing okay?

Vickie said...

Getting a little concerned about you. . .