I'm doing better. (thanks for checking on me so soon, Vickie!)
On Tuesday I did some research (again) on how to treat depression with and w/o medication (not that I'm stopping medication, but I can't rely solely on meds b/c I've had such mixed results in the past).
I learned (again) that sugar is BAD for depression. I did learn something new--I found a website that talked about the connection between the gut and the brain. I don't have the exact article (& don't have time to find it right now), but here's the website. //www.mercola.com/
Basically sugar fuels a lot of bad stuff in your body (yeast and other beasties that are bad for your body) that is connected to your brain chemistry, and it creates havoc which can include depression in sugar sensitive people like me.
So I stopped eating sugar (again) on Wednesday. I know what to eat; I know what to do. I just have to do it.
What I put in my mouth is medicine--whether it comes in the form of a pill or not. If it's sugar, that medicine in an addictive drug. If it's fruits, veggies, clean food, that medicine is an anti-depressant.
Exercise is also key to fighting depression. Since I'm feeling better--I think the lamotrigine has gotten back down to a level where it's not causing the anxiety and numbing depression that I was having--I have the desire to start exercising again.
But first I had to have the desire to simply function--which came back Wednesday (the same day I didn't eat any sugar). I cleaned for an hour and I cooked; I didn't feel hopeless. Last night I cooked and cleaned again. I don't feel like I'm moving through mud right now.
It's easy to not eat sugar the first few days. It's later, when the newness wears off and my body figures out what I'm doing, that it's going to get difficult. I will do everything I can to be ready for it.
At my appointment with the p-doc, I'm not planning on getting back on an SSRI. I don't think it will help, frankly, and could make things worse. There are a lot of articles that say SSRI's don't work for many people--I have been through them all, and they've worked for a while and then they stop. They can cause weight gain. I feel like I need to stay on the mood stabilizer--it helps, it works. I just need to keep the lower dose.
But the rest of the depression needs to be faced with stark reality--I am in control of making myself well.