Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Princess Half Marathon (170.6)

My Disney Princess was Aurora from Sleeping Beauty--hence the pink/blue theme, as in "make it pink! make it blue" that the fairies do as they fight over the color of her dress.  I also have a temporary Aurora tattoo on my left arm. 

So the race was great.  6 days away from home was way too long.  I am glad I did it, but I likely won't do a race that far away and for that long again. 

I finished right at 3 hours by my Garmin.  That was my goal.  This is the heaviest I've ever run a half marathon.  I am slower the more I weigh.  So a fast time wasn't my goal, but running the whole thing was.  Which I did.  I only walked water stations and for two Gu's.  I ran the entire rest of the race.  Even the on ramps, which were hilly, banked, and long.  I did not run fast--around 13:30/ mile.  But I ran and never stopped to just walk.

Nothing wrong with walking--I have done it in every race I've ever run.  But this was a new goal for me and I did it.

The six women I travelled with were wonderful, with the exception of one friend who I knew was going to be an issue but didn't realize how bad it would be.  She did not train for this race.  Her longest run was 6 miles and that was last October.  She has the martyr thing going on, and it is BAD.  As in, "I was going to call you ladies at mile 9 when I figured you were all finished and it started raining and tell you to just go back to the hotel and not wait for me" or "I will stay at the hotel and not go to our special fancy dinner if so and so needs such and such" or "Do you want me to pull your suitcase for you?"--asked half a dozen times.

On the 2nd day there, she talked with her husband and got mad at how he'd handled an issue with their 13 year old daughter.  We were all in a shop in the Magic Kingdom and she's crying and walking around to each of us, saying she's going to leave her husband when she gets home, and that she is going to fly home that night.

Everyone else was already fed up with her, too.  I did fine the entire trip, biting my tongue and nodding or just ignoring her.

Until last night on the 3 hour drive home (which was after we'd flown from Orlando to Indianapolis). Right before we get to my house, she starts talking about the race and how her husband sabotaged her training and she just gave up.  Then she asks me point blank, "do you understand now why I said I was going to leave him?" 

And I just couldn't keep my mouth shut anymore.

I said no.  I don't understand. I can't wrap my head around having a husband you have to ask permission to take care of yourself.  I can't wrap my head around asking your 13 year old daughter if it's okay if you go to the gym. I can't wrap my head around ANY PART of the way you live your life.

I didn't say any of that.  I said no, I don't understand.  And I said she needs to watch the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes" or read the book, and see what happens when a wife takes care of herself and doesn't depend on her family to make her happy.  I said she has to work on herself first, and not expect to change her husband. 

What she took away from my lecture (and it was a lecture--I know, I blew my "people just want to be heard" attitude, big time) was "I guess I'm just a bad mom and wife."  And she pulled out her phone and started texting and crying and wouldn't even look at me.

My last words to her were that she was too good a mom and wife and she was a horrible friend to herself.  And that if all she wants is someone to feel sorry for her and not share an opinion about what could make her life better, she shouldn't bring that kind of stuff up anymore.  She ignored me.  She probably won't talk to me again for a long time, if ever.

Which, frankly, is fine with me.

I just don't have it in me to be around a martyr whose every conversation--seriously, every one--is a desperate cry to be needed or, alternatively, to be cared for.  She sucked the life out of me. 

And it wasn't just me.  There were two other girls there who I connect with very strongly, who said the exact same thing. 

The good news is that I recognized what I did, even though I didn't stop myself during the process.  I have pretty much let it go--except I needed to vent here.  And I'm not upset, I'm not apologizing to her, I'm not seeking to mend the friendship or whatever.

Anyway, I just needed to vent. This is a top of my head ramble before I go pick up kids. I have a ton of stuff to do to get caught up from the trip. I got home last night at 10:30 pm and was at work at 10 am. 

At least I didn't gain a ton of weight while I was gone.  I'm still really bloated from travel.  It's almost spring.  I have killer strong calves from the 20+ miles I moved my legs the past several days (we did the parks twice, all day long--lots of miles).  And I can't wait to move my body, get healthy, and get into summer shape.


Laura N said...

The other women there were fed up with her too, but for whatever reason they could handle her better than we could.

Jill said...

Sweetie, there's a big difference in "people just want to be heard" and "this woman NEEDED to hear what you said". She NEEDED those words from you and yeah, she might be pissed now, but deep down she knows you are right. What she chooses to do with that knowledge is up to her. Good for you for finally shutting her up AND for coming here to vent about it.

And OMGosh you RAN the whole thing?! That is exceptionally awesome!!! You aren't a princess, you're a SUPERHERO!!! :)

Vickie said...

very glad this did not ruin your trip and no one took ownership of her problems but left them with her. and you are right, someone needed to say something and it is her choice. you did a good job of setting your own boundary. how in the heck did you/all let her go with you/all?

Cindy...154 said...

Wow, what a great picture, you look fantastic, strong and happy! I love how you handled the friend. Congratulations on your accomplishment at the marathon!!! Totally awesome!!

Vickie said...

how are you doing back at home and work? AFTERS? I know you are counting down the days until your company change. Thinking of you.