Wednesday, May 26, 2010

157.2 - All or Nothing

I've been struggling this week with the whole all or nothing thing. You know, the self talk of "I ate a piece of cake, so I might as well eat whatever else I want because I've blown it today. I'll just start over tomorrow."

Almost every day I've had something to eat that I shouldn't have. I've had to decide--am I going to let it derail me? Or am I going to soldier on like I didn't stray?

Some days have been better than others.

Saturday was nuts. It started off well--I ran week 1, day 3 of C25k. Then we had Sophie's birthday party Saturday at noon, then she had a Brownie outing from 4:30 - 8:30 pm (I actually took a nap for a couple of hours, but it was a carb-induced food coma resulting from leftover birthday cake).

Saturday night I helped my sister with my Dad for his overnight care. I got there around 10:30 p.m. We didn't lie down to try to sleep until 3 a.m. It's just the way Dad is. He doesn't operate according to anyone's clock but his own. Saturday night I ate pretty poorly. But, hell, having a quarter of a pumpkin pie at 2 a.m. at my Dad's was frankly the least amount of damage I could have done. My sister keeps his house stocked with packaged sugar bombs. At least I chose one based off a fruit.

I barely slept--my bed was a split-rocker love seat, so it was too short & had a hard line running horizontally across the middle of my body. We were back up at 7:30 taking care of Dad again. I was obviously exhausted, and when I got home around noon I was pretty much good for nothing. I don't remember what I ate Sunday--nothing horrible and I think I stayed on plan the best I could. But I was a slug.

This week has been a challenge, too. We've had something every night--Monday a visit with an out of town friend, yesterday was Sophie's birthday at her favorite restaurant (and of course she got another cake). Today I had a work lunch and only ate a small portion of the linguine that came with the chicken breast, but I did have about half the lemon pie that was sitting on the table when we arrived (next to the salad plates.... irony of ironies).

I could have thrown in the towel for the entire week, I guess. I haven't lost any more weight, but I know I'm holding onto salt (we did eat Japanese hibachi last night, & even though I didn't order the fried rice, I did eat the grilled veggies & chicken & used the dipping sauces, and, oh yeah, had a piece of my 9 year old's birthday cake). And it would be a lot worse had I said screw it & started eating oreos at night again.

So, instead, I'm eating my 2 cups of raw veggies now, and not going to freak because I can't be perfect in the face of LIFE. I'm going to celebrate birthdays with my family & have a piece of cake. I'm going to eat what's served to me at a networking business lunch with 300 other women that I paid $14 for. I'm going to eat pie when I'm helping to take care of my dying father. I loved Jill's post on this issue. It makes me feel not so alone.

My waist line is shrinking more slowly than I'd like. But at least for this week, I found the middle ground between all or nothing.


Jill said...

OH I'm such a creature of "all or nothing" myself!! I know exactly what you mean. I do think that it's huge that you recognized it and decided NOT to throw in the towel. And I think you did amazingly well, all things considered.

That post of mine helped me too. HUGE weight off of my shoulders! :)

Tish said...

I've been thinking about you, Laura. I think you're doing fine. You've got to give yourself a pass sometimes. My own father is 92 and is in hospice care. It's really hard, sometimes to focus on one's own health and fitness when those difficult emotions are in play. Don't beat yourself up. Just do what you can. And, 'part' is a viable option. Doesn't have to be all or nothing. So says the girl who threw 2/5 of a chocolate bar out the window of her car last week rather than give in to overwhelming temptation!

Laura I. (G.G.) said...

Hey Laura--you thought about getting a body bugg? I got one recently and the irony is that it's helping a lot with the all or nothing thinking. Takes the mystery out of how much I'm burning and how much I'm eating. The peace of mind has actually surprised me.

I hope everything gets better for you soon.

淑貞 said...


debby said...

Hey Laura--you did dang good! That's the way to keep going for life.

And hey, that's the first time I've ever seen a comment in Chinese (or Japanese.)

Vickie said...

The body bug (for you) is a really good suggestion. (For me - I think it would be a bad suggestion.)

I can tell you my 'all or nothing' thinking went away. I don't know how or why. And I am not even sure when.

Since you are posting your weight again as your blog title (which I have always loved, it is like a secret password sign in code), I know you are aware of the bottom line.

And I am a bottom line girl.

People write all kinds of 'real life' and 'back to my normal life' and 'reality' and 'things happen' posts all the time. And all of that is true. Sometimes these posts are denial (long as the river Nile) and sometimes they are legitimate balance.

The bottom line tells the story.

I also remember the parade of cakes for Sophie's birthday in the past. It seemed the child (always) had a lot of cakes! So if you were down to just a couple this year - that is real progress. And were the remainders in your refrigerator - or did they GO? Maybe you even said and I missed it.