153.0 - Hold the Shame

Before I get to today's post, thought I'd update you on the weight/food/exercise front:

*weight--is up because yesterday was a "hormones bottomed out & I feel like death" day. Pizza+ ice cream+Chex mix+cinnamon pita chips=weight gain. At least I can still fit in my size 6 J.Jill slacks I got last week (woohoo!). Squats & running are really starting to lift my behind, which is a nice change from the shape it's been the majority of my life.

*food--other than the above implosion, it's been semi-okay. I've been a complete slacker in tracking my food in WW online, which explains why my weight isn't going down. But I am maintaning under 152 for the most part, which I'm happy with right now. Still got my eyes on 145 by October 12th, though.

*exercise--ran 3.5 miles outside on Wednesday. Average 11:01 min/miles. First mile was fast @ 10:06, but the rest was s-l-o-w because I got way too hot (it was only 85, but a bit humid and sunny and that makes for hot running weather for this little sissy girl) and did the walk/run combo thing. Nothing on Thursday; just couldn't face dragging the kids to the gym. Today, I will run 3 miles and do a weights class after. Mom's got the kiddos this afternoon at my house, so it will just be dragging myself to the gym.

Now, for today's riveting commentary (ha).

Cindy wrote a great post about non-scale victories on her vacation to California. It's some really good stuff, and Cindy has such a grounded (and hard won) approach to life, I love reading her posts.

Something she said triggered a major AHA! moment for me: "Enjoying food. I was never embarrassed about what or how much I ate. I never had that feeling I used to have about eating in front of people - like I should eat less, and avoid the "fattening" stuff."

Eating in front of people used to be a huge area of shame for me. Whether in my job, or with my extended family, or in front of my husband, when I weighed over 200 pounds, every time I ate in front of people I felt like I shouldn't be.

I shouldn't eat anything but lettuce leafs and lemon water in public, that way people will assume I'm doing something about my fat ass. Mostly, though, I ate what I wanted in public and then just felt ashamed afterwards. And then I'd go eat more in private, which is where the bulk of my calories went into my body anyway.

Now that I'm at a normal weight (the BMI table claims that I'm still 4 pounds from "Normal," but screw that--I'm close enough and I'm not calling myself overweight any longer), I don't have that ashamed feeling any more when I eat around others.

And until I read Cindy's post, I didn't even realize it. I hadn't even named that feeling--I'd just lived my overweight life and my normal weight life in ignorance to the whole public eating/private feelings issue.

But after thinking through it and looking back at memorable food situations, I felt a ton of shame--frequently--when I ate around others. No matter what was on my plate, whether eating virtuously (I'll have the salad, hold the dressing) or sinfully (bring me more bread!).

I couldn't escape the fact that my body reflected my food intake, yet the food intake I was really ashamed of wasn't what I was eating at a restaurant table. But what I was eating in the bathroom (gross, I know, but it's the only room in the house where I can lock the door and have some privacy).

Now that I've been at this weight for almost a year, I've still got food issues. Just last night, I ate the last of the ice cream balls I bought "for the kids" in the bathroom--I needed an escape from my nagging children, and even though my daughter banged on the door twice, at least it was locked and I got my ice cream fix, alone, where I needed to be.

But I air my discretion publicly--here--and somehow that removes the shame. And when I eat out with clients, family, or friends, I usually order something healthy, because that's how I roll now, but sometimes I don't and that's okay too. And when there's dessert, I usually eat it and enjoy myself.

I no longer worry that people are judging me. Maybe they still are, who knows. The point is, I don't care anymore, because I'm no longer judging myself. I've left the shame in the dust. I'll eat a salad for lunch. I'll run off that ice cream today. I'll lift weights this afternoon and build calorie-burning muscle.

And if I want a decadent meal while dining out, bring it on. But hold the shame, please. It's no longer on the menu.

151.6 - Random Wednesday

I have nothing cohesive or coherent to write about today, so it's just gonna be a ramble.

*Monday I did no exercise--it was the first day of school for Sophie, and I wanted to pick her up at a decent hour and find out how First grade was. She had a good day, for the most part. They did lots of review so it's all pretty easy so far.

*Tuesday I got in a one-hour weights class and then ran 3 miles. I questioned my sanity during the first quarter mile of the run, but by the end of the first mile it wasn't bad. I kicked it up a few notches in the last half mile and finished by running the last .15 miles at 8:31. Sometimes it's nice to run fast just so you can get the darn run done.

*It's next to impossible to get my two kids asleep by 8 p.m. I have been trying the past three nights, and unless I start getting them ready for bed at 6:30, it's just not happening. Heck, some nights we don't even get home until 6:30. Oy, this getting back to school time of year is tough.

*My niece-in-law Kate has booked a hotel room for next year's Indy half marathon, and I'm signing up today. So I've got a half marathon on the calendar for 2009. It's pretty cool that I get to be seeded this time and won't have to start in corral U like I did this year.

*I just ate a chocolate croissant from Panera Bread. It was delicious and reminded me of the week I spent in Paris when I was in college. But what the heck was I thinking? You can't get to your goal weight by eating pastries in the middle of the day in the middle of the week.

*Luke is potty training with earnest, at last. He asked to go to the potty last night and this morning, and yesterday he went potty twice at day care. Woohoo! The end of diapers is in sight.

*I get my haircut tomorrow. It's been over 3 months since I've had my haircut. I never go that long without seeing my stylist. I love having my hair fussed over, so this is going to be a treat. I'd really like to get it cut short again, but I think I need it to be longer so I can pull it back when I run. How crazy is that--I'm planning my hair around my running.

I think this is one of the most boring posts I've ever written. But, you know, boring is often the best you can ask for. At least there's no drama right now (knock wood).

153.2 - Failure is not an option

Thanks for the great comments on yesterday's post, gang. I appreciate the compliments, commiseration, understanding, heart-felt revelations, and advice so much. Love love love this community.

So, anyway, after Saturday's workfest, yesterday I was cooked. I was supposed to run 3 miles, but it didn't happen. I had both kids by myself, went to lunch at a Chinese buffet 30 minutes away for my mom's husband's mom's birthday (step-grandmother-in law??)--which also 'splains the bloat this morning--visited my sister & her family & my dad in the late afternoon, and did a load of laundry while the toddler took a nap.

And here's the rub--I felt like a total failure for missing a scheduled run.

This, my friends, is whacked.

I worked out five days last week. FIVE FREAKING DAYS and I felt guilty yesterday for missing a lousy 3 mile run. All day I kept thinking, "I've got to get to the gym! When am I going to get in my run? How am I going to live with myself if I can't check off my Sunday box that says "Easy Run" on my training plan? I don't have time for my family...I need to go running!"

I thought all this stuff, but was realistic enough to realize that my family needed to come first yesterday. Yet I still felt bad for a good portion of the day about not getting to the gym.

Then I shook myself out of it (pretty much) last night with a mental slap in the head. It's the same as when I had lost almost 55 pounds and couldn't lose anymore earlier this year, and I felt like a failure every weigh in . It was just stupid, and I had to stop the madness so I declared 155 as my stopping point.

And I'm not going to let failure slip back into my thinking when I clearly am kicking ass on the exercise front (food? not so much lately). So what if I'm not perfect. So what if I missed a 3 mile run. I ran 12 miles last week and lifted weights for 2 hours. Calling myself a failure is simply not an option.

***
Random Mad Men Chat: Anyone out there a Mad Men fan? I was equally repulsed and turned on by last night's episode. Holy cow, did I just say that? Seriously, it was an intense show and I am sure I'm not alone in my feelings about the character Don Draper (simultaneously drooling while shocked and scandalized). I may have to go waste some brain cells and read the fan blogs on this one.

151.0 - Cleaning the garage is like weight loss

(151.0 was Saturday's weight--I didn't weigh in this morning because I just forgot and had a bunch of coffee first thing at 6 a.m. Don't drink and weigh, is my credo, ha.)

Saturday was intense. DH had planned a last minute trip to San Diego to visit his cousin Brett who he hasn't seen in two years. He left by 12:30 p.m., and since the kids had spent the night with my mom, I was on my own.

Did I go to the pool & lounge around? Did I play all day on my favorite blogs? Well, I played for a little bit.

But there was no rest for the wicked here. I did something productive. I decided to clean out the garage. I haven't cleaned the garage since I was pregnant with Luke (very pregnant, like 8 months along--that whole nesting thing really kicks in during the 3rd trimester), which was almost 3 years ago. So it was a pit. We could park both cars in, but it was tough to walk into the house carrying groceries or children, because there was so little room between car & crap.

I gave myself 2 hours because I really could have spent 12 in there if I wanted to completely clean it up. And I got a ton done in 2 hours. Half of the garage is now respectable looking. It took a 3rd hour, but I took a full SUV load to Goodwill (back, back seat, and passenger seat crammed full), and another full load to the trash (we had cardboard boxes from at least two years ago still out there--really, it was ridiculous).

While I was cleaning, I kept thinking of two things.

I was in zero pain and felt really strong, while lifting, bending, and hauling. I kept my abs in tight to protect my back anytime I put something on the shelf above my head or bent over to pick up something heavy. This morning I'm not achy at all. In the past when I've cleaned like that, my low back would be killing me just a few hours later.

I also kept thinking how cleaning the garage is a lot like weight loss. The mess in the garage has been driving me nuts for years. And I look at it every day, and it bothers me every day. I finally decided yesterday to do something about it. No more excuses, no more "I'd rather be doing X." I had the time & energy, and I tackled it. Weight loss was exactly the same for me. My overweight body bothered me for over a decade. Finally, I had the time & energy to focus on cleaning up my body. And, like the garage, I still have more to do--it's not finished yet. And, like the garage, keeping it clean will take continued effort. I have to be careful not to let random stuff just pile up out there. And I have to be careful not to let the pounds pile on, which they can so easily do if I'm not vigilant and paying attention.

It's funny (not haha funny; ironic funny). So many years of frustration were knocked out by 3 hours worth of focused effort. So many years of being overweight, of missing out on many of life's activities and of unhappiness and guilt, were knocked out in 9 months of paying attention to my food intake and learning to love exercise.

You know those 9 months weren't perfect. I backslid. I faced obstacles. But I was fortunate that the time was right and my mind was right. I was persistent. I didn't let the "I can't"s stand in my way.

And maintenance for the past 8 months has sure been interesting. I've learned that eating like a "normal person in America" will cause me to gain weight. I have defined a new normal for myself. And I've learned that running truly is my greatest motivation now. It's not the size of my clothes or the number on the scale (although those are certainly important to me). I want to run faster. I want to run longer. To do both, I need to drop more pounds. Imagine running while carrying a 20 pound weight, then taking it off. You'd be lighter and faster. That's what getting to 135 pounds will be like for me.

Whether or not I can get to 135 remains to be seen. My next goal is 145 by the time the Evansville Half Marathon gets here on October 12th. And then by my 40th birthday in April 2010, I want to run a full marathon (where? somewhere gorgeous & where they have great swag--suggestions?) and I want to be in the best shape of my life.

Maybe I can even get my garage completely cleaned out by then, too.

P.S. I also got in my long run--6 miles. They were s.l.o.w. Running a long distance after cleaning the garage is not a good idea. Lesson learned.

151.2 - Weekend Plans and a New Recipe

So far I'm on plan to do all my runs & weight training this week. Today I'll run 3 miles and take a weight training class, then tomorrow morning I'm running 6 miles, my long run for the week. The weather has finally broken--high today is supposed to be 82*--so hopefully some running will be outside.

My mom is taking the kids tonight and will have them all day tomorrow (my 4 year old niece Jillian is staying with her, too, and the three of them play really well together). Mark is going out of town tomorrow through Monday late. I'll have some me time, then lots of all kids time.

Sophie's first day of First grade is Monday. My baby is alls grows up.

If you have tomatoes and zucchini from summer gardens in plenty (and even if you don't), you should try Roni's summer veggie recipe. It's to die for. Mark called it "gourmet" when I served it to him. I've made it twice, and the 2nd time I had leftovers, which I ate last night. I will say the dish is best fresh out of the oven (after it sits about 10 minutes). The grape nuts weren't crunchy after sitting in the fridge and being microwaved; still had a great flavor, though, and was a light and healthy meal for dinner. Also, I did add about an ounce of mozzarella cheese on each layer, which isn't officially in the recipe but Roni mentions at the end. It is so delicious. I hope I get more veggies from friends with gardens soon so I can make it again.

Have a lovely weekend.

151.2 - Measuring Up

One of the things I appreciated about LA Weight Loss when I started with them in February of 2007 was that they took my measurements every month or so. I've never listed those stats on my blog, for no other reason than I just hadn't pulled the numbers all together in one place.

Recently I added a page to my trusty Excel exercise & weight tracking file that lists all the measurements I could find in my various notebooks and journals (LAWL has the "official" records, but of course I can't get them now that they've closed without notice, the bastards). I even found a notebook where I had measured myself in 2006.

Chest (upper chest, under my arms)
6/5/2007: 38.75" (weight 176.6)
8/3/2007: 38.5" (weight 167)
June 2008: 35" (weight 152ish)
8/7/2008: 35" (weight 151ish)

Waist (1" above belly button)
5/25/2006: 42" (weight was around 210-215, but I'm not sure exactly)
6/26/2006: 41"
10/12/2006: 38" (I think I was around 200)
6/5/2007: 36"
8/3/2007: 34.5"
June 2008: 31.5"
8/7/2008: 31.5"

Hips (hands at my waist on my hip bones, fingers pointing down, measure at the ends of my fingertips--thankfully this is above my saddlebags because they are much wider than my "hips")
5/25/2006: 49"
6/25/2006: 47"
10/12/2006: 44.5"
6/5/2007: 43"
8/3/2007: 41.5"
June 2008: 39"
8/7/2008: 38.5"

I never set measurement goals. I have no idea how wide my hips "should" be. I do know that my waist is finally under the dangerous circumference for heart disease. And I remember being measured for a cheerleading skirt in 7th grade--I was only a cheerleader in 7th & 8th grade at my tiny little middle school; I wasn't thin or coordinated enough to try out in high school. Plus, I was a total book nerd and the cheerleaders wouldn't have had me even if I'd tried, haha--and one of the moms commenting that I had a 27" waist and that seemed big for a girl my age. Funny what sticks in a pre-teen's head. So, a 27" waist would be teeny tiny, wouldn't it? (that's not my goal, BTW)

If I ordered clothes from a catalog based off my measurements, I'd have to order three different sizes because my shape is all over the place. But basically I'm a medium, size 8.

I'd like to see my waist and hips get smaller with weight training, and I think that might be what's happening with that half inch loss from June to August in my hips (either that or I pulled the tape measure tighter this time than last, ha).

Somewhere I read that for every pound lost, you lose 1" cumulatively all over your body. You can't measure the fat lost in fingers and feet, yet I know they have shrunk considerably, so I like that 1 pound = 1" thing.

My highest weight after the birth of my son in 2005 was 234 pounds, and I felt every bit as heavy as an NFL fullback .

At 151 pounds today, that's an 83 pound/inch loss, which is about the equivalent length of the average NBA player.

I'll continue to take measurements even if the scale doesn't change much more, because I'm hoping that my muscle will build while my body shrinks from weight training (I had a great class last night). One more set of numbers to obsess over isn't a bad thing, right? :)

151.4 - No Pain, No Gain

In the latest issue of Runner's World, there's an article by a runner who ran up Pike's Peak. She talks about how she was hitting the wall, about to collapse, when a spectator shouted to her "Way to go! You're in 8th place!" That encouraging cheer helped the author of the article (who obviously is an elite athlete) find what she needed within herself to ignore the pain and keep pushing. She finished the race in 6th place. Her goal was to finish in the top 10.

The rest of the article discusses her research into why the body can respond like that. The gist of it is--your brain can push your body when your body doesn't wanna anymore, but your brain can also slow your body down even when your desire is to keep on going. I've not read the science behind the "no pain, no gain" idea before, and I'm really thankful RW included the article in their recent issue (it's an awesome issue, for any of you who are training for anything right now; and for any of you thinking about starting a running program, there's a whole new "newbie" section). Because I'm smack dab in the middle of pushing beyond my limits right now.

The past two days have been pretty intense for me, running wise. Monday I ran 3.5 miles, and focused on negative splits (for you non-runners, that means running each mile faster than the previous mile). I warmed up at 12:00 for about five minutes, then sped up to 10:54, finishing my first mile in 11:30. The second mile, I set the treadmill for 10:42. I took a .2 mile walk break, then hit mile 3 at 10:31. After mile three was done, I took a .1 mile walk break and finished with a half mile at 9:30. The last part was tough. But, like the article says, if your brain knows there's an end in sight--whether the finish line or a mile marker on the treadmill--it's willing to push your body as hard as you ask it to go.

Then yesterday, I did my first quarter mile repeats. I have no idea if I did it "right." My plan says to run "6 x 400 @ 5-K pace." 400 meters is one lap around a track, or about .25 miles. I have no idea what my 5-K pace is, since it's been so long since I've run a 5-K race. So, I started out running my first leg (on the treadmill) at 10:14, which is what I think I could run a 5-K at. It was way too easy! I walked for .1 miles, then increased my speed for the 2nd leg to 9:54. This was tougher, but I still wasn't dying like I thought I should be. I walked another .1 miles, then for the 3rd leg, ran at 9:31. Now we were talking. My heart was pumping hard, but the .25 miles went by really quickly and it just didn't feel like I was working hard enough. So, I turned it up to 8:50 for the 4th leg. Oh yeah, work it baby, work it. Another .1 mile walk break, then for the last two legs, I ran at 8:31. Seriously, I thought my lungs were going to explode that last half mile (which I broke up with a .1 mile walk break, just like the other legs). It. Was. Awesome.

I kept thinking about the RW article while I was pushing so hard. That my brain has to experience the pain of being uncomfortable if I want to make progress. Another article is titled something like "Why We Suffer." And, as twisted as it is, runners apparently enjoy this pain we put ourselves through. Now, I don't know that I'd call myself a masochist, but I did enjoy the feeling after I was done. I felt like I'd accomplished something big, by pushing myself beyond my limits.

That's why running is addictive, I guess. The rewards of the effort are unlike anything else I've ever experienced. And I simply want more.

152.0 - My first long run of training--DONE!

The blogger blip from Friday was a bug in the code, apparently, which blogger fixed late Saturday morning. I'm just glad it's back.

I didn't get to run Saturday afternoon. Instead I ran out of time with all the stuff we had to do that day, and by the time kids were in bed and I could go out, it was after 9 p.m.

Did I let that stop me from getting in my long run for the week? Heck no! I got up Sunday morning at 5:40 a.m. and was out the door by 5:55 a.m. The weather was as cool as you can expect for Southern Indiana in August, and I had a great 5 mile run.

I got in negative splits for the first 3 miles (mile 1: 11:14, mile 2: 10:55, mile 3: 10:33), then I started getting tired at mile 4 (10:57) and mile 5 (10:50). My average pace was 10:54, which isn't bad for an early morning run with only 6 hours sleep.

To put this pace in perspective, my Indy Half Marathon average pace was 11:04. I really really want to run the Evansville Half (which I officially registered for yesterday--it's October 12th) in 2 hours 15 minutes (about 10 minutes faster than I ran 13.1 miles in May*), which means my pace for October has to be 10:18/mile. I don't know if I can do it, but I'm going to try.

Which means speed work and sticking to my training schedule the best I can. I got in 4 of 5 runs last week, for a total of 15 miles (I'd only run 6 miles the week before).

I once read--probably on someone's blog--"If you want to run faster, run faster." Like most things worthwhile, it's simple, but not easy. So I'll be doing track repeats (although they might be on the treadmill) on Tuesday. My first repeats ever. I'll let you know how they go.

Sunday was also my 16th weight lifting class in 60 days, so I've got a free t-shirt on the way. Woohoo! I am totally addicted to free weights now. I was doing lunges like a pro yesterday. Used to hate them, now I love them. That t-shirt has seriously gotten me to the gym more times than I'd like to admit (like, yesterday, I'd have totally bagged it if it wasn't the last day I could get my 16th session in ), so I don't know how I'm going to ensure I make it to twice a week classes. Discipline, you say? Me? Oy. I need frivolous chotchkes instead.

Last night I had the munchies big time while watching Mad Men (you guys are watching this on AMC, yes? It is so very good), and I'm guessing I'm holding onto at least 2 pounds of water weight. If only I can get my "if only's" under control, I'll be heading back into the 140s in no time.

OH! And guess what? My LA Weight Loss center closed--without warning--Thursday. I noticed a news truck over by the center on Sunday afternoon when I was doing a Target run after my class, and I drove by to see what was up. Turns out, the franchisee closed the place because they weren't making money, according to the online news article I found. And they were taking people's money all the way up until they closed. I feel so bad for the people who were deep in the program and now are left with no support. I haven't been to weigh in for over a month, and they still owe me about 20 boxes of LAWL snack bars, but other than that it's no big loss for me. I've got the owner's phone number but the news article said the guy's not answering the phone. We'll all probably get shafted and won't get refunds, is my guess. Bastards. At least I got my weight off before they closed.

*Random race info for you detail people: my official half marathon time in Indy was 2:29:29. But according to Garmin, I actually ran a total of 13.37 miles. I looked at Garmin at 13.1 miles and it was around 2:25:ish. It cracks me up that I dodged and weaved around so many people that I ran over a quarter of a mile longer than I should have. Next year when I run Indy, I get to be "officially seeded" since I finished in less than 2:30:00, and will start the race with the runners instead of the walkers (which is where I was this time, way the heck back in coral U).

This should have been Friday's post

Last night after we got home from our Friday Night Group gathering and after the kids were in bed, I sat down to write a post about my day and to keep myself from eating the leftover birthday cake (most of it got eaten at our friends' house, but not all, and she's on a diet and didn't want the rest left in her house either).

But Blogger flaked out and I couldn't get on. I said "WTF?" and visited some other sites and had the same problem with some, not with others. I felt completely deserted. I needed my therapy, and my therapist was MIA!

You original AFG's will remember when Frances' Amazon blog got locked up and we weren't able to communicate for a few days. It was like we lost a life line. That blog blip is what caused all of us to create our own blogs. We never wanted to be out of touch with each other again.

Last night the stress of the day and the frustration over not being able to post and the lateness of the evening (it was midnight), OF COURSE drove me to the chocolate cake. I didn't have the whole thing, but I had at least a piece (I didn't even cut a slice, just ate it with a fork right out of the container). Emotional eating at it's best, er, worst.

The good news about Friday, which I couldn't wait to share with everyone and, again, it was frustrating as all get out that I had to wait, was that I finally feel like running is coming along again. If I had gotten to post yesterday the title was going to be "A journey of 13.1 miles begins with..." and I would have said "a single step? a race entry confirmation? body-glide covered feet?" And I would have answered "For me, it is a 3 mile run without walk breaks."

Yesterday was the first time since the Indy half marathon that I ran 3 miles without a walk break. And I finally, at last, feel like I'm fo really reals in training for a half marathon. All summer my running has been run/walk/run/walk. Which is fine, truly, I don't mind it. But I can't do my half like that--it takes too much effort to get started running again once you stop. So I knew I had to train my body to run/run/run/run instead. I'd worked myself up to 2 miles earlier this week without a walk break.

And then yesterday, I had to run 3 miles according to my training schedule and I knew I could run the full three (inside on the TM--way too hot for outside running right now). I started out slow--10:56 min/mile--because of the Runner's World article I read a while back that said if you train by running fast to start and running slow at the end, that's how you'll race. So I'm working on turning that around, and it worked great yesterday. The 2nd mile I kicked it up to 10:42 min/mile, and by the start of the 3rd mile I was ready for a walk break or some water but instead increased my speed to 10:31 min/mile. And the last .75 miles I increased my speed .1 mph for every tenth of a mile I ran. My final .1 miles was at 9:30 and it felt amazing.

It's runs like that that keep me coming back for more.

So, anyway, this morning I was supposed to do my weights class but I got to sleep so late--and had stayed up late the night before too (1 a.m. both nights)--that I was too exhausted. I got up at 9 a.m. (the kids slept late too) and then made a Panera Bread run for a scone and coffee and a grocery store run for the rest of the family. No weigh in for me today!

But I am running 5 miles this afternoon. I'll allow a walk/water break at 3 miles, then will run the rest (fingers crossed). I'm so thankful I'm healthy and strong and can do this running thing.

And so glad blogger's back. I was pretty freaked out without it.

Hope you all have a fabulous weekend.

151.0 - To the rescue

As usual, you guys come to the rescue when I'm feeling like utter doo-doo. Thank you all for your advice, encouragement, and commiseration.

Last night was miraculous. I took Vickie's wise, insightful advice, and put on some white noise (sound machine--ocean waves setting) while reading blogs. I read until the battery on my laptop ran out and put my PC into hibernation mode. By then, I was ready to hibernate myself.

I had a cup of hot chocolate for my evening snack, and that was it.

It felt so good to go to sleep with only the sound of a pretend ocean in the background, with a warm but mostly empty belly, and the knowledge that I hadn't completely self destructed.

And I'd had a fantastic weights class Wednesday night, too. Felt strong and sure, and when we worked our backs I used 3 medium plates (2.5 Kg. each) on either side of the bar, when I usually use 2 mediums and maybe 1 small (1 Kg.) on each side. I was doing overhead presses with power and feeling like a rockstar.

Running didn't get done today, unfortunately, but it was for a good cause. Today was my husband's 46th birthday and we treated him like a king. I couldn't very well go for a run when we had dinner plans at 5:00 at his favorite restaurant. I could have gone this morning, I suppose, but that would have required (a) foresight and planning and (b) the ability to wake up before 6:30 a.m., neither of which I possessed today.

And yes, I had birthday cake. And ice cream. And they were damn good, too. No regret here.

But it will all be leaving my house when we go to our friends' house tomorrow night for our semi-regular Friday Night Group. I don't regret one night's indulgence on a special occasion, but I know my limits. And chocolate cake and vanilla bean ice cream are, as you likely already know, my kryptonite.

I just gotta make it through tonight without any more.

Fake ocean waves, here I come.

152.0 - If only...

If only I could stop eating when I should be sleeping, perhaps I'd lose the rest of this weight I want to lose.

You know how it works. You have the best intentions to stay on plan all day. You eat right for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and log your food. You make it to the gym and put in a decent workout. You drink 2 1/2 liters of water. All is right with your little dieting world.

Then at 9 p.m. after everyone is in bed and it's just me and the TV and my book (I'm such a freak--I have the TV on while I read, goes back to my days in school when I have to have music or movies on while I did homework. I think my brain is so used to multi-tasking it doesn't know how to operate otherwise), the munchies set in.

First it was a Cliff Z bar. Then it was the rest of the Chex Mix. Then it was 2 Entemann's mini muffins. And finally three graham cracker sheets (because that was all that was left in the open package; it would probably have been more if there had been more in the ziplock bag).

And that was just last night. The two nights before were just as bad.

So I know I could get below 150 if I'd stop eating like this and get the water weight off. My running the past two days is saving me (4 miles yesterday at a decent pace), I suppose, as is the "good" eating and lots of water drinking, from gaining more weight. And I think my body is accustomed to this weight.

But I feel so disgusted with myself in the mornings, cotton mouthed and bloated. Fully expecting to weigh 5 more pounds than I did the day before. Thanking the diet gods that I don't. Knowing I've dodged a bullet, but playing around like this is eventually going to end up getting me shot in the butt.

I've got to change my habits, I know. And I realize this IS a habit. I'm on autopilot most nights. Sitting down after a long ass day on my tired behind is just what the doctor ordered. Unfortunately, filling my face with food isn't.

Things have got to change. Now I have to find the energy to change them.

152.2 - Here there and everywhere... but the gym

My first week of half-marathon training was a complete bust. I ran twice. For a whopping total of 6 miles. Nothing like starting off on the wrong foot, eh?

But, this is the reality of my life, and I just have to roll with it.

We had a great time at Dave Matthews. It was an easy drive up, we enjoyed our PFChang's and then cheesecake from Shapiro's Deli (OMG, it was the absolute best cheesecake I've ever eaten. Apparently Shapiro's is legendary for their desserts.). Then an easy drive to the venue, which is an outdoor amphitheater. We were on the lawn, where all the happy, partying 20-somethings were. I was shocked to see so many young uns out there. I had no idea DMB was so popular with that age group. We jokingly wondered where all the 30 & 40 somethings were, and we deduced they were all sitting in the actual seats under the amphitheater's dome, which were more expensive and likely more comfortable than standing the whole time.

The last time I saw DMB in Indy was 10 years ago, and I was one of those 20-somethings. It was twice as packed as it was back then. Dave and his musicians sounded terrific and it's cool to see a band have so much staying power and so much talent. I need to get his new stuff, though. I only recognized about half the songs.

Saturday felt like 3 days in one. We had a nice breakfast of homemade chocolate chip scones with Kate and her family, then drove home 4 hours, then picked up kids and the dog, then went to the pool with Mark's family--his brothers from Colorado and Kentucky were in town--then we hosted dinner of pizza & salad at our house. Whew, it was a doozy.

I always need a full day to recover from days like that, so yesterday I did as close to nothing as I could manage. The kids stayed in PJs all day long. I did get a bath, but put on no makeup and let my hair airdry. I read most of the book Moose by Stephanie Klein (really good memoir, but her vivid food descriptions make me want to eat!). Then the kids and I took a trip to Target for some must-haves, and it was time for bed before I knew it.

Today (Monday) has been a blur, too. Thankfully the kids are healthy, and I'm healthy, but DH hurt his back last week cleaning out his closet (he stood up wrong) and is in a lot of pain. He's seeing the back doctor tomorrow.

I did run today, but it was only 2.5 miles and it was outside in the heat, so I was slow. And miserable. The air was too thick to breathe, really. I had limited time and it was either outside or nothing, because I didn't have time to get to the gym, put in any kind of mileage, and get to Luke & Sophie without being late.

So that's been my life. And unfortunately I've had little time to visit with you all, and I miss you guys.

Hopefully this week will allow for a bit more free time. And a better running schedule.

150.4 - On the way to DMB

Hey guys! I am so excited that in 5 minutes we are heading to Indianapolis for Dave Matthews. And carry out from PF Chang's for dinner (chicken lettuce wraps, yum yum). Then Saturday I'm hopefully going to run with Kate and then we'll be on our way home for more family fun. My brother in law from Colorado is here with his girlfriend, staying at our house.

Got a great run in yesterday. 3 miles in 31 minutes. I'm achieving a new normal--10:22 avg pace. And that's with a few walk breaks. Love it.

I miss checking in with you all but hope to have some down time on Sunday and will see you then. Happy weekend, y'all.

151.6 - Where has the time gone

I'm sitting down at night again to write this, and it seriously feels like I was just here. Like 24 hours barely even happened. That's how crazy life is now. Do you ever feel like that?

It was a good day, food and exercise wise. I took my weights class tonight--no running before or after--and it kicked my butt. The Group Power program has new music and routines every season, and we got the Summer '08 release tonight. It was tough. Good, though. I feel like I'm getting a great workout when the routines change up so often. I hadn't done weights since last Wednesday and it was amazing what an extra day off did to me. I did not feel as strong as I normally do. I could feel it as we warmed up, that I needed to not go too heavy with the weights. I know my limitations and don't push it when I'm feeling weak.

I feel like the summer is flying by. School starts in 2 weeks and 2 days. We go to see Dave Matthews in Indy this Friday (it was April when Mark bought me tickets, and it seemed like it would be forever until the concert arrived). Mark's birthday is next Thursday, and the day after is August 1st. Should we just get out the Christmas decorations now?

I wonder how older people handle it, looking back on 80 years and scratching their heads, trying to figure out how the hell they lived through 365 days, 80 times, and yet having no idea how the years came and went so quickly.

I realized today that I am practically middle aged. I mean, if I live to be 77, I'm middle aged now--there's no "practically" about it. I'd like to think I've got at least 80 years in me so I'm reserving the right to wait to call myself middle aged until I turn 40. But, as I've whined about before, that's not far off. I'm lucky that we waited so late to have kids, because I think the young 'uns are keeping me young. And I'm so fortunate to have gotten to be the healthiest I've ever been in my life, at this late in the game. Truly, I think I will run a marathon the year I turn 40, just to prove that I freaking can.

But this time flying by thing still leaves me shocked. My daughter is starting first grade in a couple weeks; she can swim free style, back stroke, and has the beginnings of the butterfly. My son is talking in complex, full conversations and is a climbing fool (he also loves Nascar, although he must have gotten that from my long-ago-passed-away grandfather, because none of us is into cars). My husband will be 46 this year. We'll have lived in our house for 10 years come January.

Like sands through the hour glass..... Ah, if only I could get me some waves to go with that sand, and set up on the beach with a margarita. Now that's the way to slow time the heck down.

152.2 - Ramble ramble ramble

It's the end of a pretty crazy day and I have little to write about that's significant, so I'll just chit chat a while, umkay?

So yesterday I took Sophie to swim class at 5:30 and it was 97 degrees outside. I'd had a crap of a day, and the last thing I felt like doing was working out. I deposited Luke in Kids Club, helped Sophie get ready and out to the pool, and sat my behind down in the gym's lounge area. I was there maybe five minutes, just watching people play tennis, when a friend came up and said she had to get off the treadmill after 10 minutes because the fitness area was too hot and humid. It's one of the few times I've felt like I made the right decision when skipping a workout.

Then today was another crap of a day, but the temps came down significantly thanks to a little storm last night so I didn't have the heat to blame for missing a date with Tready. And I didn't. I went. It was a quickie but I only needed to get in 3 miles to stay on track with my first week of half marathon training (yesterday is gonna have to be my rest day now). DH called my cell just after I'd done 1 mile, and he and I talked about 7 minutes while I walked a half a mile. I lost some precious time--I had just enough to run 3 miles before picking up kids, then was pushing it after my call with the hubs--and I figured I'd just run 2.5ish and that would be that. But I got to 2.69 miles at 5:05 p.m. (I have to leave the gym no later than 5:10 or I'm late for Luke) and said, screw it. I'm running .31 miles at 9.0 mph and getting in my 3 miles. And that's what I did. It was hard, but totally worth the mental boost of finishing what I started.

Food's been OK the past two days. Not perfect, but decent and within reason. I've gotten back to bringing my lunch to work, which makes a big difference in my weight and in my entire day, basically. I am all about making and freezing meals, and even do that for the kids' dinner. Cook the meat, freeze the meat, the meat is there forever (well, almost). Supplement with veggies and fruit. Viola! Healthy, satisfying, weight-loss-i-fy-ing.

And, I totally lucked out tonight at Target. They had Green & Black's chocolate on sale--2 for $5. I have been known to pay $4 for one bar at the grocery store when truly desperate, so this is a major bonus. You all do know about Green & Black's, right? I heard about it from Diet Girl, and she's pretty much pimped that product out to the entire world, haha. I don't think they've given her any free product, though, which is a real shame. Anyway, it is the best chocolate I have ever tasted, and 6 squares every other day or so gets me my chocolate fix. It's expensive, but I make it last and last and last, and I don't feel the least bit guilty about it. I get the milk chocolate because dark chocolate gives me a migraine (I know, so very unfair), and it's fab.

Now, of course, I want some chocolate. But it's time for bed so I think I'll just have a mug of warm milk and call it a night.

154.4 - Monday Monday

We had a really lovely weekend--a nice time in French Lick and lots of fun at yesterday's pool party with the kids--and obviously I ate my way through it.

I feel all squishy and bloated. My only saving grace is that I'm pretty sure I can get the weight back off fairly quickly, if I stick to eating right and working out.

Aye, there's the rub.

I've got a really bad "case of the Mondays."

I am behind at work because of the time off, my house is a disaster, and it was 90 degrees at 9 a.m. this morning (we're under a heat advisory and ozone warning--the air isn't fit to breathe).

All of this is conspiring against my desire to go back to healthy. So I'm whining about it a while, drinking some coffee, doing some work, and I know it'll kick back into gear again.

My gym bag's packed for a run this afternoon. Today starts my half marathon training--and can I just say (in the voice of Ben Stein), woo hoo.

150.0 - Two days off....kinda, maybe

So DH and I are going to a little town about 2 hours from here called French Lick (isn't that the best name ever?). One of our vendors sponsors a seminar there and pays for a night at the newly renovated hotel. We went last year, and it was really nice.

The plans are these: pick up kids around 2:00ish, get back to office, pick up DH (we'll leave a car at the office over night), drop off kids at my step-dad's mom's house at 3:30, my mom picks up kids at 4:30 after she gets home from work. We drive to French Lick in (hopefully) less than 2 hours, lose an hour because they are on Eastern time, check into hotel with 30 minutes to spare before dinner starts, change and freshen up, eat dinner with a group of mostly strangers, then we have the night to ourselves and have to get up early Friday morning for the seminar.

Then we're free at Friday around 2 p.m. We plan to go visit the West Baden Springs hotel in the afternoon. It's an historical landmark, a happening place back in the 1920s that was completely redone a few years ago. It has one of the largest open air domes in the country (I'm too lazy right now to google the details). Anyway, it's supposed to be spectacular.

We'll drive home Friday night and maybe have dinner and maybe see a movie. Then Saturday I'll go workout in the morning, pick up the dog from our cousin's house, pick up the kiddos, and then we'll have family time together. Sunday is church and yet another pool party/cook out for the rest of my husband's family's July birthdays (his included).

All of this, however, hinges on the health of my kids. I am concerned because (a) Sophie fell asleep at 8:30 last night not feeling great and had 99.5* temp this morning and (b) Luke has what appears to be the start of pink eye.

OOHHHMMMMYYYYGGOOOSSSHHHH!!!!

If my kids get sick, I swear I'm going to absolutely lose it.

I had leftover pink eye meds for Luke, which I started this morning and will send with him for my mom to put in all weekend. I gave Sophie ibuprofen before day camp and am keeping my fingers crossed she's okay.

But seriously, I fully expect to get a call while we're gone that they are sick.

And that just bites.

They aren't sick enough for me to cancel (yet--we still have 5 hours before we leave). But my mommy instincts are telling me things aren't quite right. At least they will be with my mom, because it's not like I can magic myself home if they get sick. I'll be two hours away.

The bright spot in all this is.... my weight is going down again. I have worked out the past couple of days and am logging my food and not eating at night. So I've gotten all the water weight off and IF I can keep myself contained this weekend, perhaps I can stay at 150 and gear up for more weight loss next week.

Maybe all that will happen. If only everyone stays healthy.

I'll likely be gone from the blog world until I'm home and have some free time this weekend. So you all behave while I'm away.
***
Noteworthy: I was scanning my past posts for something on last year's visit to French Lick, and instead found this. It's the post from July 17, 2007--one year ago today. On that day I threw a little internet party for being on plan 150 days. And I ran a 5k for the first time. And I wrote about how I ran outside for the first time. My word. I did a lot of things "for the first time" a mere 365 days ago. I take so many of those things for granted now--a 5k is a warm up now and I start at 5.8 mph instead of ending up there. I'm not bragging, just in awe that I have kept this lifestyle up, and that I am continuing to improve. And, this is the strangest feeling of all, the life of nonactivity and being grossly overweight seems lightyears behind me. That's where they are going to stay.

152.6 - Dream a little dream

So I dreamt last night that I went to a Weight Watchers meeting. There's a WW's meeting place in our barely-alive mall (we have a big one with lots of shops, but there's a dinosaur of a mall that refuses to die and that's where the WW meetings are), and in my dream I go into the mall and think, "hey, I should go to a meeting."

I wait in line, go to the counter, fill out the paperwork, explain that I am a WW online member and have about 15 more pounds to lose. I feel a little awkward and out of place, since I'm so close to goal.

And then, out of nowhere, Russell Crowe shows up and sweeps me off my feet. He dances with me right there in the WW's office. He tries to kiss me and I say "no, you can't!" Then my high school boyfriend shows up, all mad and upset that I'm with Russell Crowe (my husband is nowhere in this dream--weird, eh?).

Then I wake up. And I didn't even get to go to the meeting! Or kiss Russell Crowe.

How to interpret this dream?

Perhaps I need to start logging my food in WW online again. And stop falling asleep with the TV on.
***
No workout yesterday. Planning on running tonight, 3 miles. I've pretty much decided that I am going to do the Evansville half marathon in October. I need to have something on the calendar to motivate me, or I'm afraid my running is going to evaporate into thin air. I still love weight lifting classes and plan to continue the twice a week habit I've developed. And that fits in nicely with my Hal Higdon Training plan anyway, which calls for twice weekly strength training.

The 100 Push Up Challenge that everyone is doing is still in my sights, but I have yet to print off the schedule to get it going. I'm feeling pretty wimpy about it, actually. Which explains why I keep procrastinating.

And that reminds me of one of my favorite T-shirt sayings:
"Procrastinators Unite! Tomorrow."

152.8 - A fit woman

After Friday's post, I think it's time for some uplifting words around here. Which, actually, can be found in the comments to Friday's post. Because you guys are simply the absolute best. Thank you all for your encouragement & support.

So, the quote below was on the inside front cover of the Title Nine catalog which arrived Saturday in the mail. In addition to their cute clothes, I love that this company uses real women for their models. The women in the catalog have fit bodies, but they aren't perfect or rail thin like typical models. And this quote spoke to me so much (I got tears in my eyes when I read it), I wanted to share it with you all.

"A fit woman is fit for everything.

The fitness of our body fuels the confidence in our soul and the fire in our belly. We are fit to toss our children in the air or throw caution to the wind. We are fit to stand on the sidelines cheering and we are fit to lace up our cleats and be cheered on. We are fit for the board room because we know our way around a locker room. We are fit to run families and we are fit to run businesses.

We are fit to run.

We are fit to win.

We are fit for everything. "

--Missy Park, Founder of Title Nine

Amen, sister. Amen.

152.2 - The 11th Comandment (warning: this is a long and whiny one)

There should be an 11th Commandment: "Thou shalt not compare thyself to others."

My niece-in-law Kate, who ran the Indy Mini Marathon this year and finished in 1:59, is one of the brightest stars on the planet Earth. Seriously, the woman needs her own solar system she shines so bright.

The first thing you notice about Kate are her beautiful blue eyes and soft, light auburn hair, which is long and she usually keeps pulled back in a relaxed pony tail. And then, her friendly smile and effervescence strike you like sunshine in June. She's got a great body--she's 5'5'' and weighs (yes, I asked) 125 pounds. She's always intrigued by who she's talking with first, before she ever puts forth her own concerns or interests.

And then there's her family life. Two brilliant and beautiful kids, a son age 10 and a daughter age 8. Her husband of 15 years is a new attorney (he and Kate used to both work for Oracle in California, but moved to Indy after they had kids, and when her husband was far from enchanted with his Indy tech employer, he went to law school and recently passed the Bar Exam), and although he is working a lot of hours, he loves his new law firm.

She's educated and intelligent, speaks German fluently, having studied there for a year during college (that's where she met her husband). She has a fabulous 2 story house (Sophie asked me, "Mommy, does cousin J. live in a mansion?), in a neighborhood that has its own pool.

Kate works outside the home at a very demanding job. Yet she doesn't have cable or satellite TV (never has!) to babysit her kids, cooks real meals for her family on a regular basis (her children eat their veggies at meals!), and anytime we've visited her house it's pretty much immaculately organized & clean.

Now, I know that she's not perfect. She struggles with all kinds of demons, I know she does. Her childhood was certainly far from perfect. She has family issues, with parents & grandparents, just like we all do. And if she read this she would be rolling her eyes and punching me in the arm and telling me "Laura! You are SO WONDERFUL!"

But, somehow, when I look at her and all the external stuff that is visible in her life, I can't help but compare my life to hers.

And last night after spending several hours at our cousin's pool with her and all of our kids--with the help of good ole' PMS--I came home and face dived into a Hershey bar, a bagel with FF cream cheese & apple butter, and whatever was left of the vanilla wafers (seriously? maybe 20 or 30 of them, ugh). Because I felt utterly inadequate next to this Goddess of beauty, success, and all things domestically perfect.

I realize, 100%, that I am being irrational.

I realize that her life is not perfect, and all I am comparing myself to is the outward signs of success, without taking into account her own personal turmoil which I know she has.

I realize that there are probably women who look at what I have--on the outside--and envy me.

I realize that I am being the Queen of Self Sabotage and am a complete dumb ass for letting my feelings get the better of me, yet again.

And I'm ashamed of all this. Ashamed for feeling that what I do for my kids and family isn't good enough. Ashamed that I don't feed my kids the right foods all the time. Ashamed that my house is a wreck 90% of the time. Ashamed that I frequently use the TV as a babysitter. Ashamed that we have substantial debt (not even going there, but it's an issue that weighs on my heart) and aren't saving for our kids' college funds.

I remember when I was a kid, feeling inadequate next to my friends. We lived in a trailer until I was 14; my girlfriends all lived in houses. My parents were blue collar and my mom worked full time; my girlfriends' moms stayed home. I was chubby most of my adolescence and in high school & college; the skinny girls got the cute guys and were popular.

I had a mess of a life from about age 12 until age 23 (that's a whole other post and a year's worth of therapy). I was/am a perfectionist--I got straight A's in high school, afterall--but I always, always felt like I wasn't living up to what I was supposed to be doing. I was yearbook editor, but didn't finish the yearbook before I left for college; I was on the English academic team, but didn't read Moby Dick like I was supposed to; I got a full ride 4 year college scholarship, but took 5 1/2 years to get my degree.

It just goes on and on and on.

And apparently it still does.

This compulsion I have to compare myself to others who are "better than" me is something I'm sure needs some massive psychological analysis. I've been to counseling, several times, but never have we gotten deep into anything like this. Which I'm sure explains why it's still an albatross around my neck.

More than anything, I don't want my dysfunction to wreck my kids' lives. Either their present lives or their future ones. There are a lot of things I do right--a lot of things I do exactly opposite of how my parents raised me--but I know there are things I'll fail at, am failing at.

And I don't want it to (continue to) wreck my own life.

I don't expect perfection (well, okay, yes I do, but I know that's whacked). I just want to give my kids the life I never had.

Hopefully, I've learned enough about myself to at least know I have these issues. And hopefully that means I'll at least do a half way decent job of raising my kids into more-highly-functioning-than-their-mom-is adults. Although I'm sure they'll grow up with complaints and lots of stories to tell Oprah, just like most kids do.

I don't have any answers of how to enforce this 11th Commandment. I just needed to get it out there today.

If you're still reading--and I'm sorry to be such a downer on a Friday--please don't feel like you have to pump me up and tell me how fantastic I am (or, conversely, please don't tell me that, yes, indeed, you're a POS mother for feeding your kids McD's and letting them watch more than 2 hours of TV a day, LOL). I'm just dumping this shit here, because it's the only place I have to dump it.

Now, someone pass me a margarita.

152.2 - Veggies for dinner

I have a new favorite dinner--skillet veggies.

Roni has done it again. I love grilled zucchini and squash, but I can't grill (leave that up to the hubs). So when I found this recipe I was utterly excited. Which is weird, isn't it? It doesn't take much to get me excited nowadays.

I've made this dish twice and have modified it some because, as I told Roni in the comments, I have a cutting & chopping threshold. I omitted onions, used jarred minced garlic, and a half a can of petite-cut diced tomatoes (with the juice). The second time I made it, I used 1/2 can of tomatoes and only zuch & squash (2 of each), because they are quick to slice and they are my favorite. I also increased the garlic & spices by about half because 4 squash are a lot of veggies in the skillet.

Last night I put a big serving in a 1 point tortilla and sprinkled the warm veggies with 1/8 cup of fancy shredded mozzarella. I wrapped it all up and ate it with a fork, because those high fiber tortillas fall apart when you get something warm and wet in them. Tonight I had them in a WW 1 point pita (b/c I was out of the tortillas--stupid grocery store was all sold out of them yesterday), again with a bit of cheese.

An absolutely delicious, low calorie (& low points--2), and healthy meal.


Got a great workout in tonight. 25 minute walk on the treadmill, at 4.0 mph at a 6 incline. Not as tough as a run but I wasn't wearing a running bra so I couldn't run. I like to wear my racer back Tee when I take my weights class (which was after my walk) and the only bras that I've found that look OK under them are the Champion racer back bras, which have zero support for the Girls. But I get to watch my muscles flex when I'm pumping iron, so it's totally worth it.

152.6 - Back to Normal

"Pie pie, me oh my, I love pie" is from the movie Michael. Andie MacDowell's character sings a song about pie:
Pie
Pie
Me oh my
Nothing tastes sweet, wet, salty and dry
all at once o well it’s pie
Apple!
Pumpkin!
Minced
an’ wet bottom.
Come to your place everyday if you’ve got em’
Pie
Me o my
I love pie

And apparently Bob Dylan has a song called Country Pie which has the refrain "Oh me, oh my, Love that country pie."

Amazing what you can find through Google.

So, anywho, the past four days have been a blur of fun, relaxation, and food. I ate and ate and ate, and whoa nellie, I've gotten my fill of carbs to last me at least until Thanksgiving. Or when that new pie restaurant opens, whichever comes first. Ha.

I didn't wanna step on the scale this morning. I wanted to live in ignorance and wait for the bloating to go down. But I hadn't weighed for a couple of days and needed to know how much damage I had done. It wasn't as bad as I figured it would be, which was a relief. Doesn't mean I'm off the hook and am going to let myself continue to lapse. Just means it's not going to be as tough to get the scale back down under 150.

We took yesterday off so we could enjoy a 4 day weekend, and we just hung out with the kids and went to the pool in the late afternoon. Today it's back to real life and "normal" food and a good workout tonight.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Hope y'all have a good day.

150.8 - Pie pie, me oh my, I love pie

Bonus points to anyone who can guess where today's title is from....

So I was pleased to see a measly 1 pound uptick in my weight today, considering I had half a burger, a spoonful of corn casserole, and cake last night. The cake was a mocha spice made from scratch, by DH's cousin who is a fabulous cook. It's one of the best cakes evah.

Today after my weights class, I met up with the family at Bob Evans. It was more fun food for me, but it is fine, really. I'm having a lovely weekend and not sweating the food stuff.

DH told me while we were at brunch that there is a new restaurant coming to our side of town. It's called Grand Traverse Pie Company. (And, strangely enough, I watched the movie Waitress last night--actually, I watched the first hour and 30 minutes, I still have 20 minutes left to watch so don't spoil it for me--which is about a waitress who makes extraordinary pies.)

I've never heard of this restaurant, so when we got home I looked it up online. They're based in Michigan, have only been around since 1996, and only in the past year or so have been franchising. There are 14 locations and Evansville will be the furthest southern location. Their menu looks mighty tempting. I love chicken salad sandwiches, and their gourmet version has dried cherries. Holy cow, cherries in chicken salad. Does it get any better? Why, yes it does! You can have your own 6" mini pie for dessert.

This place may be the death of me.

Not really, but it's nice to think I could die by pie.

In honor of Vickie

I had pizza and cookies last night--not on plan, but I logged it all--and feel really bloated so I chose not to weigh today. I'm officially 5 points over my weekly allowance points (Monday was a high-point day, too) with 2 days left to go in my week. Oh well, it happens. All I can do is do my best today and tomorrow.

Vickie wrote a wonderful post today, and if you are doing your normal blog reading even on the holiday, you should pop over and give it a look. I'm posting today because of her. =)

My brother in law from Kentucky is spending the weekend with us, and thankfully he is really low maintenance so I didn't get all stressed out about the house like I would with any other house guest. I can't function in "house guest mode" right now. I just need to be a sloth for a few days!

Except on the exercise front. No rest there. I did 40 minutes on the treadmill yesterday. I alternated .25 miles running fast (9:30s and 9s!) with .25 miles walking 4.0-4.3 at a 6.0 incline. The walks were as hard as the runs at that incline. It was a great workout.

Today I hope to make it to the gym before the afternoon cookouts. I need to burn some calories today. Tomorrow morning at 9 a.m. is my weights class, then I'll try to do 30 minutes on the treadmill.

Hopefully the rest of the weekend will be low key and relaxed. I am so ready for relaxed.

149.8 - Random Thursday that's really Friday

Ah, it feels good to see 149 again on the scale. Life looks so rosy through weight-loss tinted glasses. And when it's a 3 day weekend. Woohoo, July 4th!

I am a bundle of randomness today. Here's what's rolling around in my head:

*I got a box of new books from Amazon yesterday (I am not on a book-buying strike like Alicia, but I probably should be). Am I the last to the party for Petite Anglaise? The book cover says she has 100,000 visits per month to her blog. I guess, though, since I pretty much only read weight loss/running blogs, I would never have heard of a British expat living in Paris. But, the book is really good so far. Other books on tap include two by Kate Christensen (I just finished The Great Man, and liked it so much I want to read more of her stuff) and the sequel to Chocolat. It's funny, I've not seen the Johnny Dep movie, but loved the book.

*Have to make a covered dish for one of our two 4th of July cookouts tomorrow, and the only thing I want to make (it's easy, everyone likes it) is baked corn casserole. This is a comfort food from way back in my childhood. The good news is, I won't eat it raw (like I would if I were baking, say, cookies or brownies). The bad news is, I will want to eat half the pan after it's baked. I'm going to restrain, however, and just eat a not so healthy but respectable spoonful.

*Have to also make a salad for our other cookout. This will be easy--dark greens, sliced strawberries, pecans, a bit of blue cheese, and Newman's Light Raspberry Vinaigrette. It's my standby summer salad.

*If it rains tomorrow, our cookouts will be disappointingly cook-ins, as both are pool parties.

*It's the first time I've had pool parties in my plans where I'm not completely freaked out about whether or not I'll wear a swimsuit. My bod is starting to look really good, notwithstanding the cottage cheese thighs or saddlebags--those will likely never be gone--and my red & white striped Nike tankini top with it's matching red swim skirt is just too cute, if I do say so myself.

*I have finally caught up on my sleep. Sophie is 95% back to her old self. Hooray!

*Does anyone else feel like once July gets here, the year is practically over? It's like we're on a downhill slide towards Christmas after the 4th. Might as well pull out the sweaters & jeans, the summer just flies by so quickly. Sophie starts 1st grade in a mere 5 1/2 weeks.

*The latch on the detergent door in the dishwasher broke this morning. So now I have to figure out how to get a replacement part (thank God for the internet... how did people figure this stuff out before google?) and how to get it replaced. Thankfully I have several handy family members (and the name of an appliance repair guy, if worse comes to worse) who can help, because DH can't fix anything and I don't have the time or energy to figure it out (I could though--I replaced our dryer belt when it broke a few years ago).

*Half marathon training starts on July 21st if I want to run Evansville's half in October. I have no idea if I'm up for this or not. I really like getting to run when I want to (or not), training with weights, and not feeling bad when I can't meet my mileage goals. It's too hot to run outside right now and will be for the next 3 months, so if I do train I'm going to have to change my lifestyle and start running in pre-heat-of-the-day mornings. This, my friends, is not something I have much desire to do. So, we shall see.

*Do any of you have the Hungry Girl cookbook? I have seen more and more of her recipes, and am wondering if it's a good cookbook? I'm a big fan of Roni's recipes, so I need easy, quick, and tasty. Does HG fit that description? Anyone? Anyone?

*I can't help but get misty eyed when I think of what July 4th truly means. Did any of you see the mini series John Adams? I admit I only watched part of it--DH was enthralled & watched it all--but what I did see made me much more aware of the sacrifices made and risks taken by our Founding Fathers, and also by, in no small part, their families. Regardless of the problems our country has, it's still the only place in the world I want to live. And I thank God I am a citizen of the USofA.

Fly your flags & enjoy your Independence Day, fellow Americans!

151.0 - Short & Sweet

End of a busy but good day.

Another solid night's sleep.

Sophie much better, her normal chatterbox self today.

Food on track. No workout but I needed the rest anyway.

My mom keeping the kids tomorrow. I get to leave the house with no extra "baggage" (you would not believe how much stuff it takes to keep a 7 year old busy in an office for 3 days).

Thursday is Friday.

Friday is Independence Day. We'll likely get rain, but we'll still be surrounded by family & friends.

Life is looking up.

151.2 - Progress

Thanks so much for all your support. I did get a decent night's sleep--Sophie didn't wake up once (!), and Luke only woke up at 3:30 a.m. for a passy relocation and insertion. And I worked out 30 minutes on the treadmill (1.5 miles running @ 10 min/mile and 1 mile walking fast), and ate 22 points for the day. A successful day, at last.

I wanted to share my latest progress pictures. I took these Saturday in my Sporty Spice top. I absolutely love the clothes from titlenine.com. The skirt is lined with boy shorts, so it cuts down on the thigh chub rub. It's a size 8 and the shirt, which I had already bragged about to y'all, is a Medium.

It's hard to see, I think, but my shoulders and arms and back are really getting some nice definition from the weight lifting classes. I've done 8 classes in 4 weeks (and that's not counting the 5-6 weeks of 1 class each week building up to the Great T-Shirt Goal of 2008), and it's surprising as heck how much progress I've made in my muscles in that time frame. Weight lifting ROCKS.

153.2 - Emotional Eating Sucks

Ah, yes, the scale continues to go up. I am just glad that I lost 10 pounds before Sophie's surgery and am at 153 instead of 163.

I. am. so. tired. It's like having a newborn again, getting up every few hours to give Sophie her pain meds or put drops in her ears. I know we're getting close to the end of this, but it's really sucked the life out of me.

Sorry to be a broken record. I've been whining for days now. I'm even starting to bore myself.

Yesterday I took a long bath and pondered this emotional eating problem I have. I kept trying to pin down what it is that I'm trying to achieve when I eat junk food at 11 p.m. or 3 a.m. What I kept coming back to was the feeling that I was trying to escape, to get numb, to self-medicate. It's usually a feeling that comes on quickly and has to be assuaged immediately. I'm usually stressed, tired, anxious, or sad. And even if I bypass the kitchen at first, within a few minutes I find myself neck-deep in a compulsion I can't step away from until I've finished the job. I know what the consequences will be, yet I don't care.

I kept thinking that this must be what it's like to have a drug addiction. If you've ever seen the HBO series The Wire, you've seen the depiction of heroine addicts and how they live. I know my problem isn't that serious--please don't think I'm equating my food binges with a heroine addiction; I can't die from eating 4 cookies in one night--but the feeling of having to get a fix is what I kept coming back to when I thought and thought and thought WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF?

I don't think this is a "just clean your house" or "take a hot bath" type of problem that I can solve from simple behavior modification. Or maybe it is. I don't know. I know that when I'm rested, exercised, and have mental energy reserves, I can keep the demons at bay. It's when I'm the opposite of these that I feel powerless over the food.

There's only so much control I have over my life. I can plan to workout and I can plan to rest, but shit happens and even the planned interruptions can derail me.

I'm thankful this is a temporary blip--that things will be back to normal soon. But what I also kept thinking as I soaked in the bath yesterday was, what if some really bad shit comes down, something that isn't temporary, something that would last for months or years? What then? Will you allow the emotional eating to take over for weeks on end and let yourself gain back 50 (or more) pounds? Hadn't you better get this figured out NOW while you can identify the problem and (eventually will) have the energy and presence of mind to put some proper coping mechanisms in place?

Right now, I'm too exhausted to figure this all out. But I've put the question out there and know I need to find answers. I just hope there are answers I can live with.

152.4 - What a difference

....a good workout makes. I felt 100% better after I made it to the gym yesterday afternoon. I did a total of 2 miles on the treadmill--the first .1 I walked to warm up, then ran a mile at 10 min/mile, then walked .1, then ran .7 at 10 min/mile, then walked .1 to cool down. Then I took my weights class. And it was awesome.

I can finally, at last, fo really reals do lunges. I can step out wide, go down half way, and then go all the way to where my legs are both at 90 degree angles. I can do lunges with 22 kg of weights on the bar. I can do athletic lunges with weights in my hands. And I can do the entire 5 minute set of lunges without any additional breaks. It's only taken a little over a year of working out regularly and a little over 2 months of consistent weights classes to accomplish this mighty feat!

Last night the kids and I had a great time at our friends' house. It was their twins 3 year old birthday party. They had set up a giant inflatable water slide, and Sophie was able to climb the slide and play without feeling bad. It was such a relief to see her having fun but not overdoing it.

And I had two absolutely fabulous margaritas. I haven't had tequila in months and months, and it was just what I needed after the week I'd had.

Then, after dinner, Luke fell down the stairs. We all heard a loud crashing sound--someone said "what was that?"--and then we heard Luke screaming and Sophie crying. She had seen him fall and tumble head over heels, and she cried more than he did. He was fine, thankfully, just a banged up nose that was a little swollen and bloody. Good thing he's a tough kid.

Sophie continues to heal well, and her ears are giving her the most trouble now. Apparently the adenoids share a nerve with the ear somehow, and it feels like she has a bad earache. The tylenol is only touching the pain for a couple of hours at night, then she wakes up crying. Homeopathic eardrops are helping, along with cold washcloths on both ears. We are so close to being done with this recovery and I am as ready as she is for it to be all over.

152.2 - Derailed but not done in

Last night's workout didn't happen because, like a good Mom who worries about her kids, I called home to check on Sophie before I went to the gym. Big huge massive mistake. She had been totally fine, my mom said, until she talked to me. Then she cried and whined and her ears hurt and wanted me to come home.

I put my needs over the kids' a lot of times--I have to or else I'd be a mommy martyr 24/7-- but I just couldn't see myself doing pilates while my daughter was home feeling miserable. She may have been fine if I'd gone, but she'd have known I chose to workout over comforting her, and I wasn't comfortable with that.

So what did I do when I got home? I ate. And ate. And ate. I ate until I nearly made myself sick. Oh, I'd planned on doing a DVD at home. I even got it out of the case, put it in the player, and watched a few minutes of it while Sophie sat on my lap and I told her she was going to have to give mommy 30 minutes to do my DVD, but I never actually did it.

My mom left around 6:30 and I was on my own with the kids. (DH left yesterday morning for Chicago for a business trip.) In the state I was in, and being a single parent for the night, I just lost all rational thought and control. I did a lot of damage in a mere 30 minutes. Then, at least, I was done. I couldn't have eaten even one thin mint, I was so full.

By the time they were both asleep around 9 p.m., I got online looking for help. This wasn't about gaining weight or not logging my points. This was a serious food binge, a coping strategy for the desperate. I hated feeling that way. Hated being out of control with the food.

The first site I visited was Frances Kuffel's. Frances posts a few times a week, sometimes less often, and so I check her site about once a week. On Monday she wrote exactly what I needed to read last night. This sentence, which is a twist on the OA first step, hit me in the gut:

"My life is unmanageable and I'm using food to get some power."

I almost started crying, her post was so powerful and exactly what I needed to read. My life has been really out of control this week--from Sophie's surgery and pain to my lack of sleep to our situation with work (my husband has been a real PITA to work with lately). And I've been using food to gain some control. As f*cked up as that is, it is what it is.

So, it is yet again another new day to try again to make things better. One of my other blogger favorites wrote on Monday and I just read it last night:

"It is disgustingly optimistic of me to say this, but I truly believe you can always start over tomorrow. Even if you eat a half-gallon of ice cream and a loaf of banana bread on Friday night, you can start fresh on Saturday. It is never too late to lose weight."

Today, then, my food choices are planned and I told my mom I'm not going to call home to check on Sophie. She can call me if she needs me, and I won't be available from 3:45 to 5:30 because I am going to run and do a weights class at the gym. Then tonight Mom is taking Luke to spend the night with her, and Sophie and I are going to get together with our church family group that gathers on Friday nights so I can talk with my friends and decompress a bit.

I'm thankful Sophie is doing so well. I know it could have been a much more difficult recovery. But this has been a bitch of a week. I'm ready for my normal again.

151.2 - Back at it

Tuesday, despite my best intentions, continued to be a food nightmare. I ate whatever the heck I wanted, and tried really hard not to beat myself up about it. I didn't weigh yesterday because I didn't want the guilt, and had a half-way decent food day and hoped that today's weigh in would not be horrific.

Sophie had a much better day yesterday. We switched her to regular Tylenol yesterday morning--the Rx med tastes like poison, even though the pharmacy flavored it with bubble gum flavor, and it took 10 minutes for her to choke down 1 tsp.--and it controlled her pain just fine. We even went to Target in the afternoon and picked up Luke from day care. She had a really good night sleeping (I'm still waking her every 4 hours for Tylenol, but at least it's not "poison" she has to swallow) and felt rough but okay this morning. I'm quite relieved that she is doing so well at this point.

My mom is with her today and I'm at the office. I hated to leave her, but I'm glad to be out of the house and back into a somewhat more normal routine for me. I'm going to the gym this afternoon to run and take a pilates class, as long as Sophie has a good day and doesn't need me sooner than 6 p.m.

I'm also back to tracking my points. I just gave up on it Tuesday and Wednesday, despite my heroic (haha) efforts tracking my 59 point day. I just couldn't handle documenting the downward spiral any longer, and figured the damage would only amount to a few pounds and I'd be back at it earnestly today.

For whatever reason, my body gave me a gift and is keeping me at a favorable level. Today I'm going to work hard to keep it that way. Because right now, it's truly one day at a time.

151.2 - A Net Force

The other day, as I was rhapsodizing on how fantastic it felt to be on track for two weeks, I quoted one of Newton's Laws, which Vickie keeps on the side bar of her blog: "An object in motion will remain in motion unless acted upon by a net force."

I had left off the "unless acted upon" part, because I felt invincible at the time. You know that feeling--when all is right with the world and nothing's gonna hold you back.

That's usually when the rug gets yanked out from under you.

My net force this week is Sophie's tonsil surgery. Obviously, I knew going in that it would be a major disruption to my routine. And I knew there would be dangerous food in my house and I'd come up with a plan of sorts to stay away from her stash.

But last night, when she was having a horrible reaction to her pain medication (she couldn't sleep, felt agitated, and worst of all, dizzy when she closed her eyes), I lost it. I'd been strong all day, watching my baby struggle to swallow, being so brave but still in pain. She'd had a decent day, considering all she'd gone through. And then at 8:30 it all fell apart.

I couldn't handle it any more after 2 hours of her being in utter misery. We finally gave her a phenegran suppository (a major drama in and of itself) which stopped the dizziness and put her to sleep. And then I needed to be medicated.

So I turned to my drug of choice and didn't stop eating until I felt numb. I logged it all in WW Online this morning, and estimate I ate 59 points for the day.

The good news is, I'm not burying my head in the sand and pretending it didn't happen. The other good news is, it was one day and I didn't regain 55 pounds overnight. I'll be back on track--today--and will manage to pull out a decent week, even if it's not perfect.

The bad news is, I'm pretty sure we're not out of the woods yet with her tonsils. I've read that days 3-5 can be the worst. We did get her some different pain meds last night (had to call the doc at 9 p.m. to get a new Rx, and thankfully the liquid tylenol with codeine is not causing problems like the lortab liquid did), and she slept all night (I woke her up every 4 hours to give her pain medicine at night, but she fell right back to sleep).

So my motion is currently on hold. And I'm going to have to repeat one of my favorite mantras for a while..."this is only temporary."

Tonsil update

Sophie's surgery went well. We are already home. She's had a popsicle and 2 glasses of sprite and half a cookie. And pain medicine. She's watching a movie and resting. I'm hopeful she'll sleep soon until her next dose of pain meds at 1:15 p.m.

All in all it went smoothly. She was pretty uncomfortable for about the first hour afterwards, but then the numbness in her throat went away and she could feel herself swallow again, and the pain meds kicked in, and it was much better.

I'll keep you posted. Thanks again for all the helpful ideas and well wishes!

149.4 - It's not a fluke! And weekly recap

It's worth another weekend post (especially since I'm probably not going to be here much Monday after Sophie's tonsil surgery) to put that 149 up there again. And it's a smidge closer to .0, which makes me quite motivated to stay on track.

I finished week 2 on WW Online with 20 weekly activity points earned (and eaten) and 3.5 weekly allowance points left over. And I lost 2.4 pounds. I'm averaging around 28 points a day, which is 1400 calories, give or take. (If you're not familiar with WW points, here's a quick run down: one point is about 50 calories, but the points system takes fiber and fat content into account as well. So an 80 calorie food can also be 1 point, but a 25 calorie food with 3 grams of fat is also 1 point. A general estimate of calories is 1 point=50 calories.)

I completely expect my loss to slow down, since it's usually the first couple of weeks only with quick weight loss. I also realize how freaking lucky I am that my body is responding to diet and exercise again. I truly think it made a difference that I have been hanging out at 155ish for 9 months. I gave weight loss a good solid break, and I guess that's helped with making the scale move down again.

Three weeks ago on June 2nd, I was up to 159.8. That was a Monday and I was holding on to a lot of water from weekend fun foods. But still. That's a ten pound drop in 3 weeks. Not surprisingly, I've already noticed a difference in how my clothes fit. And a size Medium dress that was too tight in the waist and hips just a few weeks ago looked great this morning when I tried it on.

One of my big problems I have battled for years is eating at night. Since starting WW 15 days ago, not once have I eaten at night (defined as after I've gone to bed--yes, I'd wake up in the middle of the night because I had to pee or a kid needed something, and I'd eat). Not once in 15 days. I'm well on my way to a new 21 day habit being established.

Also, WW Online is confirming that I continue to be motivated by small goals, like following a race training schedule or going to a weights class twice a week to get a free t-shirt. I make food choices, particularly in the evening after my points are mostly gone, based on how many points I have left for the day. And I'm striving to have leftover allowance points and hit a decent number of activity points every week. So far, it's working.

Next week is going to be a challenge, though. I'm going to have Sophie's favorite foods around so she'll eat after recovering from her surgery, and those foods are some of my trigger foods (cake, ice cream, and donuts, oh my!). I'm going to buy small quantities--like a mini-cake, a pint of ice cream, and a 6 pack of donuts--so that if I am tempted to eat her food, I'll be eating a small amount and will hopefully realize I'm consuming her stash and will stop myself before I do much damage.

It's funny how success is self-perpetuating. When you are in a rut and feeling like a failure, it can be hard to find your get up and go. But once you hit a groove and see things start to happen, you just want to keep that good feeling going.

Vickie has Newton's Laws on her blog's sidebar and this one is my favorite--"a body in motion stays in motion." I'm praying nothing gets in my way to stop my motion. Because I like where I'm going.

149.8!!! 149.8!!! 149.8!!!

Woohoo!

When (not if) I lose .8 more pounds, I'll finally at last be "normal" on the BMI tables.

I know, I know, BMI shmeeMI. But I still covet that "normal" label, at least as it applies to my weight.

Thanks for all the info and well wishes on Sophie's surgery. I really appreciate at it, so much.

And thanks for the coffee flavoring alternatives. I'm going to give the skim milk/splenda a go this morning, Jess.

Happy Saturday! (so much joy, so many exclamation points!)

151.0 - Drinking vs. Eating

So since I've been tracking my food on WW for almost two weeks, I've discovered something about myself that I didn't realize before. I have a habit of drinking a good portion of my food.

I have coffee in the morning with a measured tablespoon of creamer & sugar--2 points.

For breakfast I will often have either a SlimFast high protein shake (3 points) or an LAWL SlimDown shake (5 points--with 20 grams of protein and 260 calories, this is a real meal in a can).

Then once or twice a week I'll get a tall skinny latte from Starbucks--2 points.

And what if I feel like a glass of milk at night before bed? That's 2 more points for 8 oz. of skim milk.

That adds up to between 5 to 11 points, depending on the combination of what I have. My daily points allotment is 20, with an additional weekly allowance of 35 points. I usually take in between 23 - 28 points a day, so these liquid points can make up a significant portion of what I don't eat.

I love coffee, but I have to have it flavored and creamy, so I can't drink it black. I'm totally not willing (yet) to give up my java. I would drink more if I could figure out a way to make it calorie free and still enjoyable (and I hate the taste of artificial sweetener in my coffee--the heat does something funky to it).

And some mornings I just don't have the desire to eat, so the protein shake works well for me.

Yet, I look back at my points totals at the end of the day and go "hey! I didn't even get to CHEW those points. That's not fair!"

What's a girl to do? Whine about it on her blog, I suppose, is one option, which I'm doing now.

Another option is to work on a solution. This morning, I did not want food at 7:30 a.m., just my coffee. So I didn't eat at home (I'm a big believer in eating something within an hour of waking up to get your metabolism going, so this was mentally tough for me), and waited to eat breakfast at the office. I brought 1/4 c. of Grape Nuts, an 80 cal. low fat vanilla yogurt, and a banana. I mixed it all together in a big coffee mug and had a satisfying and tasty 5 point breakfast.

I've only had 2 points to drink today, and don't feel nearly as ripped off as I did yesterday when I drank 9 of my 28 points for the day. That was just wrong, man.

***
Yesterday I got in a good 45 minute run (well, actually it was 47 minutes) for a total of 4 miles on the treadmill. For whatever reason, my lungs weren't playing along and even though I'd hit my inhaler on the way to the gym, my breathing was difficult. Next time I'm going to try to do the inhaler 20 or so minutes before I leave so it has more time to work. And if that doesn't help, I'll be talking with the doctor about what else I need to do. Because it bites to be running 11 min. miles and still be struggling for air.

I had 10.5 points all together last night, after 5:30. It was all very controlled, very healthy, nothing "bad," but I was starving and just couldn't get enough food. I thought I was done after my LF pudding cup snack at 8:30, but by 10 p.m. I felt woozy and sick, like I still needed something to eat. That's when I reviewed my day and went "DOH! I drank 9 points, no wonder I'm hungry." So I had a 3 point snack of 1/2 T. peanut butter, 1/2 banana, and a WW English muffin at 10:30. I felt much better, but knew the scale would be up a bit this morning. It's not a biggie, really. I am not expecting every day to be a losing day. It just doesn't work like that. But, scale 'ho that I am, I still don't like it when I'm this close to 149 and it goes the other way.

Ah, well. Today is another day to git-r-done right. Have a kick-@ss weekend, friends.
***
I NEED YOUR ADVICE.... Sophie is getting her tonsils & adenoids out on Monday, 6/23. We have to be at the surgery center at 5 a.m. (ugh, but thankfully it's only a 2 minute drive from our house) and the surgery is at 7. Any advice or stories you can share--the good, the bad, and the ugly--would be appreciated.

150.8 - Recommended Reading

I have absolutely nothing new to say today, other than I had a great workout last night--15 minutes running on the treadmill then my 60 minutes weights class. And eating is still on plan. Weight is holding steady.

Now, go read this post on Angry Fat Girlz. You don't want to miss this one.

And then go read Jill's post on what inspires her, and give her a shout on what inspires you. A little extra inspiration is a good thing.