Power came on last night around 8 p.m. We stayed at our friends' house because we were already settled in and wanted to let the house warm up. Came home this morning & all is well.
I'll be posting more. Lots to do with kiddos & gotta go get the dog.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Still no power
I will never, ever take my house for granted again.
It's surreal--going home to make sure the water's still flowing through the pipes slowly, unplugging the TV's & computer, setting out fresh water for the cat, picking up the newspaper & the mail. And then not being able to stay in my home.
I have no clue when we'll be back. There are still over 50,000 people in our power company's service area without power. They've brought in workers from all over the midwest, but it's going to take a long time to get us all back on. I drove down one of the roads that leads to our neighborhood, and there are massively huge trees down on powerlines. One huge tree was completely uprooted and laying across a power line.
Our lines are buried in our neighborhood so I can't tell if the power is brought in from the war-zone area, or if it's from a less damaged area. Either way, I'm concerned now that it will be "well into next week," as the power company website states, before we get our power back. Frankly, at this point I'll be surprised if it's that quick. There were no trucks anywhere near our area when I went home at lunch.
So our home has no power. And I feel like I am powerless.
The kids are at my mom's another night and tomorrow all day, the dog is at the doggie sitter's house, and we are in the hotel for one more night. Then Saturday we'll move in to our friends' home, since they graciously invited us and have an extra bedroom & wireless internet. They also have 3 1/2 year old twins & a 1 year old, so our kids will have plenty to do there.
I'm not very good at taking things a day at a time. I'm a planner. I need to know what's happening next. Uncertainty makes me jumpy. And bitchy. And hungry. And sad.
I know this is only temporary. I know I could have it much, much worse. I'm clinging to the fact that my children are safe & warm & fed & active at my Mom's house. But life is so beyond normal right now.
Normal is a beautiful thing. I can't wait for normal to be back in my life once again.
It's surreal--going home to make sure the water's still flowing through the pipes slowly, unplugging the TV's & computer, setting out fresh water for the cat, picking up the newspaper & the mail. And then not being able to stay in my home.
I have no clue when we'll be back. There are still over 50,000 people in our power company's service area without power. They've brought in workers from all over the midwest, but it's going to take a long time to get us all back on. I drove down one of the roads that leads to our neighborhood, and there are massively huge trees down on powerlines. One huge tree was completely uprooted and laying across a power line.
Our lines are buried in our neighborhood so I can't tell if the power is brought in from the war-zone area, or if it's from a less damaged area. Either way, I'm concerned now that it will be "well into next week," as the power company website states, before we get our power back. Frankly, at this point I'll be surprised if it's that quick. There were no trucks anywhere near our area when I went home at lunch.
So our home has no power. And I feel like I am powerless.
The kids are at my mom's another night and tomorrow all day, the dog is at the doggie sitter's house, and we are in the hotel for one more night. Then Saturday we'll move in to our friends' home, since they graciously invited us and have an extra bedroom & wireless internet. They also have 3 1/2 year old twins & a 1 year old, so our kids will have plenty to do there.
I'm not very good at taking things a day at a time. I'm a planner. I need to know what's happening next. Uncertainty makes me jumpy. And bitchy. And hungry. And sad.
I know this is only temporary. I know I could have it much, much worse. I'm clinging to the fact that my children are safe & warm & fed & active at my Mom's house. But life is so beyond normal right now.
Normal is a beautiful thing. I can't wait for normal to be back in my life once again.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
January Strikes Again (and Again)
I wrote this last night (Tuesday) around midnight. Before the power went out.
***
Man, I hate this time of year.
But before I go into the Woe Is Me report, I have to tell you about Friday.
Our 4 p.m. appointment rescheduled & my mom had the kids, so I had a free late afternoon & what did I do? I went running, of course!
It had been a gorgeous day--upper 50s, sunshine. But by the time I was ready to roll at 4:30, it was grey & colder & windy. No way was I not getting my run in, though. I set out from home & put in a solid 4 miles. I felt fabulous. Strong. Glad I'd gotten an unplanned run in & put in 14 miles in 3 days.
Then Friday night around 10 p.m., I felt that tell tale tickle in the back of my throat. I was getting a cold. I started the zicam right away, but by Saturday morning I had a raging sore throat & congested sinuses. The weekend was spent in my PJ's, with me popping ibuprofen for my aching head instead of sore muscles. I even skipped church Sunday, I felt so lousy.
By Monday I still felt awful and didn't get to work until after 1 p.m. We had a client appointment at 4, and by the time I got home with the kids I was wiped out. The weather people were sounding pretty sure we were going to get clobbered by the vast winter storm hitting the U.S. and I figured we'd be stuck at home on Tuesday, so I skipped Monday bath night for the kiddos and let them watch TV instead of doing Sophie's homework. It was definitely an "all system shut down" kind of night.
Which basically meant I've had almost 4 days of being in slog mode. And that means I eat. And I don't work out. And I feel lousy about it. But I feel lousy from the cold that won't die (hello zicam? why aren't you working yet?!) and that pretty much trumps my ability to do much healthy for myself.
I'm not calling myself a failure. I'm not all upset about losing the momentum I was building last week. I'll get back on plan & hit the road running soon enough. As soon as the darn ice melts anyway.
It's just a typical January.
And January bites.
***
So guys, I'm finally at long last watching a season of The Biggest Loser from the (almost) beginning. I've watched last week's and now tonight's show, so I missed the first two weeks but I'm still going to get to see them virtually from the beginning. I thank my DVR for finally allowing me to catch TBL & American Idol. I usually am watching from 9 - 10 (or 11 on 2 hour nights).
I was so glad Joelle got to stay last week. Carla & Bob were way too hard on her. I think Jen really summed it up best in this post. And now look at her this week! You go girl. (Although I think Carla might get on my nerves pretty quickly.) And I thought it was a no win for everyone tonight on who had to go home. I hope they pull a surprise & bring back the one person who really wanted to stay but had to go home. I truly think it's possible that person wins the runner up $100,000. The couple who got to stay better work their behinds off. I'm sure they will.
You TBL fans are surely desensitized to it, but I am just floored at the overt product placements. How bloody annoying. I guess everyone has to pay the bills.
***
Now it's Wednesday night and we are in a hotel because we have no power. Half the city is without power & it looks like an ice bomb went off. We drove around tonight, going to Walmart, then the office to see if power was back on there (it is, so Mark will be going in tomorrow), and then to Walgreens for meds. So many trees have been damaged. I didn't see many homes that were smashed, so that's a blessing. But it could take a week to get our power back on. I'm keeping my fingers crossed it's only another day or so.
Life is no where near normal right now. I can't even begin to say how thankful I am that we have a warm room and food & are all safe. I know there are many, many people in this city (and the country) who can't say that right now. But this is not easy for any of us.
The kids are going to my mom's tomorrow, and will stay with her for a couple days. The poor doggie is at home by herself. I'm getting her tomorrow & will take her to our cousin or to the puppy hotel. I'm hoping we have power back by the weekend. I'm not sure where we'll go if we don't. We have my mom or my sister we could stay with. I'm sure some of our friends would set us up if we needed them to. I just don't know what's best for us. I think for now, it's going to be one day at a time.
Food & exercise are out the window right now. I'm in survival mode.
Like I said when I wrote this post yesterday, I hate January. This ice storm just gives me one more reason to be ready for February.
***
Man, I hate this time of year.
But before I go into the Woe Is Me report, I have to tell you about Friday.
Our 4 p.m. appointment rescheduled & my mom had the kids, so I had a free late afternoon & what did I do? I went running, of course!
It had been a gorgeous day--upper 50s, sunshine. But by the time I was ready to roll at 4:30, it was grey & colder & windy. No way was I not getting my run in, though. I set out from home & put in a solid 4 miles. I felt fabulous. Strong. Glad I'd gotten an unplanned run in & put in 14 miles in 3 days.
Then Friday night around 10 p.m., I felt that tell tale tickle in the back of my throat. I was getting a cold. I started the zicam right away, but by Saturday morning I had a raging sore throat & congested sinuses. The weekend was spent in my PJ's, with me popping ibuprofen for my aching head instead of sore muscles. I even skipped church Sunday, I felt so lousy.
By Monday I still felt awful and didn't get to work until after 1 p.m. We had a client appointment at 4, and by the time I got home with the kids I was wiped out. The weather people were sounding pretty sure we were going to get clobbered by the vast winter storm hitting the U.S. and I figured we'd be stuck at home on Tuesday, so I skipped Monday bath night for the kiddos and let them watch TV instead of doing Sophie's homework. It was definitely an "all system shut down" kind of night.
Which basically meant I've had almost 4 days of being in slog mode. And that means I eat. And I don't work out. And I feel lousy about it. But I feel lousy from the cold that won't die (hello zicam? why aren't you working yet?!) and that pretty much trumps my ability to do much healthy for myself.
I'm not calling myself a failure. I'm not all upset about losing the momentum I was building last week. I'll get back on plan & hit the road running soon enough. As soon as the darn ice melts anyway.
It's just a typical January.
And January bites.
***
So guys, I'm finally at long last watching a season of The Biggest Loser from the (almost) beginning. I've watched last week's and now tonight's show, so I missed the first two weeks but I'm still going to get to see them virtually from the beginning. I thank my DVR for finally allowing me to catch TBL & American Idol. I usually am watching from 9 - 10 (or 11 on 2 hour nights).
I was so glad Joelle got to stay last week. Carla & Bob were way too hard on her. I think Jen really summed it up best in this post. And now look at her this week! You go girl. (Although I think Carla might get on my nerves pretty quickly.) And I thought it was a no win for everyone tonight on who had to go home. I hope they pull a surprise & bring back the one person who really wanted to stay but had to go home. I truly think it's possible that person wins the runner up $100,000. The couple who got to stay better work their behinds off. I'm sure they will.
You TBL fans are surely desensitized to it, but I am just floored at the overt product placements. How bloody annoying. I guess everyone has to pay the bills.
***
Now it's Wednesday night and we are in a hotel because we have no power. Half the city is without power & it looks like an ice bomb went off. We drove around tonight, going to Walmart, then the office to see if power was back on there (it is, so Mark will be going in tomorrow), and then to Walgreens for meds. So many trees have been damaged. I didn't see many homes that were smashed, so that's a blessing. But it could take a week to get our power back on. I'm keeping my fingers crossed it's only another day or so.
Life is no where near normal right now. I can't even begin to say how thankful I am that we have a warm room and food & are all safe. I know there are many, many people in this city (and the country) who can't say that right now. But this is not easy for any of us.
The kids are going to my mom's tomorrow, and will stay with her for a couple days. The poor doggie is at home by herself. I'm getting her tomorrow & will take her to our cousin or to the puppy hotel. I'm hoping we have power back by the weekend. I'm not sure where we'll go if we don't. We have my mom or my sister we could stay with. I'm sure some of our friends would set us up if we needed them to. I just don't know what's best for us. I think for now, it's going to be one day at a time.
Food & exercise are out the window right now. I'm in survival mode.
Like I said when I wrote this post yesterday, I hate January. This ice storm just gives me one more reason to be ready for February.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Day 3 - Success
Another day, another notch on my slowly-loosening belt.
Food was good. Not terribly low carb, but I didn't over do it on anything & had plenty of protein. I did have one little brownie after dinner--the last of the batch from the weekend which I'd forgotten about but stumbled upon while looking for a small bite of a Hershey bar. But it's all good. Gotta have a treat once in a while, and, after all, it's been 3 days since I had anything decadent.
And I ran another 5 miles today in just over 59 minutes. I'm still not as fast as I was in October, which is a bummer, but I can totally tell it's because I'm lugging around an extra 10 pounds. Oh, and because cardiovascularly I'm not as well conditioned. And the cold air messes with my exercise-induced asthma. And, let's see, any other excuses? I kid. I'm just glad to be out there for 60 minutes moving my body.
It was so gorgeous tonight. 51 degrees when I set out. The sun was shining & I ran the whole time in the light. It didn't get truly dark until almost 5:30. Love it. Spring feels like it's on its way. Tomorrow the temp is going to be even warmer. Unfortunately I'll be taking a rest day because we have 3 client annual review appointments tomorrow, that run up until 5 p.m. And really, I need a rest after two hard running days in a row.
Maybe tomorrow would be a good day to do that Jillian Michael's DVD, ya think? I haven't had time to watch it. Heck, I haven't had time to clean my kitchen for 2 days. Life gets that way sometimes.
So it's getting late & I still have work to get done for tomorrow's meetings. I hope to catch up with you all this weekend.
Much love & thanks so much for all your support!
Food was good. Not terribly low carb, but I didn't over do it on anything & had plenty of protein. I did have one little brownie after dinner--the last of the batch from the weekend which I'd forgotten about but stumbled upon while looking for a small bite of a Hershey bar. But it's all good. Gotta have a treat once in a while, and, after all, it's been 3 days since I had anything decadent.
And I ran another 5 miles today in just over 59 minutes. I'm still not as fast as I was in October, which is a bummer, but I can totally tell it's because I'm lugging around an extra 10 pounds. Oh, and because cardiovascularly I'm not as well conditioned. And the cold air messes with my exercise-induced asthma. And, let's see, any other excuses? I kid. I'm just glad to be out there for 60 minutes moving my body.
It was so gorgeous tonight. 51 degrees when I set out. The sun was shining & I ran the whole time in the light. It didn't get truly dark until almost 5:30. Love it. Spring feels like it's on its way. Tomorrow the temp is going to be even warmer. Unfortunately I'll be taking a rest day because we have 3 client annual review appointments tomorrow, that run up until 5 p.m. And really, I need a rest after two hard running days in a row.
Maybe tomorrow would be a good day to do that Jillian Michael's DVD, ya think? I haven't had time to watch it. Heck, I haven't had time to clean my kitchen for 2 days. Life gets that way sometimes.
So it's getting late & I still have work to get done for tomorrow's meetings. I hope to catch up with you all this weekend.
Much love & thanks so much for all your support!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Looking Up
Well it's day 2 of eating like I need to be eating to lose this layer of winter fat.
Which is good because I weighed in this morning at 155.6, and that's after a day of cleaning out a good deal of the water retention. I've got a ways to go to be where I want to be.
Last night I stuck to my guns and didn't eat carbs or junk or eat at night. I had dinner at 8:30, which was late but it actually helped keep me away from the middle of the night junk, I think. I had a cheese stick while putting the kids to bed because I was about ready to pass out from hunger, and then dinner was 6 oz. salmon with handful of broccoli slaw, mixed with T light mayo, 2 T lemon juice, and 3/4 tsp curry. I eat half and save the other half for another meal. It's yummy, quick, & healthy. I had 2 cups of diet jello (10 calories each? are you kidding? what a deal) for my snack & went to bed. In bed. Not the family room couch.
And I slept all night, without the aid of a xanax or benadryl. I don't know how that happened. Especially since I fell asleep at 10:30 which is about an hour or so earlier than usual.
Then I woke up this morning at 6:15 a.m., and made it to work by 8:30. Woohoo! I know for the majority of you, this is a joke. But y'all know I'm not a morning person and have no one enforcing my work schedule, so 8:30 is a big deal around here for me. :)
This afternoon is sunny & "warm"--as in 35 degrees. So I'm running, hopefully 5 miles. I can't wait.
My Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred DVD came in today (love Amazon, love it), so I'll check it out tonight. Gotta figure out a way to work that in on 3 or 4 mornings a week. It's ONLY 20ish minutes. For crying out loud, I just need to suck it up and get up in the morning.
The kids are in school, and they are healthy except for winter colds that cropped up yesterday. I've stuck to making meals at home and we aren't eating out. I even vacuumed my floors last night! (that's a big accomplishment, haha)
So that's all the good details going on with me. I feel like things are looking up, at least for now.
Which is good because I weighed in this morning at 155.6, and that's after a day of cleaning out a good deal of the water retention. I've got a ways to go to be where I want to be.
Last night I stuck to my guns and didn't eat carbs or junk or eat at night. I had dinner at 8:30, which was late but it actually helped keep me away from the middle of the night junk, I think. I had a cheese stick while putting the kids to bed because I was about ready to pass out from hunger, and then dinner was 6 oz. salmon with handful of broccoli slaw, mixed with T light mayo, 2 T lemon juice, and 3/4 tsp curry. I eat half and save the other half for another meal. It's yummy, quick, & healthy. I had 2 cups of diet jello (10 calories each? are you kidding? what a deal) for my snack & went to bed. In bed. Not the family room couch.
And I slept all night, without the aid of a xanax or benadryl. I don't know how that happened. Especially since I fell asleep at 10:30 which is about an hour or so earlier than usual.
Then I woke up this morning at 6:15 a.m., and made it to work by 8:30. Woohoo! I know for the majority of you, this is a joke. But y'all know I'm not a morning person and have no one enforcing my work schedule, so 8:30 is a big deal around here for me. :)
This afternoon is sunny & "warm"--as in 35 degrees. So I'm running, hopefully 5 miles. I can't wait.
My Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred DVD came in today (love Amazon, love it), so I'll check it out tonight. Gotta figure out a way to work that in on 3 or 4 mornings a week. It's ONLY 20ish minutes. For crying out loud, I just need to suck it up and get up in the morning.
The kids are in school, and they are healthy except for winter colds that cropped up yesterday. I've stuck to making meals at home and we aren't eating out. I even vacuumed my floors last night! (that's a big accomplishment, haha)
So that's all the good details going on with me. I feel like things are looking up, at least for now.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
That's It
I've had it.
I'm putting myself in timeout.
I've been "bad" way too long, and it's time to crack down on this unacceptable behavior.
I'm being punished with tight pants, a muffin top, overflowing 34Cs, and an overall sense of yuckiness & shame.
It's not just the way my body looks & feels. It's the old behaviors coming back that leave me feeling miserable & guilty, and I can't take it anymore. I eyed powdered donuts lustily on Saturday's grocery shopping trip. I made a pan of brownies yesterday on our day off for MLK Jr day "for the kids" and ended up eating almost the entire pan by myself. I bought ice cream sandwiches this weekend, ate 4 of them and threw the rest in the outside trashcan, being sure to cover up the box with a big trash bag--hiding the evidence.
I hate the person I'm becoming. It's the Old Me. And there's no room for her in my size 8 pants. No room at all in my "I've lost 60 pounds and am keeping it off forever" life. No room for her in my half marathon training plans.
I may have lost some battles the past few months, but I am not losing this war. Today I mark the line in the sand. And if the line gets fuzzy & I have to draw it again, so be it.
But that's it. I'm done with Old Me. I want Healthy Happy Feel Good About Myself Me back.
I'm putting myself in timeout.
I've been "bad" way too long, and it's time to crack down on this unacceptable behavior.
I'm being punished with tight pants, a muffin top, overflowing 34Cs, and an overall sense of yuckiness & shame.
It's not just the way my body looks & feels. It's the old behaviors coming back that leave me feeling miserable & guilty, and I can't take it anymore. I eyed powdered donuts lustily on Saturday's grocery shopping trip. I made a pan of brownies yesterday on our day off for MLK Jr day "for the kids" and ended up eating almost the entire pan by myself. I bought ice cream sandwiches this weekend, ate 4 of them and threw the rest in the outside trashcan, being sure to cover up the box with a big trash bag--hiding the evidence.
I hate the person I'm becoming. It's the Old Me. And there's no room for her in my size 8 pants. No room at all in my "I've lost 60 pounds and am keeping it off forever" life. No room for her in my half marathon training plans.
I may have lost some battles the past few months, but I am not losing this war. Today I mark the line in the sand. And if the line gets fuzzy & I have to draw it again, so be it.
But that's it. I'm done with Old Me. I want Healthy Happy Feel Good About Myself Me back.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Random Friday Thoughts
I can't seem to come up with anything cohesive to talk about, so I'm just gonna give you a brain dump.
I've been listening to David Cook's new CD. A lot. And I love it! It's stuck in my head, though, so it's like I'm walking around with an iPod plugged directly into my brain. His music is most excellent. Even if you didn't watch American Idol last year, I highly recommend it to you.
Speaking of Idol, I'm excited it's back on again and I really like the new judge. Last year I didn't watch the first few weeks. I must admit, I'm enjoying the idiots more than I should. It's hard to know yet if there are any really good singers. I was surprised to see Jason Castro's brother try out. What a hoot! I can't wait to see more next week.
If you are a parent of young children (under age 10), please do yourself a favor and get the book Beyond Time Out. It is completely different than any other parenting book I've ever read. Really groundbreaking stuff. But it's not radical. It's simple. It cuts through the BS parenting methods that have been around the past 30 years or so and makes sense of the parent/child relationship in a way I never saw clearly before but now it makes perfect sense. Get the book for yourself & for your child. It's changed our family life so much for the better already.
I did the 2nd day of the 100 push up challenge last night. I'm not that sore today so I'm not sure if I didn't get far enough to the floor or what. I did 9, 8, 7, 6, & 8, with 90 second breaks in between. The kids counted my reps for me, which was fun. Tomorrow I'm doing day 3 which starts with 10 pushups.
My mom has the kids tonight and tomorrow because we have a meeting tonight & a wedding tomorrow afternoon. So I've got some free time! Tomorrow morning I'm going to grocery shop & run (I need to do 8 miles to keep pace with my 750 mile goal in 2009).
You runners who told me not to worry about the cold are right. When I ran Wednesday in 26 degrees & some strong wind, I got too hot after a mile & had to take off my fleece layer & just wear my tech shirt & wind jacket. Running with the wind at my back was awesome. Running against the wind kinda sucks, but it also is cool because you just push through and by the time you turn and have the wind at your back again it feels like you've conquered a mountain. I did 3 miles Wednesday in 36 minutes, and considering I stopped and walked quite a bit and was running into the wind half the time, I was very happy with that. The fact that I made myself get out there when most people would have bagged a run was a victory in itself.
Speaking of victories, I'm doing well on the shop once a week/make meals at home front. I'm failing miserably on the get to sleep at 10 and wake up by 6 front. And I still can't get my night eating under control. At least the oreos are gone now and I'm not buying anymore so those won't be singing their siren song tonight.
I've been trying to figure out why I can't break these bad habits. There has to be some kind of reward for the behavior if it keeps happening over and over. I've got to noodle on this for a while and will probably write about it soon to help work it out.
Sophie's made it to school all week, but she's still dizzy in the morning and somewhat during the day. She's just learning to deal with it. Yet her quality of life is not what it should be for a 7 year old. I feel like we need to do more for her medically. I met with a friend for lunch today who mentioned Vanderbilt and how the doctors there helped a friend of hers whose son had a condition that no one here could figure out. She's the 2nd person who's mentioned Vanderbilt to me recently. I think I'm getting a message from the universe on this and am going to figure out how to pursue it.
I've been all over the place today. I hope you are having a great end of the week & enjoy your weekend. I think the whole country is cold right now (except maybe California--you warm, Helen?), so put on some extra layers and snuggle under the blankets with a loved one.
I've been listening to David Cook's new CD. A lot. And I love it! It's stuck in my head, though, so it's like I'm walking around with an iPod plugged directly into my brain. His music is most excellent. Even if you didn't watch American Idol last year, I highly recommend it to you.
Speaking of Idol, I'm excited it's back on again and I really like the new judge. Last year I didn't watch the first few weeks. I must admit, I'm enjoying the idiots more than I should. It's hard to know yet if there are any really good singers. I was surprised to see Jason Castro's brother try out. What a hoot! I can't wait to see more next week.
If you are a parent of young children (under age 10), please do yourself a favor and get the book Beyond Time Out. It is completely different than any other parenting book I've ever read. Really groundbreaking stuff. But it's not radical. It's simple. It cuts through the BS parenting methods that have been around the past 30 years or so and makes sense of the parent/child relationship in a way I never saw clearly before but now it makes perfect sense. Get the book for yourself & for your child. It's changed our family life so much for the better already.
I did the 2nd day of the 100 push up challenge last night. I'm not that sore today so I'm not sure if I didn't get far enough to the floor or what. I did 9, 8, 7, 6, & 8, with 90 second breaks in between. The kids counted my reps for me, which was fun. Tomorrow I'm doing day 3 which starts with 10 pushups.
My mom has the kids tonight and tomorrow because we have a meeting tonight & a wedding tomorrow afternoon. So I've got some free time! Tomorrow morning I'm going to grocery shop & run (I need to do 8 miles to keep pace with my 750 mile goal in 2009).
You runners who told me not to worry about the cold are right. When I ran Wednesday in 26 degrees & some strong wind, I got too hot after a mile & had to take off my fleece layer & just wear my tech shirt & wind jacket. Running with the wind at my back was awesome. Running against the wind kinda sucks, but it also is cool because you just push through and by the time you turn and have the wind at your back again it feels like you've conquered a mountain. I did 3 miles Wednesday in 36 minutes, and considering I stopped and walked quite a bit and was running into the wind half the time, I was very happy with that. The fact that I made myself get out there when most people would have bagged a run was a victory in itself.
Speaking of victories, I'm doing well on the shop once a week/make meals at home front. I'm failing miserably on the get to sleep at 10 and wake up by 6 front. And I still can't get my night eating under control. At least the oreos are gone now and I'm not buying anymore so those won't be singing their siren song tonight.
I've been trying to figure out why I can't break these bad habits. There has to be some kind of reward for the behavior if it keeps happening over and over. I've got to noodle on this for a while and will probably write about it soon to help work it out.
Sophie's made it to school all week, but she's still dizzy in the morning and somewhat during the day. She's just learning to deal with it. Yet her quality of life is not what it should be for a 7 year old. I feel like we need to do more for her medically. I met with a friend for lunch today who mentioned Vanderbilt and how the doctors there helped a friend of hers whose son had a condition that no one here could figure out. She's the 2nd person who's mentioned Vanderbilt to me recently. I think I'm getting a message from the universe on this and am going to figure out how to pursue it.
I've been all over the place today. I hope you are having a great end of the week & enjoy your weekend. I think the whole country is cold right now (except maybe California--you warm, Helen?), so put on some extra layers and snuggle under the blankets with a loved one.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Baby, it's cold (and windy) outside
So my new non-gym work out routine now includes running in the cold.
And it's not too bad! At least, not yet anyway.
Sunday and Monday I ran 5 and 4 miles, respectively, and both days the temps were in the mid 30s. It was a smidge windy but not bad, and a base layer plus fleece is all it really takes to stay warm. I wear gloves, of course, and usually start out with a fleece cap but after the first mile I'm almost always too warm to keep it on. I actually really enjoy the cold runs. Very refreshing and peaceful.
Today, even though it will be in the mid 30s when I head out, we've got wind in the 20 mph range. If I get to run like I plan to, it's going to be interesting to say the least.
We don't have any ice or snow to deal with, and if we did I'd not run. I wanna work out, but I'm not equipped to deal with that kind of terrain. Plus I'm a big baby when it comes to pain and would hate it if I fell & got hurt.
Tomorrow the high is supposed to be 14 degrees. 14! And the wind chill is going to be in the negative numbers.
Guess who's not running tomorrow? :)
Other random babble:
I'm happy to report that my weight this morning was 153.4. I haven't seen that for a while. It's crazy how much of a difference a few pounds make in the way my clothes fit.
I've set two more goals for 2009. I want to run 750 miles this year, and I want to complete the 100 pushup challenge. And I've got a weight goal of 145 (with a super secret goal of 140) when we go to St John in June. I want to be in the best shape of my life for this trip, and I've got to get busy now. You know how I am with goals--I'm gonna git r done, yessirree!
I'm still cooking & sticking to my no fast food purchases rule (so is the hubs!). I've not gotten everything cooked in the time I'd like to, mostly because those darn kids take up a lot of time at night, even after they are supposed to be asleep (Sophie had a bad reaction to her zyrtec Monday night and couldn't sleep, so I was up with her until after 11 p.m. Poor kid. We are doing zyrtec in the a.m. from now on). But I'm keeping enough stocked that we are eating home cooked meals. I'm allowing for a frozen pizza on one week night (Tombstone pizzas are $3.50 at WalMart), and last night was pizza night. Tonight I plan to cook up 3 pounds of lean ground beef--a meatloaf & 2 pounds of a Mexican filling that I have a recipe for. Hopefully my plans will not be derailed.
And Sophie has made it to school this week each day. She's not felt very well--headaches, leg aches, and stomach aches have been plaguing her lately--but she's hanging in there. I'm really focusing on getting her to eat better, along with the rest of us, and I think it's helping. But the lack of sleep is a killer. Plus, I talked with Mark last night about how she's feeling, and how she's distracted a lot and has trouble focusing, and he said he was exactly the same way when he was her age. They are both sensitive, artsy people who aren't all that hardy and need special care. Thankfully her special personality and love are as strong as steel.
And it's not too bad! At least, not yet anyway.
Sunday and Monday I ran 5 and 4 miles, respectively, and both days the temps were in the mid 30s. It was a smidge windy but not bad, and a base layer plus fleece is all it really takes to stay warm. I wear gloves, of course, and usually start out with a fleece cap but after the first mile I'm almost always too warm to keep it on. I actually really enjoy the cold runs. Very refreshing and peaceful.
Today, even though it will be in the mid 30s when I head out, we've got wind in the 20 mph range. If I get to run like I plan to, it's going to be interesting to say the least.
We don't have any ice or snow to deal with, and if we did I'd not run. I wanna work out, but I'm not equipped to deal with that kind of terrain. Plus I'm a big baby when it comes to pain and would hate it if I fell & got hurt.
Tomorrow the high is supposed to be 14 degrees. 14! And the wind chill is going to be in the negative numbers.
Guess who's not running tomorrow? :)
Other random babble:
I'm happy to report that my weight this morning was 153.4. I haven't seen that for a while. It's crazy how much of a difference a few pounds make in the way my clothes fit.
I've set two more goals for 2009. I want to run 750 miles this year, and I want to complete the 100 pushup challenge. And I've got a weight goal of 145 (with a super secret goal of 140) when we go to St John in June. I want to be in the best shape of my life for this trip, and I've got to get busy now. You know how I am with goals--I'm gonna git r done, yessirree!
I'm still cooking & sticking to my no fast food purchases rule (so is the hubs!). I've not gotten everything cooked in the time I'd like to, mostly because those darn kids take up a lot of time at night, even after they are supposed to be asleep (Sophie had a bad reaction to her zyrtec Monday night and couldn't sleep, so I was up with her until after 11 p.m. Poor kid. We are doing zyrtec in the a.m. from now on). But I'm keeping enough stocked that we are eating home cooked meals. I'm allowing for a frozen pizza on one week night (Tombstone pizzas are $3.50 at WalMart), and last night was pizza night. Tonight I plan to cook up 3 pounds of lean ground beef--a meatloaf & 2 pounds of a Mexican filling that I have a recipe for. Hopefully my plans will not be derailed.
And Sophie has made it to school this week each day. She's not felt very well--headaches, leg aches, and stomach aches have been plaguing her lately--but she's hanging in there. I'm really focusing on getting her to eat better, along with the rest of us, and I think it's helping. But the lack of sleep is a killer. Plus, I talked with Mark last night about how she's feeling, and how she's distracted a lot and has trouble focusing, and he said he was exactly the same way when he was her age. They are both sensitive, artsy people who aren't all that hardy and need special care. Thankfully her special personality and love are as strong as steel.
Monday, January 12, 2009
I think a change, a change would do you good
First let me say thank you for your suggestions on Sophie's dizzy spells. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and, even though they may or may not apply to her situation it's still nice to have you all thinking of her.
Now for today's post:
I've decided to make some radical changes in my life, mainly out of necessity because we need to reign in the household spending. Believe me, I much prefer the status quo because I'm basically lazy, but life is kicking me in the pants and telling me I need to get with the program.
Change #1: So the first radical change is to make a weekly menu plan & grocery list and shop once a week.
Change #2: The weekly menu plan goes hand in hand with no more eating at restaurants, fast food or otherwise, on a regular basis. The hubs is the worst about this, but if I don't have food ready for him that he will eat, then he drives thru. And we have spent way too much money over the years on convenience foods, and that is going to stop.
Change #3: I figured out how many meals I'd need to make this week, then created a grocery list, and spent two hours shopping on Saturday afternoon at 3 different stores. I used to do all our shopping at two stores--Schnucks (a St Louis based grocery chain, the best our town has to offer) and Target--on week nights with kids in tow. I despise Wal-Mart, but I have gone over to the dark side because I'm now in money saving mode. And we also now have an Aldi, which has crazy low prices. I'll still shop at Schnucks because they have good meat and produce, but that's all I'm buying there. Saturday I spent around $150 for all our food for the week. And I don't care what I run out of--I'm not shopping again until next Saturday.
Change #4: I'm cooking like it's nobody's business. I made a pork roast Saturday night in the crock pot. First time ever! I know, I know, but still, I'm just learning to cook and a roast, to me, is intimidating. Turns out I cooked the darn thing too long and ended up with about half the meat I should have, but oh well. I'm learning. Mark liked it anyway. Tonight I'm making meatloaf. First time for that, too.
Change #5: Making a budget and sticking to it. This is going to be the toughest. But I'm serious about this money saving stuff and we're cracking down just like the rest of the country. No more impulse buying or spending unnecessary money on myself or the kiddos. I should have been doing this 5 years ago. Better late than never, I suppose.
Change #6: We cancelled our gym membership. Scratch #5 being the toughest. This is the toughest. No more swim lessons for Sophie. No more treadmill for me. No more body pump classes. No more easy summer-time pool for the family. It's going to be hard, but seriously? I just need to get over myself. Many, many people survive & thrive without a membership to the most expensive gym in town. I think we'll live.
Change #7: I'm clipping coupons! And using them!
Change #8: The little things that I used to think were no big deal, I realize all add up. As in: I'm not using mousse in my hair anymore. I tried it one day without it, and it looks exactly the same. And I'm not going to buy $15 a can hairspray any more. Understand, my hair has always been my thing, ever since I was in junior high. But it's stick straight, and the only thing that needs a spray is my bangs, so why do I need Big Sexy Hair hairspray? I don't. And my mascara is now L'oreal instead of Estee Lauder. Also, I'm not using paper towels for every little thing in the kitchen. I got one of our chamois cloths and am using a new one each day (a new one every day will hopefully keep the nasty germies away). We go through so many paper towels, it's nuts. This is going to cut that back big time. And I'm using half the laundry detergent I used to, and so far the clothes are just as clean as before. And I'm turning down the thermostat to 65 while we're at work. I'm sure there are more things I'll think of along the way.
Change #9: I'm implementing the parent skill lessons I've learned in Beyond Time Out. I'm still on a learning curve but I'm serious about changing things for the better for my kids. And my sanity.
Change #10: This one I have yet to implement, but it starts tonight. I'm going to bed at a decent time and waking up at a decent time. My habit has been to stay up until 11 or midnight (or later, like last night) and then sleep until Sophie needs to get up for school at 7 a.m. This means I don't get to work until 10 or 10:30, which is fine since I don't have a boss yelling at me, but it's not helping me be as productive or helpful to Mark as I need to be. My plan is to leave the house at 8 a.m. and be at work by 8:30. I'll let you know tomorrow how that one goes.
Notice there are no radical diet or exercise changes. I made those in 2007! This year, I'm sticking to running (ran 5 miles Sunday in 54 minutes, which is darn good considering I'm almost 10 pounds heavier than I was when I ran my half in October, and I've not been running regularly since October either) and I'm going to do the 100 push up challenge (started that yesterday, too). I'll probably throw in some pilates DVDs as needed, which Sophie will do with me. On the diet side, I really just need to focus on not eating at night. That's where I sabotage myself. And if I stick to change #10, this shouldn't be a problem because I'll be asleep by 10 p.m. instead of eating oreos.
These are not New Year's resolutions. I don't want to set myself up for failure by labeling these resolutions. They are lifestyle changes that I have to make for the sake of our family's future well being. I'm sure there will be missteps along the way, because change is hard. But for now, I feel really good about what we are doing.
Are you making any radical changes in your life this year?
Now for today's post:
I've decided to make some radical changes in my life, mainly out of necessity because we need to reign in the household spending. Believe me, I much prefer the status quo because I'm basically lazy, but life is kicking me in the pants and telling me I need to get with the program.
Change #1: So the first radical change is to make a weekly menu plan & grocery list and shop once a week.
Change #2: The weekly menu plan goes hand in hand with no more eating at restaurants, fast food or otherwise, on a regular basis. The hubs is the worst about this, but if I don't have food ready for him that he will eat, then he drives thru. And we have spent way too much money over the years on convenience foods, and that is going to stop.
Change #3: I figured out how many meals I'd need to make this week, then created a grocery list, and spent two hours shopping on Saturday afternoon at 3 different stores. I used to do all our shopping at two stores--Schnucks (a St Louis based grocery chain, the best our town has to offer) and Target--on week nights with kids in tow. I despise Wal-Mart, but I have gone over to the dark side because I'm now in money saving mode. And we also now have an Aldi, which has crazy low prices. I'll still shop at Schnucks because they have good meat and produce, but that's all I'm buying there. Saturday I spent around $150 for all our food for the week. And I don't care what I run out of--I'm not shopping again until next Saturday.
Change #4: I'm cooking like it's nobody's business. I made a pork roast Saturday night in the crock pot. First time ever! I know, I know, but still, I'm just learning to cook and a roast, to me, is intimidating. Turns out I cooked the darn thing too long and ended up with about half the meat I should have, but oh well. I'm learning. Mark liked it anyway. Tonight I'm making meatloaf. First time for that, too.
Change #5: Making a budget and sticking to it. This is going to be the toughest. But I'm serious about this money saving stuff and we're cracking down just like the rest of the country. No more impulse buying or spending unnecessary money on myself or the kiddos. I should have been doing this 5 years ago. Better late than never, I suppose.
Change #6: We cancelled our gym membership. Scratch #5 being the toughest. This is the toughest. No more swim lessons for Sophie. No more treadmill for me. No more body pump classes. No more easy summer-time pool for the family. It's going to be hard, but seriously? I just need to get over myself. Many, many people survive & thrive without a membership to the most expensive gym in town. I think we'll live.
Change #7: I'm clipping coupons! And using them!
Change #8: The little things that I used to think were no big deal, I realize all add up. As in: I'm not using mousse in my hair anymore. I tried it one day without it, and it looks exactly the same. And I'm not going to buy $15 a can hairspray any more. Understand, my hair has always been my thing, ever since I was in junior high. But it's stick straight, and the only thing that needs a spray is my bangs, so why do I need Big Sexy Hair hairspray? I don't. And my mascara is now L'oreal instead of Estee Lauder. Also, I'm not using paper towels for every little thing in the kitchen. I got one of our chamois cloths and am using a new one each day (a new one every day will hopefully keep the nasty germies away). We go through so many paper towels, it's nuts. This is going to cut that back big time. And I'm using half the laundry detergent I used to, and so far the clothes are just as clean as before. And I'm turning down the thermostat to 65 while we're at work. I'm sure there are more things I'll think of along the way.
Change #9: I'm implementing the parent skill lessons I've learned in Beyond Time Out. I'm still on a learning curve but I'm serious about changing things for the better for my kids. And my sanity.
Change #10: This one I have yet to implement, but it starts tonight. I'm going to bed at a decent time and waking up at a decent time. My habit has been to stay up until 11 or midnight (or later, like last night) and then sleep until Sophie needs to get up for school at 7 a.m. This means I don't get to work until 10 or 10:30, which is fine since I don't have a boss yelling at me, but it's not helping me be as productive or helpful to Mark as I need to be. My plan is to leave the house at 8 a.m. and be at work by 8:30. I'll let you know tomorrow how that one goes.
Notice there are no radical diet or exercise changes. I made those in 2007! This year, I'm sticking to running (ran 5 miles Sunday in 54 minutes, which is darn good considering I'm almost 10 pounds heavier than I was when I ran my half in October, and I've not been running regularly since October either) and I'm going to do the 100 push up challenge (started that yesterday, too). I'll probably throw in some pilates DVDs as needed, which Sophie will do with me. On the diet side, I really just need to focus on not eating at night. That's where I sabotage myself. And if I stick to change #10, this shouldn't be a problem because I'll be asleep by 10 p.m. instead of eating oreos.
These are not New Year's resolutions. I don't want to set myself up for failure by labeling these resolutions. They are lifestyle changes that I have to make for the sake of our family's future well being. I'm sure there will be missteps along the way, because change is hard. But for now, I feel really good about what we are doing.
Are you making any radical changes in your life this year?
Friday, January 09, 2009
31 degrees + No wind + 3.5 miles = Magic
(I wrote this on Thursday but ran out of time to post it....)
So yesterday was a bit of a rough day. Sophie woke up dizzy and I was PMS'ing, big time. I still hadn't run or worked out (my Tuesday night run got derailed because Sophie was feeling sick after school). And I felt like I was behind in everything. After all, the Christmas decorations are all still up.
I spent the day at home with Sophie, and Mark took Luke to day care. It wasn't a very productive day, I was pretty out of it. By the time Mark got home with Luke, I had at least done a load of laundry & made dinner from scratch (nothing frozen or processed, woohoo!).
Mark knew something was wrong with me, but there wasn't really any one specific thing "wrong." I just needed to go running.
And that's what I told him. I need to run. But I can't run. Because I'm stuck here with kids. And he said--just go run, now.
So I did.
By the time I was dressed and had my iPod in my ears playing Jack Ingram, I was already feeling better before I'd even turned on my Garmin.
I checked the weather before I got my running stuff on to see how many layers I needed. 31 degrees and no wind = base layer of tech fabrics + fleece + hat & gloves. I left around 20 minutes to 7 p.m., so I figured I'd run a few laps around the neighborhood and see how many miles I could put in before 7:30.
By the end of the first lap (1.1 miles around our neighborhood), I took off my fleece pants. I was starting to feel more human. By the second lap, I took off my hat & gloves. By the end of the third lap and the end of my run, which I added a few tenths to so I could finish at 3.5 miles, I felt 100% better.
And I also felt silly for not getting out there sooner.
Now I want to run again tonight.
***
Friday's addition: No running last night. Sophie was dizzy again Thursday, but not horribly. She stayed at my sister's who lives 25 minutes north of us and we didn't get home until almost 7 p.m. And she's better today. Made it to school, even though an hour late because I have to give her time to adjust and move slowly on days when she wakes up a little dizzy but it goes away.
I'm still really really in need of more running. I can feel myself losing my mind because I've not gotten in enough mileage. I have yet to figure out a cure. I know I could get up early. I know I could run after the kids are in bed. But neither time is ideal and it's more of a force myself thing at those times. I may be getting close, though, to needing to force myself.
Tonight we are taking the kids to the Monster Truck rally. We've never been before, but thought Luke would like it. We have got earplugs and ear "muffs" before you warn me it's loud! I hope we all have fun.
A note on Sophie's dizzy spells for Helen and anyone else who's interested: We've had Sophie tested for the major dizzy causers--BPPV, menier's, brain tumor, other inner ear stuff, seizures (although there is one more EEG we'll probably do this summer after school's out for more on this type of thing). Nothing is positive, which is good and bad. The bad news is that we have no way to cure it. The Epley maneuver unfortunately only works with BPPV and she doesn't have it, so that is no help. Thankfully the episodes at least seem to be lessening in severity and duration as she gets older, and we've found that a small dose of ativan seems to help somewhat (although not completely, 100% of the time). Perhaps we'll do more testing. I'm just not sure how much I want to put us all through just to have the doctors tell us they still can't figure it out.
So yesterday was a bit of a rough day. Sophie woke up dizzy and I was PMS'ing, big time. I still hadn't run or worked out (my Tuesday night run got derailed because Sophie was feeling sick after school). And I felt like I was behind in everything. After all, the Christmas decorations are all still up.
I spent the day at home with Sophie, and Mark took Luke to day care. It wasn't a very productive day, I was pretty out of it. By the time Mark got home with Luke, I had at least done a load of laundry & made dinner from scratch (nothing frozen or processed, woohoo!).
Mark knew something was wrong with me, but there wasn't really any one specific thing "wrong." I just needed to go running.
And that's what I told him. I need to run. But I can't run. Because I'm stuck here with kids. And he said--just go run, now.
So I did.
By the time I was dressed and had my iPod in my ears playing Jack Ingram, I was already feeling better before I'd even turned on my Garmin.
I checked the weather before I got my running stuff on to see how many layers I needed. 31 degrees and no wind = base layer of tech fabrics + fleece + hat & gloves. I left around 20 minutes to 7 p.m., so I figured I'd run a few laps around the neighborhood and see how many miles I could put in before 7:30.
By the end of the first lap (1.1 miles around our neighborhood), I took off my fleece pants. I was starting to feel more human. By the second lap, I took off my hat & gloves. By the end of the third lap and the end of my run, which I added a few tenths to so I could finish at 3.5 miles, I felt 100% better.
And I also felt silly for not getting out there sooner.
Now I want to run again tonight.
***
Friday's addition: No running last night. Sophie was dizzy again Thursday, but not horribly. She stayed at my sister's who lives 25 minutes north of us and we didn't get home until almost 7 p.m. And she's better today. Made it to school, even though an hour late because I have to give her time to adjust and move slowly on days when she wakes up a little dizzy but it goes away.
I'm still really really in need of more running. I can feel myself losing my mind because I've not gotten in enough mileage. I have yet to figure out a cure. I know I could get up early. I know I could run after the kids are in bed. But neither time is ideal and it's more of a force myself thing at those times. I may be getting close, though, to needing to force myself.
Tonight we are taking the kids to the Monster Truck rally. We've never been before, but thought Luke would like it. We have got earplugs and ear "muffs" before you warn me it's loud! I hope we all have fun.
A note on Sophie's dizzy spells for Helen and anyone else who's interested: We've had Sophie tested for the major dizzy causers--BPPV, menier's, brain tumor, other inner ear stuff, seizures (although there is one more EEG we'll probably do this summer after school's out for more on this type of thing). Nothing is positive, which is good and bad. The bad news is that we have no way to cure it. The Epley maneuver unfortunately only works with BPPV and she doesn't have it, so that is no help. Thankfully the episodes at least seem to be lessening in severity and duration as she gets older, and we've found that a small dose of ativan seems to help somewhat (although not completely, 100% of the time). Perhaps we'll do more testing. I'm just not sure how much I want to put us all through just to have the doctors tell us they still can't figure it out.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Can't get there from here
Man, it's been forever since I've visited Blog World. I feel like I've been away from home for a week and need to reconnect. I miss you guys!
So New Year's was uneventful. Mark worked all day long and didn't get home until after 6 p.m. on NYE. We made it to our friends' house by 8 p.m. (it was a family get together with kids, so no partying going on, although I did take my margaritas with me), and we left at 11 p.m. The kids both fell asleep in the car on the way home. Mark & I rang in the New Year with Dick Clark & Ryan Seacrest (bless Dick Clark's heart for soldering on inspite of his stroke). Very, very low key. And boring. But, what's a 38 year old married mom gonna do?
Monday we were all back to work & school again. It's still tough to get up in the morning & get to bed on time after 2 weeks of a flexible schedule, but it's getting easier.
On the food and exercise front--there's nothing good to report (except that I'm still holding steady at 155ish). I have been a complete slacker since I finished my 500 miles on 12/30 (and yes Lori & Shauna, I love The Proclaimers song by that name!). I've run and lifted weights in my mind dozens of times, but I have yet to get my ever-spreading behind in gear. I feel like I'm stuck, and still can't get out of my end- of- the- year rut. Like I can't get where I want to go from where I am now, mentally.
Mainly it's because I'm focused on other things than diet & exercise right now (which, as I think of it, is that really a bad thing?). Like learning how to be a more effective parent with this book, and figuring out how to stop eating out & cooking more at home & getting my husband to eat at home by reading several cook books. And figuring out how to save money and cut back. Because that's what we're all doing in 2009, right?
And a new year means lots of stuff to do at work. I won't bore you with details, but I've basically no time to visit blogs during the day and by the evening I'm too fried to look at a computer monitor any longer.
So it's going to take some effort to put myself on the priority list again.
I'll get there eventually. It just may take some creative navigation.
So New Year's was uneventful. Mark worked all day long and didn't get home until after 6 p.m. on NYE. We made it to our friends' house by 8 p.m. (it was a family get together with kids, so no partying going on, although I did take my margaritas with me), and we left at 11 p.m. The kids both fell asleep in the car on the way home. Mark & I rang in the New Year with Dick Clark & Ryan Seacrest (bless Dick Clark's heart for soldering on inspite of his stroke). Very, very low key. And boring. But, what's a 38 year old married mom gonna do?
Monday we were all back to work & school again. It's still tough to get up in the morning & get to bed on time after 2 weeks of a flexible schedule, but it's getting easier.
On the food and exercise front--there's nothing good to report (except that I'm still holding steady at 155ish). I have been a complete slacker since I finished my 500 miles on 12/30 (and yes Lori & Shauna, I love The Proclaimers song by that name!). I've run and lifted weights in my mind dozens of times, but I have yet to get my ever-spreading behind in gear. I feel like I'm stuck, and still can't get out of my end- of- the- year rut. Like I can't get where I want to go from where I am now, mentally.
Mainly it's because I'm focused on other things than diet & exercise right now (which, as I think of it, is that really a bad thing?). Like learning how to be a more effective parent with this book, and figuring out how to stop eating out & cooking more at home & getting my husband to eat at home by reading several cook books. And figuring out how to save money and cut back. Because that's what we're all doing in 2009, right?
And a new year means lots of stuff to do at work. I won't bore you with details, but I've basically no time to visit blogs during the day and by the evening I'm too fried to look at a computer monitor any longer.
So it's going to take some effort to put myself on the priority list again.
I'll get there eventually. It just may take some creative navigation.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
500.01
It's done! 500.01 miles for 2008. I had a great run yesterday. It was 60 degrees when I set off at ten minutes to 4:00. The sun was shining, low in the sky. There was a steady breeze. I had downloaded David Cook's new CD to my iPod (it's awesome! Jill, if you haven't gotten it yet, you need to), and I had just enough time to get in my 5.78 miles by the time it got dark at 5 p.m.
When I got to my last .25 miles I had a big smile on my face and was listening to KT Tunstall's Suddenly I See. I've no aspirations to be a super model, but I love that song. It really gets me moving & feeling like I know exactly why I'm putting my body through the miles on the road.
Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you count
She holds you captivated in her pout
Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me
That 500 mile goal is the reason I've run this past week and a half. Honestly if I didn't have it to meet, I don't know if I'd have made myself get out there.
I love setting & meeting goals. I think I need to set more for 2009.
But not today. Today I'm kicking back, doing a little work from home, shopping for NYE appetizers for tonight's get together with our friends, and generally chillin' with the kids.
One more Happy New Year to ya! See you all in 2009.
When I got to my last .25 miles I had a big smile on my face and was listening to KT Tunstall's Suddenly I See. I've no aspirations to be a super model, but I love that song. It really gets me moving & feeling like I know exactly why I'm putting my body through the miles on the road.
Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you count
She holds you captivated in her pout
Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me
That 500 mile goal is the reason I've run this past week and a half. Honestly if I didn't have it to meet, I don't know if I'd have made myself get out there.
I love setting & meeting goals. I think I need to set more for 2009.
But not today. Today I'm kicking back, doing a little work from home, shopping for NYE appetizers for tonight's get together with our friends, and generally chillin' with the kids.
One more Happy New Year to ya! See you all in 2009.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
New Year's Eve Eve
I am so ready to put 2008 to bed.
In a lot of ways, it was a great year for me.
I claimed my goal weight of 155 in February. I maintained an almost 60 pound weight lost for over a year. I ran a 7k, 2 5ks, and 2 half marathons. My kids are alive & well, growing & thriving, the lights of my life. My husband is alive & hanging in there, & I'm so thankful he has not given up.
Yet, like many people I'm longing for a new start. I'm ready to shed my winter fat. I'm hopeful for a better 2009 financially for our clients & ourselves. I'm praying we all stay safe & sound for another year. Lately I've been hyper-conscious of how precious life is, and how quickly it can be taken away.
I'm not big on New Year's Resolutions. Last year I made Groundhog Day's resolutions, but I don't think I kept many (if any) of them. But I am big on the metaphorical clean slate of January 1st. Fresh, clean, bright & shiny January 1st.
So let's get 2008 over with already and bring on 2009.
***
I am happy to report I'm going to hit my 500 mile goal for 2008. I've got 5.78 miles to run this afternoon (in 50 degree weather, no less) and I'll hit 500. I am so happy to have two nice round zeros on my yearly mileage. And I've stopped the weight gain. I'm maintaining around 155, which isn't where I want to be but at least my jeans still zip. For now, I'll take it.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!
In a lot of ways, it was a great year for me.
I claimed my goal weight of 155 in February. I maintained an almost 60 pound weight lost for over a year. I ran a 7k, 2 5ks, and 2 half marathons. My kids are alive & well, growing & thriving, the lights of my life. My husband is alive & hanging in there, & I'm so thankful he has not given up.
Yet, like many people I'm longing for a new start. I'm ready to shed my winter fat. I'm hopeful for a better 2009 financially for our clients & ourselves. I'm praying we all stay safe & sound for another year. Lately I've been hyper-conscious of how precious life is, and how quickly it can be taken away.
I'm not big on New Year's Resolutions. Last year I made Groundhog Day's resolutions, but I don't think I kept many (if any) of them. But I am big on the metaphorical clean slate of January 1st. Fresh, clean, bright & shiny January 1st.
So let's get 2008 over with already and bring on 2009.
***
I am happy to report I'm going to hit my 500 mile goal for 2008. I've got 5.78 miles to run this afternoon (in 50 degree weather, no less) and I'll hit 500. I am so happy to have two nice round zeros on my yearly mileage. And I've stopped the weight gain. I'm maintaining around 155, which isn't where I want to be but at least my jeans still zip. For now, I'll take it.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!
Friday, December 26, 2008
Real Quick
Hey gang! Did you all have a good Christmas? Ours was good--nobody got sick, which is a big deal since there's a lot of stomach flu going around our town (just watch, tomorrow one of us is going to be puking our guts out). The kids got what they wanted, but we didn't go overboard.
To be honest, I'm just glad it's all over. I'm ready for normal life to return.
And I'm not waiting until January 1st to turn things around, diet wise. Vickie, you are too right. Another week of eating whatever I want could do another 5 pounds damage, and I'm just not going there. No, I am definitely not going to pull an Oprah on this. 10 pounds up from my lowest weight is where it stops. I'm reversing the upward trend, starting today.
I ran 5ish miles with niece Kate this morning. It was the first decent mileage run since....the last time I ran with Kate at Thanksgiving. She's so great. I very much enjoy running with someone else, especially when it's her.
So we have a get together with friends tonight. Probably another one this weekend with friends who live in London but came home for the holiday. And then next week we'll work some, visit friends out of town some, and party on New Year's some.
Hopefully I'll get more running in so I can meet my 500 mile goal. I still have 15 miles to get there. In one week. It's not impossible, but it's going to take some effort. But worthwhile endeavors take effort, so I'm planning on doing it.
I may not be around much until after New Year's. So don't worry about me if I don't post for a while.
Happy New Year!
To be honest, I'm just glad it's all over. I'm ready for normal life to return.
And I'm not waiting until January 1st to turn things around, diet wise. Vickie, you are too right. Another week of eating whatever I want could do another 5 pounds damage, and I'm just not going there. No, I am definitely not going to pull an Oprah on this. 10 pounds up from my lowest weight is where it stops. I'm reversing the upward trend, starting today.
I ran 5ish miles with niece Kate this morning. It was the first decent mileage run since....the last time I ran with Kate at Thanksgiving. She's so great. I very much enjoy running with someone else, especially when it's her.
So we have a get together with friends tonight. Probably another one this weekend with friends who live in London but came home for the holiday. And then next week we'll work some, visit friends out of town some, and party on New Year's some.
Hopefully I'll get more running in so I can meet my 500 mile goal. I still have 15 miles to get there. In one week. It's not impossible, but it's going to take some effort. But worthwhile endeavors take effort, so I'm planning on doing it.
I may not be around much until after New Year's. So don't worry about me if I don't post for a while.
Happy New Year!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Holding Pattern
I feel like I'm stuck in a holding pattern, waiting for Normal to return.
My food is not normal. My workouts & running are not normal. My sleep is not normal. My kids' schedules are not normal. My blog reading is not normal.
All this anti-normal is putting me back into Old Normal mode. You know, the mode where I eat whatever I want and then feel guilty about it later. And of course the by product is excess fat on my body.
I'm not going to whine about it here, though. I've done enough whining lately.
I don't see things getting back to the New Normal any time soon. Today there is ice on the roads (I tried to go to work, but it was so slick I was sliding *up* hills, and I saw one fender bender just a mile from our house, so I turned around and took the kids & me back home), and I most likely won't get to go to the gym. Plus, I'm stuck in the house with two kids--Mark made it to work OK, he's not as nervous driving as I am--and that's a recipe for me to eat for comfort.
So, I'm just accepting what is right now. Christmas is in 2 days. The New Year is a time for fresh starts. I'll jump on the weight loss bandwagon with 90% of the world next week. I know what to do. I've just got to get going & do it.
My food is not normal. My workouts & running are not normal. My sleep is not normal. My kids' schedules are not normal. My blog reading is not normal.
All this anti-normal is putting me back into Old Normal mode. You know, the mode where I eat whatever I want and then feel guilty about it later. And of course the by product is excess fat on my body.
I'm not going to whine about it here, though. I've done enough whining lately.
I don't see things getting back to the New Normal any time soon. Today there is ice on the roads (I tried to go to work, but it was so slick I was sliding *up* hills, and I saw one fender bender just a mile from our house, so I turned around and took the kids & me back home), and I most likely won't get to go to the gym. Plus, I'm stuck in the house with two kids--Mark made it to work OK, he's not as nervous driving as I am--and that's a recipe for me to eat for comfort.
So, I'm just accepting what is right now. Christmas is in 2 days. The New Year is a time for fresh starts. I'll jump on the weight loss bandwagon with 90% of the world next week. I know what to do. I've just got to get going & do it.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
No weigh in....New trend?
I haven't weighed myself the past two days. Weekends notwithstanding, this is a record length of time for me not to know, to the .2 pound mark, how much I weigh.
Pokey made a comment on my last post that got me thinking. And MizFit answered my comment (read it all below) on her blog that got me really thinking.
I'm way too hard on myself.
I realize this is not a news flash to you, my bloggy friends. And it's not news to me, either. I just tend to live in denial. A lot.
Wait, there I go. Being hard on myself again.
And I'm thinking 2009 is going to be the Year of Self Love. I don't know how exactly, and I don't have a plan yet. But I know the why's. There are many.
I deserve it. I'm a child of God. He loves me and created me. He made me the way I am. And if He can love me, why shouldn't I love myself?
My children need a mom who cares for herself. Especially my daughter. MizFit's comment struck me like a dagger in the heart. The older I get, the more I look like my mom. And often, act like my mom. And most of the time, I hate it. I love my mom, don't get me wrong. She does more for me and my kids than anyone else on the planet. But she drives me nuts sometimes, with her negative self talk and her nagging worry and her frequent complaints about how she looks. HELLO! Wake up Laura! I am becoming my mother. I certainly don't want my daughter to feel the negative feelings about me in the same ways I do about my mom.
I'd be a lot happier if I wasn't so stinking critical of myself. So what if my butt's a little bigger this month? Nobody probably even notices but me. And my contentedness with my weight and body will surely flow into other aspects of my life.
What would happen if I spent more time on other things I care about, besides what I put in my mouth? The idea of not being constantly obsessed with food & how to burn off the extra calories I consume is so radical, I can't quite get my head around it.
I know there are many more I could come up with.
Is it possible I could take the focus off of gaining/losing/gaining/losing.... and find a happy medium?
To weigh or not to weigh. It's an age old dieter's question that will likely be debated forever. I'm still not sure I can go a week (or longer) without checking my weight. But I'm going to experiment. I'll try not eating at night so I feel better in the morning and hungry for my breakfast, instead of working toward a lower number on a scale. I could lift weights with abandon and get rock hard muscles, and not give a flying fig about how much weight it puts on me. I could even, dare I imagine, use my size 6 jeans as my barometer for how I'm doing in the poundage department.
Perhaps hope & change aren't just going to happen in The White House next year. Maybe they can show up in my house, too.
Pokey's comment on my last post:
And hon...you are still doing great with your weight!! Dont be so hard on yourself. You look great, and feel great (right?) in your skin...so that should be all that matters. I think you need to toss that darn scale of yours.Seriously.
My comment on MizFit's post:
Definitely want to keep my daughter from going through what I did in my teens (overweight, but not obese), yet I am afraid her body is built just like mine & I don’t know how to avoid it. Sigh.
MizFit's response:
ok not much time so this shall be short , but I know this thought isnt one only you have, Laura.
Im gonna tough love you, Sister.
*you* need to find your self love. your body love. your I SO COMFY IN MY SKINSUIT I WANNA SHOUT THIS SH*T FROM THE RAFTERS feeling.
that’s your answer.
she will look to you and emulate you.(I know the peers come into play here—but that’s a different post).
she will watch and see how you respect you body and, in turn, view hers as such.
I think one of the most powerful things I have read is how daughters who do not love themselves so often *do* have parents who praise them and who lavish them with love!
when asked why they still couldnt see their inherent value 99% of the time they responded that they saw their mom not love herself and thought: I AM SO MUCH LIKE MY MOM! I MUST NOT BE WORTHY.
Pokey made a comment on my last post that got me thinking. And MizFit answered my comment (read it all below) on her blog that got me really thinking.
I'm way too hard on myself.
I realize this is not a news flash to you, my bloggy friends. And it's not news to me, either. I just tend to live in denial. A lot.
Wait, there I go. Being hard on myself again.
And I'm thinking 2009 is going to be the Year of Self Love. I don't know how exactly, and I don't have a plan yet. But I know the why's. There are many.
I deserve it. I'm a child of God. He loves me and created me. He made me the way I am. And if He can love me, why shouldn't I love myself?
My children need a mom who cares for herself. Especially my daughter. MizFit's comment struck me like a dagger in the heart. The older I get, the more I look like my mom. And often, act like my mom. And most of the time, I hate it. I love my mom, don't get me wrong. She does more for me and my kids than anyone else on the planet. But she drives me nuts sometimes, with her negative self talk and her nagging worry and her frequent complaints about how she looks. HELLO! Wake up Laura! I am becoming my mother. I certainly don't want my daughter to feel the negative feelings about me in the same ways I do about my mom.
I'd be a lot happier if I wasn't so stinking critical of myself. So what if my butt's a little bigger this month? Nobody probably even notices but me. And my contentedness with my weight and body will surely flow into other aspects of my life.
What would happen if I spent more time on other things I care about, besides what I put in my mouth? The idea of not being constantly obsessed with food & how to burn off the extra calories I consume is so radical, I can't quite get my head around it.
I know there are many more I could come up with.
Is it possible I could take the focus off of gaining/losing/gaining/losing.... and find a happy medium?
To weigh or not to weigh. It's an age old dieter's question that will likely be debated forever. I'm still not sure I can go a week (or longer) without checking my weight. But I'm going to experiment. I'll try not eating at night so I feel better in the morning and hungry for my breakfast, instead of working toward a lower number on a scale. I could lift weights with abandon and get rock hard muscles, and not give a flying fig about how much weight it puts on me. I could even, dare I imagine, use my size 6 jeans as my barometer for how I'm doing in the poundage department.
Perhaps hope & change aren't just going to happen in The White House next year. Maybe they can show up in my house, too.
Pokey's comment on my last post:
And hon...you are still doing great with your weight!! Dont be so hard on yourself. You look great, and feel great (right?) in your skin...so that should be all that matters. I think you need to toss that darn scale of yours.Seriously.
My comment on MizFit's post:
Definitely want to keep my daughter from going through what I did in my teens (overweight, but not obese), yet I am afraid her body is built just like mine & I don’t know how to avoid it. Sigh.
MizFit's response:
ok not much time so this shall be short , but I know this thought isnt one only you have, Laura.
Im gonna tough love you, Sister.
*you* need to find your self love. your body love. your I SO COMFY IN MY SKINSUIT I WANNA SHOUT THIS SH*T FROM THE RAFTERS feeling.
that’s your answer.
she will look to you and emulate you.(I know the peers come into play here—but that’s a different post).
she will watch and see how you respect you body and, in turn, view hers as such.
I think one of the most powerful things I have read is how daughters who do not love themselves so often *do* have parents who praise them and who lavish them with love!
when asked why they still couldnt see their inherent value 99% of the time they responded that they saw their mom not love herself and thought: I AM SO MUCH LIKE MY MOM! I MUST NOT BE WORTHY.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
153.0 - The pills are working
So my increased med dosage must be kicking in, because despite all the crazyiness, the busyness, the sickness, the overindulgenceness, the lack-of-exerciseness, and the fatness--I don't feel like I'm losing my mind.
At least today.
Our party Friday went really well. I wore my black dress that makes me look skinny and hits above my knees so my legs look good, and I received several compliments, which is always nice.
I spent almost 48 hours recovering afterwards. Saturday at 5 a.m. I woke up with a migraine (stupid, stupid me. I cannot drink wine, of any kind, period). Thankfully I had Sophie's Imitrex nasal spray from her appointment last week, and since it doesn't work for her dizzyness, I used a dose for my headache. And I took a xanax and feel back asleep until noon. Noon! Then I basically stayed in bed until 4:30 p.m. My sister brought the kids home around 6:30. I didn't even take a bath Saturday, I was that lazy.
Sunday we made it to church, then had lunch at Bob Evans (I know, I know), then I spent another afternoon in pajamas. The kids were wonderful all day. Sophie felt fine all day. It was a nice family Sunday.
Yesterday Sophie was sick--not with dizzyness, but with a sore throat (even though her tonsils are out, the back of her soft pallette was red & sore) and a horrible sinus infection. So she stayed home from school with Mark, and I went to work. I felt pretty out of it yesterday still. I guess kind of a lazyness hangover from the weekend.
Last night I was really upset about how much weight I've gained. I got out the tape measure and confirmed I've gained some inches. Then I put on my PJs and made dinner & thought about when I'd get myself back under control.
This morning I expected my weight to be off the charts--I haven't run or worked out since last Monday--but it's not insurmountable. Even though my clothes are tight, they fit fine and still look OK (but just barely). I'm not going to have to buy bigger pants yet.
And thankfully Sophie is feeling better. She even rode the bus to school today (first time in 2 weeks she's done that). Luke is, as always, my sunshine. Seriously, the boy is the epitome of the meaning of his name--light.
Tonight we'll go to Sophie's swim class & I packed my gym bag to take a weights class. Then I've got to bake the first of two 20 pound turkeys for our city's Rescue Mission. Our circle of friends (7 families) provide & serve dinner and do a worship service (the kids help with this--last year we did the Nativity story, and every kid dressed up with church costumes), and that happens this Saturday.
I've got a bit of a more optimistic perspective this morning, and I thank the Pharmaceutical companies for it. Better living through chemicals, yee ha!
P.S.
We watched two new movies this weekend I wanted to share. The first was In Bruges. I absolutely loved this movie. Loved it. It's violent in several parts, but mostly it's a character film. Quirky. Funny. A great winter movie to rent. I'd actually like to see it again, it's that good.
The other was a comedy that I laughed at in spite of the stupidness (or rather, because of it). You Don't Mess with The Zohan is one of those movies where you have to enjoy crass humor. It does start to wane, like most of these movies do, but I still enjoyed it. I needed some stupid humor the night we watched it.
At least today.
Our party Friday went really well. I wore my black dress that makes me look skinny and hits above my knees so my legs look good, and I received several compliments, which is always nice.
I spent almost 48 hours recovering afterwards. Saturday at 5 a.m. I woke up with a migraine (stupid, stupid me. I cannot drink wine, of any kind, period). Thankfully I had Sophie's Imitrex nasal spray from her appointment last week, and since it doesn't work for her dizzyness, I used a dose for my headache. And I took a xanax and feel back asleep until noon. Noon! Then I basically stayed in bed until 4:30 p.m. My sister brought the kids home around 6:30. I didn't even take a bath Saturday, I was that lazy.
Sunday we made it to church, then had lunch at Bob Evans (I know, I know), then I spent another afternoon in pajamas. The kids were wonderful all day. Sophie felt fine all day. It was a nice family Sunday.
Yesterday Sophie was sick--not with dizzyness, but with a sore throat (even though her tonsils are out, the back of her soft pallette was red & sore) and a horrible sinus infection. So she stayed home from school with Mark, and I went to work. I felt pretty out of it yesterday still. I guess kind of a lazyness hangover from the weekend.
Last night I was really upset about how much weight I've gained. I got out the tape measure and confirmed I've gained some inches. Then I put on my PJs and made dinner & thought about when I'd get myself back under control.
This morning I expected my weight to be off the charts--I haven't run or worked out since last Monday--but it's not insurmountable. Even though my clothes are tight, they fit fine and still look OK (but just barely). I'm not going to have to buy bigger pants yet.
And thankfully Sophie is feeling better. She even rode the bus to school today (first time in 2 weeks she's done that). Luke is, as always, my sunshine. Seriously, the boy is the epitome of the meaning of his name--light.
Tonight we'll go to Sophie's swim class & I packed my gym bag to take a weights class. Then I've got to bake the first of two 20 pound turkeys for our city's Rescue Mission. Our circle of friends (7 families) provide & serve dinner and do a worship service (the kids help with this--last year we did the Nativity story, and every kid dressed up with church costumes), and that happens this Saturday.
I've got a bit of a more optimistic perspective this morning, and I thank the Pharmaceutical companies for it. Better living through chemicals, yee ha!
P.S.
We watched two new movies this weekend I wanted to share. The first was In Bruges. I absolutely loved this movie. Loved it. It's violent in several parts, but mostly it's a character film. Quirky. Funny. A great winter movie to rent. I'd actually like to see it again, it's that good.
The other was a comedy that I laughed at in spite of the stupidness (or rather, because of it). You Don't Mess with The Zohan is one of those movies where you have to enjoy crass humor. It does start to wane, like most of these movies do, but I still enjoyed it. I needed some stupid humor the night we watched it.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Status Update
Sophie made it to school this morning. Miraculously, she felt only mildly dizzy when she woke up, and she played with Luke with energy & happiness this morning. She said, on her own without my asking, that she wanted to go to school.
Obviously I am beyond relieved.
I no longer feel like I'm in the pit of despair, just perhaps sitting outside by the tree with the hidden knot that only the Count, the Prince, and the Albino know about (go rent The Princess Bride if you don't know what I'm referring to...one of the best movies ever).
But I still haven't run since my measly 2 miles on Monday. And I haven't had a chance to catch up on many of your blogs. I'm not eating myself silly, but did have oreos last night at 4 a.m. Work is stressful. Our office open house is tomorrow and I've got an unreal amount of things to do to get ready.
So my plate is overflowing, but I feel like I can handle it as long as Sophie (and the rest of my family) stays healthy.
If you don't hear from me for a few days, it's because I'm swamped. Hope you are all holding up well out there, dear friends. Thank you all for your encouragement.
Obviously I am beyond relieved.
I no longer feel like I'm in the pit of despair, just perhaps sitting outside by the tree with the hidden knot that only the Count, the Prince, and the Albino know about (go rent The Princess Bride if you don't know what I'm referring to...one of the best movies ever).
But I still haven't run since my measly 2 miles on Monday. And I haven't had a chance to catch up on many of your blogs. I'm not eating myself silly, but did have oreos last night at 4 a.m. Work is stressful. Our office open house is tomorrow and I've got an unreal amount of things to do to get ready.
So my plate is overflowing, but I feel like I can handle it as long as Sophie (and the rest of my family) stays healthy.
If you don't hear from me for a few days, it's because I'm swamped. Hope you are all holding up well out there, dear friends. Thank you all for your encouragement.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
152.2 - Sophie's sick again
Sophie's dizzy spells came back yesterday with a vengeance. It was pretty bad yesterday morning; we did make it to my office where she played most of the day and was able to walk with some stopping & starting (movement makes it worse).
Then yesterday afternoon I took her to the doctor, just because we haven't been in a while about these and I wanted to talk about it again. We didn't see her regular pediatrician, since he was off for the afternoon. The other doctor in the office talked with us for almost 30 minutes. He said there were no other tests to run--neurologist & ENT were the way to go, and we've done that already. He prescribed Imitrex (a migraine med, the nasal spray), and said to try it, since we hadn't yet. Yesterday afternoon & evening she felt perfectly fine.
This morning she woke up, was dizzy but not horribly bad. We did the Imitrex, and 10 minutes later she felt worse than she has since this round of dizzy spells started. I'm not blaming it on the Imitrex; I'm sure it's a coincidence. When they are really bad, she's dizzy even while lying still. An hour after the Imitrex, she threw up. She's sleeping now, and it's been an hour since she threw up and two hours since the Imitrex. We'll see how she feels when she wakes up.
I feel so horrible about this on many levels. I hate that she's missing school. I hate that she's missing the fun holiday things they are doing at school and in after care. I hate that she's missing her friends, and they are missing her. I hate it that she knows all this, and she's sorry she's missing it all too.
And I feel so trapped, so alone. For the most part it all falls on my shoulders, because Mark has to focus on work (he brings in the money after all, and you all know how the stock market gig is going lately). And he's taking 2 classes to finish his business degree, so that's more on his plate. And so, like most moms, the kids, the house, the groceries, the laundry, all ends up on me. Normally, this is semi-manageable. At least it is when I've got the right chemical & hormonal balance in my brain.
Right now, this is almost more than I can bare.
Thankfully Mark took Luke to day care this morning (obviously I can't leave the house if Sophie can't even move), and I'm not going to the office. I've got work I can do at home while she sleeps. Mark will pick Luke up after work if Sophie's not better (and maybe even if she is better, since I'm not sure if I'll have it in me to leave the house today).
Our office open house is this Friday, and there is so much to do to get ready for that it's nuts. Mark has to give a presentation to our clients at the beginning of the open house (along with 2 other investment guys), so he's got that on his mind also. And if Sophie's not well by Friday... well, I have to be at the open house--that's not even an option--and my mom will take care of her, but Sophie will want me and I'll have to leave anyway. I guess I'll stop worrying about that and just jump off that bridge if we come to it.
So much fun around here! Woohoo, aren't you glad you stopped by today? No, seriously, thank you for listening to my whine fest. I truly am a wreck and just wish I could have you all here in my family room holding my hands and giving me hugs and bringing me margaritas and telling me it will be alright. Since my friends are all over the country, though, I'll still be thrilled with your virtual support.
And what in the world would I do without that?
Then yesterday afternoon I took her to the doctor, just because we haven't been in a while about these and I wanted to talk about it again. We didn't see her regular pediatrician, since he was off for the afternoon. The other doctor in the office talked with us for almost 30 minutes. He said there were no other tests to run--neurologist & ENT were the way to go, and we've done that already. He prescribed Imitrex (a migraine med, the nasal spray), and said to try it, since we hadn't yet. Yesterday afternoon & evening she felt perfectly fine.
This morning she woke up, was dizzy but not horribly bad. We did the Imitrex, and 10 minutes later she felt worse than she has since this round of dizzy spells started. I'm not blaming it on the Imitrex; I'm sure it's a coincidence. When they are really bad, she's dizzy even while lying still. An hour after the Imitrex, she threw up. She's sleeping now, and it's been an hour since she threw up and two hours since the Imitrex. We'll see how she feels when she wakes up.
I feel so horrible about this on many levels. I hate that she's missing school. I hate that she's missing the fun holiday things they are doing at school and in after care. I hate that she's missing her friends, and they are missing her. I hate it that she knows all this, and she's sorry she's missing it all too.
And I feel so trapped, so alone. For the most part it all falls on my shoulders, because Mark has to focus on work (he brings in the money after all, and you all know how the stock market gig is going lately). And he's taking 2 classes to finish his business degree, so that's more on his plate. And so, like most moms, the kids, the house, the groceries, the laundry, all ends up on me. Normally, this is semi-manageable. At least it is when I've got the right chemical & hormonal balance in my brain.
Right now, this is almost more than I can bare.
Thankfully Mark took Luke to day care this morning (obviously I can't leave the house if Sophie can't even move), and I'm not going to the office. I've got work I can do at home while she sleeps. Mark will pick Luke up after work if Sophie's not better (and maybe even if she is better, since I'm not sure if I'll have it in me to leave the house today).
Our office open house is this Friday, and there is so much to do to get ready for that it's nuts. Mark has to give a presentation to our clients at the beginning of the open house (along with 2 other investment guys), so he's got that on his mind also. And if Sophie's not well by Friday... well, I have to be at the open house--that's not even an option--and my mom will take care of her, but Sophie will want me and I'll have to leave anyway. I guess I'll stop worrying about that and just jump off that bridge if we come to it.
So much fun around here! Woohoo, aren't you glad you stopped by today? No, seriously, thank you for listening to my whine fest. I truly am a wreck and just wish I could have you all here in my family room holding my hands and giving me hugs and bringing me margaritas and telling me it will be alright. Since my friends are all over the country, though, I'll still be thrilled with your virtual support.
And what in the world would I do without that?
Monday, December 08, 2008
153.8 - Broken Record
Vickie, you know me so well. Yes, indeed, I pretty much spent the weekend (at least figuratively) with my head under the covers.
Saturday morning we had our family picture taken for our Christmas card. So that required some energy and focus, as both kids needed baths and prettying up (as did I, of course). Here's the result:
Overall, it turned out pretty well. Usually the photographer has to work some magic and switch out at least one of our faces with another picture (we use the same photographer every year, he's a friend of ours). But we all smiled pretty in this shot and we'll send it as is.
After the picture, we went to see Santa at the mall. That was fun! The kids were on their best behavior and our Santa is great--real whiskers, no beard. Then we went to Red Lobster and had a feast. We used to eat there a lot when Mark's mom was alive, but haven't been there in almost 3 years now. They advertised a new wood fired lobster tail, and that sucked Mark right in. We had a nice time together.
Then the rest of Saturday and all day Sunday, I spent my time in my PJ's. We all needed a rest Sunday morning so we skipped church. I took a bath around 1 p.m., and put on clean pajamas instead of clothes since we weren't going anywhere. And I laid around & read & watched Christmas TV with the kids.
And ate. And ate. And ate.
The scale doesn't tell the true picture anymore. 6 months ago I'd have been OK with this weight. But then I went and lost some weight in October and found out how great I feel around 146, and of course bought a few fall clothes and new bras at that weight. So everything feels tight & my muffin top is pronounced and overall I just feel yucky.
Yada yada yada. I'm getting tired of hearing myself whine about this.
So you know the drill--it's Monday, a new start, new dedication, new food & exercise choices. But I'm just not feeling it. I don't want this extra fat on my body, but I don't have it in me to do a whole lot about it.
I did call my doctor this morning and they are going to increase my meds. I'll start that new dose tomorrow. I hope it kicks in soon.
And I plan to run this afternoon (haven't since last Monday...I've got some miles to make up to hit my 500 mile goal). It's much warmer today (mid to upper 30s, woohoo!) so it should be a good time to run.
The trick will be keeping it together tonight and not noshing on every carb in my house (which isn't much after this weekend).
That's the deal around here. Sorry to be such a downer. Bring on the good cheer in the comments, friends. I'd love to hear it!
P.S. I do take my own advice and repeat to myself "this is only temporary" on a regular basis. I know this will pass. It always does.
Saturday morning we had our family picture taken for our Christmas card. So that required some energy and focus, as both kids needed baths and prettying up (as did I, of course). Here's the result:
Overall, it turned out pretty well. Usually the photographer has to work some magic and switch out at least one of our faces with another picture (we use the same photographer every year, he's a friend of ours). But we all smiled pretty in this shot and we'll send it as is.
After the picture, we went to see Santa at the mall. That was fun! The kids were on their best behavior and our Santa is great--real whiskers, no beard. Then we went to Red Lobster and had a feast. We used to eat there a lot when Mark's mom was alive, but haven't been there in almost 3 years now. They advertised a new wood fired lobster tail, and that sucked Mark right in. We had a nice time together.
Then the rest of Saturday and all day Sunday, I spent my time in my PJ's. We all needed a rest Sunday morning so we skipped church. I took a bath around 1 p.m., and put on clean pajamas instead of clothes since we weren't going anywhere. And I laid around & read & watched Christmas TV with the kids.
And ate. And ate. And ate.
The scale doesn't tell the true picture anymore. 6 months ago I'd have been OK with this weight. But then I went and lost some weight in October and found out how great I feel around 146, and of course bought a few fall clothes and new bras at that weight. So everything feels tight & my muffin top is pronounced and overall I just feel yucky.
Yada yada yada. I'm getting tired of hearing myself whine about this.
So you know the drill--it's Monday, a new start, new dedication, new food & exercise choices. But I'm just not feeling it. I don't want this extra fat on my body, but I don't have it in me to do a whole lot about it.
I did call my doctor this morning and they are going to increase my meds. I'll start that new dose tomorrow. I hope it kicks in soon.
And I plan to run this afternoon (haven't since last Monday...I've got some miles to make up to hit my 500 mile goal). It's much warmer today (mid to upper 30s, woohoo!) so it should be a good time to run.
The trick will be keeping it together tonight and not noshing on every carb in my house (which isn't much after this weekend).
That's the deal around here. Sorry to be such a downer. Bring on the good cheer in the comments, friends. I'd love to hear it!
P.S. I do take my own advice and repeat to myself "this is only temporary" on a regular basis. I know this will pass. It always does.
Thursday, December 04, 2008
151.2 - In the dumps
Man, it was bad this morning. I slept late, could barely get myself moving, and had to make myself take a bath and get ready for work. It's that moving through sludge feeling--definitely chemical. I get this way every winter. I'm just surprised it's happening so soon this year.
Sophie had a dizzy spell yesterday and had to stay home from school. I stayed with her in the morning and Mark came home and stayed with her in the afternoon while I went to work. It's not a bad one. She's with me today at the office but is walking around now and feeling OK. I'm hesitant to send her back to school yet, because it's hard for her to concentrate and the kids have to move from one thing to another so quickly, and that can cause her to feel dizzy. So, anyway, another day and hopefully tomorrow she'll be better.
I just called my doctor to ask him to up my antidepressant amount, but they are closed this afternoon and Friday, so that will have to wait until Monday. I've been on this dosage for almost a year, I think (I can't even remember when I started on this round). And I've got a SAD light that I can bring into my office, which will hopefully help. Until then, though, I'm in a deep funk that really sucks.
And, of course, I ate oreos & cool whip & pringles last night to push it all away.
I really need a trip to the gym (didn't do anything yesterday because I had to get home to the girl). I'm keeping my fingers crossed I can get work done in time for a yoga class tonight, or at the very least a run on the treadmill. Sophie should be OK for the gym day care, even though she probably won't like it.
So that's the scoop around here. I just pray no one else gets sick or hurt. I don't think I can handle much more right now.
Sophie had a dizzy spell yesterday and had to stay home from school. I stayed with her in the morning and Mark came home and stayed with her in the afternoon while I went to work. It's not a bad one. She's with me today at the office but is walking around now and feeling OK. I'm hesitant to send her back to school yet, because it's hard for her to concentrate and the kids have to move from one thing to another so quickly, and that can cause her to feel dizzy. So, anyway, another day and hopefully tomorrow she'll be better.
I just called my doctor to ask him to up my antidepressant amount, but they are closed this afternoon and Friday, so that will have to wait until Monday. I've been on this dosage for almost a year, I think (I can't even remember when I started on this round). And I've got a SAD light that I can bring into my office, which will hopefully help. Until then, though, I'm in a deep funk that really sucks.
And, of course, I ate oreos & cool whip & pringles last night to push it all away.
I really need a trip to the gym (didn't do anything yesterday because I had to get home to the girl). I'm keeping my fingers crossed I can get work done in time for a yoga class tonight, or at the very least a run on the treadmill. Sophie should be OK for the gym day care, even though she probably won't like it.
So that's the scoop around here. I just pray no one else gets sick or hurt. I don't think I can handle much more right now.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
152.0 - A Few Good Things
Since my last post, I've managed to accomplish some good stuff on the road to losing some LB's.
Monday after work, I went running. In the cold. And the wind. And part of the time in the dark. But it was great! Really, it was. Okay, no, it kinda sucked since I hadn't yet figured out my winter running gear needs yet, and my legs were freezing in the 33 degree temp. I'd wardrobed the top part of my body okay--short sleeve running shirt, long sleeve running shirt, fleece pullover, hat, gloves, iPod in my ears, Garmin on my left wrist, Road ID on my right. I guess I figured my legs would be running and wouldn't need an extra layer. Wrongo! Definitely need to wear running tights under my running pants next time. Lesson learned.
Since it was after 4 p.m. when I started, I knew I'd need to run in the park where there isn't much road traffic because I didn't have my reflective vest with me. I did 4 laps, which is 3.25 miles. The last lap was in the dark, but there was absolutely no one else around crazy enough to be out in that weather. Did I mention it was cold and windy?
Monday night I was a good girl and ate broccoli and eggs & turkey. No carbs at dinner, woohoo! Weight loss here I come.
Then, oops, Bad Girl shows up at 1 a.m. when I had to pee and walked straight to the fridge (after the potty break, and yes I washed my hands) and pulled out the crustless pumpkin pie leftover from Thanksgiving. I didn't have much, but I did have several squirts of whip cream from the can. And then a few spoons of cool whip lite from the freezer. Could have been worse, but it was still eating in the middle of the night.
Today was not the best food wise, because I ran out of lettuce and didn't have the makings for my usual healthy lunch. Basically I didn't eat enough during the day and felt weak in the afternoon. A protein shake and an apple with two string cheese sticks isn't much fuel for the bulk of my day.
Especially since I took a weights class tonight at 4:30. Mom picked up the kids since she didn't get to see them over the weekend, so I was FREE to do what I wanted. Lifting weights after being off for a while is hard. But it felt great. I was so glad to be back at it. Even though I didn't feel as strong as usual--I could really tell I was low on good food fuel.
After class I went grocery shopping and stocked up, picking up some key ingredients for two recipes I wanted to try. And after getting the kids to sleep tonight, I made them both. I've got good food for Mark & me for the next few days all ready. Even have my lettuce packed in gladware, ready for lunch tomorrow.
And I think all the Alton Brown shows I've been watching are starting to rub off on me. I'm getting to be a darn good cook, if I do say so myself. Here are the two recipes I made tonight:
Roni's Curried Turkey Salad is simply to die for. My pear isn't ripe yet so I just used a big apple, and I added a couple tablespoons of pecans and omitted the onion (not a raw onion fan), and OMG it is amazing. I only had a few bites but I can't wait to eat it tomorrow for dinner. If you have leftover turkey, you have got to make this recipe.
The first thing I made tonight was a recipe from my girlfriend LeAnne. It was my dinner, even though it's pretty carby and I ate it at 9:30 pm. Oh well. I was starving because I'd had nothing but a few leftover green beans (again, from Thanksgiving) when I got home from working out. This recipe is well worth the fresh basil and even though it looks like a lot of work, it's easy. Use a big bowl to combine everything--it's a lot of food.
Chicken & Tortellini with Cherry Tomatoes and Corn
1 lb. fresh chicken breast tenderloins
1 (9 oz.) pkg fresh cheese tortellini, uncooked (Bertolli's is in the refrigerated section)
1 (10 oz.) pkg frozen whole kernel corn
1 clove garlic, halved (optional)
2 cups quartered cherry tomatoes (the store had grape tomatoes, and I quartered those just fine)
1/4 cup sliced green onions
1/4 cup chopped fresh basil (or more!)
1 teaspoon olive oil (+ however much you need to cook the chicken)
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
Kosher salt, to taste
2 Tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
If using garlic, rub the inside of a large serving bowl with garlic halves (Laura's note: I didn't do this), and discard the garlic halves. Cut the tomatoes, slice the green onions, and chop the basil; put these in the serving bowl.
While waiting for water to boil for tortellini, start cooking the chicken (I usually just 'heat' it in pan over med-low heat, with a little olive oil). When it is cooked all the way through, cut it into bite-sized pieces. (Laura's modification--I cooked 1 tsp minced garlic in olive oil until light brown, then added already cut up chicken. I was in a hurry and wanted the chicken to cook quickly.)
Cook tortellini in boiling water 3 minutes, omitting salt and oil. Add corn, and cook additional 3 - 4 minutes; drain well.
Pour tortellini & corn mixture on top of the tomatoes, onions & basil in the serving bowl. Add cubed cooked chicken, tsp. olive oil, a generous pinch of Kosher salt, and black pepper. Toss gently to coat. Sprinkle cheese on top. Serve immediately. (I'm having leftovers for lunch--hopefully it will still be yummy.)
***
So that's been the good stuff over the past two days. Work is still very stressful. I'm trying not to be resentful about how much I have to do for the Holidays. I'm keenly aware this year that all of this could just go away, and I wouldn't have to worry about parties and pictures and open houses and Christmas cards and presents, at all. I'm lucky to be overwhelmed, I keep telling myself. I'm too blessed to be stressed.
***
Holy cow, I just totalled up my miles for the month of November and realized I need to run 28.5 miles in December to run a total of 500 miles in 2008. How cool will that be? It's nice to have a goal this time of year.
Monday after work, I went running. In the cold. And the wind. And part of the time in the dark. But it was great! Really, it was. Okay, no, it kinda sucked since I hadn't yet figured out my winter running gear needs yet, and my legs were freezing in the 33 degree temp. I'd wardrobed the top part of my body okay--short sleeve running shirt, long sleeve running shirt, fleece pullover, hat, gloves, iPod in my ears, Garmin on my left wrist, Road ID on my right. I guess I figured my legs would be running and wouldn't need an extra layer. Wrongo! Definitely need to wear running tights under my running pants next time. Lesson learned.
Since it was after 4 p.m. when I started, I knew I'd need to run in the park where there isn't much road traffic because I didn't have my reflective vest with me. I did 4 laps, which is 3.25 miles. The last lap was in the dark, but there was absolutely no one else around crazy enough to be out in that weather. Did I mention it was cold and windy?
Monday night I was a good girl and ate broccoli and eggs & turkey. No carbs at dinner, woohoo! Weight loss here I come.
Then, oops, Bad Girl shows up at 1 a.m. when I had to pee and walked straight to the fridge (after the potty break, and yes I washed my hands) and pulled out the crustless pumpkin pie leftover from Thanksgiving. I didn't have much, but I did have several squirts of whip cream from the can. And then a few spoons of cool whip lite from the freezer. Could have been worse, but it was still eating in the middle of the night.
Today was not the best food wise, because I ran out of lettuce and didn't have the makings for my usual healthy lunch. Basically I didn't eat enough during the day and felt weak in the afternoon. A protein shake and an apple with two string cheese sticks isn't much fuel for the bulk of my day.
Especially since I took a weights class tonight at 4:30. Mom picked up the kids since she didn't get to see them over the weekend, so I was FREE to do what I wanted. Lifting weights after being off for a while is hard. But it felt great. I was so glad to be back at it. Even though I didn't feel as strong as usual--I could really tell I was low on good food fuel.
After class I went grocery shopping and stocked up, picking up some key ingredients for two recipes I wanted to try. And after getting the kids to sleep tonight, I made them both. I've got good food for Mark & me for the next few days all ready. Even have my lettuce packed in gladware, ready for lunch tomorrow.
And I think all the Alton Brown shows I've been watching are starting to rub off on me. I'm getting to be a darn good cook, if I do say so myself. Here are the two recipes I made tonight:
Roni's Curried Turkey Salad is simply to die for. My pear isn't ripe yet so I just used a big apple, and I added a couple tablespoons of pecans and omitted the onion (not a raw onion fan), and OMG it is amazing. I only had a few bites but I can't wait to eat it tomorrow for dinner. If you have leftover turkey, you have got to make this recipe.
The first thing I made tonight was a recipe from my girlfriend LeAnne. It was my dinner, even though it's pretty carby and I ate it at 9:30 pm. Oh well. I was starving because I'd had nothing but a few leftover green beans (again, from Thanksgiving) when I got home from working out. This recipe is well worth the fresh basil and even though it looks like a lot of work, it's easy. Use a big bowl to combine everything--it's a lot of food.
Chicken & Tortellini with Cherry Tomatoes and Corn
1 lb. fresh chicken breast tenderloins
1 (9 oz.) pkg fresh cheese tortellini, uncooked (Bertolli's is in the refrigerated section)
1 (10 oz.) pkg frozen whole kernel corn
1 clove garlic, halved (optional)
2 cups quartered cherry tomatoes (the store had grape tomatoes, and I quartered those just fine)
1/4 cup sliced green onions
1/4 cup chopped fresh basil (or more!)
1 teaspoon olive oil (+ however much you need to cook the chicken)
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
Kosher salt, to taste
2 Tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
If using garlic, rub the inside of a large serving bowl with garlic halves (Laura's note: I didn't do this), and discard the garlic halves. Cut the tomatoes, slice the green onions, and chop the basil; put these in the serving bowl.
While waiting for water to boil for tortellini, start cooking the chicken (I usually just 'heat' it in pan over med-low heat, with a little olive oil). When it is cooked all the way through, cut it into bite-sized pieces. (Laura's modification--I cooked 1 tsp minced garlic in olive oil until light brown, then added already cut up chicken. I was in a hurry and wanted the chicken to cook quickly.)
Cook tortellini in boiling water 3 minutes, omitting salt and oil. Add corn, and cook additional 3 - 4 minutes; drain well.
Pour tortellini & corn mixture on top of the tomatoes, onions & basil in the serving bowl. Add cubed cooked chicken, tsp. olive oil, a generous pinch of Kosher salt, and black pepper. Toss gently to coat. Sprinkle cheese on top. Serve immediately. (I'm having leftovers for lunch--hopefully it will still be yummy.)
***
So that's been the good stuff over the past two days. Work is still very stressful. I'm trying not to be resentful about how much I have to do for the Holidays. I'm keenly aware this year that all of this could just go away, and I wouldn't have to worry about parties and pictures and open houses and Christmas cards and presents, at all. I'm lucky to be overwhelmed, I keep telling myself. I'm too blessed to be stressed.
***
Holy cow, I just totalled up my miles for the month of November and realized I need to run 28.5 miles in December to run a total of 500 miles in 2008. How cool will that be? It's nice to have a goal this time of year.
Monday, December 01, 2008
154.0 - Ugh, & Random Chattiness
Thanksgiving was good. Too good.
Our dinner with the family turned out to be a lot of work but it was really worth it and everything came out great. Everyone raved about the food. We are a family of good cooks. The gravy was gourmet and fabulous, just as we'd hoped. And I really enjoyed all the cooking on Thanksgiving day. The prep & shopping was the hardest part.
My food intake was simply out of control. Not just during dinner, either. I pretty much had a f*ck it attitude all weekend, and man am I paying for it now. My waist has grown by several inches and I've got a muffin top again. My pants are tight on my thighs & behind. I'm spilling out of my new 34C cups.
I did run twice--3.3 miles on Wednesday and 5 miles on Saturday (with niece in law Kate, which was really super fun).
I really do feel uncomfortable in my own skin, and I don't like it one bit. I can also feel the winter depression already coming on, which is a bad thing because it makes me want to eat and eat and eat.
It's gonna be a long 3 months, I'm afraid.
I'm seriously thinking of looking for a February or early March half marathon so I have something to train for and keep me motivated. There's one in California that a few of my blogger friends are running, but I can't justify the cost and travel time, so I'm going to have to figure something else out.
In other bad news, I've got carpal tunnel symptoms in my right hand. I had carpal tunnel with both pregnancies, really badly--both hands were completely numb for 6 weeks before and 6 weeks after delivery of my kids. This isn't that bad now. My fingers are going numb with fine motor work, like putting on eyeliner. And I'm waking up with it numb & sore. So I got my brace out and am wearing it, which helps. It's just a pain in the behind and one more thing to deal with.
I put up the Christmas tree yesterday (random note: I've never had a real tree, always artificial; turns out I'm alergic to pine--gives me a headache-- so it's just as well). I put on the lights, and Sophie put on the ornaments. I adjusted the ornaments to the areas she couldn't reach this morning. The kids each have a 3 foot tree in their rooms, which they love. I haven't dragged anything else out yet. Not sure if I'm up for putting up all the decorations. It's fun to put it out; it's a bitch to put it all away a month from now.
Really behind at work. I basically did nothing last week except Thanksgiving prep, so now I've got two weeks of work to do this week. Plus getting ready for our office open house on December 12th. I look at the calendar and just can't believe it's December already and can feel time catapulting me toward January.
I hope I find a way to slow things down and enjoy life a bit instead of watching it fly by.
Our dinner with the family turned out to be a lot of work but it was really worth it and everything came out great. Everyone raved about the food. We are a family of good cooks. The gravy was gourmet and fabulous, just as we'd hoped. And I really enjoyed all the cooking on Thanksgiving day. The prep & shopping was the hardest part.
My food intake was simply out of control. Not just during dinner, either. I pretty much had a f*ck it attitude all weekend, and man am I paying for it now. My waist has grown by several inches and I've got a muffin top again. My pants are tight on my thighs & behind. I'm spilling out of my new 34C cups.
I did run twice--3.3 miles on Wednesday and 5 miles on Saturday (with niece in law Kate, which was really super fun).
I really do feel uncomfortable in my own skin, and I don't like it one bit. I can also feel the winter depression already coming on, which is a bad thing because it makes me want to eat and eat and eat.
It's gonna be a long 3 months, I'm afraid.
I'm seriously thinking of looking for a February or early March half marathon so I have something to train for and keep me motivated. There's one in California that a few of my blogger friends are running, but I can't justify the cost and travel time, so I'm going to have to figure something else out.
In other bad news, I've got carpal tunnel symptoms in my right hand. I had carpal tunnel with both pregnancies, really badly--both hands were completely numb for 6 weeks before and 6 weeks after delivery of my kids. This isn't that bad now. My fingers are going numb with fine motor work, like putting on eyeliner. And I'm waking up with it numb & sore. So I got my brace out and am wearing it, which helps. It's just a pain in the behind and one more thing to deal with.
I put up the Christmas tree yesterday (random note: I've never had a real tree, always artificial; turns out I'm alergic to pine--gives me a headache-- so it's just as well). I put on the lights, and Sophie put on the ornaments. I adjusted the ornaments to the areas she couldn't reach this morning. The kids each have a 3 foot tree in their rooms, which they love. I haven't dragged anything else out yet. Not sure if I'm up for putting up all the decorations. It's fun to put it out; it's a bitch to put it all away a month from now.
Really behind at work. I basically did nothing last week except Thanksgiving prep, so now I've got two weeks of work to do this week. Plus getting ready for our office open house on December 12th. I look at the calendar and just can't believe it's December already and can feel time catapulting me toward January.
I hope I find a way to slow things down and enjoy life a bit instead of watching it fly by.
Monday, November 24, 2008
All Thanksgiving, All The Time
Have I told you peeps that we are having 20 people come to our house for Thanksgiving?
Oh, yeah, I think I've whined about that already.
So family is awesome, and I love Mark's family. Couldn't ask for better. Thanksgiving is one of our favorite holidays because it's all about family & food & giving thanks. No presents, no pressure, just warm homey feelings. And lots of good food.
And I think I'm stressing myself out more than I need to. But still. 20 people! Which doesn't include us, and we make it 24.
Food we are making:
Homemade turkey gravy (Mark is making this--and he's all about being gourmet, because he's a great cook and he has a high standard to live up to).
I am making: Sweet potatoes (maple glazed, no marshmallows), au gratin potatoes, green beans (3 pounds of them!), pumpkin pie, veggie tray, and spinach-artichoke dip. Each potato dish will serve 8-10, so that's why I'm doubling up. Plus my au gratin potatoes are an absolutely fabulous recipe I made several years ago and everyone loves them.
Various family members are bringing The Turkey, salad, a vegan dish, stuffing, cranberries, salad, bread, pecan pies, & gingerbread cake.
Carpets get cleaned tomorrow morning (I'm not doing that, but I have to make sure the house is all picked up so they can reach the floor).
My brother in law from Colorado is staying Tuesday night. He's only staying this night, and we won't have anyone else any other night. I've already told Mark that Jeff is going to have to fend for himself.
I have to find a folding table & chairs to borrow. I am not buying chairs to seat all these people for one dinner. We have 3 old folding chairs & one folding table, but I need more. Obviously.
I will also clean our bedroom because the coats will go in there, and have to clean my bathroom because it's the guest bathroom.
I made my grocery list last night. I have to also go buy some cookware because we don't own a roasting pan or fat separator (for the gravy).
Thankfully, Mark is letting me take the time I need away from work to get all this done. Except I also have to mail our office Holiday open house invitations this week. So, that has to be done, too.
It's likely I won't be around the blog world much this week. I'm going to miss you all. I will do my best not to eat my weight in carbohydrates between now and next Monday. And I promise to workout at least a few times so I don't drive myself totally insane.
As my mom used to say, it's a pretty short trip. Get it? Drive myself insane...short trip? Oh never mind.
:)
Happy Thanksgiving to you all. I hope you know how very thankful I am for each of you who read my blog and whose blog I read. You mean so much to me. Thank you for your generous support and encouragement.
xoxo,
Laura
Oh, yeah, I think I've whined about that already.
So family is awesome, and I love Mark's family. Couldn't ask for better. Thanksgiving is one of our favorite holidays because it's all about family & food & giving thanks. No presents, no pressure, just warm homey feelings. And lots of good food.
And I think I'm stressing myself out more than I need to. But still. 20 people! Which doesn't include us, and we make it 24.
Food we are making:
Homemade turkey gravy (Mark is making this--and he's all about being gourmet, because he's a great cook and he has a high standard to live up to).
I am making: Sweet potatoes (maple glazed, no marshmallows), au gratin potatoes, green beans (3 pounds of them!), pumpkin pie, veggie tray, and spinach-artichoke dip. Each potato dish will serve 8-10, so that's why I'm doubling up. Plus my au gratin potatoes are an absolutely fabulous recipe I made several years ago and everyone loves them.
Various family members are bringing The Turkey, salad, a vegan dish, stuffing, cranberries, salad, bread, pecan pies, & gingerbread cake.
Carpets get cleaned tomorrow morning (I'm not doing that, but I have to make sure the house is all picked up so they can reach the floor).
My brother in law from Colorado is staying Tuesday night. He's only staying this night, and we won't have anyone else any other night. I've already told Mark that Jeff is going to have to fend for himself.
I have to find a folding table & chairs to borrow. I am not buying chairs to seat all these people for one dinner. We have 3 old folding chairs & one folding table, but I need more. Obviously.
I will also clean our bedroom because the coats will go in there, and have to clean my bathroom because it's the guest bathroom.
I made my grocery list last night. I have to also go buy some cookware because we don't own a roasting pan or fat separator (for the gravy).
Thankfully, Mark is letting me take the time I need away from work to get all this done. Except I also have to mail our office Holiday open house invitations this week. So, that has to be done, too.
It's likely I won't be around the blog world much this week. I'm going to miss you all. I will do my best not to eat my weight in carbohydrates between now and next Monday. And I promise to workout at least a few times so I don't drive myself totally insane.
As my mom used to say, it's a pretty short trip. Get it? Drive myself insane...short trip? Oh never mind.
:)
Happy Thanksgiving to you all. I hope you know how very thankful I am for each of you who read my blog and whose blog I read. You mean so much to me. Thank you for your generous support and encouragement.
xoxo,
Laura
Thursday, November 20, 2008
149.2 - Tequila & Cookie Dough
Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.
Yesterday. Sucked.
I didn't get to go to the gym or run. I barely got to eat right. The markets & the world are scaring the crap out of me (way too many people using the "D" word on CNBC). I'm overwhelmed by how much work Thanksgiving is going to be. My husband is a stressed out mess. I yelled at my kids last night and made my daughter cry.
And when I just couldn't take anymore, I turned to Cuervo and Toll House to soothe my nerves.
While I only had one margarita and 4 squares of break & bake cookie dough, I still felt icky about going back to the food for comfort. I'm just no where near mature enough, diet wise, to completely move away from The Food when I'm in The Despair.
I know I'm not alone in this need, so thank you in advance, oh fellow commiseraters, for your empathy. And those of you who don't eat when you're emotionally a mess, I am in awe of your fortitude.*
Today's not much better on the freaked out front. I've eaten better and plan to do something tonight at the gym while Sophie swims (as long as things don't blow up at work like they did Tuesday and we get to go to the gym). So at least I'll get some release and/or endorphins from that.
But I don't see the worry letting up anytime soon. I really really hate this.
At least, thankfully, for now, we are all healthy. I just pray we don't lose that.
*I looked up this word to make sure it was an apt choice here. It is. I think I'm going to start praying for this, too:
for·ti·tude
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin fortitudin-, fortitudo, from fortis
Date: 12th century
1: strength of mind that enables a person to encounter danger or bear pain or adversity with courage
Yesterday. Sucked.
I didn't get to go to the gym or run. I barely got to eat right. The markets & the world are scaring the crap out of me (way too many people using the "D" word on CNBC). I'm overwhelmed by how much work Thanksgiving is going to be. My husband is a stressed out mess. I yelled at my kids last night and made my daughter cry.
And when I just couldn't take anymore, I turned to Cuervo and Toll House to soothe my nerves.
While I only had one margarita and 4 squares of break & bake cookie dough, I still felt icky about going back to the food for comfort. I'm just no where near mature enough, diet wise, to completely move away from The Food when I'm in The Despair.
I know I'm not alone in this need, so thank you in advance, oh fellow commiseraters, for your empathy. And those of you who don't eat when you're emotionally a mess, I am in awe of your fortitude.*
Today's not much better on the freaked out front. I've eaten better and plan to do something tonight at the gym while Sophie swims (as long as things don't blow up at work like they did Tuesday and we get to go to the gym). So at least I'll get some release and/or endorphins from that.
But I don't see the worry letting up anytime soon. I really really hate this.
At least, thankfully, for now, we are all healthy. I just pray we don't lose that.
*I looked up this word to make sure it was an apt choice here. It is. I think I'm going to start praying for this, too:
for·ti·tude
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin fortitudin-, fortitudo, from fortis
Date: 12th century
1: strength of mind that enables a person to encounter danger or bear pain or adversity with courage
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
148.2 - Three good days under my (loosening) belt
Monday was a successful day. Ran 4 miles (in the cold! It was 39 degrees, brrrr). Ate well, didn't eat junk at night. It paid off this morning with a nice loss on the scale.
No workout today, but my food has been good. Hopefully I'll at least hang onto the loss I've got right now.
The rest of this week is going to be nuts. Busy work day tomorrow, and I'm organizing Thanksgiving plans.
On the getting the house ready for 20 guests front, I spent 3 hours Monday night after the kids went to bed (yes, I was up until after midnight) removing toys and cleaning and reorganizing furniture in our "front" room. Our house was built in the 80s, when it was the norm to have a fancy living room in the front of the house. Ours was a lovely sitting room until we had kids. Then of course we had to move the computer stuff to the fancy living room and it became more of an office with a piano and a loveseat included. Then when the toys were overflowing in the kids' rooms, we moved the excess toys into the fancy living room and renamed it the Toy Room.
After taking a bunch of stuff to Goodwill and moving the sentimental/good stuff to the garage (didn't I just clean that thing out?!), there are no more toys in there and it's mostly back to a lovely sitting room. There's still a computer/printer on a desk, and my desk with my untouched-for-almost-2-years scrap booking stuff. But the love seat and two rocking chairs are facing each other in a conversation area, so it will be a nice place for folks to talk if they want a break from the kitchen/family room chaos. Rounding out the room are my piano and a tall chifferobe, which is the 3rd piece of Sophie's bedroom furniture set, and it just won't fit in her room with all her toys (I bought her furniture from my best girlfriend when she moved to Texas, and it's Art Deco and gorgeous) .
Annyyywwayyy, I'm feeling like I'm getting there, with time to spare. I set out my few Thanksgiving decorations tonight and have the dining room table ready with a new table cloth and centerpiece (two candle sticks with flower rings, Male & Female Pilgrim figurines, and a small flower arrangement in the middle--it's all what I had on hand, except the table cloth).
Now I'm figuring out The Food. I want to shop early--before the weekend--to avoid the crowds & make sure I get my 10 sweet potatoes. Those always sell out early.
And, we saw Christmas lights tonight. At two different houses. One with just a tree, another with outside lights already turned on. I just want to scream at them--"for the love of pete, put them up if you must, people, but don't turn them on until after Turkey Day." It's all just flying by too fast.
No workout today, but my food has been good. Hopefully I'll at least hang onto the loss I've got right now.
The rest of this week is going to be nuts. Busy work day tomorrow, and I'm organizing Thanksgiving plans.
On the getting the house ready for 20 guests front, I spent 3 hours Monday night after the kids went to bed (yes, I was up until after midnight) removing toys and cleaning and reorganizing furniture in our "front" room. Our house was built in the 80s, when it was the norm to have a fancy living room in the front of the house. Ours was a lovely sitting room until we had kids. Then of course we had to move the computer stuff to the fancy living room and it became more of an office with a piano and a loveseat included. Then when the toys were overflowing in the kids' rooms, we moved the excess toys into the fancy living room and renamed it the Toy Room.
After taking a bunch of stuff to Goodwill and moving the sentimental/good stuff to the garage (didn't I just clean that thing out?!), there are no more toys in there and it's mostly back to a lovely sitting room. There's still a computer/printer on a desk, and my desk with my untouched-for-almost-2-years scrap booking stuff. But the love seat and two rocking chairs are facing each other in a conversation area, so it will be a nice place for folks to talk if they want a break from the kitchen/family room chaos. Rounding out the room are my piano and a tall chifferobe, which is the 3rd piece of Sophie's bedroom furniture set, and it just won't fit in her room with all her toys (I bought her furniture from my best girlfriend when she moved to Texas, and it's Art Deco and gorgeous) .
Annyyywwayyy, I'm feeling like I'm getting there, with time to spare. I set out my few Thanksgiving decorations tonight and have the dining room table ready with a new table cloth and centerpiece (two candle sticks with flower rings, Male & Female Pilgrim figurines, and a small flower arrangement in the middle--it's all what I had on hand, except the table cloth).
Now I'm figuring out The Food. I want to shop early--before the weekend--to avoid the crowds & make sure I get my 10 sweet potatoes. Those always sell out early.
And, we saw Christmas lights tonight. At two different houses. One with just a tree, another with outside lights already turned on. I just want to scream at them--"for the love of pete, put them up if you must, people, but don't turn them on until after Turkey Day." It's all just flying by too fast.
Monday, November 17, 2008
149.0 - That's better
On my way back down the scale.
Really wanted The Junk last night, but ate eggs & turkey instead. It's paying off so far.
Food is planned all day. Maybe I'll get a run in outside, if the wind calms down (no way am I running in 20 mph wind when it's 40* out). Or else I'll hit the gym. We'll see.
It hit me hard last night that we are hosting ~20 people on Thanksgiving. And we will have to be making a ton of the food, even though several families will bring a dish. We have many out-of-towners who can't bring anything, so that leaves the hosting family with the bulk of the food prep.
And I'd really like to pretty much overhaul my entire house, organization wise, so it's not so damned cluttered & messy.
Sad thing is, I get home and feed the kids and get them in bed, and I've got nothing left by 9 p.m. I'm going to have to dig deep to find the energy and get things done over the next week and a half. Maybe I'll start drinking coffee at 6 p.m. every night. Ha.
Busy Monday. Hope you all had a noneventful and/or fun weekend.
Really wanted The Junk last night, but ate eggs & turkey instead. It's paying off so far.
Food is planned all day. Maybe I'll get a run in outside, if the wind calms down (no way am I running in 20 mph wind when it's 40* out). Or else I'll hit the gym. We'll see.
It hit me hard last night that we are hosting ~20 people on Thanksgiving. And we will have to be making a ton of the food, even though several families will bring a dish. We have many out-of-towners who can't bring anything, so that leaves the hosting family with the bulk of the food prep.
And I'd really like to pretty much overhaul my entire house, organization wise, so it's not so damned cluttered & messy.
Sad thing is, I get home and feed the kids and get them in bed, and I've got nothing left by 9 p.m. I'm going to have to dig deep to find the energy and get things done over the next week and a half. Maybe I'll start drinking coffee at 6 p.m. every night. Ha.
Busy Monday. Hope you all had a noneventful and/or fun weekend.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Still in the Food, and Facebook Invitation
I'm still in The Food. I think I'm getting to the point where I'm just about sick of it. I think. I've yet to make my lo carb foods, and truly that's what's going to get me clean of the junk. I guess I'm more "all or nothing" than I give myself credit for.
Today should be a good family day. Luke's big boy bed arrives this afternoon. Don't ask me how I got away with this, but he's still in his crib at age 3. It's been really nice, since we just put him in and he has to stay put (never figured out he could climb out if he wanted to, what a good boy!). But it's time to move on to a real bed. We bought a full sized mattress & box spring last Saturday (nothing fancy, it will go on the floor to start) and I ordered Little Einsteins bedding which arrived yesterday. He's in love with the bedding, which is so cute. I need to go take down his crib and move it to the garage, and then go to the store and buy him two pillows since I didn't realize we don't have any extras. He has a little one he sleeps on in his crib.
Tonight DH and I are going to see the new James Bond movie. I so love Daniel Craig, and cannot wait for the movie. I've read it's not as good as the last one, but really he could just tap dance and sing off pitch and I'd still drool over him.
Are any of you on Facebook that I'm not friends with yet? In the MizFit's words, "please to" search for Laura _____ and invite me to be your friend. If you aren't on Facebook yet, what are you waiting for?! It's fun, easy, doesn't take a lot of time, and is a great way to connect with friends. I like it for the lightness of conversation, which is a nice complement to the seriousness of our blogs. Plus, you don't get tons of spam and you can set your profile so you aren't hassled by random people (and if you are, you can ignore them).
Also? I'm currently obsessed with Alton Brown. I've joined his Facebook fan club and am asking for his books for Christmas. I could watch his show 24/7. If he writes another book and has signings in Atlanta, I swear I'd drive 6 hours to see him. I know, I'm a bit mental today.
It's raining and raining, and all I want to do is stay in and do lots of nothing (other than the boy's bed). And that's probably exactly what I'll do today.
What are you up to this weekend?
Today should be a good family day. Luke's big boy bed arrives this afternoon. Don't ask me how I got away with this, but he's still in his crib at age 3. It's been really nice, since we just put him in and he has to stay put (never figured out he could climb out if he wanted to, what a good boy!). But it's time to move on to a real bed. We bought a full sized mattress & box spring last Saturday (nothing fancy, it will go on the floor to start) and I ordered Little Einsteins bedding which arrived yesterday. He's in love with the bedding, which is so cute. I need to go take down his crib and move it to the garage, and then go to the store and buy him two pillows since I didn't realize we don't have any extras. He has a little one he sleeps on in his crib.
Tonight DH and I are going to see the new James Bond movie. I so love Daniel Craig, and cannot wait for the movie. I've read it's not as good as the last one, but really he could just tap dance and sing off pitch and I'd still drool over him.
Are any of you on Facebook that I'm not friends with yet? In the MizFit's words, "please to" search for Laura _____ and invite me to be your friend. If you aren't on Facebook yet, what are you waiting for?! It's fun, easy, doesn't take a lot of time, and is a great way to connect with friends. I like it for the lightness of conversation, which is a nice complement to the seriousness of our blogs. Plus, you don't get tons of spam and you can set your profile so you aren't hassled by random people (and if you are, you can ignore them).
Also? I'm currently obsessed with Alton Brown. I've joined his Facebook fan club and am asking for his books for Christmas. I could watch his show 24/7. If he writes another book and has signings in Atlanta, I swear I'd drive 6 hours to see him. I know, I'm a bit mental today.
It's raining and raining, and all I want to do is stay in and do lots of nothing (other than the boy's bed). And that's probably exactly what I'll do today.
What are you up to this weekend?
Thursday, November 13, 2008
151.6 - Self Destruct
I am in major self destruct mode. And it's all emotional/stress/worry/hormones.
Food continues to be my place for solace. And margaritas (only one a night, but I'm so tempted to start having two). And last night I even took a whole xanax to ensure I'd fall asleep and stay asleep. I've not been having to take them lately, and when I do it's usually just a half. But yesterday was a really bad day.
I won't get into the food porn (you're welcome, Debby ;). But obviously it's not been great.
I have been cooking a lot lately. Real meals, like every night. Last night I made a simple chicken cordon bleu that I found from Kraft's website (love their recipes--simple & easy, even though they are generally not low calorie, but they are very homey and comforting). And I also made Roni's Big Simple Cupcakes (chocolate fudge cake mix + can of pumpkin + 2/3 cup water; mix for 3 minutes; bake at 325... how simple is that? They are very moist.) The night before I made Roni's black bean/zucchini wontons, which are also yummy. And this morning I made a pizza baked pasta for some friends of ours who recently had a baby.
I'm starting to feel like a for really reals cook.
Now I just gotta get my mind right and my eating will follow.
The worry is eating away at me (no pun intended). It's a lot of thou shalt not blog about stuff, but just look at the stock market from yesterday and you'll probably be able to figure it out if you know me well.
I didn't feel any better after my Food Fest last night. Obviously, I felt worse when I woke up this morning, all cotton mouthed & bloated. I was determined to weigh, damn the numbers.
And it's not horrible. 6 months ago I'd have been thrilled with 151.6. The problem is that I reached my Happy Weight recently--146 really really agreed with me--and now that I've tasted what it's like to have a sub-30" waist, and thighs that don't strain against my pant legs, and boobs that fit nicely inside 34C's (they fit today, but they are quite voluptuous which is not what I'm going for), it kinda sucks to be back here, 5 pounds heavier.
Sigh. Am I ready to get past the emotional shit I'm dealing with and do The Diet again? How much do I want that happy weight anyway?
I've always said it takes energy to lose weight. Energy that you have to find from somewhere, just for you. Right now my energy is drained away, sucked dry from my body like Tom Hank's character in Joe Vs. the Volcano when he thinks he has a brain cloud and the florescent lights in his oppressive office are suck suck sucking the life out of him (LOVE that movie. One of my all time favorites).
I've not made great food choices today. But I've got my gym bag packed and am planning to run and then take a yoga class while Sophie swims (I did do the weights class Tuesday, and I'm still sore from that. Love it).
Exercise always brings energy back to me. Hopefully it will help me turn a corner, once again.
Food continues to be my place for solace. And margaritas (only one a night, but I'm so tempted to start having two). And last night I even took a whole xanax to ensure I'd fall asleep and stay asleep. I've not been having to take them lately, and when I do it's usually just a half. But yesterday was a really bad day.
I won't get into the food porn (you're welcome, Debby ;). But obviously it's not been great.
I have been cooking a lot lately. Real meals, like every night. Last night I made a simple chicken cordon bleu that I found from Kraft's website (love their recipes--simple & easy, even though they are generally not low calorie, but they are very homey and comforting). And I also made Roni's Big Simple Cupcakes (chocolate fudge cake mix + can of pumpkin + 2/3 cup water; mix for 3 minutes; bake at 325... how simple is that? They are very moist.) The night before I made Roni's black bean/zucchini wontons, which are also yummy. And this morning I made a pizza baked pasta for some friends of ours who recently had a baby.
I'm starting to feel like a for really reals cook.
Now I just gotta get my mind right and my eating will follow.
The worry is eating away at me (no pun intended). It's a lot of thou shalt not blog about stuff, but just look at the stock market from yesterday and you'll probably be able to figure it out if you know me well.
I didn't feel any better after my Food Fest last night. Obviously, I felt worse when I woke up this morning, all cotton mouthed & bloated. I was determined to weigh, damn the numbers.
And it's not horrible. 6 months ago I'd have been thrilled with 151.6. The problem is that I reached my Happy Weight recently--146 really really agreed with me--and now that I've tasted what it's like to have a sub-30" waist, and thighs that don't strain against my pant legs, and boobs that fit nicely inside 34C's (they fit today, but they are quite voluptuous which is not what I'm going for), it kinda sucks to be back here, 5 pounds heavier.
Sigh. Am I ready to get past the emotional shit I'm dealing with and do The Diet again? How much do I want that happy weight anyway?
I've always said it takes energy to lose weight. Energy that you have to find from somewhere, just for you. Right now my energy is drained away, sucked dry from my body like Tom Hank's character in Joe Vs. the Volcano when he thinks he has a brain cloud and the florescent lights in his oppressive office are suck suck sucking the life out of him (LOVE that movie. One of my all time favorites).
I've not made great food choices today. But I've got my gym bag packed and am planning to run and then take a yoga class while Sophie swims (I did do the weights class Tuesday, and I'm still sore from that. Love it).
Exercise always brings energy back to me. Hopefully it will help me turn a corner, once again.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
150.8 - New Pic
I added a new picture to my progress page. It looks like my waist is tiny, with the way I'm standing and with Sophie on the other side. 
Trust me, it's an illusion.
But, I still really like the picture. My hair is darker & longer, and I'm just thrilled that I'm at a lower weight this past October than I was in October of 2007. Every year I maintain is a victory.
Last night DH wanted pizza for dinner. He's under so much stress right now, and even though I argued with him a wee bit about how it's not a healthy choice, he needed his fix of cheesy goodness. I don't know how much this makes me an enabler (as Vickie writes about today and has got me thinking big time about how I relate to my kids & husband). But I do know that I cannot make choices for my husband. He's an adult. He makes up his own mind. All I can do is provide healthy alternatives & feed him the best I can.
Anyway, I had pizza for dinner. Really good pizza, not delivery or frozen. And while this wasn't the best diet choice, I at least stopped at that. I didn't eat ice cream (it's still in the freezer, don't ask me why). I didn't eat Oreos. I didn't eat cereal. I stopped eating around 7:00 and that was that. Oh, I wanted to eat. But I read my book instead and just kept the food out of my mouth. It's a small miracle, let me tell you.
And I ran a bit yesterday after work. I had to work until 4:30, so I only had 30 minutes to run. But something is always better than nothing. It was dark by 4:50! The temps are awesome, though. Mid 40s is the best running weather, hands down.
Tonight, Swim Team for Sophie and hopefully I'll take a weights class.
I'd really really like to be back down a couple of pounds by Thanksgiving, so I have some wiggle room for pie. I love pie. Yum, pie.
Trust me, it's an illusion.
But, I still really like the picture. My hair is darker & longer, and I'm just thrilled that I'm at a lower weight this past October than I was in October of 2007. Every year I maintain is a victory.
Last night DH wanted pizza for dinner. He's under so much stress right now, and even though I argued with him a wee bit about how it's not a healthy choice, he needed his fix of cheesy goodness. I don't know how much this makes me an enabler (as Vickie writes about today and has got me thinking big time about how I relate to my kids & husband). But I do know that I cannot make choices for my husband. He's an adult. He makes up his own mind. All I can do is provide healthy alternatives & feed him the best I can.
Anyway, I had pizza for dinner. Really good pizza, not delivery or frozen. And while this wasn't the best diet choice, I at least stopped at that. I didn't eat ice cream (it's still in the freezer, don't ask me why). I didn't eat Oreos. I didn't eat cereal. I stopped eating around 7:00 and that was that. Oh, I wanted to eat. But I read my book instead and just kept the food out of my mouth. It's a small miracle, let me tell you.
And I ran a bit yesterday after work. I had to work until 4:30, so I only had 30 minutes to run. But something is always better than nothing. It was dark by 4:50! The temps are awesome, though. Mid 40s is the best running weather, hands down.
Tonight, Swim Team for Sophie and hopefully I'll take a weights class.
I'd really really like to be back down a couple of pounds by Thanksgiving, so I have some wiggle room for pie. I love pie. Yum, pie.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Tight Pants are Not a Good Thing
I kinda sorta accidentally forgot to weigh myself this morning. I was in the bathtub, after eating breakfast and sipping my coffee, when I realized I hadn't weighed first thing. And I have a rule that I don't weigh unless I've peed, haven't eaten or drunk anything, and am naked.
It's one of those bury- my- head- in- the- sand- and- pretend- I- didn't- eat- my- weight- in- cake- and- ice- cream- the- past- 5- days kind of forgetfulness.
But my loose work pants are tight this morning and, even though my butt is looking strangely high & lifted in them (winter tights are pulling in the buttocks, I suppose), they are still tight. Which is not a good thing.
Sunday's weight was 150.4, and that's not terrible but I'd hoped I'd said goodbye to the 150s for good. Now that I know what my body can look like at 146, it's a bummer to have this extra fat around. I liked the lean & mean feeling. And it's so crazy that it's a mere 5 pounds difference from feeling skinny to feeling just OK.
Remember the old Weight Watchers mind trick of visualizing your fat in sticks of butter? One pound is 4 sticks of butter. So 5 pounds is 20 sticks of butter. Five pounds doesn't sound like that much, but 20 sticks of fat sure does.
And those 20 sticks of fat pretty much go straight to my thighs & stomach & boobs.
Sigh.
So I've got to get my freezer & fridge restocked with low carb foods & get back to Cracking. The birthday cake is gone, and I guess I've got to melt the ice cream down the kitchen sink because I'm frankly powerless over the stuff.
I haven't read any more of the Refuse to Regain book, because I'm engrossed in Pillars of the Earth and because I just didn't want to read a Diet Bible when I was in the midst of committing mortal sins.
Mondays are always good days to start over. So far, I'm on track. Sure it's only 11 a.m. and I'm not feeling very strong, food wise, but I've done it before.
I'll do it again.
It's one of those bury- my- head- in- the- sand- and- pretend- I- didn't- eat- my- weight- in- cake- and- ice- cream- the- past- 5- days kind of forgetfulness.
But my loose work pants are tight this morning and, even though my butt is looking strangely high & lifted in them (winter tights are pulling in the buttocks, I suppose), they are still tight. Which is not a good thing.
Sunday's weight was 150.4, and that's not terrible but I'd hoped I'd said goodbye to the 150s for good. Now that I know what my body can look like at 146, it's a bummer to have this extra fat around. I liked the lean & mean feeling. And it's so crazy that it's a mere 5 pounds difference from feeling skinny to feeling just OK.
Remember the old Weight Watchers mind trick of visualizing your fat in sticks of butter? One pound is 4 sticks of butter. So 5 pounds is 20 sticks of butter. Five pounds doesn't sound like that much, but 20 sticks of fat sure does.
And those 20 sticks of fat pretty much go straight to my thighs & stomach & boobs.
Sigh.
So I've got to get my freezer & fridge restocked with low carb foods & get back to Cracking. The birthday cake is gone, and I guess I've got to melt the ice cream down the kitchen sink because I'm frankly powerless over the stuff.
I haven't read any more of the Refuse to Regain book, because I'm engrossed in Pillars of the Earth and because I just didn't want to read a Diet Bible when I was in the midst of committing mortal sins.
Mondays are always good days to start over. So far, I'm on track. Sure it's only 11 a.m. and I'm not feeling very strong, food wise, but I've done it before.
I'll do it again.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Happy 3rd Birthday Luke!
My baby boy is 3 today.
Let's just be shocked at the passage of time here a moment.
And now let's be shocked at how much cake will be consumed.
We had cupcakes & presents last night, because Mark won't see him at all today (early workout and then late class for him tonight). Then tonight my mom and sister are coming over, and of course Mom's bringing a cake. And finally Friday we are having our church friends come over and that's when he'll get his "Little Einsteins" cake I'm having the bakery make.
Three days of cake, people. And this all falls smack dab in the middle of my mid-cycle hormones-dropped-through-the-floor blahs. So it's not like I have any power to Resist the Cake.
That's my excuse anyway. I'm just accepting that my food is the suck right now. The bandwagon to lose this extra poundage will pick me back up next week.
I have squeezed some workouts in. Saturday I ran 3.8 miles (40 minutes) before our Halloween party (which was so much fun I can't even write about it because it's R rated, haha). And then Tuesday I ran 2 miles in the morning from the rental car place to the Saturn dealership to pick up my car (more on that in a minute). I also took a weights class Tuesday night while Sophie had swim team.
So the car--Monday I left work in my running stuff and was going to get in a 60 minute run in the gorgeous Fall setting sun. When I shifted into reverse (I drive a 5 speed manual transmission, which I love & will never drive a mini van unless they start making them with stick shifts), it didn't hit the spot like it should. So I shifted into 1st but there was no 1st. There was nothing. The stick went dead and flopped around pathetically.
I was pissed off, then freaked out, thinking my transmission had died. I called AAA, they had a tow truck to me within 10 minutes, during which time I had called the rental car place and reserved a car. The tow truck driver picked me up and picked up another car that was going to Saturn, and then the Saturn guys took me to the rental car place. I had to pick up Luke by 5:30, and I was only 2 minutes late (I called his day care, they were cool about it). And miraculously the dealership had it fixed the same night, although I couldn't pick it up at 10 p.m. (they work until 11 p.m. every week night, crazy!).
Turns out my shifter cable broke and while it wasn't cheap, it wasn't thousands of dollars. What I finally had a chance to appreciate Tuesday morning after things settled down, was how fortunate I was that it broke in the parking lot. What if I'd been in 5th gear going 60 MPH? I shudder to think. God was watching out for me.
And I finally thanked him Tuesday on my run from the rental car place to the dealership, which was too cool. I didn't need a car or anyone's help to get from point A to point B. I just ran. It was only 2 miles, but it was 2 heavily car-congested miles. Yet it was still easy and felt really cool to be running with a purpose.
I voted in my sweaty clothes before I went home to get ready for work Tuesday mid morning. Again I was blessed, having to wait only 20 minutes to cast my historic vote.
Blessings. They are in abundance.
I need to be focusing on those right now instead of my whiny assed moodiness.
But I'm still going to eat cake.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
150.0 - A big change....and some hope
We interrupt our regularly scheduled diet & exercise rambles for the following political commentary:
I don't usually talk about politics here. Primarily because I'm a Republican Conservative and most of the folks who read my blog are on the other side of the fence and wouldn't want to hear it, and because, well, this is a diet & exercise blog.
But I can't help but write something today. Because I'm frankly shocked at myself at the 180 degree turn I've made in the past month.
It started with the financial crisis, when the Republicans insisted on choosing their ideologies over the rescue package. The smartest economists in our country were saying we were headed for a depression--we were on the edge of a precipice and God help us if the package didn't pass, one of them said. Yet John McCain and the majority of Republicans (and the talk radio people I regularly listened to--past tense) voted NO.
I was very unimpressed with McCain's handling of the situation, suspending his campaign and going to Washington to stir up trouble, asking Obama to delay the first debate. I thought that was a huge mistake even before the talking heads made their commentaries about it.
Then the debates themselves proved that Obama was smarter than I'd thought he was. I was not impressed with him in media interviews, which is likely because I was watching with a hugely conservative slant, with Rush Limbaugh preaching in my ear to influence my opinions (yeah, I don't listen to him anymore, either).
But after watching all the debates, there was no denying (for me) how McCain's responses to our problems (a spending freeze in January? buy the bad home mortgages, without consulting Paulson? $5000 health insurance credit? we paid $12,000 in health insurance premiums last year, so how is $5000 going to make a difference for ANYONE?) weren't what I wanted in a president.
And, even though I think she has potential, I was not happy with Sarah Palin as the VP choice.
In no small part, my decision to vote for Obama was influenced by my husband and my conservative/moderate friends from church. Saturday night we had a long discussion about the election, and a few people I thought were voting for McCain explained why there were voting for Obama.
It was enough to seal the deal.
After watching the speeches last night, I know in my heart it's the right choice for our country. I was not swept away by Obama during the campaign, but even I had tears in my eyes last night during his speech. IMHO, it's just a bonus he's black. A freaking huge historic bonus, but it's not what's going to make the difference. He is a self made man. Not part of the Bush or Clinton machines, or married to a wealthy heiress. I truly think he's the real deal.
And my word. The outpouring for him is unreal. When was the last time people cried over their President? JFK? Reagan? The excitement, enthusiasm, and involvement of our citizens are just as important as who our next leader is. And man, we've sure got that right now.
I'm praying for this man, like I've never prayed for a President before. He, and our country, have a rough ride ahead. But I'm so thankful that he's the one in the drivers seat. Because I think he's the right man for our time.
God bless America, and God bless our new President.
I don't usually talk about politics here. Primarily because I'm a Republican Conservative and most of the folks who read my blog are on the other side of the fence and wouldn't want to hear it, and because, well, this is a diet & exercise blog.
But I can't help but write something today. Because I'm frankly shocked at myself at the 180 degree turn I've made in the past month.
It started with the financial crisis, when the Republicans insisted on choosing their ideologies over the rescue package. The smartest economists in our country were saying we were headed for a depression--we were on the edge of a precipice and God help us if the package didn't pass, one of them said. Yet John McCain and the majority of Republicans (and the talk radio people I regularly listened to--past tense) voted NO.
I was very unimpressed with McCain's handling of the situation, suspending his campaign and going to Washington to stir up trouble, asking Obama to delay the first debate. I thought that was a huge mistake even before the talking heads made their commentaries about it.
Then the debates themselves proved that Obama was smarter than I'd thought he was. I was not impressed with him in media interviews, which is likely because I was watching with a hugely conservative slant, with Rush Limbaugh preaching in my ear to influence my opinions (yeah, I don't listen to him anymore, either).
But after watching all the debates, there was no denying (for me) how McCain's responses to our problems (a spending freeze in January? buy the bad home mortgages, without consulting Paulson? $5000 health insurance credit? we paid $12,000 in health insurance premiums last year, so how is $5000 going to make a difference for ANYONE?) weren't what I wanted in a president.
And, even though I think she has potential, I was not happy with Sarah Palin as the VP choice.
In no small part, my decision to vote for Obama was influenced by my husband and my conservative/moderate friends from church. Saturday night we had a long discussion about the election, and a few people I thought were voting for McCain explained why there were voting for Obama.
It was enough to seal the deal.
After watching the speeches last night, I know in my heart it's the right choice for our country. I was not swept away by Obama during the campaign, but even I had tears in my eyes last night during his speech. IMHO, it's just a bonus he's black. A freaking huge historic bonus, but it's not what's going to make the difference. He is a self made man. Not part of the Bush or Clinton machines, or married to a wealthy heiress. I truly think he's the real deal.
And my word. The outpouring for him is unreal. When was the last time people cried over their President? JFK? Reagan? The excitement, enthusiasm, and involvement of our citizens are just as important as who our next leader is. And man, we've sure got that right now.
I'm praying for this man, like I've never prayed for a President before. He, and our country, have a rough ride ahead. But I'm so thankful that he's the one in the drivers seat. Because I think he's the right man for our time.
God bless America, and God bless our new President.
Monday, November 03, 2008
149.2 - Refuse to Regain sneak peak
This is the first Monday since mid September (when I had just started the Crack diet) that I haven't gained from the weekend. It's not because I was super good Saturday and Sunday. I think it's more because I stopped eating last night around 6 p.m. and drank lots of water before bed (yes, I had to get up to pee like 3 times in the night).
I started reading Refuse to Regain this weekend, and what I read last night influenced my decision to stay out of the kitchen after dinner. I'll post an in depth review once I'm finished reading the book carefully, but I wanted to share some initial thoughts today.
I've scanned the chapters & read her food plan. And my overall impression is this:
Maintenance is a diet.
This is no big news flash, I realize. We should all know by now that when you reach goal weight, you don't get to go back to the way you lived life before the weight loss began.
As in:
I don't eat powdered sugar donuts by the boxful any more. I don't hide empty Ben & Jerry's Phish Food pints in the bottom of the trash can any more. I don't eat in the bathroom to hide my food from my family any more (well, 99.9% of the time I don't anyway).
But. There's still that feeling that once you reach a certain weight and a certain level of fitness, you should have more lattitude with your eating plan. Afterall, you've worked so stinking hard to lose the weight. It took months and months of writing down everything you put in your mouth, and weekly (or daily) weight tracking, and miles and miles on the treadmill. And gosh darn it, you deserve a break.
NOT SO! Says the author of this book. The first year of maintenance--particularly the first 3 months--should be just as strict (and actually much more so, really, from what I ate on my LA Weight Loss plan) as your weight loss diet.
Her food plan for maintenance is very clean food, which is not surprising. In fact, other than her omitting beans and whole grains, it reminds me very much of Vickie's diet and lifestyle.
Her rules for maintenance are hard core. For example: to maintain your loss, you need to workout 60 minutes, 5-6 days a week. And that's one of the things I agree with. Let's face it: no one can lose 60 pounds just by taking the stairs at work and parking as far as possible from the entrance to Target. Sure, these are good habits to practice, but they aren't what take off the pounds (at least, not in a short amount of time...maybe if you only want to lose 20 pounds over 5 years they would work).
And at least one of her suggestions for handling saboteurs was so far from any "real world" experience in my life that I laughed out loud. To wit: When having coffee with a friend who wants to split a high calorie pastry with you and who gives you a hard time for saying no, you should reply "I feel really great on my Primarian diet. You should try it." I can't see myself ever saying "You should try my diet" to someone trying to split a donut with me. No thank you--I could say. Telling someone else to go on a diet--not gonna happen.
Anyway, that's a teaser for you. The Primarian Diet explanation and plan take up the bulk of the book. It's basically what you already know--eat lean protein, veggies, fruits, some nuts, and very little or no grains. One small low fat/low sugar treat a day. I was surprised that she doesn't allow legumes on the diet; I still think they are OK for most people, even though they are starchy. I've never heard of someone getting fat from eating black beans. But our ancient ancestors didn't eat them, and that's what her plan is based on.
Overall, I think it's important that there is finally a diet book for maintainers. And I'm glad I bought it and am looking forward to reading it carefully. I'm sure I'll be putting a lot of her ideas into practice.
Thankfully, I'm already one year into maintenance so I feel like I have a leg up on it. But I know that I am still a newbie and a light weight, so to speak, when it comes to the real test. Which is keeping it off for good.
I started reading Refuse to Regain this weekend, and what I read last night influenced my decision to stay out of the kitchen after dinner. I'll post an in depth review once I'm finished reading the book carefully, but I wanted to share some initial thoughts today.
I've scanned the chapters & read her food plan. And my overall impression is this:
Maintenance is a diet.
This is no big news flash, I realize. We should all know by now that when you reach goal weight, you don't get to go back to the way you lived life before the weight loss began.
As in:
I don't eat powdered sugar donuts by the boxful any more. I don't hide empty Ben & Jerry's Phish Food pints in the bottom of the trash can any more. I don't eat in the bathroom to hide my food from my family any more (well, 99.9% of the time I don't anyway).
But. There's still that feeling that once you reach a certain weight and a certain level of fitness, you should have more lattitude with your eating plan. Afterall, you've worked so stinking hard to lose the weight. It took months and months of writing down everything you put in your mouth, and weekly (or daily) weight tracking, and miles and miles on the treadmill. And gosh darn it, you deserve a break.
NOT SO! Says the author of this book. The first year of maintenance--particularly the first 3 months--should be just as strict (and actually much more so, really, from what I ate on my LA Weight Loss plan) as your weight loss diet.
Her food plan for maintenance is very clean food, which is not surprising. In fact, other than her omitting beans and whole grains, it reminds me very much of Vickie's diet and lifestyle.
Her rules for maintenance are hard core. For example: to maintain your loss, you need to workout 60 minutes, 5-6 days a week. And that's one of the things I agree with. Let's face it: no one can lose 60 pounds just by taking the stairs at work and parking as far as possible from the entrance to Target. Sure, these are good habits to practice, but they aren't what take off the pounds (at least, not in a short amount of time...maybe if you only want to lose 20 pounds over 5 years they would work).
And at least one of her suggestions for handling saboteurs was so far from any "real world" experience in my life that I laughed out loud. To wit: When having coffee with a friend who wants to split a high calorie pastry with you and who gives you a hard time for saying no, you should reply "I feel really great on my Primarian diet. You should try it." I can't see myself ever saying "You should try my diet" to someone trying to split a donut with me. No thank you--I could say. Telling someone else to go on a diet--not gonna happen.
Anyway, that's a teaser for you. The Primarian Diet explanation and plan take up the bulk of the book. It's basically what you already know--eat lean protein, veggies, fruits, some nuts, and very little or no grains. One small low fat/low sugar treat a day. I was surprised that she doesn't allow legumes on the diet; I still think they are OK for most people, even though they are starchy. I've never heard of someone getting fat from eating black beans. But our ancient ancestors didn't eat them, and that's what her plan is based on.
Overall, I think it's important that there is finally a diet book for maintainers. And I'm glad I bought it and am looking forward to reading it carefully. I'm sure I'll be putting a lot of her ideas into practice.
Thankfully, I'm already one year into maintenance so I feel like I have a leg up on it. But I know that I am still a newbie and a light weight, so to speak, when it comes to the real test. Which is keeping it off for good.
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