Back from Colorado

We got back late Thursday night. It was a good trip all in all. Had a
lot of fun with family. The kids did great in the car. The weather was
a nice change from the heat of summer. We saw the Beach Boys at Red
Rocks and that was an amazing night.

But my Meds started messing with me while out there. I got more
depressed and had one small and one major panic attack. It was similar
to what happened to me when my Wellbutrin was upped to 300 mg back in
2009.

I took a lot of Xanax to keep calm and I cut my lamotrigene pills in
half. I'm not having panic attacks but I'm still depressed and not
myself.

I was out of it all weekend. It was a struggle to get through the
days. I was overwhelmed with everything that had to be done when we
got home. My mom came down Friday and helped with the kids and did
some laundry for me. So at least we all have clean clothes for the
week, even though I'm not completely unpacked yet.

I'm glad to be back at work and out of the house. I am going to see
the p-doc as soon as I can get in to see her. Probably will ask to be
put back on Wellbutrin. I don't know how much it will help or if
there's another solution. Hopefully something will work.

It's very frustrating. Battling depression again. Wanting to run and
do yoga but the feeling of inertia is too strong. Like I'm moving
through mud. And I can barely take care of the minimum tasks of
living.

Our finances are tight again, which happens in our line of work. We
are always eventually ok, but I still worry when money gets this
tight. The worry paralyzes me too.

So, no good news other than we are all physically healthy and safe.
Which in and of itself is more than a lot of people can say, so I am
thankful for those blessings at least.