The meds started working a smidge better a couple days ago. I know they are working better because I can cook and clean the kitchen and it's not a monumental effort to live my daily life.
Night time eating is better. I've been going to bed after putting the kids to bed, instead of sitting on the couch with food only a few feet away. That conditioned response--of eating when it's bed time and I'm sitting on the couch--is powerful, and the only way to break it, that I can see, is to remove myself from the situation.
What's not better are my intrusive thoughts. I still imagine myself or other people getting hurt (or worse) or having accidents. If these aren't gone in a couple more weeks, I'm going back to the psych and probably will ask to increase the meds again. The thoughts are not controllable; they come and go.
I haven't had time or energy to go running or walking and haven't been to yoga in over a week. Mark is very busy and often doesn't get home until 6, and by then I'm done for the day (at least, done as far as working out... I still have an hour or more of kid duty before bed).
We are still planning on going to Colorado next week. I'm excited by I'm also dreading it. It's going to be a ton of work, a long drive, a long time away from home, and everyone out there is super healthy & skinny. I feel bad about myself when I'm this heavy & around Mark's family. Sigh.
The kids will have fun though and they are really excited. Despite my body issues, I can't wait to spend time with everyone. We haven't seen this part of our family since Thanksgiving. So that will be nice.
So I guess I'm okay--not great, but not in the pit. That's something at least.
And weight is staying stable around 170. Not happy about that at all. Just not enough energy (or in enough misery) to do anything about it yet.
7 comments:
Looked back, you seem to be at same weight as March/Florida, so you holding your own. That is a good thing.
I identify so much with the thoughts. Been there. Are you stuck in those thought loops for long periods of time or do they flit in and out? That hardly ever happens to me anymore. An occasional one will pop up, but it doesn't stick. IN yoga, one takes those thoughts,sees them as a puffy cloud and blows them away. Blows as in gentle puff of air, not TNT.
I wonder if you would do well with Pilates DVD at home. Pilates can be a good mind/body and offers a sleek cat feeling to core muscles that feels good at any poundage (215lbs and I felt it. And youare a long way from a high number.). Library might have some to try. Or relaxation yoga DVDs.
You're are so right, if you have a couch/tv food loop, the only answer is to stay off the couch and not turn on tv in that same way. It takes a lot of self help to be able to SEE and APPLY, so that shows you are doing well on some level even though you might not see it right now.
Very glad you posted.
I think you might need a bracelet or a snug waist band or something next week to help you remember about food. And you can walk and talk to people instead of sit and talk. And you can get early morning runs,even if it is a short distance, that will help you remember about food.
Pack a cooler for the car,both directions.
“Quiet minds cannot be perplexed or frightened, but go on in fortune or misfortune at their own private pace, like a clock during a thunderstorm.”
-Robert Louis Stevenson
On my way to east coast with oldest to apartment hunt, will have my iPad with me.
Hang in there! Hoping the thoughts get better. I know how hard that is. I have never been to Colorado. It is on my list of places to go.
I can also relate to everday tasks being a monumental effort. Sometimes just getting the tangles out of my hair in the morning is daunting! Let us know how you are doing.
How is your week going? I have been on the road since last friday myself.
home again? good trip? I am beware the AFTERS myself this week.
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