Have you ever been trucking along, happy as can be, when someone plants a tiny seed of doubt or uncertainty and that seed grows and grows and then you're a total wreck?
Well, on Monday the seed was planted, and now I'm a head case.
I have been floating around 160 for a week and a half, which in and of itself is no big deal. My weight has stabilized before for a while, then dropped a couple of pounds in a few days. This is not the first time I've not lost weight over the past 6 months.
But Monday my LAWL counselor said I had hit a plateau. I was in complete denial Monday and thought she was bonkers. But the seed is growing in my head and this morning when I got on the scale and it said 160--after 3 days in a row of workouts and decent food & water intake--I was pissed. I was upset, mad, and frustrated. I got on the scale again and expected a different result.
How stupid.
This whole thing-- being upset about not losing anything significant in a week and a half--is ridiculous. I know it. I'm sorry to put it out here but I've got to because my head and my heart are warring with each other. And I need to clean up my heart pronto before I get discouraged.
So. I can do this. I feel great, I look good. I will continue to eat well and live like I'm maintaining. I will keep running, longer and faster. And the scale will move down, or it won't.
I am not ready to call it quits on losing, but I'm also not willing to make myself crazy and unhappy because I'm not meeting my goal by a certain date on the calendar. LA Weight Loss has been a huge reason I've been able to lose this weight, but I may have to take charge of this situation if I continue to stall. I'm not going to be miserable just because I'm not meeting the time frame they say I should.
Okay. I hope that pep talk works for me. I'll let you know tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Day 181 - 159.8 Wedding Dress Story
I got to wear my wedding dress twice.
The first time was for our wedding, which was on March 18, 1995. We had planned an October wedding, but found a little yellow house that we got for a steal, and knew we couldn't live there "officially" without being married (we were attending our church regularly and even though we were living together, it wasn't official and all that).
So we planned a wedding in two weeks. My mom and my husband's mom called all the guests (we had around 100 people attend), we had a string quartet from the Youth Philharmonic Orchestra, and a small cake & punch reception at the church afterwards. My sister and aunt are the flower makers/cake decorators in the family, so I had those bases covered (and everything was gorgeous). Mark has a friend who's a commercial photographer, so he took our pictures as his wedding gift to us.
My dress, I bought off the rack. It was a simple tea length, cream gauzy thing with 3/4 length sheer sleeves and a portrait collar, with a wide lace band around the waist. I think it was around $150 and was a size 11. I weighed about 150 pounds on my wedding day.
Since we had planned for an October wedding when we got engaged in July 2004, we had booked a big reception hall and couldn't get the $500 deposit back, so we had our Big Reception on our original wedding date, October 28. To get people excited about coming, we made it a Halloween costume party. Again we had about 100 people, but many there were those who couldn't make it to the wedding, so it was a different mix of people. Every single person got into it-- fabulous costumes, a jolly good time it was.
My husband and I went as a Bride and Groom. What else?
I barely fit into my wedding dress this time. I had gone through a really tough 6 months since we'd gotten married. I did all those wonderful stressful things that can cause weight gain--got married, moved into a new house, got a new job. On October 28, 2005, I weighed 165 pounds.
I was so nervous that I wouldn't be able to wear my dress to the reception. And of course, that just made me eat more. So when it was time, I put on the dress and it just barely zipped up. I had a ton of cleavage spilling out of the portrait collar, which no longer rested nicely against the outsides of my shoulders but now formed a V-neck to contain my boobage. When I compare pictures from my wedding and the reception, I can totally see the 15 pounds gained.
I could get that dress back on now and it would look great, I think (maybe a little tight around my waist), even though I'm still 10 pounds more than I was on my wedding day. I'd try it if it weren't for the $100 I paid to have it preserved and packaged in an airtight keepsake box.
But there's something about knowing I'm oh so close to my wedding day weight that is exciting.
Our next anniversary we'll be married for 13 years. By then, I'll weigh what I did when we were dating. Which was 145 pounds. Which, ironically (NOT!) is my goal weight. I wish I'd saved some of my clothes from the summer of 1993, which is the year we met. It would be fun to see how they fit. I think, though, it will be just as fun to buy new clothes.
The first time was for our wedding, which was on March 18, 1995. We had planned an October wedding, but found a little yellow house that we got for a steal, and knew we couldn't live there "officially" without being married (we were attending our church regularly and even though we were living together, it wasn't official and all that).
So we planned a wedding in two weeks. My mom and my husband's mom called all the guests (we had around 100 people attend), we had a string quartet from the Youth Philharmonic Orchestra, and a small cake & punch reception at the church afterwards. My sister and aunt are the flower makers/cake decorators in the family, so I had those bases covered (and everything was gorgeous). Mark has a friend who's a commercial photographer, so he took our pictures as his wedding gift to us.
My dress, I bought off the rack. It was a simple tea length, cream gauzy thing with 3/4 length sheer sleeves and a portrait collar, with a wide lace band around the waist. I think it was around $150 and was a size 11. I weighed about 150 pounds on my wedding day.
Since we had planned for an October wedding when we got engaged in July 2004, we had booked a big reception hall and couldn't get the $500 deposit back, so we had our Big Reception on our original wedding date, October 28. To get people excited about coming, we made it a Halloween costume party. Again we had about 100 people, but many there were those who couldn't make it to the wedding, so it was a different mix of people. Every single person got into it-- fabulous costumes, a jolly good time it was.
My husband and I went as a Bride and Groom. What else?
I barely fit into my wedding dress this time. I had gone through a really tough 6 months since we'd gotten married. I did all those wonderful stressful things that can cause weight gain--got married, moved into a new house, got a new job. On October 28, 2005, I weighed 165 pounds.
I was so nervous that I wouldn't be able to wear my dress to the reception. And of course, that just made me eat more. So when it was time, I put on the dress and it just barely zipped up. I had a ton of cleavage spilling out of the portrait collar, which no longer rested nicely against the outsides of my shoulders but now formed a V-neck to contain my boobage. When I compare pictures from my wedding and the reception, I can totally see the 15 pounds gained.
I could get that dress back on now and it would look great, I think (maybe a little tight around my waist), even though I'm still 10 pounds more than I was on my wedding day. I'd try it if it weren't for the $100 I paid to have it preserved and packaged in an airtight keepsake box.
But there's something about knowing I'm oh so close to my wedding day weight that is exciting.
Our next anniversary we'll be married for 13 years. By then, I'll weigh what I did when we were dating. Which was 145 pounds. Which, ironically (NOT!) is my goal weight. I wish I'd saved some of my clothes from the summer of 1993, which is the year we met. It would be fun to see how they fit. I think, though, it will be just as fun to buy new clothes.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Day 180 - 160.0
My gym shorts were literally falling off of me yesterday on my run. I wear spandex tighty tight shorts and cotton roll-waist shorts over those. The cotton ones were falling off my waist down my hips and stopped to rest on my lower hips (saddle bags). I had to keep pulling them up the whole time I was running. I had no idea they'd gotten so big. It's like it happened over night.
So I'm off to Target this afternoon to by size Medium workout shorts.
Woohoo!
My run was great - 3.1 miles in 34 minutes, my fastest yet.
So I'm off to Target this afternoon to by size Medium workout shorts.
Woohoo!
My run was great - 3.1 miles in 34 minutes, my fastest yet.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Day 179 - 159.6
Two days in a row, I've been in the 150s. Yesterday was 159.4. But what do you know, I go to my LAWL weigh in today and I'm 162, up .8 from last Friday. The counselor--who I really like and respect--threw out the "P" word and said I needed to do the 2 day juice thing, where I eat 6 oz of protein, unlimited veggies, 2 LA Lite bars, and drink 32 oz of Take Off juice--that's the menu for 2 days--to "break the plateau."
So, okay, my weight has slowed. I went on vacation in July. The past 5 weeks I've not been working out 5 days a week, what with vacation, work, whatever. I have "only" lost 5 pounds in the past month (since July 20). But a plateau? Isn't that a bit much? I've always thought of a plateau as several weeks or even months of no weight loss. So, excuse me Miss LA Counselor, but I don't think 5 pounds lost since July 20 counts as a plateau, even if I did gain today.
Here's the thing-- those bottles of Take Off juice sell for $25 a pop. I have one at home, so I'll do the stupid Take Off this week, but they aren't getting any more of my money because of a non-existent plateau.
Okay, that's my rant. I'm done now.
Friday's run was excellent. I did my 3.5 miles and it was practically cake! I could have run 4. No running this weekend, except for some brief jogs while outside with the family yesterday. Sophie kept yelling at me to slow down. "Mommy, why are you running away from us??!!" So I didn't get to run much on the family stroll, not that I expected to.
Planning on something today, probably a 5K run, although my training plan calls for only 2. I just don't think I can scale it back that much. =)
The doctor appointment was fine--he was happy but not as impressed as I would have liked (where were the fireworks? the balloons? the streamers?) with my weight loss . I have to go get bloodwork done one morning, but need to fast so I'll need to write myself a note at night to remember not to eat, then succeed in getting out of the house in time so I can let the vampires take my blood before work and before I pass out from hunger. I really like my breakfast now that I stop eating around 8 or 9 p.m.
On a book note, I finished Anybody Out There? last night. It's sticking with me, haunting me a bit. It was a good read, mostly, but sad in so many ways and I didn't need sad right now. I'm just glad it's done. I'm re-reading HP book 6 next, since DH is finished with it and is now on book 7. There's so much in book 6 about Vold-, er, You Know Who (ha) that I want to read it again before the next movie.
So, okay, my weight has slowed. I went on vacation in July. The past 5 weeks I've not been working out 5 days a week, what with vacation, work, whatever. I have "only" lost 5 pounds in the past month (since July 20). But a plateau? Isn't that a bit much? I've always thought of a plateau as several weeks or even months of no weight loss. So, excuse me Miss LA Counselor, but I don't think 5 pounds lost since July 20 counts as a plateau, even if I did gain today.
Here's the thing-- those bottles of Take Off juice sell for $25 a pop. I have one at home, so I'll do the stupid Take Off this week, but they aren't getting any more of my money because of a non-existent plateau.
Okay, that's my rant. I'm done now.
Friday's run was excellent. I did my 3.5 miles and it was practically cake! I could have run 4. No running this weekend, except for some brief jogs while outside with the family yesterday. Sophie kept yelling at me to slow down. "Mommy, why are you running away from us??!!" So I didn't get to run much on the family stroll, not that I expected to.
Planning on something today, probably a 5K run, although my training plan calls for only 2. I just don't think I can scale it back that much. =)
The doctor appointment was fine--he was happy but not as impressed as I would have liked (where were the fireworks? the balloons? the streamers?) with my weight loss . I have to go get bloodwork done one morning, but need to fast so I'll need to write myself a note at night to remember not to eat, then succeed in getting out of the house in time so I can let the vampires take my blood before work and before I pass out from hunger. I really like my breakfast now that I stop eating around 8 or 9 p.m.
On a book note, I finished Anybody Out There? last night. It's sticking with me, haunting me a bit. It was a good read, mostly, but sad in so many ways and I didn't need sad right now. I'm just glad it's done. I'm re-reading HP book 6 next, since DH is finished with it and is now on book 7. There's so much in book 6 about Vold-, er, You Know Who (ha) that I want to read it again before the next movie.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Day 176 - 160.8
Yesterday the scale read 159.8. I got to see that "5," even though it was fleeting. Today I was back up a pound. But the 5 is in my future next week, I am sure.
Running planned for after work is 3.5 miles, according to my training plan. That will be the longest I've ever run. I'm feeling good today, so I expect it will be entirely possible. Wednesday when I ran 3.1 miles, I was pretty spent at 2.5 but at 3.0 I felt like I could keep going and going. I ran out of time, so had to stop at 3.1. But that feeling of "Wow, okay, now I'm in a groove I could really keep going on" isn't a feeling I get very often. I liked it a lot. I hope I find it again this afternoon.
I'm off to the doctor for a physical. He used to prescribe my Lexapro, and so this would be my annual check up for that, but since I'm off the drug it's going to be my "Look at me! I'm so healthy and fit! Let's get bloodwork done to prove it!" appointment.
My weekend will likely be insane just as the week has been, but hoping for cooler temps (the 90s! oh joy!) and cooler heads and hearts. Best wishes to you fabulous people who stop by to give me kudos on a regular basis. You're da bomb.
Running planned for after work is 3.5 miles, according to my training plan. That will be the longest I've ever run. I'm feeling good today, so I expect it will be entirely possible. Wednesday when I ran 3.1 miles, I was pretty spent at 2.5 but at 3.0 I felt like I could keep going and going. I ran out of time, so had to stop at 3.1. But that feeling of "Wow, okay, now I'm in a groove I could really keep going on" isn't a feeling I get very often. I liked it a lot. I hope I find it again this afternoon.
I'm off to the doctor for a physical. He used to prescribe my Lexapro, and so this would be my annual check up for that, but since I'm off the drug it's going to be my "Look at me! I'm so healthy and fit! Let's get bloodwork done to prove it!" appointment.
My weekend will likely be insane just as the week has been, but hoping for cooler temps (the 90s! oh joy!) and cooler heads and hearts. Best wishes to you fabulous people who stop by to give me kudos on a regular basis. You're da bomb.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Day 174 - 161.2 Consistency & Motivation
Today's official weight at LA was 162.0, which is 45.2 pounds down. 17 more to goal.
I started my 7th food diary today. There are 4 weeks in each. Up until a few weeks ago, I could say there were zero blank days--that every day was a food-tracked day--but I skipped logging food over vacation and I skipped this past weekend when I had the PMS meltdown. All in all, though, that's not a bad track record for 6 lunar months.
I know that the consistency is what's made the difference this time. And the accountability of 3 weekly weigh ins/meetings at LAWL has been the motivation for the consistency.
But it's not just food, it's exercise too. Thanks to my trusty exercise log in Excel, I can see that I've been exercising since March 23rd. That's almost 5 months of working out regularly. The motivation to stay consistent is definitely running--working up to that 5K on September 16 (which I officially registered for today) wasn't just going to happen overnight. I needed weeks of consistent effort.
So now what's my motivation? I look good and feel good. I'm in smaller clothing sizes. Several people have told me to stop losing weight or I'll be to thin (as if). So I must admit, I'm feeling less vigilant about my pursuit of The Goal. I want to reach 145 pounds. I'm going to reach 145 pounds. But how quickly? It's not a huge deal right now.
The most important thing is getting the weight off so I can run faster and longer. I want to be able to run a half marathon next year, either in April in Indy or in October in Evansville (maybe both, dare I dream it!). And 17 pounds is still a lot of extra weight to carry when running 13 miles.
And I'd love to be sans muffin top (God, I hate that description but dammit, it's what it is). But truly, other than that, I'm happy with my body. I'm not happy with my saggy boobs (sorry, TMI), my saddlebags, and my stretchmarks, but these things aren't going away when another 17 pounds are gone. So I've got expensive underwear and I look good in clothes, which is cheaper and less invasive than a visit to Dr. 42420. (we have a plastic surgeon in Henderson, Kentucky who advertises himself as "Your Local Dr. 42420." Like I'd ever go under the knife for a "discount" boob job for only $2995.)
Off to the gym in an hour. Hope you are having a super day!
I started my 7th food diary today. There are 4 weeks in each. Up until a few weeks ago, I could say there were zero blank days--that every day was a food-tracked day--but I skipped logging food over vacation and I skipped this past weekend when I had the PMS meltdown. All in all, though, that's not a bad track record for 6 lunar months.
I know that the consistency is what's made the difference this time. And the accountability of 3 weekly weigh ins/meetings at LAWL has been the motivation for the consistency.
But it's not just food, it's exercise too. Thanks to my trusty exercise log in Excel, I can see that I've been exercising since March 23rd. That's almost 5 months of working out regularly. The motivation to stay consistent is definitely running--working up to that 5K on September 16 (which I officially registered for today) wasn't just going to happen overnight. I needed weeks of consistent effort.
So now what's my motivation? I look good and feel good. I'm in smaller clothing sizes. Several people have told me to stop losing weight or I'll be to thin (as if). So I must admit, I'm feeling less vigilant about my pursuit of The Goal. I want to reach 145 pounds. I'm going to reach 145 pounds. But how quickly? It's not a huge deal right now.
The most important thing is getting the weight off so I can run faster and longer. I want to be able to run a half marathon next year, either in April in Indy or in October in Evansville (maybe both, dare I dream it!). And 17 pounds is still a lot of extra weight to carry when running 13 miles.
And I'd love to be sans muffin top (God, I hate that description but dammit, it's what it is). But truly, other than that, I'm happy with my body. I'm not happy with my saggy boobs (sorry, TMI), my saddlebags, and my stretchmarks, but these things aren't going away when another 17 pounds are gone. So I've got expensive underwear and I look good in clothes, which is cheaper and less invasive than a visit to Dr. 42420. (we have a plastic surgeon in Henderson, Kentucky who advertises himself as "Your Local Dr. 42420." Like I'd ever go under the knife for a "discount" boob job for only $2995.)
Off to the gym in an hour. Hope you are having a super day!
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Day 173 - 160.8
I think I sweat out two pounds last night with my fever. I woke up around 4 a.m. shivering, put on a sweater and took 3 advil , and woke up at 6:30 soaking wet with sweat. Perhaps that's why I weighed two pounds less this morning than yesterday.
I did make it to the gym yesterday afternoon, and it felt great. Did 5K in 36:35, alternated between running and walking. I was just so glad to finally get back in there and sweat (the good kind, not the fever kind) and feel my body working.
Sophie ended up having a good 1st day of kindergarten, of course. She said, "Mommy, I made two boyfriends!" I am in SO much trouble-ha. This morning she was going to ride the bus, but we just missed it. The schedule said 7:34 but the bus actually arrived at 7:30, so it wasn't my fault, really! ;) I called the driver today and notified her she'd have another rider on Wednesday. Sophie was so cute this morning as I drove her to school-- until she missed it, she didn't really know how much she wanted to ride the bus. So tomorrow, I have a feeling it will be no problem getting her ready for school.
Tonight the husband and I are back to our dance classes at our church. They were such a hit, the church and the dance instructors decided to do another 5 weeks. We really liked the Rumba last time, and we are learning two more dances during this 5 week series. I joked with my husband that if we start now, by the time we're old and retired we'll finally be good at it and will have something we can do together.
I did make it to the gym yesterday afternoon, and it felt great. Did 5K in 36:35, alternated between running and walking. I was just so glad to finally get back in there and sweat (the good kind, not the fever kind) and feel my body working.
Sophie ended up having a good 1st day of kindergarten, of course. She said, "Mommy, I made two boyfriends!" I am in SO much trouble-ha. This morning she was going to ride the bus, but we just missed it. The schedule said 7:34 but the bus actually arrived at 7:30, so it wasn't my fault, really! ;) I called the driver today and notified her she'd have another rider on Wednesday. Sophie was so cute this morning as I drove her to school-- until she missed it, she didn't really know how much she wanted to ride the bus. So tomorrow, I have a feeling it will be no problem getting her ready for school.
Tonight the husband and I are back to our dance classes at our church. They were such a hit, the church and the dance instructors decided to do another 5 weeks. We really liked the Rumba last time, and we are learning two more dances during this 5 week series. I joked with my husband that if we start now, by the time we're old and retired we'll finally be good at it and will have something we can do together.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Day 172 - 162.8 Bad Sunday, Kindergarten Monday
Thank you all for your well wishes. Luke had a rough day Friday at home with my mom, but Friday night slept great and Saturday he was much better, and yesterday he was back to his old jolly self.
And, yes Vickie, now I have a sore throat and feel puny today. My husband and daughter don't have it yet, and man I hope it skips them.
I had a really bad day yesterday. Partly PMS, partly this sore throat thing starting, partly food induced. I ate badly Saturday and Sunday, and I wanted to just crawl in a hole because of the PMS. I've not had it this bad in a long time. Days like that, I can tell I'm completely off of antidepressants.
When I was on Lexapro, I'd feel a bit of a blip once a month, but could still function. Yesterday I wore my nightgown all day (which, I am happy to report, is a size Medium Ralph Lauren that my husband bought me in March for our anniversary and it finally fits), didn't take the kids to church, didn't brush my teeth or shower until 6 p.m. My husband took Sophie for the afternoon, so I napped while Luke napped, for 2 hours. I read my new book (Marian Keyes Anybody Out There? which I'm really enjoying. I finished Literacy and Longing in L.A. on Saturday--highly recommend it.) and sat Luke in front of the TV with his toys after he woke up.
And the not eating right and not getting any exercise has to make it all worse. I didn't make it to the gym all weekend, and only worked out Wednesday last week. I am not beating myself up about it--I have done the best I could with all the insanity going on. I'm just stating that when I'm off my routine, it contributes to feeling lousy.
So, despite feeling poorly today, I will go to the gym, even if it's only for a walk this afternoon. And I am back on my food plan, writing everything down. I'm going to LAWL today to weigh in, and will surely show a gain because my period is just barely starting (why does it take 4 days of spotting before I start? I may be in the early stages of perimenopause, do you think? I'm 37) and because of my salt/sugar/carbs/no veggies fest from the weekend.
Oh, and Sophie started Kindergarten this morning! She was so nervous, and last night we talked for an hour before she went to sleep, about how she's not ready, she can't skip, she doesn't know how to spell, doesn't know her all her letters, is afraid she won't make friends, is afraid there will be bullies, is upset she's not going back to Montessori (her preschool for 3 years). She cried and I held her and reassured her.
And this morning she was up at 6:30 like a big girl ready to go (normally, this child sleeps till 8:30 or 9 if I let her). My husband and I took her to school together (with Luke in the stroller), and she was okay until it was time for us to leave, then she started looking scared. I told her to look around--the other kids were probably scared too (one child was crying, poor thing), and Mrs K would help her and the others through their day. She was okay then, sitting on the big octagon rug, in front of a rectangular piece of construction paper with her name on it. I didn't cry, although I was close to it.
Here's to a better week!
And, yes Vickie, now I have a sore throat and feel puny today. My husband and daughter don't have it yet, and man I hope it skips them.
I had a really bad day yesterday. Partly PMS, partly this sore throat thing starting, partly food induced. I ate badly Saturday and Sunday, and I wanted to just crawl in a hole because of the PMS. I've not had it this bad in a long time. Days like that, I can tell I'm completely off of antidepressants.
When I was on Lexapro, I'd feel a bit of a blip once a month, but could still function. Yesterday I wore my nightgown all day (which, I am happy to report, is a size Medium Ralph Lauren that my husband bought me in March for our anniversary and it finally fits), didn't take the kids to church, didn't brush my teeth or shower until 6 p.m. My husband took Sophie for the afternoon, so I napped while Luke napped, for 2 hours. I read my new book (Marian Keyes Anybody Out There? which I'm really enjoying. I finished Literacy and Longing in L.A. on Saturday--highly recommend it.) and sat Luke in front of the TV with his toys after he woke up.
And the not eating right and not getting any exercise has to make it all worse. I didn't make it to the gym all weekend, and only worked out Wednesday last week. I am not beating myself up about it--I have done the best I could with all the insanity going on. I'm just stating that when I'm off my routine, it contributes to feeling lousy.
So, despite feeling poorly today, I will go to the gym, even if it's only for a walk this afternoon. And I am back on my food plan, writing everything down. I'm going to LAWL today to weigh in, and will surely show a gain because my period is just barely starting (why does it take 4 days of spotting before I start? I may be in the early stages of perimenopause, do you think? I'm 37) and because of my salt/sugar/carbs/no veggies fest from the weekend.
Oh, and Sophie started Kindergarten this morning! She was so nervous, and last night we talked for an hour before she went to sleep, about how she's not ready, she can't skip, she doesn't know how to spell, doesn't know her all her letters, is afraid she won't make friends, is afraid there will be bullies, is upset she's not going back to Montessori (her preschool for 3 years). She cried and I held her and reassured her.
And this morning she was up at 6:30 like a big girl ready to go (normally, this child sleeps till 8:30 or 9 if I let her). My husband and I took her to school together (with Luke in the stroller), and she was okay until it was time for us to leave, then she started looking scared. I told her to look around--the other kids were probably scared too (one child was crying, poor thing), and Mrs K would help her and the others through their day. She was okay then, sitting on the big octagon rug, in front of a rectangular piece of construction paper with her name on it. I didn't cry, although I was close to it.
Here's to a better week!
Friday, August 10, 2007
Day 169 - 161.6 The day from h_e_double hockey sticks
Oh my gosh.
Let me preface this with, I am sleep deprived. And I don't do well on lack of sleep.
My son was up and down almost every hour last night until 3 a.m., when his temp finally spiked to 104* under his arm, and I took him to the ER at 3:30. The sore throat from Monday is now full blown croup and an ear infection. He got a shot, a chest X-ray, a breathing treatment, and two prescriptions. We got home around 5:45 a.m., and Luke was asleep in the car and stayed asleep, bless his heart. My mom, thankfully, took half a vacation day and came down and kept him for me. She is a saint.
I got about an hour's sleep from 6:30 - 7:30, which was a waste really and probably made me more tired. My husband comes in and wakes me up and says, "It's going to be a bad day, so we need to get in early." This, when I clearly can't get anywhere early at this stage of the game. Plus, Sophie had a play-date day which started at 9 a.m. at a friend's house downtown. I really would have liked some supportive words from my soul mate instead of this edict, but whatever.
And the other assistant is out today, a planned vacation day, which she totally deserves. And, we have 4 prospect appointments between the two advisers today. And, I've been making calls to seminar prospects who really don't want to hear from me. And, I've been dealing with the same client (the other broker's, not ours) on the same issue all day, and just got chewed out by his accountant from Chicago for an IRA contribution coding error from freaking 2006 that I had absolutely nothing to do with.
I must interject here with I am a highly trained with years of experience client support person, who has dealt for years with major stress, much worse than this.
But I'm not self employed for nothing, and this absolutely sucks.
I don't have time to go to LAWL. I don't have time to workout. We are having 8 couples to our house tonight for dinner and a couple's marriage study (thank God the kids are at another couple's house) and my cleaning girl cancelled on me this morning.
I still have to pick up my daughter, pick up chips and dip for our TexMex night dinner, clean up the house a bit (I don't want my friends knowing I live in a total pigsty, just a moderate pigsty).
And I'm blogging when I should be working. But I needed a tiny piece of myself to be out there today, since no one in my immediate vicinity gives a rat's ass I'm having a bad day.
The cherry on top? I'm getting ready to start my period.
I know it will be better. I just had to throw all this sh!t into the blogosphere in hopes it would get off of me.
Let me preface this with, I am sleep deprived. And I don't do well on lack of sleep.
My son was up and down almost every hour last night until 3 a.m., when his temp finally spiked to 104* under his arm, and I took him to the ER at 3:30. The sore throat from Monday is now full blown croup and an ear infection. He got a shot, a chest X-ray, a breathing treatment, and two prescriptions. We got home around 5:45 a.m., and Luke was asleep in the car and stayed asleep, bless his heart. My mom, thankfully, took half a vacation day and came down and kept him for me. She is a saint.
I got about an hour's sleep from 6:30 - 7:30, which was a waste really and probably made me more tired. My husband comes in and wakes me up and says, "It's going to be a bad day, so we need to get in early." This, when I clearly can't get anywhere early at this stage of the game. Plus, Sophie had a play-date day which started at 9 a.m. at a friend's house downtown. I really would have liked some supportive words from my soul mate instead of this edict, but whatever.
And the other assistant is out today, a planned vacation day, which she totally deserves. And, we have 4 prospect appointments between the two advisers today. And, I've been making calls to seminar prospects who really don't want to hear from me. And, I've been dealing with the same client (the other broker's, not ours) on the same issue all day, and just got chewed out by his accountant from Chicago for an IRA contribution coding error from freaking 2006 that I had absolutely nothing to do with.
I must interject here with I am a highly trained with years of experience client support person, who has dealt for years with major stress, much worse than this.
But I'm not self employed for nothing, and this absolutely sucks.
I don't have time to go to LAWL. I don't have time to workout. We are having 8 couples to our house tonight for dinner and a couple's marriage study (thank God the kids are at another couple's house) and my cleaning girl cancelled on me this morning.
I still have to pick up my daughter, pick up chips and dip for our TexMex night dinner, clean up the house a bit (I don't want my friends knowing I live in a total pigsty, just a moderate pigsty).
And I'm blogging when I should be working. But I needed a tiny piece of myself to be out there today, since no one in my immediate vicinity gives a rat's ass I'm having a bad day.
The cherry on top? I'm getting ready to start my period.
I know it will be better. I just had to throw all this sh!t into the blogosphere in hopes it would get off of me.
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Day 168 - 161.2
Yesterday's weight was 162.4, but today it's back down to below my lowest weight on Tuesday. I am oh so close to a new decade. With a "5" in 2nd position. Those will be glory days, my friends.
My official weight Tuesday at LA was 162.8, which is 17.8 pounds from goal. My original goal date was in mid September, which is only 6 weeks away. So I'm not going to hit the date goal, but frankly a consistent 2 pounds per week is unrealistic. And I knew that I would lose the last pounds slower than the first. And as long as I'm not at a plateau, I feel good about my progress.
Yesterday's run was hard. The gym was so hot--not like outside of course, but it was stifling nonetheless. I even had a fan on me and was having a hard time breathing. I am such a wimp when it comes to heat. I ran a solid mile, then walked, then ran a half, then walked, then ran a quarter, then walked, then ran another quarter. I did 5K in 36:40. So if it's hot on September 16th for my first race, which it likely will be, then I expect I'll be running slow.
I'm a little better mentally, but it comes and goes. Yesterday's trip to the grocery store, after work and after the gym, wore me out. My son whined a great deal, my daughter would not stop asking me for stuff, and by the time we got home I was done. Long story short--I let Sophie stay up too late working on her project stuff (she creates animals and their accoutrement from paper, and then breathes life into them), and she had a melt down. And so did I. It was not a pleasant evening. I am ready for school to start so we can get back on a schedule.
On the good side--I got a lot of reading done in my book while Sophie played, and I really like it. And tonight is our last seminar. And at last, our account system is back up.
Now if the heat would just break, life would be much peachier.
My official weight Tuesday at LA was 162.8, which is 17.8 pounds from goal. My original goal date was in mid September, which is only 6 weeks away. So I'm not going to hit the date goal, but frankly a consistent 2 pounds per week is unrealistic. And I knew that I would lose the last pounds slower than the first. And as long as I'm not at a plateau, I feel good about my progress.
Yesterday's run was hard. The gym was so hot--not like outside of course, but it was stifling nonetheless. I even had a fan on me and was having a hard time breathing. I am such a wimp when it comes to heat. I ran a solid mile, then walked, then ran a half, then walked, then ran a quarter, then walked, then ran another quarter. I did 5K in 36:40. So if it's hot on September 16th for my first race, which it likely will be, then I expect I'll be running slow.
I'm a little better mentally, but it comes and goes. Yesterday's trip to the grocery store, after work and after the gym, wore me out. My son whined a great deal, my daughter would not stop asking me for stuff, and by the time we got home I was done. Long story short--I let Sophie stay up too late working on her project stuff (she creates animals and their accoutrement from paper, and then breathes life into them), and she had a melt down. And so did I. It was not a pleasant evening. I am ready for school to start so we can get back on a schedule.
On the good side--I got a lot of reading done in my book while Sophie played, and I really like it. And tonight is our last seminar. And at last, our account system is back up.
Now if the heat would just break, life would be much peachier.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Day 166 - 161.6 -- Well, so much for not eating my way through this stress
Just when I think I've got a handle on my diet life, it falls off.
My husband had his men's group last night, which I'd forgotten about, so he was gone until 9:30 p.m. and I didn't get to the gym or get any work at home done.
So after I'd put the baby boy down to sleep, and after I'd snuggled and connected with my daughter who I hadn't seen since Saturday afternoon, and then set her up with a movie, I gave in. The desire to numb myself got the better of me.
I grabbed my new paperback (Literacy and Longing in L.A.--it's good so far) and just shut down. I couldn't face everything that has to be done and the uncertainty of whether Luke would be well enough to go to the sitter or if I'd have to figure out something for him. So I immersed myself in my book, which is ironic because that's what the book is about. A woman who O.D.'s on books--only hers are the high brow kind and I gravitate towards chick lit.
Around 7, I ate my dinner of an apple & peanut butter, and then my LA Lite bar, but then couldn't stop. I just kept eating. I had Luke's McD's ice cream that I bought for his sore throat that he only ate a few bites of, and because the texture wasn't quite what I wanted, I added a handful of frozen white chocolate chips. Then I had 2 packaged Rice Krispie treats, then a cereal bar. Then I went back to reading. Then I fell asleep, the sleep of the food coma.
Sophie's movie was over and she woke me up, so I set her up with PBS Sprout and started reading again. Then Luke woke up coughing, and I gave him medicine and put him back to sleep. It was after 9 and my husband still wasn't home. And then I ate the spare McD's ice cream, the one that was supposed to be for Sophie.
I really felt sick at that point, and didn't want any more food. Mark got home around 9:30, and he and Sophie hugged and talked and then it was her time for bed. She got to sleep around 10, and I washed my face and went to bed, thankfully still numb from the ice cream.
This morning I expected a gain from being bloated, but what the hell do I know about my body--I had a big loss. I'm guessing it won't stick around long and I'll be back up a bit tomorrow, which has been my pattern. But once the lower number is on the scale, it reappears within a week or so.
My lesson I'm trying to learn from all this is-- I'm not perfect. I'm going to have these food blowouts once in a while. They are still better than they used to be. A pint of Ben & Jerry's used to be my ice cream sin. Two of McD's faux ice creams aren't going to put 40 pounds back on.
And I'm back on plan today. I even waited to eat this morning until I felt really hungry. I craved that numb feeling from food last night, but you know what? The over full stomach and the bloating was really uncomfortable, and I hated it. And I used to live with that feeling on a regular basis. But it's not worth it any more.
At least, not on a regular basis. Last night, I needed the escape. And food was the only thing that would give me what I needed. Sad, but oh so true.
My husband had his men's group last night, which I'd forgotten about, so he was gone until 9:30 p.m. and I didn't get to the gym or get any work at home done.
So after I'd put the baby boy down to sleep, and after I'd snuggled and connected with my daughter who I hadn't seen since Saturday afternoon, and then set her up with a movie, I gave in. The desire to numb myself got the better of me.
I grabbed my new paperback (Literacy and Longing in L.A.--it's good so far) and just shut down. I couldn't face everything that has to be done and the uncertainty of whether Luke would be well enough to go to the sitter or if I'd have to figure out something for him. So I immersed myself in my book, which is ironic because that's what the book is about. A woman who O.D.'s on books--only hers are the high brow kind and I gravitate towards chick lit.
Around 7, I ate my dinner of an apple & peanut butter, and then my LA Lite bar, but then couldn't stop. I just kept eating. I had Luke's McD's ice cream that I bought for his sore throat that he only ate a few bites of, and because the texture wasn't quite what I wanted, I added a handful of frozen white chocolate chips. Then I had 2 packaged Rice Krispie treats, then a cereal bar. Then I went back to reading. Then I fell asleep, the sleep of the food coma.
Sophie's movie was over and she woke me up, so I set her up with PBS Sprout and started reading again. Then Luke woke up coughing, and I gave him medicine and put him back to sleep. It was after 9 and my husband still wasn't home. And then I ate the spare McD's ice cream, the one that was supposed to be for Sophie.
I really felt sick at that point, and didn't want any more food. Mark got home around 9:30, and he and Sophie hugged and talked and then it was her time for bed. She got to sleep around 10, and I washed my face and went to bed, thankfully still numb from the ice cream.
This morning I expected a gain from being bloated, but what the hell do I know about my body--I had a big loss. I'm guessing it won't stick around long and I'll be back up a bit tomorrow, which has been my pattern. But once the lower number is on the scale, it reappears within a week or so.
My lesson I'm trying to learn from all this is-- I'm not perfect. I'm going to have these food blowouts once in a while. They are still better than they used to be. A pint of Ben & Jerry's used to be my ice cream sin. Two of McD's faux ice creams aren't going to put 40 pounds back on.
And I'm back on plan today. I even waited to eat this morning until I felt really hungry. I craved that numb feeling from food last night, but you know what? The over full stomach and the bloating was really uncomfortable, and I hated it. And I used to live with that feeling on a regular basis. But it's not worth it any more.
At least, not on a regular basis. Last night, I needed the escape. And food was the only thing that would give me what I needed. Sad, but oh so true.
Monday, August 06, 2007
Day 165 - 162.8 - Stop the Insanity, please!
This is going to be an absolutely insane week.
What's going to drive me batty:
1) Day camp ended last week, but school doesn't start until next Monday, so Sophie will have different babysitters every day this week.
2) Luke is sick today; I had a sitter for 3 hours this morning, but now I'm home from work. He has a Dr. appt this afternoon, and I just hope he's okay to go to his regular sitter tomorrow.
3) We have two seminars for work this week-- Tuesday and Thursday nights. I have baby sitters lined out, the same girls watching Sophie during the day (two sisters taking turns, since they will be here for 12 hours straight). The prep work is mostly done, but phone calls before and after seminars are my job, and they are time consuming and make me a little nervous.
4) Our work internet system has been down all morning. I have new accounts to book and service to existing accounts that needs to be done. Not to mention we're in the middle of a stock market correction. (AHA! It's just now back up. Well, at least that's better now.)
5) My husband is a total ball of stress. Work, the Markets, sick kid and me out of the office-- he doesn't handle this stuff well.
6) I have a muscle injury under my right shoulder blade and it hurts like the devil. I have no time to visit the doctor/chiropractor/massage therapist. My husband will have to do his best to work it out through massage & pressure, when there's time.
7) My usual afternoon workouts are going to suffer. Not sure how, but I'm going to find time to get to the gym. Tonight, it will have to be after the kids are asleep if I'm going to go. We'll see.
But there's always something positive, if you look hard enough:
1) I got a great run in yesterday, and spent 69 total minutes on the treadmill for a total of 5.32 miles.
2) I do not have the desire to eat my way through this stress.
3) We had a date night Saturday, saw The Bourne Ultimatum (LOVED IT), and I had most of Sunday afternoon to myself, which was awesome.
4) I got two summer skorts on sale at Dress Barn and a couple of dress pants for work, all size 8s. EIGHT!
5) I finished Harry Potter 7 on Friday night. It was the best ever. Sad that it's over, but I plan to re-read book 6 when Mark is finished with it, because there's so much I forgot and want to revisit. And there are still two movies to look forward to which will be amazing and the best yet.
6) The scale is still moving down.
If my posting and commenting is spotty this week, you'll know why. Positive prayers and thoughts sent my way are always welcome!
What's going to drive me batty:
1) Day camp ended last week, but school doesn't start until next Monday, so Sophie will have different babysitters every day this week.
2) Luke is sick today; I had a sitter for 3 hours this morning, but now I'm home from work. He has a Dr. appt this afternoon, and I just hope he's okay to go to his regular sitter tomorrow.
3) We have two seminars for work this week-- Tuesday and Thursday nights. I have baby sitters lined out, the same girls watching Sophie during the day (two sisters taking turns, since they will be here for 12 hours straight). The prep work is mostly done, but phone calls before and after seminars are my job, and they are time consuming and make me a little nervous.
4) Our work internet system has been down all morning. I have new accounts to book and service to existing accounts that needs to be done. Not to mention we're in the middle of a stock market correction. (AHA! It's just now back up. Well, at least that's better now.)
5) My husband is a total ball of stress. Work, the Markets, sick kid and me out of the office-- he doesn't handle this stuff well.
6) I have a muscle injury under my right shoulder blade and it hurts like the devil. I have no time to visit the doctor/chiropractor/massage therapist. My husband will have to do his best to work it out through massage & pressure, when there's time.
7) My usual afternoon workouts are going to suffer. Not sure how, but I'm going to find time to get to the gym. Tonight, it will have to be after the kids are asleep if I'm going to go. We'll see.
But there's always something positive, if you look hard enough:
1) I got a great run in yesterday, and spent 69 total minutes on the treadmill for a total of 5.32 miles.
2) I do not have the desire to eat my way through this stress.
3) We had a date night Saturday, saw The Bourne Ultimatum (LOVED IT), and I had most of Sunday afternoon to myself, which was awesome.
4) I got two summer skorts on sale at Dress Barn and a couple of dress pants for work, all size 8s. EIGHT!
5) I finished Harry Potter 7 on Friday night. It was the best ever. Sad that it's over, but I plan to re-read book 6 when Mark is finished with it, because there's so much I forgot and want to revisit. And there are still two movies to look forward to which will be amazing and the best yet.
6) The scale is still moving down.
If my posting and commenting is spotty this week, you'll know why. Positive prayers and thoughts sent my way are always welcome!
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Progress Pictures
I've added a couple of pictures from a few weeks ago, right after I hit 165 on my home scale. Scroll down, they are on the right side bar.
I also added a picture I found when I was at my heaviest weight back in December of 2005. Seeing that picture next to the others really shows what a difference the weight loss has made.
I also added a picture I found when I was at my heaviest weight back in December of 2005. Seeing that picture next to the others really shows what a difference the weight loss has made.
Friday, August 03, 2007
Day 162 - 163.6 Thoughts on My Body on Vacation
Vacation was great. Lots of fun, relaxing... everything it should be with 2 kids in the summer in Cincinnati. We did the Newport Aquarium and the Cinci Zoo the first two days. Then we moved from the Kings Island hotel to a new place and didn't budge. If you have a Great Wolf Lodge near a vacation destination and have kids, I highly recommend it. We didn't leave there for 2 days--the indoor water park and the kid's center were all we needed for fun.
I didn't exercise a lick while we were gone, and still haven't made it back to the gym. Planning on an easy run tonight to get back in the swing of things. Food wise-- I tried to make smart choices, eating like "a skinny person on vacation." I indulged some, I restrained some, I listened to what my body wanted. And I gained a couple pounds which are now gone, so all in all, I think it was a success.
It was refreshing to go to a water park and be comfortable with my body. I could get in and out of the inner tubes on the lazy river with ease. I walked around in my skirted suit bottom (love that suit style--no worries about saddle bags) and striped tankini top, and felt good.
Same with the rest of the trip. I had packed simply, and I felt good and looked good in everything I wore. The last time I remember being happy about how I looked on vacation was when I was 23 and went to Europe. I was a thin 140ish then, and didn't even know I looked as good as I did. But I was comfortable with my body then, as I am becoming now.
I still want to lose the rest of this weight and get to goal. My stomach is still very flabby and my waist is wide. My hips and thighs need some serious reducing. But I can dress in clothes to look like I weigh 130 pounds. Which is what my Niece-In-Law from Indianapolis said to me last week--that I look like I weigh 130 pounds. I just beamed with happiness at that nicest compliment ever.
I didn't exercise a lick while we were gone, and still haven't made it back to the gym. Planning on an easy run tonight to get back in the swing of things. Food wise-- I tried to make smart choices, eating like "a skinny person on vacation." I indulged some, I restrained some, I listened to what my body wanted. And I gained a couple pounds which are now gone, so all in all, I think it was a success.
It was refreshing to go to a water park and be comfortable with my body. I could get in and out of the inner tubes on the lazy river with ease. I walked around in my skirted suit bottom (love that suit style--no worries about saddle bags) and striped tankini top, and felt good.
Same with the rest of the trip. I had packed simply, and I felt good and looked good in everything I wore. The last time I remember being happy about how I looked on vacation was when I was 23 and went to Europe. I was a thin 140ish then, and didn't even know I looked as good as I did. But I was comfortable with my body then, as I am becoming now.
I still want to lose the rest of this weight and get to goal. My stomach is still very flabby and my waist is wide. My hips and thighs need some serious reducing. But I can dress in clothes to look like I weigh 130 pounds. Which is what my Niece-In-Law from Indianapolis said to me last week--that I look like I weigh 130 pounds. I just beamed with happiness at that nicest compliment ever.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Back from Vacation - 165.8
I gained a little, but expected it, and will have it off in no time.
I am swamped at work, and have no time to post, but will comment on your blogs when I'm back and have something meaningful to say.
Hope you are all doing well!
I am swamped at work, and have no time to post, but will comment on your blogs when I'm back and have something meaningful to say.
Hope you are all doing well!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Day 157 - Official weight 164.8 (home weight 163.4)
Hit another goal-- below 165 "officially." I knew I'd be close at weigh in today, because the home scale showed 163.4 this morning. As of today, I am less than 20 pounds from goal. Hot damn!
I ran a fast run yesterday, according to my training plan. 1.5 miles @ 6.0 mph. I walked a quarter mile to recover, than ran another mile @ 5.4 mph. Total of 3.1 miles in 35ish minutes (I couldn't recall the seconds, for the life of me).
I was at the mall at lunch buying some hair care products, and detoured to Penney's to see what they have now. Lots of sales, and I tried on a size 8 straight skirt that was too tight, but I could zip it. It would fit in another 5 pounds. Didn't buy it, though, because I already have a straight business skirt waiting to fit me in the back of my closet. A pair of size 10 Worthington black pants fit beautifully. I didn't buy them either, because in 10 more pounds they'll be too big and I don't need a pair of black pants now in the middle of the summer. I almost bought a Medium short sleeved black sweater because it looked really cute on, but then noticed the stitching was poorly done at the V neck and didn't want to end up with a $20 rag.
Even though I didn't buy anything, it was fun trying a few things on. Kind of gave me some non-scale progress. I'm guessing I'll end up a size 6 at 145 pounds, if 10 pounds lost equals a size down. When I started this weight loss in February, I was hoping for a size 8 - 10. And I'm there now, with 20 pounds more to lose. I will be flying on a cloud the day I can wear a size 6 comfortably.
On the bad news front, I have a tooth that has finally cracked to the nerve, I guess, because drinking room temperature water shoots pain up through my gums. So I get to visit the dentist on Thursday and pray he can at least fix it temporarily so I can enjoy our weekend vacation in Cincinnati.
I ran a fast run yesterday, according to my training plan. 1.5 miles @ 6.0 mph. I walked a quarter mile to recover, than ran another mile @ 5.4 mph. Total of 3.1 miles in 35ish minutes (I couldn't recall the seconds, for the life of me).
I was at the mall at lunch buying some hair care products, and detoured to Penney's to see what they have now. Lots of sales, and I tried on a size 8 straight skirt that was too tight, but I could zip it. It would fit in another 5 pounds. Didn't buy it, though, because I already have a straight business skirt waiting to fit me in the back of my closet. A pair of size 10 Worthington black pants fit beautifully. I didn't buy them either, because in 10 more pounds they'll be too big and I don't need a pair of black pants now in the middle of the summer. I almost bought a Medium short sleeved black sweater because it looked really cute on, but then noticed the stitching was poorly done at the V neck and didn't want to end up with a $20 rag.
Even though I didn't buy anything, it was fun trying a few things on. Kind of gave me some non-scale progress. I'm guessing I'll end up a size 6 at 145 pounds, if 10 pounds lost equals a size down. When I started this weight loss in February, I was hoping for a size 8 - 10. And I'm there now, with 20 pounds more to lose. I will be flying on a cloud the day I can wear a size 6 comfortably.
On the bad news front, I have a tooth that has finally cracked to the nerve, I guess, because drinking room temperature water shoots pain up through my gums. So I get to visit the dentist on Thursday and pray he can at least fix it temporarily so I can enjoy our weekend vacation in Cincinnati.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Day 156 - 164.4 Weekend review, HP Book 7
Thanks for all the nice comments, guys. I really appreciate it.
I did do my three miles, YES! And added .1 just to call it a 5K. I ran it in 34:24, which was 5.4 MPH. Not too shabby for my first virtual 5K. I stayed on the treadmill for a full 60 minutes since I had plenty of time and no kids in the Kids Club to pick up, for a total of 4.8 miles. I felt great afterwards, like I had climbed a mountain.
We had a lovely date. I wore a form fitting black dress (I had DH take a picture, which I'll eventually get around to posting) and felt really confident in it. Dinner was delicious (I'll spare you the food porn) and I stayed on plan. We walked down to Borders to gawk at the Harry Potter fans lined up to buy tickets for Book 7, and had fun watching the kids dressed up as HP with lightening bolts on their foreheads.
HP in IMAX was amazing. It's 3D at the end during the action sequence, and that was quite an incredible movie experience.
Saturday and Sunday, I got zero workouts in. We had a lot of family time, I got some laundry done, I'm 200 pages into HP Book 7, but didn't make it to the gym. Truly, to have gone, I would have had to make a big production of it with the rest of the plans we had, and I just thought it *healthier* to let my exercise go. So that's what I did.
But I'm feeling it mentally today. I just feel OFF, like things aren't quite right. Of course, staying up late reading and sleeping late this morning and getting to work late contributes to all that, but I can tell I haven't had that mental release that a good workout is giving me.
And that, my friends, is a huge revelation. To realize that 2 back-to-back days of no physical activity is NOT NORMAL for me. My brain doesn't like it, my body doesn't like it, and I don't like it. Thankfully, this afternoon I'll be on the treadmill, so all will right itself in about 3 hours.
And HP book 7 is awesome. I wish I could take a full day and do nothing but read. Since I can't, I'm torn about how to read it--savoring it slowly, or staying up late and ploughing through. I tend to plough, but life isn't really conducive to 1 a.m. nights for me now, so I need for force myself to slow down and savor.
That's not bad advice for the rest of my life right now-- slow down and savor.
I did do my three miles, YES! And added .1 just to call it a 5K. I ran it in 34:24, which was 5.4 MPH. Not too shabby for my first virtual 5K. I stayed on the treadmill for a full 60 minutes since I had plenty of time and no kids in the Kids Club to pick up, for a total of 4.8 miles. I felt great afterwards, like I had climbed a mountain.
We had a lovely date. I wore a form fitting black dress (I had DH take a picture, which I'll eventually get around to posting) and felt really confident in it. Dinner was delicious (I'll spare you the food porn) and I stayed on plan. We walked down to Borders to gawk at the Harry Potter fans lined up to buy tickets for Book 7, and had fun watching the kids dressed up as HP with lightening bolts on their foreheads.
HP in IMAX was amazing. It's 3D at the end during the action sequence, and that was quite an incredible movie experience.
Saturday and Sunday, I got zero workouts in. We had a lot of family time, I got some laundry done, I'm 200 pages into HP Book 7, but didn't make it to the gym. Truly, to have gone, I would have had to make a big production of it with the rest of the plans we had, and I just thought it *healthier* to let my exercise go. So that's what I did.
But I'm feeling it mentally today. I just feel OFF, like things aren't quite right. Of course, staying up late reading and sleeping late this morning and getting to work late contributes to all that, but I can tell I haven't had that mental release that a good workout is giving me.
And that, my friends, is a huge revelation. To realize that 2 back-to-back days of no physical activity is NOT NORMAL for me. My brain doesn't like it, my body doesn't like it, and I don't like it. Thankfully, this afternoon I'll be on the treadmill, so all will right itself in about 3 hours.
And HP book 7 is awesome. I wish I could take a full day and do nothing but read. Since I can't, I'm torn about how to read it--savoring it slowly, or staying up late and ploughing through. I tend to plough, but life isn't really conducive to 1 a.m. nights for me now, so I need for force myself to slow down and savor.
That's not bad advice for the rest of my life right now-- slow down and savor.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Day 153 - 164.2 Date Night & Thoughts on Running
My daughter got an invitation for a sleep over tonight with a friend of hers from school, so I asked my mom to take the boy overnight so hubby and I can have a date.
I'm quite excited. We go out just the two of us on a fairly regular basis, probably every other month or so, but it's still a treat every time. Dinner is almost always at Bonefish Grill, and I've saved up 3 veggies, a protein, a starch, and a dairy, which is plenty for a nice dinner.
Then, Harry Potter at the IMAX. I saw HP on Monday, when I played hookie for half a day at work and took a mental health day, which included living vicariously through teenaged wizards. On Monday I specifically chose the "regular" theater because I knew DH would want to see it in IMAX, and it will still be a treat for me tonight. I can't wait to see it again. I know he's jail bait and I'm an old married lady, but Daniel Radcliffe makes my toes curl, esp. with his new haircut.
After work I'm going for a run, which I would so love to blow off and not have to shower and get ready again for our date, but I've got a race to train for and 22ish more pounds to lose so I'm going running. Today starts week 5 of my training, and I'm scheduled to run 3 miles. If I make it, it will be the first time I've run 3 miles straight through. I hope it goes well.
I have a feeling I'm going to have to always be training for some kind of race. Or have some kind of list to check off to keep me motivated and feeling like I'm accomplishing something. I need goals. I need lists. I need direction. Otherwise, I'm directionless and tend to let things go. I've got 8 more weeks to train for this 5K, and then I'll have to find something else.
There's a half marathon in Indianapolis in May that my niece-in-law (she's my age) is going to run, and I might train for that. It may be too soon to run 13 miles, so I'm not sure yet. Truly, I won't know what my body can do until I get to goal. An extra 22 pounds is a lot to carry around, and when it's gone and after I've had more weeks of consistent running in, I might be ready. We'll see.
What I do know is this-- Running is helping my weight move down. Running is keeping me in the gym. Running makes me feel like I can do anything. It's even making my arms look good--who knew I wouldn't have to lift weights to get a little definition in my shoulders and biceps and just had to run?! I sure had no idea.
I'm remember reading somewhere that a runner hits their peak after 6 or 7 years of training. That means, when I'm 43ish I'll be in the best running shape of my life. And I could deal with that. Running marathons in my 40s sounds like an impossible dream. But I'm on the path to making it a reality.
Maybe someday my kiddos will be at the finish line, waving signs and cheering me on. And proud of their fit Mom who runs marathons. Or they will be running beside me. Either way, that's a dream I want to come true.
I'm quite excited. We go out just the two of us on a fairly regular basis, probably every other month or so, but it's still a treat every time. Dinner is almost always at Bonefish Grill, and I've saved up 3 veggies, a protein, a starch, and a dairy, which is plenty for a nice dinner.
Then, Harry Potter at the IMAX. I saw HP on Monday, when I played hookie for half a day at work and took a mental health day, which included living vicariously through teenaged wizards. On Monday I specifically chose the "regular" theater because I knew DH would want to see it in IMAX, and it will still be a treat for me tonight. I can't wait to see it again. I know he's jail bait and I'm an old married lady, but Daniel Radcliffe makes my toes curl, esp. with his new haircut.
After work I'm going for a run, which I would so love to blow off and not have to shower and get ready again for our date, but I've got a race to train for and 22ish more pounds to lose so I'm going running. Today starts week 5 of my training, and I'm scheduled to run 3 miles. If I make it, it will be the first time I've run 3 miles straight through. I hope it goes well.
I have a feeling I'm going to have to always be training for some kind of race. Or have some kind of list to check off to keep me motivated and feeling like I'm accomplishing something. I need goals. I need lists. I need direction. Otherwise, I'm directionless and tend to let things go. I've got 8 more weeks to train for this 5K, and then I'll have to find something else.
There's a half marathon in Indianapolis in May that my niece-in-law (she's my age) is going to run, and I might train for that. It may be too soon to run 13 miles, so I'm not sure yet. Truly, I won't know what my body can do until I get to goal. An extra 22 pounds is a lot to carry around, and when it's gone and after I've had more weeks of consistent running in, I might be ready. We'll see.
What I do know is this-- Running is helping my weight move down. Running is keeping me in the gym. Running makes me feel like I can do anything. It's even making my arms look good--who knew I wouldn't have to lift weights to get a little definition in my shoulders and biceps and just had to run?! I sure had no idea.
I'm remember reading somewhere that a runner hits their peak after 6 or 7 years of training. That means, when I'm 43ish I'll be in the best running shape of my life. And I could deal with that. Running marathons in my 40s sounds like an impossible dream. But I'm on the path to making it a reality.
Maybe someday my kiddos will be at the finish line, waving signs and cheering me on. And proud of their fit Mom who runs marathons. Or they will be running beside me. Either way, that's a dream I want to come true.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Game ON Baby!
Fat Bloke Thin is having a weight loss throw down. Wanna join? Go leave him a comment. I'm totally in, and even if I don't win at least I played for fun (which sounds quite like my jr. high school volleyball efforts, by the way).
I love his blog. He's got T-shirts and everything!
I love his blog. He's got T-shirts and everything!
Day 152 - 165.0 That's what 4 months of working out will do
So yesterday was nuts. I didn't get to the gym before picking up the kids like I try to do most nights, and I was fried from a long work day, and I forgot to bring the toddler's diaper bag with me, and I didn't change into my workout clothes before leaving work to get the kids, and I really needed to do a Target and grocery store run because the cupboards are bare. And you'd think all this combined would keep me from my workout.
Well, think again!
I went anyway. I asked Luke's sitter for two diapers, picked up Sophie from day camp, swung through McDonald's drive thru (I know, I know--I'm ruining their health with nuggets and fries; I'm sure they'll tell Oprah someday), and I was on that treadmill at 6:30 p.m.
I did 3.26 miles in 40 minutes, including my 2 mile run, and got home by 7:30. It was a late night for us all, but I felt great afterwards and so glad I didn't let the excuses get in the way of taking care of myself.
Well, think again!
I went anyway. I asked Luke's sitter for two diapers, picked up Sophie from day camp, swung through McDonald's drive thru (I know, I know--I'm ruining their health with nuggets and fries; I'm sure they'll tell Oprah someday), and I was on that treadmill at 6:30 p.m.
I did 3.26 miles in 40 minutes, including my 2 mile run, and got home by 7:30. It was a late night for us all, but I felt great afterwards and so glad I didn't let the excuses get in the way of taking care of myself.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Day 150 - 165.8
Anytime you count up days or months or years, a "5" and a "0" in the total usually mean something significant.
And, truly, 150 days on plan is a big deal. I'm not throwing a party or anything, and I've pretty much treated myself to clothes that fit and expensive bras. No one will send me Congratulations! cards, because nobody knows. So in reality, it's not that big a deal.
Except here. This is the only place I can shout to the roof tops that I'VE BEEN ON PLAN FOR 150 DAYS! And if feels great! And it has paid off! And it's a FIRST!
I am proud of myself. I like myself so much more with food no longer as my (primary) source of comfort. My husband called me skinny this morning while I was in my undies getting ready for work. The rewards of consistency aren't just smaller clothes and a thinner body. It's all this intangible stuff, too.
*****
Work is so busy right now, I've had no time to read my favorite blogs and I feel like I'm cut off from my friends! Evenings just don't allow me time for me, so if I don't get some time during the day, I just don't get the time. It's good that work is busy--we are self employed and busy means we're earning money, so I really shouldn't complain.
*****
Running went fabulously yesterday. I ended up doing 5K in 34:50. I warmed up, as usual, with a .25 mile walk, then ran 2.25 miles @ 5.5 mph, then walked for about 2 minutes, and I was only .5 miles away from 3.1 miles. So I just kicked it up to 5.8 mph and finished a 5K on the treadmill. First time for that, and I was thrilled to be able to run 2.85 miles in one session, and at decent speeds.
Saturday, I ran outside for the first time. Holy cow, what a difference. First, it was 4 p.m. and even though the humidity was low and there was a breeze, the sun was beating down on me and I was hot hot hot. Second, I couldn't figure out my pace, so I'd run too fast, then have to slow down and walk, then I'd try to run slower but end up being too fast again. So it was a lot of walk/running. Last, the concrete doesn't give back like the treadmill. The treadmill, miraculously I see now, gives a bit of energy back to my feet, whereas the concrete just sucks it right down into the ground and gives nothing back. I'm glad I have until September to prepare for this 5K race, because after I've got the distance built on the treadmill, I've got to do a whole new round of training to just get used to hard surface running.
To all of you I check in with on a regular basis, I miss you and hope you are doing fabulously well, and I'll be seeing you again soon.
And, truly, 150 days on plan is a big deal. I'm not throwing a party or anything, and I've pretty much treated myself to clothes that fit and expensive bras. No one will send me Congratulations! cards, because nobody knows. So in reality, it's not that big a deal.
Except here. This is the only place I can shout to the roof tops that I'VE BEEN ON PLAN FOR 150 DAYS! And if feels great! And it has paid off! And it's a FIRST!
I am proud of myself. I like myself so much more with food no longer as my (primary) source of comfort. My husband called me skinny this morning while I was in my undies getting ready for work. The rewards of consistency aren't just smaller clothes and a thinner body. It's all this intangible stuff, too.
*****
Work is so busy right now, I've had no time to read my favorite blogs and I feel like I'm cut off from my friends! Evenings just don't allow me time for me, so if I don't get some time during the day, I just don't get the time. It's good that work is busy--we are self employed and busy means we're earning money, so I really shouldn't complain.
*****
Running went fabulously yesterday. I ended up doing 5K in 34:50. I warmed up, as usual, with a .25 mile walk, then ran 2.25 miles @ 5.5 mph, then walked for about 2 minutes, and I was only .5 miles away from 3.1 miles. So I just kicked it up to 5.8 mph and finished a 5K on the treadmill. First time for that, and I was thrilled to be able to run 2.85 miles in one session, and at decent speeds.
Saturday, I ran outside for the first time. Holy cow, what a difference. First, it was 4 p.m. and even though the humidity was low and there was a breeze, the sun was beating down on me and I was hot hot hot. Second, I couldn't figure out my pace, so I'd run too fast, then have to slow down and walk, then I'd try to run slower but end up being too fast again. So it was a lot of walk/running. Last, the concrete doesn't give back like the treadmill. The treadmill, miraculously I see now, gives a bit of energy back to my feet, whereas the concrete just sucks it right down into the ground and gives nothing back. I'm glad I have until September to prepare for this 5K race, because after I've got the distance built on the treadmill, I've got to do a whole new round of training to just get used to hard surface running.
To all of you I check in with on a regular basis, I miss you and hope you are doing fabulously well, and I'll be seeing you again soon.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Day 146 - 40 POUNDS LOST
Weigh in today was a momentous event. My official weight is 167.0, which is a 40.2 pounds total loss.
Yippee!
22 pounds left until I reach goal.
Yippee!
22 pounds left until I reach goal.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
DAy 145 - 166.4 - Run, Pants, Plan
Yesterday's run sucked.
I guess, in reality, it wasn't that bad. It was a 2 mile fartlek, and my average speed was 5.5 mph, but I just wasn't feeling it. It wasn't hot in the gym and I had a fan on me, so it wasn't that. I had eaten a good lunch and drank lots of water during the day and before my run, so fueling wasn't the problem. I was just off.
The good thing, I suppose, is that I went, I stuck it out, and finished the 2 miles. I only had enough time for 33 minutes total, so it was a short workout which was probably for the best.
That run is the end of week 3 of my 5K training. 3 weeks with 4 days each running. First time I've done that--ever. Last year when I started C25K, I weighed 200 pounds. It's no wonder running is easier. I doubt that I could run very well now with my toddler hanging on my body, and that's how much I've lost since last summer.
****
Today I am wearing the Size 8 khaki pants from Dress Barn that I bought a couple months ago. They fit perfectly. The waist band lies flat, they aren't too tight in the bottom or legs, and they look so cute with the wide leg cuffs. I'm wearing the same blue & white picnic check shirt that I've got on in the pic on this site, and it fits loosely now, the buttons lay completely flat and the cap sleeves are loose around my arms. I can pinch about 1/2 inch of fabric on each side of my waist. I love seeing progress in my clothes.
****
I got my new food plan at LA WL yesterday. In some ways, it's worse. I lost a fruit--only 2 per day now. Two fruits a day is plenty, you say. Well, yes, except I count my Starbucks latte as a milk and a fruit, so there's one. And if I have a NutriGrain bar for breakfast or as a snack, that's a starch and a fruit, so there's two. This morning I was exhausted but hungry and had no time to cook, so I ate a cereal bar. I've had my latte, of course--can't live without that. Now, I have no fruits left but have a delicious fresh peach that I brought for lunch sitting on my desk.
You bet, I'm gonna eat that peach.
They added 1/2 a protein, a starch, a dairy, and a fat. I love the idea of more dairy so I can have more than just my latte each day, and who couldn't eat an extra starch without effort? But the fat--that one's got me. Butter is supposed to be "infrequent." I hate margarine, and it's on the allowed list. Usually I eat 15 pistachios (now, though, it's 12) or use a tsp of butter on my eggs, and that's my fat for the day. I get headaches from almost all other nuts, so I can't eat those. And do there even exist salt free sunflower seeds? Cause I could have a Tbsp of those if they do--guess I'm gonna have to look for them. I don't like avocados or olives, and I have to actually cook to use olive oil. So, this extra fat has me in a quandary.
Maybe my peach can be a fat?
I guess, in reality, it wasn't that bad. It was a 2 mile fartlek, and my average speed was 5.5 mph, but I just wasn't feeling it. It wasn't hot in the gym and I had a fan on me, so it wasn't that. I had eaten a good lunch and drank lots of water during the day and before my run, so fueling wasn't the problem. I was just off.
The good thing, I suppose, is that I went, I stuck it out, and finished the 2 miles. I only had enough time for 33 minutes total, so it was a short workout which was probably for the best.
That run is the end of week 3 of my 5K training. 3 weeks with 4 days each running. First time I've done that--ever. Last year when I started C25K, I weighed 200 pounds. It's no wonder running is easier. I doubt that I could run very well now with my toddler hanging on my body, and that's how much I've lost since last summer.
****
Today I am wearing the Size 8 khaki pants from Dress Barn that I bought a couple months ago. They fit perfectly. The waist band lies flat, they aren't too tight in the bottom or legs, and they look so cute with the wide leg cuffs. I'm wearing the same blue & white picnic check shirt that I've got on in the pic on this site, and it fits loosely now, the buttons lay completely flat and the cap sleeves are loose around my arms. I can pinch about 1/2 inch of fabric on each side of my waist. I love seeing progress in my clothes.
****
I got my new food plan at LA WL yesterday. In some ways, it's worse. I lost a fruit--only 2 per day now. Two fruits a day is plenty, you say. Well, yes, except I count my Starbucks latte as a milk and a fruit, so there's one. And if I have a NutriGrain bar for breakfast or as a snack, that's a starch and a fruit, so there's two. This morning I was exhausted but hungry and had no time to cook, so I ate a cereal bar. I've had my latte, of course--can't live without that. Now, I have no fruits left but have a delicious fresh peach that I brought for lunch sitting on my desk.
You bet, I'm gonna eat that peach.
They added 1/2 a protein, a starch, a dairy, and a fat. I love the idea of more dairy so I can have more than just my latte each day, and who couldn't eat an extra starch without effort? But the fat--that one's got me. Butter is supposed to be "infrequent." I hate margarine, and it's on the allowed list. Usually I eat 15 pistachios (now, though, it's 12) or use a tsp of butter on my eggs, and that's my fat for the day. I get headaches from almost all other nuts, so I can't eat those. And do there even exist salt free sunflower seeds? Cause I could have a Tbsp of those if they do--guess I'm gonna have to look for them. I don't like avocados or olives, and I have to actually cook to use olive oil. So, this extra fat has me in a quandary.
Maybe my peach can be a fat?
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Day 144 - Food Addiction
The Shrinking Knitter had a great post today on food addiction, and my comment was ridiculously long, so I thought I'd spare her readers my "all about me" missive and put the voluminous response over here.
Before I started LA Weight Loss in February, I was addicted to sugar/flour/fat combination foods. I really just could not stop myself from buying donuts and/or ice cream on a daily basis. I would walk through Target, tell myself I would NOT buy the powdered donettes, and yet they'd be in my cart anyway. Like someone else was operating my body and I had no choice in the matter. That box would be gone in a day.
Even when I was on Weight Watchers, I would overeat the WW snack cakes, sometimes the whole box in one day (ONLY 12 points, and I still had 10 points for healthy food! What a deal!). And don't forget Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches, only 2 points each. I played the same points game with those.
When I started my current plan this year, I went through 2 days of cleansing, basically--proteins and veggies only. It sucked, and I did go through withdrawal. It got easier after that, and since I'm on a food exchange program (3 veggies, 2 fruits, 3 starches, etc), I'm free to choose what I eat but within boundaries.
I am not sugar free, I am not carb free, I am not caffeine free. I am, however, very balanced and have set limits of the types of food I can eat.
It's these prescribed limits and the accountability of meeting with a weight counselor (and weighing in) 3 times a week that finally clicked for me. I can't buy donuts, you see, because they aren't on the plan. I can have ice cream, if it's low fat and SF and 1/2 cup, and it counts as a starch (just this past weekend I had ice cream for the first time in 20 weeks; haven't had a donut since February).
So, I haven't gotten rid of the substances that might cause my brain to be addicted to food, but I have gotten rid of the *combination* of substances (fat/sugar/flour) and also of the learned helplessness (or whatever fancy psycho term I should use here) that made me act like a robot around those addictive foods.
I still have cravings once a month for starchy/sugary/chocolatey foods, and obviously those are hormonal/brain induced cravings. I usually eat too much for a couple days a month, but my "too much" now is 300 or 400 calories in one sitting and it's with on-plan foods.
Ultimately, I think every one has to overcome their addictions differently, and no matter what science comes up with, there will never be a one size fits all solution.
Before I started LA Weight Loss in February, I was addicted to sugar/flour/fat combination foods. I really just could not stop myself from buying donuts and/or ice cream on a daily basis. I would walk through Target, tell myself I would NOT buy the powdered donettes, and yet they'd be in my cart anyway. Like someone else was operating my body and I had no choice in the matter. That box would be gone in a day.
Even when I was on Weight Watchers, I would overeat the WW snack cakes, sometimes the whole box in one day (ONLY 12 points, and I still had 10 points for healthy food! What a deal!). And don't forget Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches, only 2 points each. I played the same points game with those.
When I started my current plan this year, I went through 2 days of cleansing, basically--proteins and veggies only. It sucked, and I did go through withdrawal. It got easier after that, and since I'm on a food exchange program (3 veggies, 2 fruits, 3 starches, etc), I'm free to choose what I eat but within boundaries.
I am not sugar free, I am not carb free, I am not caffeine free. I am, however, very balanced and have set limits of the types of food I can eat.
It's these prescribed limits and the accountability of meeting with a weight counselor (and weighing in) 3 times a week that finally clicked for me. I can't buy donuts, you see, because they aren't on the plan. I can have ice cream, if it's low fat and SF and 1/2 cup, and it counts as a starch (just this past weekend I had ice cream for the first time in 20 weeks; haven't had a donut since February).
So, I haven't gotten rid of the substances that might cause my brain to be addicted to food, but I have gotten rid of the *combination* of substances (fat/sugar/flour) and also of the learned helplessness (or whatever fancy psycho term I should use here) that made me act like a robot around those addictive foods.
I still have cravings once a month for starchy/sugary/chocolatey foods, and obviously those are hormonal/brain induced cravings. I usually eat too much for a couple days a month, but my "too much" now is 300 or 400 calories in one sitting and it's with on-plan foods.
Ultimately, I think every one has to overcome their addictions differently, and no matter what science comes up with, there will never be a one size fits all solution.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Day 143 - 167.2
Ahhhh, that's better. Bye bye water weight.
Tonight-- our second Ballrooom Dancing class at our church. We had so much fun last week at the first class. It was surprising how many dance steps we learned, and actually were dancing--real dancing--by the end of the hour. There were 2 other couples in our group of friends who attended, and 11 couples all together. They provide child care, too, so the kids are taken care of.
Since we have that tonight, I'm planning on working out at lunch, which I don't really want to do because I actually do get sweaty when I run and getting ready for work twice in one day is not my idea of fun. But, I have a running plan that I must stick to and a goal to reach, so if I have to take two showers in one day, that's just the way it is. =)
EDITED AFTER LUNCH TO ADD:
There's a reason I work out at the end of the day. I am so stinking tired right now, after 45 minutes in a hot and humid gym (I don't know what the problem is with the air conditioning in that place. WS, I have no idea how you run in the Florida heat and humidity!). I still have 2 hours of work, ballroom dance lessons, and 2 kids to entertain and put to bed tonight. I hope I find some energy somewhere soon.
On the "official weight" front, I was at 169.0 at LA WL today (I weighed in before working out). They didn't have the new program stuff together yet, so I'm going back tomorrow to find out how much more food I get. Can't wait.
Tonight-- our second Ballrooom Dancing class at our church. We had so much fun last week at the first class. It was surprising how many dance steps we learned, and actually were dancing--real dancing--by the end of the hour. There were 2 other couples in our group of friends who attended, and 11 couples all together. They provide child care, too, so the kids are taken care of.
Since we have that tonight, I'm planning on working out at lunch, which I don't really want to do because I actually do get sweaty when I run and getting ready for work twice in one day is not my idea of fun. But, I have a running plan that I must stick to and a goal to reach, so if I have to take two showers in one day, that's just the way it is. =)
EDITED AFTER LUNCH TO ADD:
There's a reason I work out at the end of the day. I am so stinking tired right now, after 45 minutes in a hot and humid gym (I don't know what the problem is with the air conditioning in that place. WS, I have no idea how you run in the Florida heat and humidity!). I still have 2 hours of work, ballroom dance lessons, and 2 kids to entertain and put to bed tonight. I hope I find some energy somewhere soon.
On the "official weight" front, I was at 169.0 at LA WL today (I weighed in before working out). They didn't have the new program stuff together yet, so I'm going back tomorrow to find out how much more food I get. Can't wait.
Monday, July 09, 2007
Day 142 - 168.6
Today was so busy at work I had no time to read any blogs, no time to go to LA WL to weigh in and get my new plan, and no time to eat lunch until almost 4 p.m. Busy in our business is good, but this is crazy.
I'm in my water-retention portion of my monthly cycle, so the scale is up a bit. It's good that I track things closely so I realize this upward movement is what it is, or else I'd be easily discouraged.
My runs on Friday and Saturday were awesome. Speed training and the mere fact that I'm running on a regular basis are helping me improve already. Check it out-- 2 continuous miles at 5.5 mph. That's 11 minute miles. And my fastest mile to date on Saturday--a 10 minute mile. The best part is--I didn't feel like I was going to die on either run. The 10 min mile was NOT easy by any means, but my breathing was reasonable and after walking for a bit, I wanted to run another mile and did.
Today was a rest day, because yesterday was a killer cardio class followed by 45 minutes of pilates, and my legs are dying and need the rest. I hate not going to the gym, but know it's better not to push it and injure myself.
By the end of this week, I'll have been working out on a regular basis for four months. Four months, in the scheme of things, is nothing. But it's four months of good work that's gotten me results. And it's a good foundation for the rest of my active, fit life.
I'm in my water-retention portion of my monthly cycle, so the scale is up a bit. It's good that I track things closely so I realize this upward movement is what it is, or else I'd be easily discouraged.
My runs on Friday and Saturday were awesome. Speed training and the mere fact that I'm running on a regular basis are helping me improve already. Check it out-- 2 continuous miles at 5.5 mph. That's 11 minute miles. And my fastest mile to date on Saturday--a 10 minute mile. The best part is--I didn't feel like I was going to die on either run. The 10 min mile was NOT easy by any means, but my breathing was reasonable and after walking for a bit, I wanted to run another mile and did.
Today was a rest day, because yesterday was a killer cardio class followed by 45 minutes of pilates, and my legs are dying and need the rest. I hate not going to the gym, but know it's better not to push it and injure myself.
By the end of this week, I'll have been working out on a regular basis for four months. Four months, in the scheme of things, is nothing. But it's four months of good work that's gotten me results. And it's a good foundation for the rest of my active, fit life.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Day 139 - 167.8
No time to post the past few days. My daughter was sick yesterday so I was home with her. Man, I did NOT like being stuck in my house in the middle of hormonal cravings. It was a tough food day for me. Plus, no gym.
Today is back to normal. I've got a run planned for this afternoon--an easy 2 miles. And back on track food wise. My official weight at LA is now 169.8. I'm 24.8 pounds from goal.
LA is rolling out a new food plan on Monday. They are upping the quantities of food we can eat, which is awesome. I don't know much yet, but know it's all good. For example: 1 veggie used to be 1 c. lettuce. Now it's 3 c. lettuce=1 veggie. And a dairy serving will go from 8 oz to 10 oz. And I'll get 3 starches instead of 2. They tested it for 6 months and people lost MORE weight on this plan. So, more food and still losing weight... sounds like a winner to me. And just in time to keep me from going into a plateau. That P words scares the dickens out of me. Not even going there right now!
I probably won't be around much until next week. It's a busy summer weekend ahead that I plan to enjoy in the real world with my family. But I'll be thinking of you all!
Hugs and kisses to you, my cyber friends. Have a healthy, happy weekend.
Today is back to normal. I've got a run planned for this afternoon--an easy 2 miles. And back on track food wise. My official weight at LA is now 169.8. I'm 24.8 pounds from goal.
LA is rolling out a new food plan on Monday. They are upping the quantities of food we can eat, which is awesome. I don't know much yet, but know it's all good. For example: 1 veggie used to be 1 c. lettuce. Now it's 3 c. lettuce=1 veggie. And a dairy serving will go from 8 oz to 10 oz. And I'll get 3 starches instead of 2. They tested it for 6 months and people lost MORE weight on this plan. So, more food and still losing weight... sounds like a winner to me. And just in time to keep me from going into a plateau. That P words scares the dickens out of me. Not even going there right now!
I probably won't be around much until next week. It's a busy summer weekend ahead that I plan to enjoy in the real world with my family. But I'll be thinking of you all!
Hugs and kisses to you, my cyber friends. Have a healthy, happy weekend.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Day 136 - 168.0 My Favorite Things
Something a little different today. I wanted to share some finds that have made life more enjoyable.
Rimmel Sweet Stuff Lipstick-- I am a lipstick/lip gloss junkie. I bought this one last week when I couldn't find my favorite Maybelline color. Oh my. Lipstick that tastes and smells like berries. If I could, I'd eat it. It feels great, too, very soft. It's more of a gloss than a stick, and so the coverage is light (it wears off quickly, but that just gives me more opportunity to enjoy the luscious smell). I have two colors now--Be First and Intimate.
Fiber Gourmet Pasta-- I ordered this after a review by Pasta Queen. SO glad I did. It tastes great and I don't feel guilty about eating pasta. I eat mine topped with 1/2 c. Classico Pasta Sauce (currently their Fire Roasted Tomato) and 1/2 c. steamed chopped zucchini. Yummy. DH loves it too.
Laura Geller Balance & Brighten-- I've had this product since last Fall, but couldn't wear it because it was too yellow/tan for my skin. Now that I have a light tan, my regular foundation (Mineral Essence) is too light. I've been putting this on top of my foundation, but was looking too cake-y. This morning I dotted some concealer on my zits and only used the Balance & Brighten. My skin looks plenty covered, nicely tanned, and not cake-y. I am pleasantly pleased with the results, and thrilled I don't have to go buy another foundation color that I'll only use for a few more months.
iPod Shuffle-- Not that Apple needs my approval of anything, but I absolutely could NOT run without this baby. It is so light weight and clips onto my shorts easily. I can change songs while running, no sweat. It's plenty roomy enough for hours of songs, so I don't get bored with my song selections. Love. It.
I need a New Favorite Thing which I can't find-- the perfect water bottle. I'm currently just refilling my Evian bottle with the red flip top, but the flip top thingy keeps breaking and I have to spend $1.19 to buy a new one every other week or so. Any suggestions?
Rimmel Sweet Stuff Lipstick-- I am a lipstick/lip gloss junkie. I bought this one last week when I couldn't find my favorite Maybelline color. Oh my. Lipstick that tastes and smells like berries. If I could, I'd eat it. It feels great, too, very soft. It's more of a gloss than a stick, and so the coverage is light (it wears off quickly, but that just gives me more opportunity to enjoy the luscious smell). I have two colors now--Be First and Intimate.
Fiber Gourmet Pasta-- I ordered this after a review by Pasta Queen. SO glad I did. It tastes great and I don't feel guilty about eating pasta. I eat mine topped with 1/2 c. Classico Pasta Sauce (currently their Fire Roasted Tomato) and 1/2 c. steamed chopped zucchini. Yummy. DH loves it too.
Laura Geller Balance & Brighten-- I've had this product since last Fall, but couldn't wear it because it was too yellow/tan for my skin. Now that I have a light tan, my regular foundation (Mineral Essence) is too light. I've been putting this on top of my foundation, but was looking too cake-y. This morning I dotted some concealer on my zits and only used the Balance & Brighten. My skin looks plenty covered, nicely tanned, and not cake-y. I am pleasantly pleased with the results, and thrilled I don't have to go buy another foundation color that I'll only use for a few more months.
iPod Shuffle-- Not that Apple needs my approval of anything, but I absolutely could NOT run without this baby. It is so light weight and clips onto my shorts easily. I can change songs while running, no sweat. It's plenty roomy enough for hours of songs, so I don't get bored with my song selections. Love. It.
I need a New Favorite Thing which I can't find-- the perfect water bottle. I'm currently just refilling my Evian bottle with the red flip top, but the flip top thingy keeps breaking and I have to spend $1.19 to buy a new one every other week or so. Any suggestions?
Monday, July 02, 2007
Day 135 - 168.0 Slowing Down
Down 1.8 pounds since last Monday, and 4.2 pounds in 2 weeks.
But only 4.6 pounds in 3 weeks. And 4.8 pounds in 4 weeks.
The loss continues, but it's slowing down. I really do feel lucky that my body continues to cooperate with me. Because, I know, it could rebel any day.
I've been averaging "official" losses at LAWL of 1.6 pounds a week for the past month. Which is fabulous, but I had been averaging 2+ pounds a week. And that's my PLAN, after all.
2 pounds a week = reach goal weight by September 21.
So in my screwed up way of looking at my weight, I've been kind of hard on myself about it. A little disappointed even. Wondering what I'm doing wrong and what I need to change.
Well that nonsense stops TODAY.
2 pounds a week consistently over 31 weeks is unreasonable. Frankly, it's bullsh!t. Who is LA Weight Loss to tell me what my body is going to do for me? All I can do is the best I can do, follow the plan the best I can, and my body is going to do what it wants.
Clearly, it still wants to lose weight. It likes movement and healthy food and it's being lovingly cooperative.
At some point in the near future, I know it will rebel. Not wanna go any further. Make me squeeze out every last ounce of loss so each .2 pounds will be a victory. So I'll have to push it and tug it along, like I do my almost-2 year old when I want him to leave the playground.
In the meantime, I'm enjoying my lifestyle. It's not a burden, this new way of life-- turning down junk food and getting to the gym 5 or 6 days a week. I like putting myself first, making my health a priority. Thankfully I've got results now--smaller clothes, faster and longer miles--so the going is easier. And the rewards continue.
And when I start to whine in the future about not losing fast enough? Someone please knock some sense into me and tell me to snap out of it. Thank God you're all there to keep me sane.
But only 4.6 pounds in 3 weeks. And 4.8 pounds in 4 weeks.
The loss continues, but it's slowing down. I really do feel lucky that my body continues to cooperate with me. Because, I know, it could rebel any day.
I've been averaging "official" losses at LAWL of 1.6 pounds a week for the past month. Which is fabulous, but I had been averaging 2+ pounds a week. And that's my PLAN, after all.
2 pounds a week = reach goal weight by September 21.
So in my screwed up way of looking at my weight, I've been kind of hard on myself about it. A little disappointed even. Wondering what I'm doing wrong and what I need to change.
Well that nonsense stops TODAY.
2 pounds a week consistently over 31 weeks is unreasonable. Frankly, it's bullsh!t. Who is LA Weight Loss to tell me what my body is going to do for me? All I can do is the best I can do, follow the plan the best I can, and my body is going to do what it wants.
Clearly, it still wants to lose weight. It likes movement and healthy food and it's being lovingly cooperative.
At some point in the near future, I know it will rebel. Not wanna go any further. Make me squeeze out every last ounce of loss so each .2 pounds will be a victory. So I'll have to push it and tug it along, like I do my almost-2 year old when I want him to leave the playground.
In the meantime, I'm enjoying my lifestyle. It's not a burden, this new way of life-- turning down junk food and getting to the gym 5 or 6 days a week. I like putting myself first, making my health a priority. Thankfully I've got results now--smaller clothes, faster and longer miles--so the going is easier. And the rewards continue.
And when I start to whine in the future about not losing fast enough? Someone please knock some sense into me and tell me to snap out of it. Thank God you're all there to keep me sane.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Day 132 - 168.6 - Okay I can stop now
So I was officially noticed by young men in a pickup truck today. I guess I can stop losing weight now.
I was walking back to my car after lunch with Hubby, in my new black skort (size 10) and black & white small-plaid top (which is a Large and used to be super tight on me--I actually used to wear it with a white shell underneath because it wouldn't button... now I can pinch 2 extra inches of fabric on either side of my waist, but it looks cute still and there are no fat rolls visible in this top).
My legs are looking pretty good thanks to running and the daily self-tanning lotion from Jergens I use now. I was glancing through a new book I picked up at Border's after lunch while walking to the car, and I hear "HEY!" I looked up, and saw the "HEY" was for me. "HEY" and a big wave from a young male hanging out the window of a pick up, with another young male in the middle seat straining his neck to see me.
I smiled a bemused smile and pushed the button to unlock my car. I got in and thought, Huh. That hasn't happened since, oh, almost never.
It cracks me up that the Male Species reacts the way they do to an Unknown Female they find attractive. What do they think this "HEY" and wave and craning neck will get them?
I really could care less. They made my day.
I was walking back to my car after lunch with Hubby, in my new black skort (size 10) and black & white small-plaid top (which is a Large and used to be super tight on me--I actually used to wear it with a white shell underneath because it wouldn't button... now I can pinch 2 extra inches of fabric on either side of my waist, but it looks cute still and there are no fat rolls visible in this top).
My legs are looking pretty good thanks to running and the daily self-tanning lotion from Jergens I use now. I was glancing through a new book I picked up at Border's after lunch while walking to the car, and I hear "HEY!" I looked up, and saw the "HEY" was for me. "HEY" and a big wave from a young male hanging out the window of a pick up, with another young male in the middle seat straining his neck to see me.
I smiled a bemused smile and pushed the button to unlock my car. I got in and thought, Huh. That hasn't happened since, oh, almost never.
It cracks me up that the Male Species reacts the way they do to an Unknown Female they find attractive. What do they think this "HEY" and wave and craning neck will get them?
I really could care less. They made my day.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Day 131 - 169.2 / Fartlek Run / Body Image
The scale is slowly inching down this week, but at least it's the right direction.
I ran 1.5 miles tonight in about 16:30. It was my speed-play run, and dang it was tough. The fastest was 6.2 mph for I think a tenth of a mile, and then I just upped and downed my speed every tenth of a mile or so. It was mentally difficult to keep changing the pace, which surprised me. I guess I like zoning out and just moving steadily along. My full workout was 45 minutes, 3.41 miles, a little over 400 calories.
Tomorrow starts Week 2, a normal 1.5 mile run.
So today I wore a really cute beige fitted light sweater with a brown skirt. The skirt is the most forgiving jersey fabric and hangs perfectly. The top is fitted too, and even though it looks good on me, I can still see some belly roll if the fabric isn't placed perfectly on my hips.
Fabric doesn't stayed glued down in one place when one is going about daily life.
And hence my screwed up thoughts today about how I look. Gosh, I really need to get more weight off. Look how thick my waist is and oh man is that a muffin top? Why are my boobs still so big? Oh and my ankles are swelling and not so thin this afternoon.
What the ? I look great -- compared to where I was 36 pounds ago. I have the clothing labels to prove it!
The Fat Head is already attacking my self esteem. And I don't like it. Not one bit.
Now, I know that there are clothes that will make me look better and clothes that will make me look fatter. That's not what's going on here.
Vickie has talked a lot about body image and I'm going to read more of her past experiences to get some perspective. Because this (fat head) aggression will not stand, man.
I ran 1.5 miles tonight in about 16:30. It was my speed-play run, and dang it was tough. The fastest was 6.2 mph for I think a tenth of a mile, and then I just upped and downed my speed every tenth of a mile or so. It was mentally difficult to keep changing the pace, which surprised me. I guess I like zoning out and just moving steadily along. My full workout was 45 minutes, 3.41 miles, a little over 400 calories.
Tomorrow starts Week 2, a normal 1.5 mile run.
So today I wore a really cute beige fitted light sweater with a brown skirt. The skirt is the most forgiving jersey fabric and hangs perfectly. The top is fitted too, and even though it looks good on me, I can still see some belly roll if the fabric isn't placed perfectly on my hips.
Fabric doesn't stayed glued down in one place when one is going about daily life.
And hence my screwed up thoughts today about how I look. Gosh, I really need to get more weight off. Look how thick my waist is and oh man is that a muffin top? Why are my boobs still so big? Oh and my ankles are swelling and not so thin this afternoon.
What the ? I look great -- compared to where I was 36 pounds ago. I have the clothing labels to prove it!
The Fat Head is already attacking my self esteem. And I don't like it. Not one bit.
Now, I know that there are clothes that will make me look better and clothes that will make me look fatter. That's not what's going on here.
Vickie has talked a lot about body image and I'm going to read more of her past experiences to get some perspective. Because this (fat head) aggression will not stand, man.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Do you have a Medium in that?
One of the nice things about shopping for clothes at the same store on a regular basis is that I know the size is consistent. That is, I know that if I'm now a size 10 at Dress Barn, that I am 4 sizes smaller than I was when I was at my heaviest.
I was a size 10 when I weighed 145 pounds at age 23, so sizes have changed. I've read this, I know this, but it's a reality for me now that I see size 10 on my clothing tags and I'm still 25 pounds heavier than I was 14 years ago.
But, hell. It's a 10. Wow.
Yesterday at Dress Barn, I tried on all Medium tops. Every one of them fit. I am a size M on top. No back fat, no belly roll, no muffin top. The Girls need a little better bra to look their best, so that's on plan for this week. But all in all, I was so pleased with my reflection in the mirror in the changing room.
Today I went to J. Jill at the mall to get some skirts to match those tops. Since they were having a sale, I got 2 mediums, a size 12, and a small. If I could wear the tags on the outside of my clothes, I would.
What's so cool is, that I shopped in J. Jill. I walked by Lane Bryant, and walked into a skinny girl's store. And bought skinny girl skirts. And they fit and look good.
And now I have to stop, because I have a lovely summer wardrobe that fits and I am comfortable in, and I am not made of money (even at sale prices, this stuff adds up). So this will be the last post on clothing for the season. I promise.
I was a size 10 when I weighed 145 pounds at age 23, so sizes have changed. I've read this, I know this, but it's a reality for me now that I see size 10 on my clothing tags and I'm still 25 pounds heavier than I was 14 years ago.
But, hell. It's a 10. Wow.
Yesterday at Dress Barn, I tried on all Medium tops. Every one of them fit. I am a size M on top. No back fat, no belly roll, no muffin top. The Girls need a little better bra to look their best, so that's on plan for this week. But all in all, I was so pleased with my reflection in the mirror in the changing room.
Today I went to J. Jill at the mall to get some skirts to match those tops. Since they were having a sale, I got 2 mediums, a size 12, and a small. If I could wear the tags on the outside of my clothes, I would.
What's so cool is, that I shopped in J. Jill. I walked by Lane Bryant, and walked into a skinny girl's store. And bought skinny girl skirts. And they fit and look good.
And now I have to stop, because I have a lovely summer wardrobe that fits and I am comfortable in, and I am not made of money (even at sale prices, this stuff adds up). So this will be the last post on clothing for the season. I promise.
Day 129 - 169.4 / My Fast Run
I ran a mile yesterday in 10:20. ONE MILE IN TEN MINUTES AND TWENTY SECONDS.
I amaze myself sometimes.
Warm up walk for .25 miles, then I just hit it hard at 5.8 mph. The first 1/4 mile was no big deal. Then the next 1/4 was tough. I did my usual psych out of "just go one more tenth and you can slow down." At .75 miles I thought I was going to die. But by God, I told myself, you can run for 2 more minutes, what's 2 more minutes of your life? You can do this, you are already doing this (I stole that line from The Buenos Aires Broken Hearts Club).
And I did it. I was the Monica Selas of the treadmill, I was huffing and puffing so loudly. This pace is clearly FAST for me. But I didn't have a heart attack or anything and I imagine the next time will be "easier."
My next run is a fartlek run, which I already do occasionally and really enjoy. That run will be on Thursday.
BTW, I'm following an 8-week 5K training program from About.com. WS, I checked out the smartcoach on Runners World (thanks for the suggestion!), and it is awesome but a bit advanced for me right now. I really just want to run 3.1 miles without walking. According to this plan, that should happen in 5 weeks. At week 7, I'll run 4 miles, which seems unbelievable to me, but so did running a mile in just over 10 minutes just a few months ago.
I'm learning that anything is possible if I just get my ass out there and do it.
Tonight is Cardio Kick Boxing. And yes, my gym rocks and the best part about it is their Kid's Club--it's fabulous and Sophie and Luke like it there. Happy kids = less guilt for Mom who loves her workouts but hates putting kids in daycare after work.
I amaze myself sometimes.
Warm up walk for .25 miles, then I just hit it hard at 5.8 mph. The first 1/4 mile was no big deal. Then the next 1/4 was tough. I did my usual psych out of "just go one more tenth and you can slow down." At .75 miles I thought I was going to die. But by God, I told myself, you can run for 2 more minutes, what's 2 more minutes of your life? You can do this, you are already doing this (I stole that line from The Buenos Aires Broken Hearts Club).
And I did it. I was the Monica Selas of the treadmill, I was huffing and puffing so loudly. This pace is clearly FAST for me. But I didn't have a heart attack or anything and I imagine the next time will be "easier."
My next run is a fartlek run, which I already do occasionally and really enjoy. That run will be on Thursday.
BTW, I'm following an 8-week 5K training program from About.com. WS, I checked out the smartcoach on Runners World (thanks for the suggestion!), and it is awesome but a bit advanced for me right now. I really just want to run 3.1 miles without walking. According to this plan, that should happen in 5 weeks. At week 7, I'll run 4 miles, which seems unbelievable to me, but so did running a mile in just over 10 minutes just a few months ago.
I'm learning that anything is possible if I just get my ass out there and do it.
Tonight is Cardio Kick Boxing. And yes, my gym rocks and the best part about it is their Kid's Club--it's fabulous and Sophie and Luke like it there. Happy kids = less guilt for Mom who loves her workouts but hates putting kids in daycare after work.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Day 128 - Back to 169.8 / Sundays
Sundays are becoming one of my favorite days of the week. Because there are two classes at the gym that I love, and I get to take them back to back.
The first is called C3-- it's cardio, core, calisthenics. We use the step, the Reebok core board, hand weights, jump rope, and the track. I've taken the class from 3 different instructors and each one has kicked my ass. I couldn't have done this class 3 months ago. As it is, I'm still the slowest one around the track when we do sprints. But, by golly, I'm there and I don't wimp out half way through and I finish that class strong.
The second is Pilates. Depending on the instructor, this is a tough class or an easy stretch and and strengthen class. Yesterday it was tough. And I was tired after C3. So some of the moves I just couldn't do or hold, but I did what I could and stuck it out.
2 hours in the gym really does it for me, relaxation wise. It's unbelievable how GOOD I feel afterwards. I've done something just for me, all by myself, and it's fanfreakingtastic.
And that feeling--which has nothing to do with food or weight loss--is what keeps me coming back to the gym every day.
Today--3rd run in my 5K training. It's "one mile fast," but I'm not sure what fast, for me, is yet. I'll find out today.
The first is called C3-- it's cardio, core, calisthenics. We use the step, the Reebok core board, hand weights, jump rope, and the track. I've taken the class from 3 different instructors and each one has kicked my ass. I couldn't have done this class 3 months ago. As it is, I'm still the slowest one around the track when we do sprints. But, by golly, I'm there and I don't wimp out half way through and I finish that class strong.
The second is Pilates. Depending on the instructor, this is a tough class or an easy stretch and and strengthen class. Yesterday it was tough. And I was tired after C3. So some of the moves I just couldn't do or hold, but I did what I could and stuck it out.
2 hours in the gym really does it for me, relaxation wise. It's unbelievable how GOOD I feel afterwards. I've done something just for me, all by myself, and it's fanfreakingtastic.
And that feeling--which has nothing to do with food or weight loss--is what keeps me coming back to the gym every day.
Today--3rd run in my 5K training. It's "one mile fast," but I'm not sure what fast, for me, is yet. I'll find out today.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Day 127 - 170.0 PMS
Our entire household has PMS. I swear. My husband has been a complete jerk all day, even though he's gotten to nap through most of it; our son has had 4 diarrhea diapers (although he is still the happiest person I know, even when he doesn't feel good); and our daughter, who had 2 birthday parties today, was acting more like a 13 year old tonight during and after her bath, rolling her eyes at me and talking back.
I really, really want chocolate.
I've been strong so far, counting on my LA Lite chocolate crunch bar to satisfy that craving, and it has. I was at the gym for 2 hours, doing a cardio class and then pilates, so I got the endorphins flowing. It's almost bed time for Sophie, and I'll be starting a new chick lit book after she goes down. Maybe I can get some peace then.
It's been over two weeks since I completely stopped taking Lexapro. I had weaned down over 6 weeks and really didn't notice a difference, mood wise. Now, though, I can tell it's completely out of my system. The brain shivers have stopped (that took over a week to go away), which confirms for me it's all gone from my body and which makes sense, because this is the worst PMS I've had in years.
I suppose I need to break out the meditation CDs I bought a few weeks ago. Or go eat a Hershey bar. My thinner body would opt for meditation. I hope my brain plays along.
I really, really want chocolate.
I've been strong so far, counting on my LA Lite chocolate crunch bar to satisfy that craving, and it has. I was at the gym for 2 hours, doing a cardio class and then pilates, so I got the endorphins flowing. It's almost bed time for Sophie, and I'll be starting a new chick lit book after she goes down. Maybe I can get some peace then.
It's been over two weeks since I completely stopped taking Lexapro. I had weaned down over 6 weeks and really didn't notice a difference, mood wise. Now, though, I can tell it's completely out of my system. The brain shivers have stopped (that took over a week to go away), which confirms for me it's all gone from my body and which makes sense, because this is the worst PMS I've had in years.
I suppose I need to break out the meditation CDs I bought a few weeks ago. Or go eat a Hershey bar. My thinner body would opt for meditation. I hope my brain plays along.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Day 126 - 170.8
Up a pound from a few days ago-- perhaps because of TTOM on the verge of starting, and perhaps because I've had PMS food attacks. They've not been terrible, but even an extra 400 calories a couple days in a row can impact the scale. Ah well. It will go down.
Had a great workout today. I was determined to hit 400 calories on the treadmill, then after I did that, decided what's 12 more minutes? So I went a full hour. I walked the last 10 minutes slowly, at 3.5 mph, taking long strides. My behind really felt it.
Then I did 5 pushups (drum roll please) on my TOES. I had tried one at home the other night, and squeked out 2. I was feeling so great after my hour of cardio, I got out a mat in the free weights area, did 5 minutes of abs then flipped over, got into plank and did 5 strong pushups. Then did 10 more on my knees. Then went into plank on my elbows and held it for about a minute, just to show off. =)
Had a great workout today. I was determined to hit 400 calories on the treadmill, then after I did that, decided what's 12 more minutes? So I went a full hour. I walked the last 10 minutes slowly, at 3.5 mph, taking long strides. My behind really felt it.
Then I did 5 pushups (drum roll please) on my TOES. I had tried one at home the other night, and squeked out 2. I was feeling so great after my hour of cardio, I got out a mat in the free weights area, did 5 minutes of abs then flipped over, got into plank and did 5 strong pushups. Then did 10 more on my knees. Then went into plank on my elbows and held it for about a minute, just to show off. =)
Friday, June 22, 2007
Facelift for my blog
Okay so it's apparently as much fun redecorating my blog as it is to move furniture around in my house. At least when I do my blog, my husband doesn't complain that his chair's not where he likes it.
Hope you enjoy.
Hope you enjoy.
5K Race in 2007
One of my non-weight loss goals is to run a 5K in 2007. Um, it's almost July and I've not even thought about a race. I'm not in training or nothin'.
I've been reading about other runners here and here. Such inspiration! I've got to get myself out there baby! I am a runner, and I need to put my feet where my mouth is.
So, here it is. My pledge to run a 5K in 2007. This is a HUGE race in our city, as I'm sure it is in most cities now. Praise God I'll be wearing a white T-Shirt and not a Pink One, but you just never know what fate your body has in store. I'm running it, folks. Now I gotta go get me a training plan.
Somebody pass me the Advil and a bottle of water.
September 16, 2007
Komen Evansville Race for the Cure
5K Run/Walk -- 9:30 am
1 Mile Family Fun Run/Walk -- 9:45 am
Starts at Eastland Mall, 800 N. Greenriver Road,
Evansville, Indiana
http://www.komenevansville.org/
I've been reading about other runners here and here. Such inspiration! I've got to get myself out there baby! I am a runner, and I need to put my feet where my mouth is.
So, here it is. My pledge to run a 5K in 2007. This is a HUGE race in our city, as I'm sure it is in most cities now. Praise God I'll be wearing a white T-Shirt and not a Pink One, but you just never know what fate your body has in store. I'm running it, folks. Now I gotta go get me a training plan.
Somebody pass me the Advil and a bottle of water.
September 16, 2007
Komen Evansville Race for the Cure
5K Run/Walk -- 9:30 am
1 Mile Family Fun Run/Walk -- 9:45 am
Starts at Eastland Mall, 800 N. Greenriver Road,
Evansville, Indiana
http://www.komenevansville.org/
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Day 124 - 169.8 - Another new decade & Unbelievable Undies
God I love it when a new number pops up in second place on the scale. So it's only .2 pounds away from 170 and if I'd not peed an extra long time this morning I may have missed it, but whatever. It's mine. I OWN that 6. Yee Haa.
Last week before our conference in French Lick, I bought a pair of (My) Assets Unbelievable Underwear at Target (apparently, there's no more MY in the name and I'm behind the times). I'd been putting off buying these for ages. I have a white girdle thingy I've owned for probably 15 years that works okay, but it does cut across my thighs and you can see that cut line sometimes depending on the clothes. And the reviews I'd read on Target's website weren't all that great, with complaints about the waistband and quality.
I wear (My) Assets Fabulous Footless pantyhose WITH EVERYTHING. Seriously, unless I'm in shorts, my workout clothes, or PJ's, I'm wearing these. My saddlebags just do not go with the fashions these days.
So I love this line of lingerie. I praise Target, Sara Blakely, The Goddess of Discount Fashion, whoever is responsible for making Spanx affordable. If I had one, I'd name my third child Sara Blakely N. Thankfully, I'm all snipped up so that's not going to happen. But still, that's how much I love what this woman created.
Back to the purchase of Unbelievable Underwear. I needed something for the little black dress I wore at dinner last week. I didn't want to spend $50 on a new girdle thingy, so I thought I'd throw down $15 at Target and see how bad these really are.
OMG. They are unbelievable, just like the name says! I don't know how it's possible, but there is no cut line across my thigh. I've had no quality issues, no waistband unraveling, and I wore them last Thursday and every day this week. (And, hello? Wash them in the sink and no unraveling problem. This is basic lingerie maintenance, people.)
They actually are better than the Footless, because the band on the Footless that usu. hits me under my knee/high on my calf is tighter than the bottom of this thigh-long pantie. Plus I'd wear the Footless under knee length skirts and had to hike up the band above my knee, and that was not comfortable.
And here's another bonus. The waist band is cut low, so it's not creating a massive muffin top like my girdle that supposed to help squeeze in my belly fat. What idiot designed these things that are supposed to squeeze in belly fat?! All they do is scrunch down and create another lovely roll, of which I have enough already, thank you very much.
I'll be buying more Unbelievable Underwear. I'm in a size 3 now. When I hit my goal weight, I'll be in a size 2 (yes, I am that much of a geek that I am dreaming of where I'll land on the hosiery charts). Apparently even little tiny people have saddlebags, because size 1 fits 5'5'' at 105 pounds. It's nice to know tiny little people need to squeeze in their fat, too.
Last week before our conference in French Lick, I bought a pair of (My) Assets Unbelievable Underwear at Target (apparently, there's no more MY in the name and I'm behind the times). I'd been putting off buying these for ages. I have a white girdle thingy I've owned for probably 15 years that works okay, but it does cut across my thighs and you can see that cut line sometimes depending on the clothes. And the reviews I'd read on Target's website weren't all that great, with complaints about the waistband and quality.
I wear (My) Assets Fabulous Footless pantyhose WITH EVERYTHING. Seriously, unless I'm in shorts, my workout clothes, or PJ's, I'm wearing these. My saddlebags just do not go with the fashions these days.
So I love this line of lingerie. I praise Target, Sara Blakely, The Goddess of Discount Fashion, whoever is responsible for making Spanx affordable. If I had one, I'd name my third child Sara Blakely N. Thankfully, I'm all snipped up so that's not going to happen. But still, that's how much I love what this woman created.
Back to the purchase of Unbelievable Underwear. I needed something for the little black dress I wore at dinner last week. I didn't want to spend $50 on a new girdle thingy, so I thought I'd throw down $15 at Target and see how bad these really are.
OMG. They are unbelievable, just like the name says! I don't know how it's possible, but there is no cut line across my thigh. I've had no quality issues, no waistband unraveling, and I wore them last Thursday and every day this week. (And, hello? Wash them in the sink and no unraveling problem. This is basic lingerie maintenance, people.)
They actually are better than the Footless, because the band on the Footless that usu. hits me under my knee/high on my calf is tighter than the bottom of this thigh-long pantie. Plus I'd wear the Footless under knee length skirts and had to hike up the band above my knee, and that was not comfortable.
And here's another bonus. The waist band is cut low, so it's not creating a massive muffin top like my girdle that supposed to help squeeze in my belly fat. What idiot designed these things that are supposed to squeeze in belly fat?! All they do is scrunch down and create another lovely roll, of which I have enough already, thank you very much.
I'll be buying more Unbelievable Underwear. I'm in a size 3 now. When I hit my goal weight, I'll be in a size 2 (yes, I am that much of a geek that I am dreaming of where I'll land on the hosiery charts). Apparently even little tiny people have saddlebags, because size 1 fits 5'5'' at 105 pounds. It's nice to know tiny little people need to squeeze in their fat, too.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Day 123 - official weight 172 - 35.2 pounds lost
So I wore my lighter than a feather silk skirt and a lacy tank top today, on purpose so my clothes wouldn't weigh down my weigh in. And VIOLA!
172 officially on the LA WL scale.
35.2 pounds off my 5'5'' body in 123 days.
My 19 month old son weighs 29.2 pounds (I know this because he likes to stand on my scale when I get ready for work in the morning).
I have lost more than my son weighs.
My 6 year old daughter weighs about 50 pounds.
By the time I reach goal, I'll have lost what she weighs plus 12 pounds. I'll have lost a 6 year old and a 6 month old, off my body.
This, simply amazes me. Okay, so I've not lost Half of Me like Pasta Queen and I'm not climbing mountains like Diet Girl. But I am doing it. And it's not been a small task. 35.2 pounds is a lot of fat. As they used to say in my Weight Watchers days, that's 140 sticks of butter. Ewwww.
It has taken me 12 years to get to the point that I am ready to strip the fat from my body and my head. I understand it's gonna take longer to lose the Fat Head thinking. That the Body will lose and the Head will follow; that is, the head will follow if weight loss maintenance is expected.
I wish there were a scale to weigh my head and tell me how much fat I still have to lose there.
172 officially on the LA WL scale.
35.2 pounds off my 5'5'' body in 123 days.
My 19 month old son weighs 29.2 pounds (I know this because he likes to stand on my scale when I get ready for work in the morning).
I have lost more than my son weighs.
My 6 year old daughter weighs about 50 pounds.
By the time I reach goal, I'll have lost what she weighs plus 12 pounds. I'll have lost a 6 year old and a 6 month old, off my body.
This, simply amazes me. Okay, so I've not lost Half of Me like Pasta Queen and I'm not climbing mountains like Diet Girl. But I am doing it. And it's not been a small task. 35.2 pounds is a lot of fat. As they used to say in my Weight Watchers days, that's 140 sticks of butter. Ewwww.
It has taken me 12 years to get to the point that I am ready to strip the fat from my body and my head. I understand it's gonna take longer to lose the Fat Head thinking. That the Body will lose and the Head will follow; that is, the head will follow if weight loss maintenance is expected.
I wish there were a scale to weigh my head and tell me how much fat I still have to lose there.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Day 122 - 170.6 Justification for Mommy's Workouts
Last night I took an awesome cardio class at the gym, from a new instructor. She was kickin' ass and taking names, but it was great. I kept up pretty well and actually did great with the triceps dips. I'm starting to notice some nice definition in my legs and arms.
I don't think I'd be this far in my weight loss (34 pounds!) if it weren't for exercise. I've tracked my activities in excel, and since March 26, 2007, I have been in the gym a minimum of 4 times (only ONE week was it 3 times).
The past 3 weeks I've been to the gym 6 days each week, with 4 or 5 days of cardio and the other day or two doing yoga or pilates.
This gym thing-- it's become a habit. In fact, it's now a necessity to my sanity.
My kids do well in their Kid's Center, or else I couldn't go. I've learned that I just can't count on my husband to keep them. Work is too unpredictable, and he likes to take a 4:30 yoga class that lasts 90 minutes on the days he doesn't have to work late. Regardless of what the feminists would say or what I think about it, the child care-taking falls to me, and that's that.
But it's been hard for me to justify putting my kiddos in day care for yet another hour of the day, since I'm away from them all day anyway. For years, I haven't. For years, it was my excuse not to work out... I can't leave my babies with someone after 5 p.m.! What kind of horrible excuse for a mother would I be!
Well, you know what? I am SUCH a better mom to my kids when I've gotten my workout in. I feel calmer, more centered, more relaxed, more patient with them and myself. That extra hour of day care pays them back in spades, because mommy is nicer when she is with them.
Working out also makes me not want to eat my way through the evening. I've had occasional challenges, but for the most part, my night eating is gone. And it's because I'm so freaking tired and my body is so worn out, I don't want to fill it with food.
Tonight I'm going to try a Kickin' Cardio class, which is aerobic kick boxing. I haven't taken this class yet, choosing to run on the treadmill on Tuesday nights, but the fitness center is way too hot right now and the aerobics studio is air conditioned, so I'm taking a lot of classes right now.
I have a feeling my quads are going to be screaming tomorrow, but at least they will look good.
I don't think I'd be this far in my weight loss (34 pounds!) if it weren't for exercise. I've tracked my activities in excel, and since March 26, 2007, I have been in the gym a minimum of 4 times (only ONE week was it 3 times).
The past 3 weeks I've been to the gym 6 days each week, with 4 or 5 days of cardio and the other day or two doing yoga or pilates.
This gym thing-- it's become a habit. In fact, it's now a necessity to my sanity.
My kids do well in their Kid's Center, or else I couldn't go. I've learned that I just can't count on my husband to keep them. Work is too unpredictable, and he likes to take a 4:30 yoga class that lasts 90 minutes on the days he doesn't have to work late. Regardless of what the feminists would say or what I think about it, the child care-taking falls to me, and that's that.
But it's been hard for me to justify putting my kiddos in day care for yet another hour of the day, since I'm away from them all day anyway. For years, I haven't. For years, it was my excuse not to work out... I can't leave my babies with someone after 5 p.m.! What kind of horrible excuse for a mother would I be!
Well, you know what? I am SUCH a better mom to my kids when I've gotten my workout in. I feel calmer, more centered, more relaxed, more patient with them and myself. That extra hour of day care pays them back in spades, because mommy is nicer when she is with them.
Working out also makes me not want to eat my way through the evening. I've had occasional challenges, but for the most part, my night eating is gone. And it's because I'm so freaking tired and my body is so worn out, I don't want to fill it with food.
Tonight I'm going to try a Kickin' Cardio class, which is aerobic kick boxing. I haven't taken this class yet, choosing to run on the treadmill on Tuesday nights, but the fitness center is way too hot right now and the aerobics studio is air conditioned, so I'm taking a lot of classes right now.
I have a feeling my quads are going to be screaming tomorrow, but at least they will look good.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Tag - You're It
Grumpy Chair (a.ka. Alicia) , who I simply adore and would totally tag her BACK, tagged me, so here are the rules:
1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme.
Here are my picks. At this stage of the Game, some (all?) may have been chosen already. I don't care. I love them and live to read them daily.
Baby Steps V
Jack Sprat
Angry Fat Girls
Diet Girl
Pasta Queen
There are many more that I read for inspiration and to follow how they are doing in their lives --Jen, Anne, Daisy K, Lori-- from the "original" AFG gang. I love them all and wouldn't be here if it weren't for them. They've all been tagged in this game before, and I don't expect them to play again.
I also love reading Deb's blog-- she's who got me started on C25K last summer.
A few new ones (new to me, not the blogging world) I've found that I really like: I Am That Girl Now, Fat Bloke Thin (he has T-shirts--gosh I love that), and Body of Work.
I guess I didn't play the game the "right" way, because these are all part of my Top 5. I just have more than 5.
1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme.
Here are my picks. At this stage of the Game, some (all?) may have been chosen already. I don't care. I love them and live to read them daily.
Baby Steps V
Jack Sprat
Angry Fat Girls
Diet Girl
Pasta Queen
There are many more that I read for inspiration and to follow how they are doing in their lives --Jen, Anne, Daisy K, Lori-- from the "original" AFG gang. I love them all and wouldn't be here if it weren't for them. They've all been tagged in this game before, and I don't expect them to play again.
I also love reading Deb's blog-- she's who got me started on C25K last summer.
A few new ones (new to me, not the blogging world) I've found that I really like: I Am That Girl Now, Fat Bloke Thin (he has T-shirts--gosh I love that), and Body of Work.
I guess I didn't play the game the "right" way, because these are all part of my Top 5. I just have more than 5.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Day 119 - 171 - Hotel Behaviors
In the past, the Old Laura would have been excited about an overnight trip to a nice hotel because of room service. I adore room service--the heaviness of the tray, the silverware polished brightly, the tiny jam jars, and the food, of course. Even if I don't have time to order room service on a quick trip, I still look at the room service menu as one of my first orders of business in my home away from home.
This trip to French Lick was a revelation of the New Laura. New Laura looked at the fitness center to make sure it had decent treadmills. New Laura worked out at 9 p.m. (10 p.m. local time!) and did 30 minutes of running/walking on a super duper fancy treadmill. New Laura didn't order room service (although, I did look at the menu as I was looking through the hotel book--old habits and all).
New Laura enjoyed dinner with strangers (and my husband) at the conference dinner in a cute little black dress and felt comfortable in my skin, not unworthy and embarrassed by every bite I put in my mouth. New Laura took one bite of the chocolate bread pudding, and pushed it aside. New Laura stayed on plan during a mini break. No excuses, no "I'm on a holiday so I'll treat myself."
It felt amazing.
I'm rewarded by the All Mighty Scale, who shows me at 171 today. 1.2 pounds away from a new decade and ever closer to my goal.
This trip to French Lick was a revelation of the New Laura. New Laura looked at the fitness center to make sure it had decent treadmills. New Laura worked out at 9 p.m. (10 p.m. local time!) and did 30 minutes of running/walking on a super duper fancy treadmill. New Laura didn't order room service (although, I did look at the menu as I was looking through the hotel book--old habits and all).
New Laura enjoyed dinner with strangers (and my husband) at the conference dinner in a cute little black dress and felt comfortable in my skin, not unworthy and embarrassed by every bite I put in my mouth. New Laura took one bite of the chocolate bread pudding, and pushed it aside. New Laura stayed on plan during a mini break. No excuses, no "I'm on a holiday so I'll treat myself."
It felt amazing.
I'm rewarded by the All Mighty Scale, who shows me at 171 today. 1.2 pounds away from a new decade and ever closer to my goal.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Day 117 - 173.4
Back down 1.2 pounds from the big salt bloat yesterday. I tend to go up mid cycle for a while, then drop back down several pounds at TTOM. I hope that's going to hold true this month, too.
Today, DH and I are going to a seminar for work in a town about 90 minutes away called French Lick. They restored a hotel that hasn't been open since 1932, called West Baden Springs. Way back then, it had the largest open air dome in the world. We saw it about 12 years ago, right after they'd restored the dome inside but hadn't redone any of the hotel rooms. They just finished it this spring, and I am excited we get to stay one night for FREE!
It's only one night and tomorrow we have the seminar, but at least I'll get to see it and be there. It's $300+ a night, so we won't be going back any time soon on our own dime.
My mom is keeping the kids-- it's just me and hubby. I don't know what the food will be like, but I'm sure there will be a protein and veggies so I'll be okay. I've got my eyes on the prize and am just not tempted right now by desserts, so no big deal there. Really, my LA Lites provide just the right amount of allowed sweets every day, so I don't feel deprived.
Yesterday I ran/walked for 40 minutes and did 30 minutes of a pilates class (had to leave 30 minutes early b/c it was 7 p.m. and I needed to get the kids home to bed). It felt great, just the right amount of exercise.
I may not be back to post until the weekend. Not sure if I'll have access to my laptop at the hotel. Not sure I want to!
Today, DH and I are going to a seminar for work in a town about 90 minutes away called French Lick. They restored a hotel that hasn't been open since 1932, called West Baden Springs. Way back then, it had the largest open air dome in the world. We saw it about 12 years ago, right after they'd restored the dome inside but hadn't redone any of the hotel rooms. They just finished it this spring, and I am excited we get to stay one night for FREE!
It's only one night and tomorrow we have the seminar, but at least I'll get to see it and be there. It's $300+ a night, so we won't be going back any time soon on our own dime.
My mom is keeping the kids-- it's just me and hubby. I don't know what the food will be like, but I'm sure there will be a protein and veggies so I'll be okay. I've got my eyes on the prize and am just not tempted right now by desserts, so no big deal there. Really, my LA Lites provide just the right amount of allowed sweets every day, so I don't feel deprived.
Yesterday I ran/walked for 40 minutes and did 30 minutes of a pilates class (had to leave 30 minutes early b/c it was 7 p.m. and I needed to get the kids home to bed). It felt great, just the right amount of exercise.
I may not be back to post until the weekend. Not sure if I'll have access to my laptop at the hotel. Not sure I want to!
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Day 116 - 174.6
So, a 2 pound gain since Monday. Do ya think eating out yesterday at lunch could cause a 2 pound water weight gain? I'm thinking yes. All I had was the broccoli (in a butter/teriyaki/garlic sauce--OMG it doesn't get any better than that) and 2 1/2 chicken satay skewers (out of 6, and I was STUFFED) dipped occasionally in a honey/curry sauce. We love eating at Cheeseburger in Paradise, mainly because they have a little "beach" outside where Sophie plays while we eat. And their food is excellent.
I'm also guessing I'm retaining H2O from my mid-month cycle fluctuation and maybe from my workouts Sunday and Monday (which left my legs screaming and are still sore).
Don't ya love how I can rationalize a gain?!
Thanks to the Grumpy Chair Dieter for including me in her list of blogs for Thinking Bloggers and teaching me how to link in my posts (so easy, but I'm SO behind the curve =). I'm noodling on who to include. I've seen a lot of my favorites already included, and want to share the wealth with other newbies like me, so it may take a week or so before I pay it forward. I'm happy to, though--it's awesome to discover new blogs and inspiration.
I have a lot on my mind but no time to get into it. Work and family keep getting in the way of my blogging time, darn it. More later....
I'm also guessing I'm retaining H2O from my mid-month cycle fluctuation and maybe from my workouts Sunday and Monday (which left my legs screaming and are still sore).
Don't ya love how I can rationalize a gain?!
Thanks to the Grumpy Chair Dieter for including me in her list of blogs for Thinking Bloggers and teaching me how to link in my posts (so easy, but I'm SO behind the curve =). I'm noodling on who to include. I've seen a lot of my favorites already included, and want to share the wealth with other newbies like me, so it may take a week or so before I pay it forward. I'm happy to, though--it's awesome to discover new blogs and inspiration.
I have a lot on my mind but no time to get into it. Work and family keep getting in the way of my blogging time, darn it. More later....
Monday, June 11, 2007
GOAL! 174.8 official weight on 6/11/07
My goal was 175. I made it.
ONLY 30 more pounds to go to hit my total weight loss goal.
ONLY 30 more pounds to go to hit my total weight loss goal.
Day 114 - 172.6 Crying in Pilates Class
Yesterday I spent 2 hours at the gym-- an awesome cardio class and an hour of mat pilates.
And this is SO weird. I cried during pilates. CRIED. I don't know if it's getting off the lexapro, the fact that I was exhausted and was pushing myself so hard, or what. We were doing a bridge on a stability ball, and I suck at doing bridge (where you lay on your back, knees bent, and lift your butt high in the air). With your feet on the ball, it's really tough. But I was working hard and contracting my hamstrings, and all of the sudden I just felt overwhelmed with emotions--and it poured out my eyes and into my ears. Thank God it was dark in the room. I even had to go in the hallway and get myself together.
I could have just cried and cried and cried, I think, but I went back to class to finish. Afterwards I thought about what happened, and truly, I think I just felt so thankful that I could MOVE my body the way I had been that whole hour. That I was exhausted from it, but it was a happy exhaustion. That I am so BLESSED to be healthy and have the opportunity to build my body into the temple that God made it to be. That I am so different now than I was in February or than I was a year ago.
And I want so desperately and with all my soul to hold onto what I've accomplished so far. And I know how difficult that is. How many people fail. How I don't want to be a statistic.
Emotionally, I am so tender. It's fabulous to lose 31 pounds, but it draws a lot of attention which is bizarre when you've been invisible in size 16s for so many years.
And this is SO weird. I cried during pilates. CRIED. I don't know if it's getting off the lexapro, the fact that I was exhausted and was pushing myself so hard, or what. We were doing a bridge on a stability ball, and I suck at doing bridge (where you lay on your back, knees bent, and lift your butt high in the air). With your feet on the ball, it's really tough. But I was working hard and contracting my hamstrings, and all of the sudden I just felt overwhelmed with emotions--and it poured out my eyes and into my ears. Thank God it was dark in the room. I even had to go in the hallway and get myself together.
I could have just cried and cried and cried, I think, but I went back to class to finish. Afterwards I thought about what happened, and truly, I think I just felt so thankful that I could MOVE my body the way I had been that whole hour. That I was exhausted from it, but it was a happy exhaustion. That I am so BLESSED to be healthy and have the opportunity to build my body into the temple that God made it to be. That I am so different now than I was in February or than I was a year ago.
And I want so desperately and with all my soul to hold onto what I've accomplished so far. And I know how difficult that is. How many people fail. How I don't want to be a statistic.
Emotionally, I am so tender. It's fabulous to lose 31 pounds, but it draws a lot of attention which is bizarre when you've been invisible in size 16s for so many years.
Friday, June 08, 2007
This might be bad
I was still full from a fabulous (on plan) lunch with my husband when it was time to work out, so I did the next best thing-- went shopping.
Now, for the past umpteen years my closet has been filled with Avenue, Dress Barn, the occasional piece from Lane Bryant (God help me, I hated shopping there), and sometimes JC Penney.
Our mall got a Dillard's a few months ago, and it's been my go-to place for accessories ever since. DH loves their clothes and shoes, and he got my anniversary present of a Ralph Lauren robe there. (That robe is a Large and he bought it for me when I was still almost 200 pounds; it fits perfectly now. I have the matching night gown in Medium that is the ultimate skinny girl nightie--long, silky, dark blue, very curve hugging, and gorgeous. I can't wear it--yet. But I'm getting closer.)
ANYWAY, I went to Dillard's just to try on some NICE clothes for a change.
Oh. My. God.
What I have been missing, I had no idea.
See, the last time I was thin, I was shopping at Lerner and Express and The Limited. I was 23 and worked at the mall, so what would you expect?
Now that I'm all grows up, me likes me some nice fabric.
And, come to find out, designer clothing is totally into vanity sizing, so I can wear 10's in Michael Kors and some Italian label I've never heard of (it must be nice though-- I got a $132 skirt for $30). The Michael Kors denim skirt is adorable. It wasn't on sale ($79) but it was a size TEN so I had to buy it, of course. I bought a Michael Kors white eyelet top (on sale for $29) in a size 12 because they didn't have a 10, but it fit okay and is cute with the skirt.
I also bought a dressy sweater in a SMALL that fit (it's tight, but it's for FALL) for $10. And a white button down blouse in a SMALL, for $7.50. It's for Fall, too, and it fit but was snug. SMALL and FALL--must be fate.
I splurged and bought a $50 black straight skirt for work in a 10. It barely fits, but I could zip it up and even fasten the eyelet hook. But I can't really sit down in it, not without holding my breath, and that might be a problem, having to stand up every time I need to breathe. The 12 fit perfectly--absofreakingperfectly--and I don't want it to fit well. I wanted it small, because my butt is going to fit in that baby in another 10 pounds. And that skirt wasn't a designer--just some career label that Dillard's carries.
Shopping and skinny just naturally go together. However, unlike starlets and hotel heiresses, I do not have unlimited supplies of money. So I may have a problem.
It is a problem I'm willing to live with.
Now, for the past umpteen years my closet has been filled with Avenue, Dress Barn, the occasional piece from Lane Bryant (God help me, I hated shopping there), and sometimes JC Penney.
Our mall got a Dillard's a few months ago, and it's been my go-to place for accessories ever since. DH loves their clothes and shoes, and he got my anniversary present of a Ralph Lauren robe there. (That robe is a Large and he bought it for me when I was still almost 200 pounds; it fits perfectly now. I have the matching night gown in Medium that is the ultimate skinny girl nightie--long, silky, dark blue, very curve hugging, and gorgeous. I can't wear it--yet. But I'm getting closer.)
ANYWAY, I went to Dillard's just to try on some NICE clothes for a change.
Oh. My. God.
What I have been missing, I had no idea.
See, the last time I was thin, I was shopping at Lerner and Express and The Limited. I was 23 and worked at the mall, so what would you expect?
Now that I'm all grows up, me likes me some nice fabric.
And, come to find out, designer clothing is totally into vanity sizing, so I can wear 10's in Michael Kors and some Italian label I've never heard of (it must be nice though-- I got a $132 skirt for $30). The Michael Kors denim skirt is adorable. It wasn't on sale ($79) but it was a size TEN so I had to buy it, of course. I bought a Michael Kors white eyelet top (on sale for $29) in a size 12 because they didn't have a 10, but it fit okay and is cute with the skirt.
I also bought a dressy sweater in a SMALL that fit (it's tight, but it's for FALL) for $10. And a white button down blouse in a SMALL, for $7.50. It's for Fall, too, and it fit but was snug. SMALL and FALL--must be fate.
I splurged and bought a $50 black straight skirt for work in a 10. It barely fits, but I could zip it up and even fasten the eyelet hook. But I can't really sit down in it, not without holding my breath, and that might be a problem, having to stand up every time I need to breathe. The 12 fit perfectly--absofreakingperfectly--and I don't want it to fit well. I wanted it small, because my butt is going to fit in that baby in another 10 pounds. And that skirt wasn't a designer--just some career label that Dillard's carries.
Shopping and skinny just naturally go together. However, unlike starlets and hotel heiresses, I do not have unlimited supplies of money. So I may have a problem.
It is a problem I'm willing to live with.
Day 111 - 172.6 - Now that's what I'm talking about
This is the lowest weight I've been in 12 years.
I'm wearing a size M shirt today.
My size 16 skirt from Casual Corner doesn't hug my hips at all, just hangs straight as a straight skirt should (really, it's too big, but looks okay with my shirt over it, and I'm determined to wear it as long as I can since it has hung in my closet unworn for years and years).
I have been in the gym every single day this week. One day was for a meditation class and I got to eat chocolate, but I was in my workout clothes and at the gym. It's a habit now.
My kids and husband are healthy.
It's summer, and we've had lovely weather for weeks and weeks.
I got my engagement ring re-done-- my solitaire reset into a white gold band so now I am wearing my diamond again. It's a size 7 1/2. I haven't worn a proper wedding band set for almost 10 years, because my fingers were so big. I finally felt like my fingers were small enough to warrant spending $300 on a new setting. It's beautiful.
I can run 6.0 mph for 2 minutes. I can run 5.5 mph for 5 minutes. I can run 5.0 mph for 28 minutes.
I warm up at 4.0 mph at .5 incline.
My collarbones are visible. My "boob fat" doesn't spill over to the outside of my bras anymore.
I look halfway decent in my workout clothes.
I wear my workout clothes almost every day.
I want to workout every day.
My skin is clearer. My cravings are almost all gone. I enjoy eating fruits and veggies.
My husband gives me the raised eyebrow look when I'm getting ready in the morning in my undies.
I wear cute undies (a blue bra! pink panties!).
It's a small little life I live, but it's mine. And, Life. Is. Good.
I'm wearing a size M shirt today.
My size 16 skirt from Casual Corner doesn't hug my hips at all, just hangs straight as a straight skirt should (really, it's too big, but looks okay with my shirt over it, and I'm determined to wear it as long as I can since it has hung in my closet unworn for years and years).
I have been in the gym every single day this week. One day was for a meditation class and I got to eat chocolate, but I was in my workout clothes and at the gym. It's a habit now.
My kids and husband are healthy.
It's summer, and we've had lovely weather for weeks and weeks.
I got my engagement ring re-done-- my solitaire reset into a white gold band so now I am wearing my diamond again. It's a size 7 1/2. I haven't worn a proper wedding band set for almost 10 years, because my fingers were so big. I finally felt like my fingers were small enough to warrant spending $300 on a new setting. It's beautiful.
I can run 6.0 mph for 2 minutes. I can run 5.5 mph for 5 minutes. I can run 5.0 mph for 28 minutes.
I warm up at 4.0 mph at .5 incline.
My collarbones are visible. My "boob fat" doesn't spill over to the outside of my bras anymore.
I look halfway decent in my workout clothes.
I wear my workout clothes almost every day.
I want to workout every day.
My skin is clearer. My cravings are almost all gone. I enjoy eating fruits and veggies.
My husband gives me the raised eyebrow look when I'm getting ready in the morning in my undies.
I wear cute undies (a blue bra! pink panties!).
It's a small little life I live, but it's mine. And, Life. Is. Good.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Freedom in my Food Plan
I feel like rambling, so here goes:
So one of the things I've noticed about being on a food plan is that it frees me from making stupid choices in the grocery store and/or Target.
Before my plan, it was like I couldn't STOP myself from buying poptarts or powdered donuts (those were my poison of choice for months). I'd tell myself NO YOU ARE NOT DOING THIS and like a robot I'd put them in my cart anyway, buy them, and eat them in the car before I got home, be covered in powdered sugar I'd try to brush off my clothes, and then hide the empty packages at the bottom of the trashcan in the garage before I went in the house.
Seriously, there was nothing I could do to stop myself. The urge was so powerful, so controlling, I had no control.
Yesterday in Target I was in the powdered sugar donut aisle getting graham cracker sticks for the kids, and I looked those donuts square in the face and felt nothing. No pull, no urge, just "huh, look, there's the donuts."
There is freedom in a plan. I am free to ignore that crap on the shelves. I am free to pass up the cinnamon scone on the counter by the microwave at work (although I have been looking at it longingly--I have a thing for cinnamon), choosing instead to nuke my asparagus and cut up my apple for my afternoon snack. I am free because it's just not an option any more. I don't have to fight it--there's nothing to fight.
I still have demons--the biggest, my night eating habit when I should be asleep, is still haunting me. I'm not anywhere near perfect. I've got emotional scars that won't heal unless I work on them, but at least I'm not medicating myself with food any more (at least 99% of the time).
I've been on plenty of plans before, and I haven't felt this freedom. So what's different this time? Partly, it's the program-- being accountable to someone 3 times a week is a big motivator for eating on plan. But, hey, I could always lie and not write down what I eat and pretend I've been good, so that's not the ultimate reason.
Ultimately, I think I just decided it's time. It was time for me to cut the bullsh!t and just get this done. And because....
....I'll be 40 in 2 years and 10 months.
....I've got two young kids who I'd like to see grow up and not have them checking me into a nursing home in their early 20s.
....I've got a husband in fabulous shape who, even though he's 8 years older than me looks younger than me when I weighed 200+, and I don't want to get the "what's he doing with the fat wife?" look any more.
And, dammit, I want to look good again. I want to turn heads. I want to feel sexy. I want to be in my 40s but look like I'm still 35. And FEEL like I'm still 35. Or 25, which is truly the last time I felt any of those wonderful things that goes with being THINner. I weighed 145 at age 25. Funny, that's my goal weight now.
Those are my reasons. What are yours?
So one of the things I've noticed about being on a food plan is that it frees me from making stupid choices in the grocery store and/or Target.
Before my plan, it was like I couldn't STOP myself from buying poptarts or powdered donuts (those were my poison of choice for months). I'd tell myself NO YOU ARE NOT DOING THIS and like a robot I'd put them in my cart anyway, buy them, and eat them in the car before I got home, be covered in powdered sugar I'd try to brush off my clothes, and then hide the empty packages at the bottom of the trashcan in the garage before I went in the house.
Seriously, there was nothing I could do to stop myself. The urge was so powerful, so controlling, I had no control.
Yesterday in Target I was in the powdered sugar donut aisle getting graham cracker sticks for the kids, and I looked those donuts square in the face and felt nothing. No pull, no urge, just "huh, look, there's the donuts."
There is freedom in a plan. I am free to ignore that crap on the shelves. I am free to pass up the cinnamon scone on the counter by the microwave at work (although I have been looking at it longingly--I have a thing for cinnamon), choosing instead to nuke my asparagus and cut up my apple for my afternoon snack. I am free because it's just not an option any more. I don't have to fight it--there's nothing to fight.
I still have demons--the biggest, my night eating habit when I should be asleep, is still haunting me. I'm not anywhere near perfect. I've got emotional scars that won't heal unless I work on them, but at least I'm not medicating myself with food any more (at least 99% of the time).
I've been on plenty of plans before, and I haven't felt this freedom. So what's different this time? Partly, it's the program-- being accountable to someone 3 times a week is a big motivator for eating on plan. But, hey, I could always lie and not write down what I eat and pretend I've been good, so that's not the ultimate reason.
Ultimately, I think I just decided it's time. It was time for me to cut the bullsh!t and just get this done. And because....
....I'll be 40 in 2 years and 10 months.
....I've got two young kids who I'd like to see grow up and not have them checking me into a nursing home in their early 20s.
....I've got a husband in fabulous shape who, even though he's 8 years older than me looks younger than me when I weighed 200+, and I don't want to get the "what's he doing with the fat wife?" look any more.
And, dammit, I want to look good again. I want to turn heads. I want to feel sexy. I want to be in my 40s but look like I'm still 35. And FEEL like I'm still 35. Or 25, which is truly the last time I felt any of those wonderful things that goes with being THINner. I weighed 145 at age 25. Funny, that's my goal weight now.
Those are my reasons. What are yours?
Day 110 - 173.4
One more pound is gone. Yippee.
I had a mini-breakdown at LA Weight Loss yesterday. I didn't cry or anything, but just needed to talk about how they were going to help me when I (a) hit a plateau and stop losing and (b) get to maintenance.
It's been relatively easy these past 16 weeks to get to where I am now, 31 pounds down. And I say "easy" not as in I haven't worked for it, but "easy" as in the things I've done have gotten me results. So I'm afraid of what happens when it's not so easy.
At this weight, I look better and feel better and have a closet full of clothes that fit and look nice. I can run faster, longer, and can get through a 60 minute cardio class and keep up. It's a nice weight to be at, even if it's not goal weight.
I keep thinking-- could I stop here? What if I don't lose any more weight? Could this be where I'd be happy? I think I could be, for a while. Maybe through the summer, since I have summer clothes that fit.
I also wonder--should I stop here for a while? Just to stabilize? Give my body a chance to catch up?
It doesn't really matter, I suppose, because I'm going to stay on plan and keep exercising, and if the weight keeps coming off, it keeps coming off.
Feeling good about myself DURING weight loss is such foreign territory. I've felt sh!tty about the way I look for so long, I am just struggling to wrap my head around this new more satisfied feeling.
I was happy about my talk with the LAWL counselor and glad I took the time to get things off my chest. Especially when I learned what I'll eat on maintenance, and it is SO MUCH MORE than what I'm eating now. Once I reach goal, there's 6 weeks of stabilization, where we add foods back a week at a time and if I stay within 3 pounds of goal, we keep adding food back. Then 1 year of maintenance where I weigh in with LAWL once a week. And the amount of food I can eat during maintenance is more livable long term than what I'm eating now.
So I feel better about the future. Now I just need to learn to be comfortable living in my present.
I had a mini-breakdown at LA Weight Loss yesterday. I didn't cry or anything, but just needed to talk about how they were going to help me when I (a) hit a plateau and stop losing and (b) get to maintenance.
It's been relatively easy these past 16 weeks to get to where I am now, 31 pounds down. And I say "easy" not as in I haven't worked for it, but "easy" as in the things I've done have gotten me results. So I'm afraid of what happens when it's not so easy.
At this weight, I look better and feel better and have a closet full of clothes that fit and look nice. I can run faster, longer, and can get through a 60 minute cardio class and keep up. It's a nice weight to be at, even if it's not goal weight.
I keep thinking-- could I stop here? What if I don't lose any more weight? Could this be where I'd be happy? I think I could be, for a while. Maybe through the summer, since I have summer clothes that fit.
I also wonder--should I stop here for a while? Just to stabilize? Give my body a chance to catch up?
It doesn't really matter, I suppose, because I'm going to stay on plan and keep exercising, and if the weight keeps coming off, it keeps coming off.
Feeling good about myself DURING weight loss is such foreign territory. I've felt sh!tty about the way I look for so long, I am just struggling to wrap my head around this new more satisfied feeling.
I was happy about my talk with the LAWL counselor and glad I took the time to get things off my chest. Especially when I learned what I'll eat on maintenance, and it is SO MUCH MORE than what I'm eating now. Once I reach goal, there's 6 weeks of stabilization, where we add foods back a week at a time and if I stay within 3 pounds of goal, we keep adding food back. Then 1 year of maintenance where I weigh in with LAWL once a week. And the amount of food I can eat during maintenance is more livable long term than what I'm eating now.
So I feel better about the future. Now I just need to learn to be comfortable living in my present.
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