Almost 60 days, and back to yoga (157.0)

After hitting a plateau for a couple of weeks, my weight has started to come down again.  This is consistent from what I've experienced in the past--go no where, then drop, then go nowhere again, then drop again. 

Monday will be 60 days of continual abstinence, and I'll get my 60 day chip (I've actually not eaten sugary trigger foods for 90 days, but the pizza incident caused me to start over my day count after 30 days).

It is SO much easier living my life this way!  Yes, I still occasionally struggle with wanting to comfort myself with food.  A few times I have overeaten foods that aren't on my trigger foods list.  But when I don't eat the sugar/fat/white flour combo, I don't crave it. 

I am retraining my brain to not eat after dinner, to eat only at meals, and to sit with uncomfortable emotions, or at least to work out those emotions with something other than food. 

I'm also approaching this from a place of surrender and powerlessness.  Living with open hands instead of clenched fists.  Open hands represent accepting the gifts being given to me and accepting what IS instead of struggling for something out of reach.  Clenched fists are the opposite: striving to control, holding on too tight, never having enough. 

I am soooo not perfect with any of this.  It's a learning process and I have to continually remind myself of these things.  Weekly meetings with people who have lived this way for years and talking with my sponsor a few times a week makes all the difference.

I am not doing my 30 questions or writing and reading like I should be.  That is an area I will be improving.
***
I didn't get to run Tuesday as planned, and by Wednesday night I was so wound up I was ready to pop.  Last night I didn't have choir practice, and I took advantage of the free time by going to a hot yoga class. 

I first ran 2 miles on the treadmill.  I can control my speed and usually do intervals on the TM.  I ran 10 min/mile for .25 or .2 miles several times.  I still ended up with an avg of 12 min/miles, because of my recovery walks.  But I love interval training because I like running fast & I know it's good for calorie burning and makes my cardio system stronger.

After my run I headed to the yoga studio.  I haven't taken a yoga class in forever--at least 6 weeks, maybe 2 months.  I was super excited. 

We had a wonderful instructor--the kind who walks around the room and tells you the little things that improve poses in ways you wouldn't expect.  Such as, in down dog, press your fingers to the floor so your second knuckles are pushing into the ground, and pull your hands toward each other, so your shoulders will go down your back and relax more.  It works. 

The poses we did led us to doing the Big Pose, bird of paradise.


We approached it from the floor.  I don't think I can fully explain how we did it, but I'll try.  We started in a lunge position, then got our arms in the bind, then scooted in our back foot, then lifted the front leg in the air.

Now, I did NOT get my leg straight and I did not get my back all the way straight.  My inner thighs are the least flexible part of my lower body.  But I did the bind, I did stand up without falling, and I did get my knee in the air.  And this was after 45 minutes of hard work.  I was only able to do it on one side.  By the time we got to the other side I was spent.  I also couldn't get into it from a standing position. I think I needed the bind to happen when I was stable on the ground, instead of trying to bind while balancing on one leg.

When she first showed us the pose, at the beginning of class, it bummed me out.  I thought "OMG there is no way I can do that.  Oh well, I'll just enjoy the rest of the class and it's no big deal.  I won't be the only one who can't." 

It is an amazing feeling to do something you never thought you could.

I felt smaller and looked smaller in the yoga mirrors.  My tank top is getting too big.  My hips don't look as deformed (they are still deformed, but not as bad, stupid saddle bags).  I'm starting to see light between my thighs when we are in forward bend.  My shoulders are starting to get definition.  My beloved collar bones--this is one of my favorite parts of my body, probably because I couldn't see them for over a decade--are coming to the surface more and more. 

And I felt strong.  Very strong.  I didn't have to rest once during the hour long class, and it was 100 degrees in there, which sometimes puts me on my butt at least a couple of times to catch my breath and rest. 

I also did something very brave in the gym.  I ran on the treadmill in my yoga pants & tank top--nothing covering my behind.  I am so self conscious about my back side (really, Laura? you are? you never talk about it, I had no idea :).  But I was hot in my baggy t-shirt after the first mile and I decided I didn't care what I looked like.  I just wanted to feel good while I ran.
***
Busy weekend.  Dinner with a client tonight, Christmas tree tomorrow, church Sunday morning and then advent dinner that night.  I'll be doing a long run of 4 or 5 miles and am going to try to do a yoga class tomorrow morning. 

I'm thankful I am in this place right now.  December is almost always something I dread.  This year, I'm working on being grateful and living with open hands instead.

***new profile pic
I started doing my hair differently, for the first time in years.  Trying to be more up to date.  I really like it and it's easier than using a straight iron all over.

Sharing my story at OA & Thanksgiving Afters (158.8)

Last night at my OA meeting I told my story. 

My group's meetings have a rotating format each week. 1) first Monday of each month is a discussion of the step that corresponds to that month (so next week, it's step 12).  2) Week 2 is a discussion based on a reading of the leader's choice. 3) Week 3 is another discussion based on someone's "short" story. 4) Week 4 is a "long" story, where the leader talks for 40-45 minutes.

So I gave my long story, starting from when my parents met at ages 12 & 18 thru today.  It was a broad painting of my childhood, middle school & high school years, and then my adulthood.  I made notes before I went so I could get my bearings on the dates and details, but I just talked and didn't read a script.  I'm a good speaker in front of a group. 

Plus, I feel completely comfortable sharing the details of my life with this group of friends & kindred spirits.

I choked up & cried a few times, because my story is often emotional and difficult to talk about--just like most people's stories.

It was nice afterwards to have several people tell me they could identify with a lot of what I said.

When I got home, I did feel some "after" feelings of anxiety, mostly because it was such an outpouring of difficult information, and just being in the spotlight for an hour.

I didn't eat over it.  I could have & felt the stirrings of "I need to stop these feelings so I should have a little something to soothe myself."  But I prayed and asked God to keep me abstinent.  I tucked the kids in to bed and went to bed myself. I read a chapter in my OA book & started reading another book on my Kindle, then fell asleep.

The "afters" of Thanksgiving did not drive me to food.  I think running on Thursday and Friday mornings helped, then I did my long run Sunday (6.5 miles).  Running helps me get through those "after" feelings A LOT.

I didn't want to run Sunday--I didn't feel good that morning & we skipped church (the kids were fried & Mark's brother was still with us, and the guys stayed up late every night).  But I ran anyway, because it was easier just to DO IT than to ruminate all day on not doing it.  And I'm so glad I did. It was a tough 6.5 miles, but I felt great afterwards. 

It wasn't an easy weekend, though.  Too much of no routine.  Too much being in the house.  Luke especially had a hard time without the structure.  Sophie had a dizzy spell Friday afternoon when the family went on a hike in a local park.  Luke & I didn't go, so Mark had to deal with her on the trail.  She was able to walk but it was hard for her to keep going and Mark had to hold her up.  He was pretty upset by it--worrying what he would do if she couldn't keep moving.  She's too big to carry (5'0 & 95 pounds).

We've found another trigger for her migraines.  When the weather changes, she cannot go outside & exert herself.  Same thing happened on Halloween night.  It had also happened a couple years ago when she went riding on a four wheeler with my step dad out in the woods, but I hadn't made the connection until the two episodes within a few weeks. 

Thankfully the maxalt she took when she got home got rid of the dizzies, and she was fine that night and the next day.

It's good to be back to the normal routine.

I have to plan out Christmas break, because even though it's shorter than normal--they are only off school from 12/24 - 1/2--I need to have them busy and structured or they will have a miserable break.  I can't just leave them with my mom, because too much of grandma's house is not good either.  I'm not sure yet what we are going to do.  I'm going to have to work part of the time, too. What do your family's do when you have a lot of time off but can't go anywhere out of town? 

I had a conversation about running with niece Kate's husband on Thanksgiving.  He's got hip and knee issues and had to stop running a while ago, and now is having trouble biking.  It reminded me how stinking blessed I am that my body is still cooperating with me. 

I ordered new running shoes after my long run Sunday, because I could tell my shoes are wearing out. My feet hurt around mile 4, more than they should have been.  It's worth every penny to keep my feet and legs supported so I can keep everything working the way it's supposed to. 

I'm not overdoing it running--just 3 runs a week.  I stretch for 5-10 minutes afterwards--stretching is one of my favorite things to do.  I still haven't worked in cross training, and doubt that I will have time or make time for anything else until the holiday is over.  I'm thankful I've got a race to train for so at least I'm moving on a regular basis.

Abstinent Thanksgiving (158.8)

I got through Thanksgiving with flying colors.

I ran 3 miles yesterday morning at 8.  It was a beautiful run and set the tone for the day.

I also talked to 3 OA members in the morning, which was yet another tool to keep me committed.

I wasn't stressed prepping the rest of the food. I had no problems choosing foods that were not triggers.  The only time I had an issue was when the pies started being served.  But I went to my bedroom and closed the door and watched TV for 45 minutes while everyone else had dessert, and I was just fine. 

I had decaf coffee and that was dessert for me.

I did no clean up--I told Mark that since I did everything to get things ready, he was in charge of clean up (he had help from other family members, too).  That helped a lot because it kept me away from the food after my meal was finished, and it also helped keep me from being exhausted or resentful

I weighed the same today as I weighed yesterday.  THAT is a success!!

This morning I met up with Kate & Travis and ran 3.5 miles.  It was my fastest 3 miles yet this year (I did sprints alternated with walking the last .5 miles).  I feel calm & happy & thrilled that food has no hold on me today.

Family just arrived for lunch, and I am feeling OK about it.

And Vickie, the cranberry sauce was the best & I got several compliments on it.

Happy Thanksgiving (159.2)

I had my therapy appointment today, and it was really great. Personal stuff I can't discuss here, but I can say that I always feel better & more focused & more positive after I talk with Julie.  I'm blessed to have her.

I'm ready for Thanksgiving.  Cooking cranberries tonight (thank you Vickie for the healthy recipe!) and peeling potatoes.  Tomorrow I will make 2 potato dishes--one with rich cheese and one vegan (guess which one I will eat? :)--and also will roast green beans and heat up the brown & serve rolls.  Family comes over at 4pm.

Mark's brother from Colorado is coming in late this afternoon, so I also have to get Luke's bed ready for him. Luke will sleep on the floor of our bedroom in a sleeping bag, which he'll love, bless his little 7 year old heart.

I'm hoping I can get through tomorrow and the weekend without stressing.  Right now I feel calm & cool.  The tables are set up, the food is bought, my plan is in place.  The plan is to get up early tomorrow and go for a run before it all starts.  And then run again on Friday morning with Kate & nephew Travis (from Colorado).

Speaking of running, I ran 3.5 miles yesterday.  My training plan calls for 30-45 minutes. I have gotten faster and can get 3 miles done in 36-37 minutes.  Since my weight hadn't moved from 160.6 for over 2 weeks, I decided to start doing 3.5 miles on my short runs.  Thankfully I saw a decline on the scale this morning.

OA tradition is to call and talk to (not call and leave a message, not text, but TALK TO) three OA members on Thanksgiving.  So that's also a priority tomorrow morning.

I hope you all have a blessed and peaceful day. I'm thankful for everyone of you who reads my blog.  Whether you comment or not, I know you're out there & I appreciate your positive thoughts & energy.

Locked out of the house (160.6)

I weighed 159.8 yesterday.  Basically 160, but it was nice to see the "5."

This is a long, drawn out story, but I need to get it out there so I can get past it.

I went for a run yesterday afternoon and when I got home, the front door was locked.  It is always open on the inside and we have to check the outside knob to make sure it's unlocked if we leave and want to get back in through that door. 

I thought I had left it unlocked when I left.  I'm rather OCD about it.  But either I missed it or someone locked it after I'd left.

I rang the doorbell to have the family let me back in.  Nobody came.  I rang it over & over & over.  Nobody came.  I went to the back yard & looked in the patio door.  It was locked & no one was in the family room.  I went back & rang the doorbell over and over.  Nobody came.

I run with my cell phone, so I called the home phone and Mark's phone, but no one answered.  I texted Mark; no response. 

It was a nice afternoon, and I figured Mark had taken the kids for ice cream or to the park and they'd be home soon, so I didn't freak out.  Just felt irritated, mostly at myself because I hadn't replaced the extra key I keep on the backside of the house. I'd given it to Mark's brother when he stayed with us in July,  and I have no idea what happened to it; either he kept it or I misplaced it.  Getting a key made is a pain, and I just hadn't gotten around to it.

Niece Kate called as I was starting to sweep off the deck (berries from the bradford pear tree were everywhere, and they are sticky and take a lot of time with the broom to get off the wood).  I spent about 30 minutes on the phone and on the deck. 

After I hung up with her, I texted Mark again.  I started to get really upset.  I had nothing else to do, so I worked on cleaning up the landscaping, then I went to the neighbor's house & borrowed a rake to get the maple tree leaves out of the front yard.  After almost an hour of being locked out, I got very upset and started crying. The anger and resentment was building inside me.

Then Luke walked out the front door.  I asked him where he'd been.  He said they were home. 

I went in the house, asking (yelling) what the heck was going on.  Why didn't they answer the door bell?  Why didn't they answer the phone?  Why weren't they worried that I had been gone--on foot--for two hours?

They were in our bedroom watching a movie with the sound turned up, and didn't hear the doorbell.  The home phone is in the front room only, and they couldn't hear it either.  Mark had turned off his cell phone at church and never turned it back on.

I asked why they weren't worried that I had been gone so long.  He said he saw me out the kitchen window on the deck sweeping and on the phone, and was disappointed I hadn't come in the house to tell them I was home but he figured I just wanted some more time to myself so he didn't bother me.

It was a giant, horrible cluster f***.

They had been enjoying each others' company and the movie and were taken completely off guard by the situation.  I was beside myself with anger and hurt.  They didn't feel like they deserved to be yelled at and I shouldn't be mad at them, and I couldn't believe they neglected me like they did.

The kids both said sorry and that they'd had asked about me a couple of times; Mark said sorry but he was mad that I was so upset.  He'd been working on laundry all day, helping me out.  He gets angry easily, and it usually takes time for him to see another person's point of view when he feels like he is being shamed or made to feel guilty when it's not his fault (we have a long history of this).

I had started the leaves and was determined to get them done.  I told them all to come outside and help.  The kids worked together (yes, it was like a kind of punishment); Mark held the trash bag while I stuffed leaves in.  He can't bend over repeatedly because of his back.  He just stood there, saying nothing. After a few minutes I asked if he had anything to say, if he was just going to keep his mouth shut the whole time he was out there.

He explained what happened again in detail, but still didn't see my side of it.  He asked me why I hadn't looked in the garage to see if the car was still there, or why I didn't look in the bedroom windows to see if they were inside.

It never occurred to me they were in the house.  He locked me out of the house a long time ago, when I was pregnant with Sophie.  I'd gone out through the garage to work in the backyard, he left to go somewhere and closed the garage, and I was stuck outside for a couple hours. 

So there was a precedent here.  And I have the memory of an elephant when it comes to being wronged. My first thought went to being left behind with no one home.

I started crying and telling Mark that I felt abandoned when no one was there and no one answered the phone.  What if I'd been hit by a car and was in the hospital and they couldn't be reached?  What if Luke hadn't come outside looking for me--the kids both asked Mark where I was, and when Luke finally said he wanted to be with me, Mark said I was outside and to look in the yard--what if I'd been outside for another hour or more?  Would he bother to come and get me? 

The deep issue here is my fear of abandonment and having no one to rely on, which reinforces my need to do everything myself and depend on no one else.

I've talked to my therapist about this before. I have issues that are rooted in my childhood, and also in my relationship with Mark.  There have been many instances where I can't count on him, which I can't get into on my blog because they are too personal to share. 

But I've talked it over with my therapist and I understood immediately why I was so upset. 

I was abandoned and alone, and my fear that I can rely on no one but myself was painfully confirmed.

Thankfully I already have an appointment with my therapist for this Wednesday.  I made it after going through all the issues with Mark's back pain.  Now I'll have even more to talk about.

I felt better after I'd made him mostly understand where I was coming from. He still didn't really get it, but I wasn't steaming mad any longer. I didn't want to inflict any more pain on the kids and figured it was time to just stop being mad; it was pointless.  We finished the yard.  I went inside and was worthless the rest of the night. 

Cleaning up the outside was not on my agenda yesterday.  I haven't shopped for Thanksgiving at all.  Still haven't even made my list of what I need to buy (doing that this afternoon, hopefully).  But I was emotionally a wreck, took a xanax, and I was done for the night.

Mark went to a church meeting at 5.  When he got home, as per his usual behavior, he'd gotten some distance and time to think and he finally understood how awful it was to be in my shoes.  He said he was sorry.  He installed an app on his phone that somehow warns him to turn off vibrate & turn the ringer back on. 

I am getting keys made when I go to Walmart today or tomorrow.  I am never going through that again.

I did eat over it.  Not sugar, but I ate too much food for dinner and I ate a luna bar and blue corn chips (neither are on my binge list) at 10 pm when I was watching TV.  I don't feel like it's enough to blow my abstinence--it's a yellow light issue, not a red light.

This week is going to take a lot of surrendering for me to get through.  Making my therapist appointment was the best thing I could have done for myself.

I'm going to take time off from work tomorrow to get the tables set up for Thanksgiving and finish grocery shopping.  The carpets are getting cleaned today and I still need to clean the bathtub (Mark's brother is staying with us).  The laundry is all done, thanks to Mark.  The rest of the house is ready; I've been working on it for over a month.  So there's not that much to do other than food.

I'm going to OA tonight.  I will talk with OA members Thanksgiving morning.  I will run.  I will pray.  I will sleep.  I will not be perfect, and I will try really hard to be okay with not being perfect.

Most of all, I hope that I can squeeze in some peace and thankfulness in the middle of all the chaos.   

Calling my sponsor to work out negative thoughts (161.0)

This is my Facebook profile pic.

Yesterday I had planned to get my second run in for the week (Tuesday I had a great three miles, and last Saturday I had a fabulous five mile run).  But I unexpectedly had to work late then had a church meeting at 5:45 then choir at 7, so no running.

I *needed* to run yesterday.  It's a miracle I didn't kill anyone.  Ha.

I'd had lunch yesterday with a girlfriend and she'd made an offhand comment that bothered me all afternoon.  This is the friend who I gave my size 8 & 10 clothing to back in 2010 when I couldn't fit into them anymore.  I am getting close to being able to wear 10s, and so I asked her if she had anything she wasn't wearing.  She asked me, "so are you losing weight?"

I fumbled around and said yeah, I've been losing and figure I'll be wearing 10s in a couple of months. She said she's wearing all her clothes.  Didn't offer to give me back what I'd lent her.  Which is fine. She works at a bank & has to dress up every day, and her funds are very limited, and it's not that big a deal.

The "are you losing weight" comment is what stuck in my craw. 

I'm at that place in weight loss where *I* notice the differences--the labels on my clothes are a size smaller, I can see my collar bones & the tendons in my feet, my running speed is increasing, I can wear 34Ds again--but the outside world doesn't notice.  I tell myself it doesn't matter, and that I don't need affirmation from anyone else.

But the insecure, needy, "please recognize me!" part of my brain calls BS on that.

Between all that mental garbage and the long, stressful day, I wanted to eat.  I wasn't craving a particular food. I was just a tied up ball of feelings, and I didn't like it.  I wanted to get numb.

So when I got home last night around 8:45p, I helped get the kids to bed then called my sponsor. 

This is one of the strengths of OA.  I didn't have to eat because I could talk to someone who understands what I'm going through and who can help me redirect my thinking and behavior.

One thing Ami told me was I didn't have to hang out in the bad neighborhood of those icky thoughts.  My self worth is determined by my Creator, not the outside world.

Or the scale.  I was pissed at 161 this morning.  I know it's because I'm bloated from lunch yesterday (tilapia and 2 veggie skewers, with lots of sodium) and because I'm at mid cycle when I don't lose weight.  But I was still upset.

I'm moving along though, not hanging out in the neighborhood of icky thoughts.  I'm sharing with you, blowing the thoughts away, finishing my work day, going for a run this afternoon, and having an abstinent dinner.

And then I get go do it all over again tomorrow. 

I'm going to need lots of tools to get me through the next week & a half.  We are hosting Thanksgiving and I'm already stressed about how much I have to do. 

I am going to have to watch my AFTERS very carefully.  I'm thankful I have an arsenal of tools. They will be put to the test. 

I am weak, but my higher power & my OA program is strong.

Running in the dark (160.8)

I hate it when we fall back.  I go to work, spend all day inside, and when I get home it's already dark.  (I use my SAD light every weekday morning so I can get out of bed in the morning, but it isn't a cure all.)

Yesterday was cloudy & misty & I was in a mood.  Mark's back is terribly painful, and he's struggling through some difficult stuff.  That bleeds over onto me.  It's hard to find joy when your spouse is in such pain, physically & emotionally.

I didn't get to run Tuesday because of Luke's birthday.  So I had to run yesterday, whether I wanted to or not.  I changed into my running clothes before I left work--this is KEY to running if I pick up kids from school before a run.  I got them at 4:30, got home by 4:50, talked to Mark a bit, then sat on the floor to get the rest of my running gear out of my gym bag, and almost cried.  All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and hibernate until spring.

But I was already in my running clothes and I had a training plan to follow. So I put on the rest of my stuff, including a reflective night vest, and hit the road at 5:15.

I didn't walk to warm up.  Just started running at an easy pace.  I have been on a Mumford & Sons kick for the past week.  I love their music and lyrics.  Listening to them while I run is pretty close to perfect.

My heart & lungs are so much stronger than they were a month ago.  I ran almost the entire 3 miles, only walking to take off my extra layer and adjust my vest and for a few brief walk breaks.  My pace averaged 12:12, which isn't fast but it's close to my best this year.  The more important part is that running is easier.  It's not a struggle to run for a full mile.  I just run and run and run, and it feels great. 

I finished my last mile faster than the first two.  When I hit our cul de sac, a triumphant song was playing and I punched the air with my fist and tears ran down my face. 

Running can be very emotional for me.

I'm thankful I made myself move.  I was still very tired after my run, but at least I accomplished something important to me.

The weekend & hormonal cravings (160.6)

Luke's party was a success.  The boys were great.  No drama. No one destroyed anything. He had a great time.

I was exhausted by the time it was all over.

Saturday was a difficult day, in no small part due to how tired I was. I only got about 6 hours sleep and then the morning was all work work work--feeding the boys & getting their stuff together to go home, and then cleaning the house after they'd gone.

But I was also in that "I'm starting my period soon" hormonal funk, which makes me want to eat everything in my path. I also was very melancholy and just wanted to crawl under the covers & stay there all day.

I didn't do either, thank God.  But it wasn't an easy day.

Yesterday was better.  We got the extra hour, which I spent sleeping. And I ran 4 miles in the afternoon with the girls.  It was the best run I've had all year.  I am faster & stronger & lighter.  I could have run another mile or two, easy. 

Today I'm tired and crampy.  No food cravings, so that's a good thing.  At least I don't have to deal with that.

My husband is having a procedure on his back today.  He has severe chronic back pain that has gotten extremely bad.  He's had 4 or 5 injections this year, and they work for a few weeks then the pain is back.  Pain meds aren't helping much.  The procedure they will do is a nerve block.  If it doesn't work, then he will likely have back surgery.  We don't know what that will involve, because it's just one step at a time.  But if it happens, it will be major and a big impact to our lives.  As it is now, his pain is a big impact to our lives.  He's depressed about the pain and not contributing like he wants to at home or at work.

I give him credit, though. He hasn't completely checked out & still does a lot with the kids and helps with the kitchen and laundry when he can. But he's not working out and isn't engaged at work enough.  He simply can't think about anything but the pain.  It's that bad. I have a hard time watching him go through this.

I'm thankful that my weight is at least still coming off.  Big smile on my fact this morning after reaching 160 (plus .6, but who cares?).

Cupcakes & Luke's 7th birthday party (161.8)

I made cupcakes for Luke's birthday last night. Sophie & I decorated them.

His birthday theme is Kirby, which is a video game character.  There are no pre made Kirby decorations.  So we did it all ourselves.  I could have done an edible image cake, but those are like $35 for a 1/4 sheet--which is stupid.  So I decided to make these.

I found a blog from a woman who had a Kirby party for her son, and stole her ideas.  I'm so glad there are creative people out there. 

Do you know how hard it is to make & decorate cupcakes without licking your fingers?  It wasn't that I wanted to taste; it's the habit of cleaning the little drip drops of batter & icing off your fingers without having to go to the sink every few minutes.  But I did it.  No temptation to eat any of it.  Praise the Lord!

Here's one of the posters Mark & the kids made.  Sophie did this one.  Between the three of them they made 16 Kirby's.  Mark probably spent about 15 hours cutting & putting these together.  He & Sophie stayed home yesterday since she was sick, and spent 7 hours working on them.  Luke worked on them for a couple hours, too.

My husband does nothing half way (as evidenced by his sidewalk chalk art!).  The eyes are three separate pieces--tiny pieces of black, blue, & white construction paper.  He made 30 eyes on Tuesday night.  It think that took him 2 or 3 hours.  The body, arms & feet are all separate pieces. Luke is over the moon with his decorations.  They turned out way better than I could have dreamed.  Creative people get an idea & then take it to a new level. 

I just have to share.... they are all so cute.

These are Luke's creations

Sophie's wink

Sophie's idea... and that's her heron drawing from 2 years ago.

This one is all Luke.

Halloween - with pictures (161.6)

Here are the kids' costumes.  We found Luke's jester hat at the costume store, and Mark did the rest.  He made Luke's purple shirt, found the striped tights & green undershirt.  Luke's best costume ever.  Sophie's gypsy outfit was an out of the package deal.

Mark's homage to Frankenstein's monster. In sidewalk chalk.  It's about 4 feet tall.  Took 4 pieces of chalk.  He is an amazing artist.

I had no problem ignoring the candy.  Wasn't a temptation at all.

Sophie got very dizzy (couldn't walk at all) after trick or treating for an hour. We went with two other families & I think she over did it running around in the cold, plus the weather has changed so much the past few days and that certainly could have been a factor.  She hadn't eaten anything that could have caused it.  She hasn't had a migraine for over a year, so we were really surprised.  She took a maxalt and could walk by 8 pm, but this morning was still feeling dizzy enough to miss school. 

Makes us realize how lucky she has been lately, and brings back memories of how much she suffered from migraines in her young childhood.  I tend to forget how bad things used to be for her.

Luke's birthday sleepover is tomorrow night.  I am making cupcakes for him, and right now I'm not concerned about the whole cake thing, although cake is one of my biggest comfort/trigger foods. I remember Frances Kuffel writing on her blog once "as comforting as cake."  That phrase stuck with me, because I know exactly what that means.

This time of year is soooo stressful and busy.  I'm trying not to freak out about it. This is going to be the year of One Day At a Time.  I am going to have to do some plan ahead work, but I also need to lower my standards of what I expect of myself (not food wise--LIFE wise).  I don't need to be perfect. 

I also have been wrapped up in listening to NPR about the election, and have to make myself disengage.  I'm not going to write about my issues here--it's going to go the way it goes. I can't control any of it.  I am letting it go.  At least, I am working hard to let it go.

I got in my run Tuesday, and somehow will fit in 3 miles tonight.  I am getting faster & running longer between walk breaks.  My knee has been fine, thank goodness.  I haven't been to yoga in a couple of weeks, which I miss.  Doubt that I will fit it in again any time soon.

Overall, things are good.