I'm doing very, very well right now

Several nights last week I had vegetables as the main course of my dinner. This astounds me.
I have read on Vickie's blog many times how her decisions about food are which vegetable am I eating for this meal?  I read in Karly's book how her meals are focused around vegetables.

I thought they were both a little nuts.

Then last week, I was craving zuch and yellow squash.  I cut them into chunks, then dry sauteed them until they were toasty brown but still a bit firm, then I did the same to some bean sprouts. Mixed them together, sprinkled on some low sodium soy sauce and man, it was fabulous. 

I ate more than half and could have eaten the whole thing but was afraid what a whole zucchini and squash with a bag of bean sprouts would do to my digestive system!  I think I had a sweet potato later that night and some hot tea. 

Not eating sugar and white flour is changing my life.

I did not eat Easter candy.  Not one bite.  I had the occasional tug of desire, but it wasn't a craving.  It was longing for the past comfort that candy has brought me.

I was also at a wedding Saturday and did not eat cake.  I had one of the best pork chops I've ever eaten in my life, and I had decaf coffee, and I was delightfully satisfied. 

Far overriding my desire for sugar was the physical and emotional sensations of health and balance from abstaining from sugar.

I am thinking more clearly, having fewer emotional swings, am much more patient with my kids and husband, am not taking naps or feeling sluggish or bloated.

Yes, I still have emotional desires for sugar, especially for chocolate. As a side note to Debbie's comment last week, I can't do sugar free chocolate because most artificial sweeteners in any large amount gives me a headache, plus too much artificial sweetener can trigger MY tongue and brain to want sugar... whether this is everyone's experience or not, I don't know.  But it's how I react.  I also can't have dark chocolate because even a tiny bit causes migraines.

One night last week I wanted chocolate badly, but I made a cup of decaf tea (which has been my comfort "food" of choice for several weeks) and in about 15-20 minutes it passed.  A miracle!

I am going to therapy this afternoon.  I have no illusions I am "cured."  I am a recovering addict who needs support.

Yep, our business move is next week.  We may have to delay it a few days because of an issue with our largest client who is out of the country on the date we plan to transition, but that will be worked out in the next few days and not by me. 

I don't do well with The Unknown.  I like concrete, "I know what's going to happen," plans.  It is a struggle not to scream and throw a fit with this uncertainty.  But every time the nutso thoughts enter my head, I am working to blow them away like clouds.  

I remember a post Vickie wrote about a yoga class (I think it was yoga) where the instructor said if you have a thought that you don't want, picture it as a cloud and then gently blow it away.  So that's what I'm doing.

I've been blowing away a lot of clouds. 

I also have only weighed myself once since I stopped eating sugar.  The one time I weighed about 2 weeks ago I was disappointed because I was still 169.2.  I felt like I weighed less because my body felt lighter and my clothes were looser.

I was happy before I got on the scale, and then I was disappointed and mad.  What's the point of that?

I am not going to change the way I eat based on what the scale says.  I'm not eating sugar or flour to the best of my ability.  I am eating when I'm hungry.  I am exercising when I can (did a boot camp workout Saturday morning that kicked my butt and was awesome). 

Whether I lose weight or not is irrelevant.  The way I am living my life isn't going to change based on what the scale says.  The way I feel about myself--whether joyful or disappointed--shouldn't depend on the number on the scale.

It is not an easy thing to unhook from the scale. But it is getting easier every day, just like it's getting easier to say no to sugar.