The Sun and the Moon

I took the day off from work today.  The kids are off school b/c of Veterans Day, and I really, really needed a day off.  Thankfully Mark was okay going to the office by himself.   I slept till 7, did my SAD light and Bible reading, have read a few blog posts, am blogging myself, will run in a bit, and putter around the house.  Tonight I'm going out with my girlfriends to a Christmas bazaar and dinner.  I'm hoping for a relaxed, peaceful, refreshing day. 

It's been a rough week, and my food has been good and bad.  I've struggled with night eating (stress eating) this week, a lot.  I ran on Tuesday and took a weights class Wednesday, am running today, and running 5 miles with the girls on Saturday.  Exercise has been a constant lately--the whole "a body in motion stays in motion" thing.  It really helps.

About work: we still don't have another assistant.  Other broker is having a 2nd interview next week, and wants me to sit in.  I don't think my opinion matters.  He interviewed 3 people.  One lady would have been great, at least from her experience.  She was middle aged, in her 50s. She's been an assistant to a department head at a University.  The girl he wants to bring back for a 2nd interview is 25, has kids, is working on her degree, but is "more bubbly" than the other 2 women.  More bubbly.  This is his criteria for hiring someone.  I'm sure she's prettier, too.  I told him my opinion--that hiring someone strictly on personality and "bubbly" is a bad idea. It doesn't matter.  This is not something I can fight.  It is his assistant.  Mark & I are working toward leaving this office in the near term, anyway, so I am not invested in his decision.  It is HIS decision, not mine.  I just want to get someone in there so I don't have to do his work anymore and so I can take time off without my husband being stuck in the office by himself. 

OK, enough of that. Onto today's post.

A Facebook friend posted about the full moon the other day, about how much it affects her mood and attitude.  She is a very positive, effervescent, happy, open soul who I only know from High School but would love to know in person. 

Her post about the moon garnered a lot of comments.  People in medical and psychiatric fields confirmed that activity increased around the time of the full moon.  There may or may not be scientific evidence on how the moon affects people, but there is a boat load of anecdotal evidence.

She posted this three days before the full moon, which is today.  I started examining my feelings and behavior--and those of my daughter, who is also very sensitive--and how they've been difficult this week.  I've felt SAD symptoms of listlessness, tiredness, depression.  I've binged on sugar.  I've been moody and on edge and bitchy.  I had to take half a xanax on two mornings because I was wound up so tight.

I've always explained these feelings and behavior on hormones or food intake or lack of sleep or stress or lack of sunlight or lack of exercise (basically any lack in self-care).  And all these things DO affect me.  I'm not dismissing them or diminishing their importance. 

I know all about how the sun affects me.  I know how weather systems affect me.  I've never looked at how the moon might be affecting me.

The first website I pulled up on the moon's cycles had this to say about the lunar cycle:

Astrology and the Lunar Cycle
Aside from the scientific explanation, the term "moon cycle" is often heard in astrological circles. According to astrology, the moon's cycle can affect the way we feel about things. In particular, when the moon is full or new, both males and females can experience dramatic changes in their mood and behavior.

When the moon is full, stress becomes a major factor and people become more sensitive to details. An overload of work will add to the frustration and people will deal with their own needs rather than paying attention to others' needs. Often, a lack of assertiveness will be obvious.

A new moon brings with it the sense of calmness. In this moon cycle, people's emotions get back to normal, their determination will return with the feeling that anything can be accomplished, and there will be more energy and acceptance of other other's ideas.

Now, I am not into astrology.  I don't read my horoscope, and never have.  So I don't see these explanations as "astrology" in the traditional sense.  Maybe they are, and maybe it's hooey.  But it sure as heck struck a major chord with me.

I go through these cycles.  I feel these feelings acutely.  My rationale on the moon being at least partially responsible for the state of my being is this:  if the moon can move the oceans, then surely it can move me, as well. 

In my eyes, this is one more tool for me to use to get through the rough times.  It is one more way for me to 1) tell myself that what I'm going through is temporary, 2) prepare myself ahead of time for dealing with these feelings, especially at the full moon, and 3) honor the fact that not everything that happens inside of me is in my control. 

That last one could be seen as a cop out.  But to me, it gives me a small sense of peace.  I can't always Make Myself Well.  (Do you remember the movie Mask, with Cher?  When her son would fall sick, he would chant to himself "make myself well, make myself well."  Sometimes it worked; sometimes he was helpless.)  Sometimes I feel helpless, and all I can do is wait it out. 

That doesn't give me permission to descend into a binge or self-pity.  On the contrary.  It gives me an added responsibility, to myself and my family, to take extra care of myself, to be generous and loving to myself, and to remember to pause before I say the wrong thing or take the wrong action.  I'm often emotionally unstable during these times, and it can affect those around me significantly (in other words, I can be a real pain in the butt to live and work with, and for the sake of those I love, I have to work on toning my frustrations down to a healthy and kind level).

But it does give me permission to not expect so much from myself.  The times I feel like that, it is freeing to know that I AM OK, even if I'm not being Super Mom and Super Wife and Super Employee.  I don't have to be Super at all. 

So that's all the full moon bad stuff.  The good news is--the days before and after the new moon can make me feel strong.  I definitely have times of feeling amazing energy, strength, and invincibility.  I checked, and the new moon is at Thanksgiving and Christmas this year.  That's something to look forward to!