More Half Marathon Pics

I guess it's the "let's relive the half" week around here. I got these pictures from Jen, the girl in the red shirt at dinner. She's who I ran the most fab 4 miles of my life with. The other friend in the orange shirt is Mary. Kate & I were giddy in finding out we both run in Asics. We were just plain giddy before the race, anyway. Good times, good times.

Well apparently...

I'm not alone in my "let down" feelings after the race Saturday. Several of you feel the same way about big events. & I talked with Kate today, and she didn't feel any more appreciated than I did even though her family was at home when she left the hotel. In fact, she had to go home & clean her house after running 13.1 miles! I think I'd prefer my 4 hour drive to cleaning house.

So the lessons here are:

If you feel like you're alone, stop & remember to share your feelings with someone. You are so not alone.

Only runners understand runners. Seriously. If you have a family who supports you & throws parades in your honor when you finish a big race, thank your lucky stars. Because most of us may have families who adore us, but just don't get the running thing.

Blogging friends are the best friends a gal could ask for. Really, thank you all for your kind support through all of my drama. :) If I had oodles of money I'd pay for you all to fly to Chicago's BlogHer conference this summer so we could meet face to face. (I can't promise anything, but if we have the time & money & there are still rooms available, I'm hoping to go this year. Any of you in?)


(Annimal, I have been using Advair for a month. I'm guessing it's not enough, though. & yep, I hit the albuterol 30ish minutes before the race & at 4 miles & 8 miles. I meet with my doctor on Friday so hopefully he can help me with a new plan of medication. Thanks for all your advice & info!)

Here are a couple pictures from race day, before with Kate, after with my finishers medal. (There were oodles of running skirts this year. Skirts are it, baby.)

Indy Half Marathon 2009

The best way I can describe my experience with this Half Marathon is through a movie scene.

In When Harry Met Sally, after Harry & Sally finally sleep together, Harry leaves after an uncomfortable early morning with Sally, & they both call Jess & Marie to confess that "they did it." Marie & Jess ask "how was it?" Harry & Sally say "the during part was good, but then I guess it wasn't."

That was my run on Saturday.

Everything leading up to the race was great. I had a nice drive up, listening to a book on tape. The weather was cooperative--no rain to drive through. The traffic was non eventful. I got to the hotel in downtown Indianapolis with no problems.

My niece in law Kate & her two friends met me around 5:00 p.m. EST, & we did the Expo to pick up our packets and race loot. Then we were off to a window booth seat at Buca di Beppo. Dinner was delicious. We were plenty carbed up & ready for bed at 10 p.m.

I slept fitfully, but that's pretty typical for me before a race. I was up at 5:30 a.m. (4:30 my time), but didn't feel overly tired. We all got ready & headed down to the corrals just past 7 a.m.

The weather was perfect. Could not have been more perfect. It had rained the night before, but by morning the clouds were nothing more than sunblock. It was in the upper 40s/low 50s to start the race. The sun didn't come out until my last mile, so it never got hot. And there was no wind. Perfect running weather.

I ran the first 4 miles with Kate's friend Jen, who's pace is evenly matched to mine (even though she finished 13 minutes before I did). They were probably the best 4 miles I've ever run. Relaxed, cheerful, determined, & with a comrade.

At mile 4 I needed a Gu & an inhaler hit. Jen was feeling strong so she kept going. I sprinted to catch up to her after I finished my walk break, & I did catch her but at the expense of 3-4 minutes of 8/8:30 miles, which just about killed me. I had to walk again after that, & then I just resigned myself that I wasn't going to get to run with her any longer since she was pretty far ahead of me. I put on my iPod & put my head down & ran a steady pace.

The Indy 500 race track is where it started to get tough. By the time you are done with the track it's between mile 8 and 9. I was starting to have trouble breathing, & had to do a Gu also, so I walked after the track for a few minutes. The inhaler & Gu helped get some energy back, & I did well through mile 10.

It's not a coincidence that things started to get really rough at mile 10. 10 miles was my longest training run for this race. Any time you run a distance past your training mileage (in my experience anyway), the extra distance is extra tough. I did run a better 10 miles during this race than my training run--the race results show me at 1:52:46, and my training run was around 2 hours & 10 minutes.

It took me almost 38 minutes to run the last 3.1 miles. My official race time was 2:30:02.

I sprinted at the finish line, & when I did the asthma gripped my lungs tightly & said "no way, uh uh, you aren't getting away with that one." I immediately started wheezing & struggling to breathe, & for the first time actually felt pain in my lungs when I tried to breathe (thank goodness the inhaler brought quick relief). This, mingled with the achyness in my legs & feet and the overwhelming sense a person gets after running a long distance, brought me to tears.

It's a long walk from the finish line through all the post-race stations: medals, water, cookies, fruits, chips, pictures. And I had time to pull myself together before I met the other three girls. I called Mark to let him know I'd finished (he wasn't home, though, so I left a message) and called my mom to make sure the kids were okay (they were, but she was up to her eyeballs in kids so she didn't really have time to talk).

After hanging out & comparing our dissatisfaction with our finishing times (seriously? are runners ever happy with how they finish a race?), we all headed back to the Westin to shower & go home to our respective families. I was the last to shower since I was driving home & didn't have anyone to meet me right away.

And this, dear friends, who have stuck with me through this indulgent whine fest, is where I lose it.

I didn't have anyone to meet me right away.

While I was waiting for my turn to shower, Mark called me back; he'd been at the gym working out that morning. I'm sure he congratulated me enthusiastically, but honestly, I was so tired & my brain wasn't fully functioning yet, I barely remember our conversation.

What I do remember is how Kate had 4 congratulatory phone conversations with her family members while in the hotel room. And how Jen's family saw her cross the finish line and were in the hotel afterwards taking pictures of her. And Mary's husband and kids were driving the car around to the front of the hotel to pick her up. They were all off to Derby parties that afternoon.

I was off to the mall to have a solitary lunch & a 4 hour drive home. By myself.

And here's the rub.

I told Jill how excited I was to be able to do something BY MYSELF. Running affords me the pleasure of ME TIME, it's true. I love being able to get away from it all & do something just for me. Getting out of town & not having anyone slow me down was a big deal (my husband is notorious for not leaving on time). I loved the girls' night we had on Friday before the race.

But I learned a huge lesson with this race. After you do something you've spent months planning for & training for & thinking about & dreaming about, you want the people you love with you to celebrate your accomplishments. You want to be hugged, congratulated, made to glow with their approval & awe. And you want this to happen soon after the accomplishment. Not hours & hours later after a painful drive home of 5 hours instead of 4 hours because you had to stop so many times just to keep yourself awake & from cramping up too badly.

By the time I was home & my mom brought the kids home, my run was old news. It was on to the kids' needs, the hubs' needs, the house's needs. Life, it seems, moves on even when you run 13.1 miles in 2 and a half hours.

Sunday I posted my results on Facebook & got an immediate hit of WE LOVE YOU & ARE PROUD OF YOU. Several times, actually. I love the love from Facebook. I didn't have it in me to post this yesterday--I was exhausted & didn't even get a shower on Sunday--but I know you guys will show me the love, too.

I know all this. I know I'm lucky beyond measure & I need to get over myself. And I have.

The during part was awesome. But then it wasn't.

When Harry Met Sally has a happy ending, of course, & I've got a happy ending too. I feel good about finishing my third half. Yes, it was my slowest half of the three, but I'm (almost) over it. I know the why's of the pace. I can work to improve. That's what runners do, after all.

And more than anything, I'm thankful I learned this lesson now, instead of next year when I try to run a full marathon. I may have to drag all of you with me to Nashville next April and we can have a big party afterwards so I don't have to check into the mental ward from marathon let down.

Yep, Nashville. Country Music Marathon. April 2010. A runner's gotta have a goal. Nashville's mine.

Pre- Half Marathon Ramble

Even though I still feel pretty unprepared for this Saturday's half, I'm looking forward to it. I'm praying the rain holds off during the race, but if it doesn't & I run in the cold & wet, at least I'll have a heck of a race report, eh? Trying to look on the bright side here. Truly, I don't know why I worry about things I can't control. The weather will do what it's going to do. I just need to plan well, show up on time with a smile on my face, & run the best I can. Everything else is out of my hands.

I'm leaving Friday morning, & it should take about 4 hours to get to Indy. Then I'll check in at a super nice hotel right near the starting line, pick up my race packet, go to dinner at an Italian restaurant (the one with the "bath mat sized" pizza), chat a lot with 3 other women who are sharing the hotel room with me (my niece-in-law Kate & her 2 friends), & try to go to sleep at 10 p.m. EST (which is 9 p.m. my time--ain't no way I'll fall asleep that early, but I'll try).

Saturday we have to be in our corrals by 7 a.m. The race starts at 7:33 a.m. I should cross the starting line after maybe 5-10 minutes of walking since I'm in corral G. My guess is I'll finish in 2 hours 30 minutes. If it rains, all bets are off. I've never run in pouring rain so I have no idea how that will go. Anything faster than 2:30:00 will be gravy. No big goals for this Half, because (a) I'm about 7 pounds heavier than my Evansville half (which, believe it or not, slows me down quite a bit), (b) I haven't trained properly (have I mentioned this lately? haha), and (c) there are over 30,000 people who run this thing--it's not a race to plan on having a PR.

Mom's taking the kids tomorrow & will have them through Saturday until I get home. I'll be driving home a few hours after the race, which will be interesting. Driving 4 hours with legs that have just run 13.1 miles isn't going to be easy. Last year Mark drove home from Indy while I sat in the backseat with a very dizzy Sophie. This year, at least I won't have to worry about getting a sick little girl home.

Speaking of Sophie, we are going on 7 weeks with no dizzy spells. God is good! She was having them every 3 weeks. So this is just amazing. I keep expecting these weather systems to trigger a spell, but they haven't. Yet. Regardless, at least I feel more at peace with them since they don't seem like such a mystery any more.

Mark is still working out, still eating better (not perfect, but much much better). He had a stress test this morning as the first step toward seeing what state his heart is in. He had blood taken yesterday to test his cholesterol. He still has to have a CT scan with contrast to see how much build up is in his arteries. He has a final art project for his sculpture class that he'll work on while the kids & I are away, & his finals are next week. He'll have almost 2 months off from school this summer. We're all ready for a break from his 3 nights a week classes!

Luke is hanging in there with his allergies. I think we actually are turning a corner with him. He slept well last night without benadryl & even though he's still snotty, it's not as bad.

My weight is still at a respectable 152.6. I didn't get to 149 like I wanted to before this race, but I did lose 5 pounds in the past month or so, which is helping how my clothes fit & is making running a bit easier.

After Saturday, all my attention will be on getting ready for St John on June 12th. Then after that, the Evansville Half in October. And after that, a marathon in April 2010 (location still TBD!). I like having goals & plans related to fitness. It helps keep me focused on keeping my weight off. September will mark 2 years of reaching my 55 pound weight loss. God willing, my plans will go as I want.

I'll be around today & tomorrow morning, & then won't be back on until Saturday night or Sunday afternoon. I appreciate your well wishes & all the "No Rain" vibes you can send my way between 7 a.m. and 10 a.m. EST on Saturday, May 2. Any NASCAR fans out there? I get to run on the Indy 500 track. Again. Maybe I'll stop to kiss the bricks this year. Sweet!

3.5 miles & a couple of recipes

So I haven't run since last Wednesday! Until tonight, that is. It was too long a break from running, but my schedule & my laziness got in the way and I didn't get back out until now. It is what it is. Moving on.

I ran 3.5 miles in 40 minutes in very very warm temps. It was almost 90 today. Thank goodness it was very breezy & I was running in the park where it was partially shady. I only had 40 minutes before I had to get the kids, but I swear I felt like I could have kept going & going. Just when it felt great, I had to stop. Ah, the curse of the short run. Ironic, ain't it?

I've got a couple recipes to share from Roni's website (still my all time favorite for go-to delicious recipes. She never fails me!).

The lentil burgers I made tonight for lunch tomorrow. My variations: I used zucchini instead of eggplant (still put some kosher salt on, as directed for the eggplant). The lentils soaked up my veggie broth in 25 minutes (I also covered the pan), so I added the zuch & turned off the heat after that; the lentils were plenty soft enough. I didn't add onion, but everything else I followed to a T (I used jarred garlic, though, didn't have any fresh stuff in the house). The flavors from the spices are amazing. I could have eaten the lentils & zuch straight! I grilled 5, 1/3 cup burgers tonight & have a little less than half of the leftover mix for another batch. A couple of the burgers didn't stick together very well, but I think it was because I was impatient & didn't let them cool in the fridge long enough. You do have to be careful to let the mix cool enough so when you add the egg, it doesn't cook. So watch that.

The other recipe I have made about 6 times now. I can't believe I'm just now telling you about it. Banana oatmeal bars. Holy cow. I've changed this one quite a bit, not necessarily for the healthier, but for the tastier, to be sure. I use skim milk, add 1/2 c. sugar (I think 1/3 - 1/4 c. would probably do it, though, & I'm going to try that next batch), 1 tsp kosher salt (learned from Alton Brown that salt makes baked goods bake better!), and increased the mini chocolate chips to 1/2 c. (again, I could use 1/3 - 1/4 c. & it would probably be good, but I love me some chocolate). Be sure to add the sugar & salt with the wet ingredients, before the oats. The foaminess of the baking powder might surprise you--just keep mixing until it's incorporated the best you can get it. Sometimes if my bananas are big & the mix is soupy, I'll add 1/2 c. more oats. I do let the oats soak about 10 minutes while the oven preheats before adding the choc. chips. I also put mine in an 8x8 glass pan (sprayed with nonstick spray) & bake for 30-35 minutes (check the middle--if it's really squishy, its not done; it needs to slightly springy to the touch--don't overbake, though, or they'll be tough--been there, done that!). Cut them into bars & freeze in freezer bags, & you've got oatmeal to go. They warm up very well out of the freezer in the microwave. My husband loves these. I haven't even shared them with the kids yet, because DH & I usually eat them all up before the kids get a whack at them. I'll try them out on Luke tomorrow. Sophie's not a banana fan.

Another banana trick--you can freeze overripe bananas & use them for this recipe. I always peel mine before I freeze them, but I hear you don't have to. Just nuke in the microwave a few seconds & peel. But, you gotta peel them eventually so I just get it done the first time. When Mark eats half a banana for breakfast & leaves the rest on the counter, that half goes in the freezer for oatmeal bars. Win-win!

Go forth & cook, oh comrades!

***
Good news on Sophie--she's still not been dizzy. Praise God!

Bad news on Luke--he had an allergic reaction to his new allergy med, Singulair. So we are back to doing zyrtec, zaditor eye drops, & benadryl (at night). I know he's going to probably end up with an allergist if he's not better soon. Honestly, though, I just need ONE member of this family to not have a chronic medical condition. At least I want to hold him off as long as possible, anyway. I'm giving him another week & will call the doctor if he's not vastly improved.

5 days & counting until the Half on Saturday. Praying life continues to be normal until then. And loving every minute of it.

Counting down

One good thing about a 10 mile run-- it makes the short runs a piece of cake.

I finally felt back to 100% yesterday. & boy has spring arrived. It was gorgeous, & it is again today. I had just enough time to run 3 miles before I had to pick up kids for Sophie's swim class.

The run was over so quickly, it was startling. 33 minutes isn't much of a run anymore.

A few years ago I would never have dreamed of uttering those words.

8 days & counting to the half marathon on May 2. My confirmation booklet arrived in the mail yesterday. I'm not nervous at all--yet. I'm sure that will kick in the night before. At least I know what to expect since this is my 2nd running of Indy.

This year, I'm in a decent corral (because I was seeded with my Evansville Half finishing time of 2:15:42) instead of 30 minutes from the starting line like last year. Corral G, here I come!

In case you didn't already know this, the Indianapolis Half Marathon is the largest in the U.S. 35,000 people register. Last year, I think there were just under 31,000 that started the race. I was in corral U last year & it took 30 minutes of walking before I even got to begin the race. The bright side of this was that I got to pee right before I started the race, which is a big deal for me. Seriously, my bladder must be abnormally small. :)

I have to say, I am so thankful that Sophie is feeling well. She's a different kid when she's not sick, and I'm in a completely different place--mentally & physically--when my daughter is healthy.

It's been well over a month since her last spell. May has been a bad month the past two years for her dizziness, & it would not surprise me if she wakes up dizzy one morning very soon. As it is, I'm thankful & praise God every morning she gets up & ready for school without complaint. I don't know what the difference is--is it the migraine medicine? or the air purifier I put in her room a couple weeks ago? (we all have them now, & also the family room.) or the ADHD medicine? Those are the only changes we've made that could be significant. Whatever it is, I'm thankful. & relieved.

Now if life just won't throw me any curve balls, I can hopefully maintain the Puke Diet weight loss. I've been 152.0 the past two days. I'll take it.

No workout for YOU!

(channelling the "Soup Nazi" from Seinfeld for my title today)

I got the stomach bug yesterday, & spent the afternoon & evening hugging the porcelain thrown.

Being sick sucks.

Both the kids had this--Luke threw up on Easter Sunday morning, & Sophie was sick last week on Thursday (in the middle of the night). This virus seems to have a 4 day incubation period & lasts about 24 hours.

I had planned on running yesterday. I had planned on lifting weights today. Guess what I get to do instead?

Nothing but feel sick & sorry for myself.

I must say, in a twisted way I enjoyed seeing a 4 pound loss on the scale this morning. Yes, yes, it was all water weight. But it was hard earned--puking your guts out is tough work! Hahaha.

I'm still feeling quesy & the thought of most food makes me sick (bonus! more weight loss). Seriously, I can't wait to feel better. I'm so thankful this is happening now & not next week. The half marathon is a mere 11 days away.

Maybe I can manage to maintain the Stomach Flu Diet weight loss until then.

Best laid plans: adjust as needed

Well, I was up on Saturday morning at 5:30 a.m. But I was awake with an allergy-stricken 3 year old & not to go running.

Poor Luke's allergies were off the charts this weekend & he was awake in the middle of the night (& I was too, of course) 3 different times with itchy, swollen, matted shut eyes & a stuffy/runny nose.

There was no way I was able to wake up & run at 6 a.m. I did run, though it wasn't until 10:30.

I got in my 10 miler, but it was rough. I tried a new route, toward a neighboring town. I thought it would be neat to run to the river, which was about 3 miles away. Turns out it was shadeless, boring, & hot. I started to struggle at mile 4. I walked a lot after mile 6. I finished 10 miles in 2 hours & 10 minutes. Not my best long run, by a long shot.

Part of the problem really is that I just haven't been able to train adequately. I'll have one good week, then I'll have a week when I run once. It's been like that since February, back & forth, good week/bad week/good week/bad week. I haven't noticed the lack of consistency on my 5 miles runs, or even the 8 mile run I did a couple weeks ago.

But 10 miles is a distance that deserves a hefty amount of respect. And I was sure taught that lesson on Saturday.

I also learned that I need to begin to find a way to work up to a consistent weekly cumulative distance of 20 miles if I want to run the marathon next April. Base training is going to be very important. And it needs to start ASAP.

On the family front--Sophie is still feeling well, & hasn't had any adverse reactions to her meds. Mark's appointment with the cardiologist last Wednesday was OK--basically he needs to eat right, exercise, take his statin meds & an aspirin every day, & the rest is up to God. We are going to have some tests run to see what kind of build up he has, but the doctor said a 30% blocked artery can cause a heart attack just as frequently (or more so) as an 80% blocked artery. Luke is better, thanks to the OTC eye drops the doctor told me about.

I'm praying for an uneventful, productive week. Is that too much for a girl to ask?

If I make a promise....

... to you guys that I'll run 10 miles tomorrow morning at 6:30, I wonder if I can keep it?

I need a good long run this weekend (the Half is only 2 weeks away!), & tomorrow morning is my only window of opportunity. Before the kids are up, before the husband's up, before the rain comes.

But I hate mornings. With a passion. And a 6:30 run means I have to wake up at 6 A.M. so I can dress, eat, & drink. Ugh. That is way too early.

But. I need to run. And as much as I hate early mornings, I love running more.

I just hope I remember that tomorrow when the alarm goes off.

I have a dream

Many thanks for the birthday wishes! I had a great day. We did get our passports--barely, but we made it & they are done. My mom picked up the kids & I ran 5 miles. When I got home, mom had baked a pizza & had a small cake for me. The kiddos gave me some homemade gifts & a candle they bought at Walmart with my mom. Mom stayed & helped me get the kids' baths, so it was an easy night. I am very thankful.

Now that I'm 364 days from my 40th birthday, the Marathon Planning has begun.

But let me take a step back first, & share something with you that sets the whole marathon thing in perspective.

Frances has a new blog on Psychology Today (go Frances!!) & she wrote a significant article for her first post. It really, truly blew me away. In fact, I think the premise is unbelievably important for those of us pursuing weight loss & fitness goals.

So, in that vein, I am plunging headlong into my dream of running a 26.2 mile race. I am under no illusion that this is going to be easy. And I have no doubt that over the coming weeks & months I'll be questioning my sanity & doubting my abilities.

But I have a dream now, & it's not merely motivation to maintain my weight loss. I need to get fitter & would like to lose (a bit more) weight if I want to run a marathon with any semblance of success. (And let's just be clear here...... success = finishing.)

You'll all come along for the ride, right?

Today I looked for races in April. So far it looks like I could do Nashville, St Louis, or Louisville, which are all within an easy driving distance & all in April. There's a race that would be a dream race, though, and it's on my list, but it's far far away--the Big Sur marathon in Carmel, California. The descriptions of that race blew me away. But it would cost a lot of time & money to run that one, so we'll see. I've got a while before I have to register. (BTW, all these races are hilly, every single one of them. So I'm stuck with hills, regardless of what I choose.)

My marathon training begins today. Mental training is as important, right now, as hitting the pavement. As Frances says, "what have I done today to move me closer to my dream?" That's going to be my mantra for the next 364 days.

I've got one year. It's a big dream, but big dreams are the ones that keep you moving forward.

39 & holdin'

(cue the Geek from Sixteen Candles....)

"Na na na NA na, you say it's your birthday! Na na na na NA na, it's my birthday too, yeah!"

Yes, yes, today I turned 39. And it also happens to be my 500th blog post. Coincidence? Who knows, but it's interesting nonetheless.

The day has been non eventful thus far--just the way I like it! Everyone is where they are supposed to be.

My coworker (hi Sara!) brought me a chocolate croissant from Panera, and it was a lovely way to start my day at work. I had a chocolate croissant for the first time while in Paris during a college trip when I was 23. I've been in love ever since.

Mark & I are heading to the downtown post office in a few minutes to get our passports for St John, which is my birthday present. Getting that man to do anything away from the office is nearly impossible. It took me begging him to give that to me for my birthday present for us to get our passports. Whatever it takes, is good enough for me. I just don't want to worry about running out of time (we leave in 9 weeks!).

My mom is picking up the kids after school so I can take as long as I want to go running. I might even take a yoga class at 5:30. I'll wait to see what I'm in the mood for.

I've got one more year to work toward running a full marathon. That's what I want to do when I turn 40. It very well may take a year to achieve that goal. But hey, what's life without goals?

And hey, it will be good blogging material.

I got nuthin'

It's one of those days when I've just got nothing to say. Not chatty for some bizarre reason. So I'm doing a quickie just so y'all know I'm alive.

Ran 5 miles Tuesday. It felt great. I got my avg pace down to just over 11 minutes/mile, even though it was really windy.

Thursday I did a Body Pump class at the Y. I'm pretty sore today, so I know I worked it good.

I am planning on running today, hopefully, but it's raining (again) so it will be on the treadmill & will be a short one.

This weekend I've gotta run 9 miles. I have no idea when this run is going to happen, though, since it's such a busy weekend. Maybe first thing Saturday morning, I'll have enough gumption to get up & move.

Food has been pretty bad. Just as an example: I had Ben & Jerry's on Wednesday night, when I had to go out at 10:30 p.m. to get Mark some zicam at Walgreens, and I was totally resentful of how the whole thing went down. That was the day I woke up at 3 a.m. for our St Louis trip, so needless to say being sent out for medicine for my big baby of a husband--okay, okay, so he was really sick & got an antibiotic the next day, but at the time I was mad!--made me quite unhappy & I chose to deal with it poorly. So, yeah, I fled to my old friends B&J. With friends like them, who needs enemies?

I need to get my head back on straight to get the poundage going in the right direction. That means no bunnies this weekend! (any Veggie Tales fans out there?.... "the bunny, the bunny, oh I ate the bunny")

Geez, for someone without anything to say, I sure had a lot to say.

Happy Easter!

Diagnosis

Real quick--the doctor at the Children's Hospital diagnosed Sophie's dizzy spells as migraine precursors, and will treat her with a preventative (which she has never taken before) & also prescribed an abortive medication for the next episode (we'll see if that works--another type of med has not helped in the past). The doctor also wants to do a new MRI, because Sophie's balance is abnormal. She can't walk heel-toe, heel-toe at all; she completely loses balances. She's always been like this, ever since she saw the first neurologist when she was 3 (I don't know if she had the problem before that, because you don't usually ask a toddler to do the heel-toe test!). But the doctor thinks the balance issue, along with the dizzy spells, are reason enough to redo the MRI since it's been 4 years since her last one.

I'll write more soon.

Where'd spring (& my good mood) go?

Not to be a big whiny baby, but WTH? It's snowing. In Southern Indiana. In April.

This bites.

Not only did a big ole low pressure system come through & screw with my upbeat attitude, but I'm also in my mid-cycle hormone feel-like-sh!t zone. Yeah, I'm one fun gal to be around today.

So let's reminisce a moment to the weekend (queue flashback video & sound effects....).

Friday night was fun. Both the kids were healthy & spent the night with my mom. We saw Adventureland, which was super good & perfect for a date night. Saturday morning I slept until 8 a.m. It was a gorgeous day, one of the best of the year. I lazed around for a couple of hours & finally at 11:30 headed out for my 8 mile run.

It was by far NOT the best run ever. Actually, it was pretty hard. I didn't take water with me, & instead just circled back to the house after 4 miles and then after 7 miles, and I think not having water every mile was part of the problem. My garmin running watch said "battery low" after 3 miles, and I felt like it was a metaphor for how I felt. Garmy & I both made the entire 8 miles, but just barely. I did have moments of beauty on the run, where I felt great, but mostly I was just glad to have it over with. They can't all be winners.

I soaked in the tub for almost an hour afterwards (AH!). Then the usual Saturday chores commenced. Got the kids back around 5 p.m. It was nice to have a break but I missed the munchkins.

Sunday was beautiful again, at least during the morning. We were able to have our church Easter egg hunt & Palm Sunday church dinner. The kids had a blast. It was hard on Mark, though, missing his brother during a holiday. Keith would often come up while their mom was still alive & have Palm Sunday church dinner with us. Keith loved family events. So Mark was a bit melancholy.

The afternoon it rained & got cold. I could feel the low pressure system pushing me down as the day wore on, and I didn't do much of anything. Sunday afternoon always goes by too quickly.

This morning it was so weird putting on winter clothes & getting our coats back out. I packed work out clothes & am prepared for a cold outside run or a warm indoor run. If it's not snowing or raining, I'll run outside this afternoon. I'll hit the Y if it's wet out.

Sophie has her appointment in St Louis this Wednesday for her dizzy spells. We (she & I) are leaving at 4 a.m. That's going to be one special trick to get me up at 3 a.m.! Thank goodness for automatic coffee makers.

I may not be around much more until Thursday. Hopefully by then we'll have warmer weather again. And my upbeat mojo will have returned, too.

Blame it on the rain

So yesterday I kept checking weather.com to see when the rain was supposed to arrive. I wanted to get in a run before it hit, & thought that I'd be safe since the chance of rain was low until after 6 p.m.

No such luck. It started to thunder & pour down rain, complete with tornado warnings, at 4:00 p.m.

I left the office right after that to run a few errands before picking up the kids. I had changed into my running clothes already, & was planning on taking them to the Y and just run on the treadmill. But by the time I had my errands done & had picked them both up--which took longer than usual because it was really bad out & everyone was driving slowly & safely--it was almost 6 p.m. Getting home at 7 p.m. on a school night is just not an option with a 1st grader who has homework almost every night.

So I didn't run. I was disappointed, but figured it would just be my rest night.

But, wait! There's more!

I kept my running clothes on while getting the kids dinner, and when I finally got around to checking the mail I discovered my new running shoes had arrived (I'd found a pair of the same shoes I already have online, on sale, & snatched them up because my old pair is worn out). New shoes always make me feel good, especially new running shoes. I put them on & was surprised, as always, at how much more support a new pair of shoes has. I suddenly had an urge to break them in, and break them in NOW!

DH was home last night, & it stopped raining just before sundown. I wore my new kicks around while helping Sophie with her hour's worth of homework, and by 7:45 p.m. got the all clear to hit the road.

It was only 3 miles, but it was one of the best runs I've had in a long time.

The new medicine for my asthma (advair) seems to be helping. I was able to run the entire time, only stopping once after mile one to take off my long sleeved outer layer. But I didn't take any other walk breaks. I felt strong, like I could have run for miles and miles.

It started to lightly sprinkle as I finished up at around 8:20, so I figured 3 miles would be enough for the night. Plus, I promised DH I'd only be out for a half hour. I averaged just over 11 minute miles, which is slow but OK.

The rain ended up being a blessing. I love night time runs, and a night run after the rain has washed the air clean is pure gold.

On tap for tomorrow--8 miles. Stay tuned!

Fool's Day Facts

Ever have one of those days where you'd love to write something witty & inspiring, but you got nothin'? That's me today. So just the facts, ma'am, is what you'll find here on April Fool's Day.

*I ran my least favorite distance Monday afternoon--less than 3 miles. I only had 30 minutes & squeezed out a measly 2.75 miles. I hate running that short a distance. Basically you get all the pain with none of the endorphin pleasure.

*I took a Body Pump class at the Y yesterday afternoon. It rocked! I have missed weights classes so very much. I've got puny muscles, though, & have a long way to go to get back to where I was last year. The good thing is that I know within 3-4 weeks I'll be feeling strong & already noticing a difference. & hopefully by the time we go on vacation in mid June I'll have the definition I'm longing for. Two times a week is the goal for this class.

*This afternoon I'm planning a run, hopefully 5 miles. The weather is gorgeous. A spot of sunshine between a sandwich of stormy days.

*Food has not been according to the Crack diet, unfortunately. I just couldn't muster the strength. Monday night I was so hungry, I just gave it up. It's not realistic to think I can do this low carb plan--even though it's only low carb on part of the days--just a few weeks out from my half marathon. So I'm not going to have a plan. I'm going to eat the best I can, workout like a fiend, & keep reminding myself of my goals.

*Which are: weigh 149 by the Half on 5/2 & weigh less than 145 by vacation on 6/13.

*And additionally: Finish the Indy half in 2:15:00, which requires a lower body weight. And wear my boy-shorts bathing suit from last year in St. John, which also requires a lower body weight, lower body fat content, & higher muscle definition.

*Sophie's ADHD medicine seems to be helping. We did her 20 spelling words last night & she only missed one. That's a huge improvement.

*Mark sees a cardiologist for his initial consult on April 15th. Our GP doc agreed that he needs the real deal heart screening--the invasive one that reveals artery blockage, not a simple stress test. Mark's still working out daily & is eating like a heart patient. No fat, no junk. He's already lost 5 pounds!

*Luke is very much a 3 year old, in every sense of what a 3 year old can be. And he gives the absolute best hugs ever.

*Random TV Chatter:
I finally saw the movie of Sex & the City last weekend. I disliked the first half and thought it was manipulative & overacted, but I loved the 2nd half after Jennifer Hudson joined the show. She was wonderful. I thought it was impossible for Sarah Jessica to be any thinner, but seriously thought she was leaner than she'd ever been (she & Cynthia Nixon, who looked amazing). And I still adore Big, & love how the movie ended with the love letters.

I've got one more episode of season 2 of The Tudors to watch on DVD. Very much looking forward to season 3. I want to read about the actual history now that I've seen the "Dallas"-style version of Henry VIII's life. I love this series--it's beyond decadent. Henry is the bad guy you love to hate, just like J.R.

Still haven't watched TBL or Idol this week. Hopefully tonight I'll get them both in after the kids are in bed, while Mark's at class.

*That's all for now, kids. Hope you are all enjoying spring, even if yours is covered in snow.

Whassup on a Monday

First, thank you all for your condolences & advice & thoughts & prayers. It means so much to have the love & support of my blog friends. So, thanks!

Okay, now for the run down of what's going on around here.

We joined the YMCA Friday, as promised, & we both worked out for almost 50 minutes. I ran 4 miles & DH did the elliptical the whole time. I'm having more difficulty breathing again, so my miles were hard & not consistently fast by any means. It was the first time I've been on a treadmill in ages, and it was a nice change. I like being able to control my speed. I sprinted the last .3 miles just to get the run over with, and plus I love running sub-9 min/mile, even if it's only for a couple minutes. It makes me feel like a rockstar.

Mark worked out Saturday & Sunday (which is twice more than I worked out), and is taking complete responsibility for eating well. He is serious about cutting out salt & fat & red meat. He made homemade salsa last night with no salt or sugar; he added it with mushed up pinto beans & wild rice to heart-healthy LF wheat wraps, and said he didn't miss the fat/cheese/salt at all. That's progress. I just pray he keeps at it! Truly, it's a day at a time (although, a planned day at a time--you can't eat healthfully without planning ahead).

He is going to the doctor today at 3 p.m. & asking to be referred to a cardiologist (and thank you Annimal for your being so adamant about us doing that--I'm not sure I'd have felt so strongly about him being treated like a cardiac patient without your encouragement!). My doctor's appointment is at 3:15 (same doctor--follow up for blood pressure meds & antidepressants, & I'm going to get my asthma treatment updated).

I can really tell the wellbutrin is working again and/or my SAD is gone, because yesterday afternoon the kids both were cranky & not feeling great & whiny as could be, and I didn't lose it once. I never got impatient, never raised my voice, never hid in the bathroom with a bar of chocolate. These are big victories, to be sure.

My food's not been great, but I'm not eating to soothe myself. The weather here was crap all weekend & I used it as an excuse not to run at all. I know I could have gone to the Y, but if I ran it was going to be 8 miles or nothing. Do you know how hard it is to run 8 miles on a treadmill? It sucks, so I just never did it. But, whatever. Today's a new day. Planning on running after the doctor. And tomorrow I'm taking a Body Pump class at the Y. Cannot wait to lift weights again!!!

I'm trying to start the Crack diet again. So far I'm on track today, but I need to shop & cook for the rest of the week and I'm not sure if I'll have time to do that tonight. We'll see. I very much want to weigh 149 when I run the Indy half on May 2. I'm probably about 7-8 pounds away, so it's doable. But it's going to take work.

Ah, well. Anything worthwhile requires serious effort.

The state of things

So I got on the scale this morning for the first time in over a week. Considering all that's been going on, it wasn't a disaster. 156.6 is about what I expected.

I ran yesterday for the first time since my 7 mile run last Saturday. 3.5 miles in 40 minutes, and most of the run sucked. I got a side stitch after a half mile that didn't go away for 2 miles. So I ran/walked until it subsided. And I'm still fighting my asthma while running and not being able to breathe easily is quite a hindrance on a run. I see my doctor on Monday & will hopefully get my inhaler situation figured out.

It's been 3 weeks since I was having panic attacks & went off wellbutrin, then went on lexapro. It's been 2 weeks since I went off the lexapro & went back on a lower dose of wellbutrin. Thank God, I feel like my brain is finally back to where it needs to be. I handled the funeral well; I was able to function & take care of my children basically by myself for 3 days without losing my mind. I'm able to do basic household chores without it feeling like I'm moving a mountain.

I'm in a total quandary about my food. Since Keith's death, food has been a big topic of conversation with members of the family. Meat of almost any kind is apparently the devil when it comes to your heart. This is only about me--not about Mark--but I do really well when I'm eating more protein in the form of meat, and eating more veggies, and eating fewer whole grain foods. But the heart healthy diet is apparently fruit, veggies, whole grains, zero fat, almost no meat, and I'm not sure what else. I haven't done my own research yet so I don't have enough information in my decision making process. I just feel like I need to get my entire household on a heart healthy diet, and despite my years & years of weight loss dieting, I don't know what the heck a heart healthy diet should consist of.

In other news, we are going to join the YMCA. Mark has got to start exercising regularly & we've talked about getting a used elliptical and treadmill, but I can't find any good cheap used ones, & I'm not spending $2,000 on two pieces of equipment that will likely end up being clothes racks. The family membership fee is $65 a month, which is a lot less than we were paying before for our Fancy Club membership. There are two locations we can use for the one monthly fee. And we can get Sophie back in swim lessons (she swam at the hotel while we were at the funeral, and after 6 months of no swimming, her strokes still looked great & she just loves swimming so much. The child needs something in her life she feels good about). Child care is free, too, so I won't have to pay extra for the kids while I work out.

I'm planning a run today, either 4 or 5 miles depending on how I feel. Then tomorrow I will run 8 miles. The Indy half is 5 weeks away & is sneaking up on me.

Every minute of peace & normalcy in my life is a gift. They are what I crave. Even though they are mostly out of my control, I'm going to do everything in my power to keep them around for a while.

I'm here

We just got back home today. I haven't been on my computer, listened to the news, or generally been otherwise engaged with the world since last Friday. It's been all about family, kids, & mourning Keith.

Which is the way it should be.

I'll post more either Thursday or Friday.

Thank you all so very much for your thoughts & prayers. You each mean so much to me.

Nothing gold can stay

This time of year, as the trees bloom and the daffodils unfold, reminds me of the famous Robert Frost poem.

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

Yesterday as I got a call from Sophie's school around 1 p.m., telling me she had a headache & was feeling dizzy, I thought of the poem again. My golden days of normal had evaporated again. My girl was back in her dark place. I picked her up, gave her some medicine, and thankfully she felt better but didn't go back to school. I didn't run, either, and generally had a really crappy night.

Then, this morning, everything has changed again.

Mark's brother died suddenly this morning of a heart attack. Keith had had two previous heart attacks in the past 3 years, so he was on medication & watching his diet & excercising. But the damage was already done & the genetic deck remained stacked against him; their dad died at age 51 of a massive heart attack, and heart disease runs through almost every family in the N. family tree.

Keith had the heart attack at work (he works--worked--night shifts) like the other two, but this time he didn't make it. He was 57. He died almost 3 years to the day from when Mark's mom died, which was on March 21, 2006.

Obviously this is going to be a very difficult weekend, & the funeral is likely going to be Monday or Tuesday. I have to be honest, though. My tears are not just for Keith & his family. I'm crying for myself, out of pure fear.

I cannot begin to express how concerned I am about my own husband's health. He's 46, is struggling with a weight gain over the past year, and hasn't exercised in months. His stress level is insane & he rarely sleeps well. Clearly, he's a walking time bomb.

It's terrifying.

He knows & I know what he needs to do to change his health. Will his brother's death make a difference? I honestly don't know.

I do know that I have always believed in my husband. I have two mottos for him that I've used to support him through the years.

The first is "Perseverance prevails when all else fails."

And, "You make the impossible, possible."

I pray that these apply to his health. I pray that despite everything that's fighting against him, God will find a way to make Mark the exception to the rule. I pray that God protects his heart while we can get his lifestyle fixed. I pray for healing of the damage in his heart that's already done. I pray that Mark doesn't let the seemingly inevitable destroy him. I pray he is lifted above this impossible situation & made whole.

Most of all, I just pray that he's not taken from me and my children until he's old, grey, crotchety, and senile. Then it will be okay. Anytime before that is simply unthinkable.

Sleep, Sunshine, & The Return of Normal

At last! I got a good night's sleep. No one woke me up & I slept from 10ish to 6:30. That rarely happens.

And, from the sounds of it, a lot of you have sleep troubles, too.

Oh how I wish we had an extra bed in our house. Unfortunately, that's the role of the couch but it's in the same "room" as the kitchen & isn't all that comfortable. Perhaps someday we'll have a different house & I'll get my own bedroom.

But, last night at least I slept great & it turns out that a good night's sleep makes a world of difference in my attitude & energy.

So does sunshine & 70 degree weather.

So does a five mile run, which I accomplished yesterday afternoon. It was glorious! Not easy, by any means. The first 2 miles were awesome. I felt fast, strong. The sun was shining, I was in shorts & a sleeveless shirt, and the wind was steady but not high. Around mile 3 my asthma started bothering me, and unfortunately I didn't bring my inhaler with me. (I used it before my run, as always, but I think I either need a second type of inhaler to *keep* my lungs open, or I just need to run with my inhaler when I'm out longer than 3 miles.) I slowed down quite a bit, & mile 4 was rough. By the time I was starting mile 5, the endorphins had kicked in and I was in the zone. I finished in 57:33. I was hoping for 5 in 55 minutes, but I'll take what I can get right now.

"Normal" has been a foreign land for so long, that I almost cried with gratitude on the way into work this morning. I ate normally. I slept normally. My family slept normally. I woke up normally. My kids are in school normally. We are at work normally. I am running normally.

Normal feels so damn good. And it gives me hope. I want to bottle this feeling & hold onto it forever.

BTW, it's our 14 year wedding anniversary today. Anniversary's on a Wednesday are a non event, pretty much, but we are having a date night Friday & the kids will stay at my mom's overnight. Very much looking forward to Friday.

Perseverance vs. Internalization

First the good stuff.

Yesterday I was determined to run. It was so gorgeous by the afternoon--sunny & 70. Around 4:15 I finally got around to changing into my running clothes, only to discover I'd forgotten my socks. I hate it when that happens! After a brief thought of running without them, I quickly came to my senses & drove the short mile to my local running store. Got a pair of Balega socks & stocked up on Gu, and I was hitting the pavement by 4:40. I parked at Luke's day care & figured I run 3 miles & be back with just enough time to pick him up around 5:20.

I ran 3, and they felt great. My pace is still not where I want it to be, but that's OK. The extra 10 pounds really slow me down. My avg m/m was 11:08, which I will take at this stage of the game.

And I felt freaking amazing afterwards (and during). Very at peace. Like everything is going to be okay. This, my friends, is the wonder of running. And endorphins.

I had a busy night--Mark's back in school after his spring break so it's just me with the kids on Mon, Tues, & Wed--but it was manageable. I ate well all day, including a healthy low carb dinner. Kiddos were in bed when they should be. I made a cup of hot tea and got in bed at 9:00, and by 9:15 I was falling asleep.

The plan was to get to sleep early & wake up at 5 a.m. and do 30 Day Shred. I figured I would have plenty of sleep & I am figuring out that I've got to add morning exercise to my day or I'm just not going to get the muscles I want so badly for our trip in June to St John.

But, then, of course, the shit hit the fan & my plans imploded.

Mark got in bed around 11:30, turned on the TV, and then promptly started tossing, turning, shivering, & snoring. He must be coming down with something because he couldn't get warm. And he couldn't stay still & I couldn't fall back to sleep. So off to the couch with me.

But I was so resentful & angry, and I buried those feelings in cookies. And then a bowl of grape nuts. And when I still couldn't sleep after midnight I started watching a movie. I still had a hope that I could get up at 5, but it was a sliver, at best.

At 2:45 Luke woke up, calling "Mommy, can I get up yet?" NO! You can't get up! I tucked him back in, turned on his lullaby CD, and he stayed put. But I was up again. No food this go round, because I felt a little sick from the midnight carb loading. But I was still seething.

Then at 4 a.m. Sophie is awake. For the 2nd night in a row. It's probably the new straterra, which she's taking at night so she'll sleep through the side affects. So I had to move to her bed to help her get back to sleep. It took her a good hour to fall asleep again, and I tossed & turned right beside her.

5 a.m. came & went. No wake up for me. No workout. Only disappointment. & a little bit of sleep.

At 6:15 the dog started whining & crying. So I finally just gave up & got out of Sophie's bed. Thankfully the coffee had brewed at 5 a.m. (love the automatic coffee pot), but I sat on the couch watching CNBC at 6:30 just pissed at the world.

While I was getting my shower this morning I kept asking myself---WHY MUST I INTERNALIZE EVERYONE ELSE'S ISSUES? And why do I feel the need to punish myself, my body, my family (in an indirect way, but I still feel like I'm punishing them, too) by eating crap in the middle of the night? I know I'm stuffing down the feelings. But WHY do the feelings erupt at all? Why can't I just disconnect and deal with the interruptions with grace, poise, and peace?

I don't feel hopeless this morning, mostly because the sun is shining & it's going to be 72 today, and both the kids are at school (hallelujah!!!!) and Mark is at work, and I am going to run this afternoon at least 5 miles, come hell or high water.

But I've got this internalization issue stuck in my craw. I think it's at the crux of it all.

So, now what I need to know is, how in the hell does that get fixed?

The pills are working

Finally, at last, I'm starting to feel human again. And just like I didn't get myself into the downward spiral unaided, I know it's not *willpower* that is getting me out of the pit. It's the drugs.

Thank God for good drugs.

I ran yesterday around 4:30 p.m., for 3.5 miles. They weren't fast miles by any means. But I ran the last full mile --slowly-- with no walk breaks (I still run around 9:30-10:00 m/m, but then I have to walk a bit after about 3-5 minutes of running).

I ate well yesterday. Had a salad last night around 9 p.m. when I felt hungry instead of something carby.

It's paying off. The scale, by some miracle, said 154.8 this morning. I'm STILL squishy & my jeans are still tight. The scale isn't the whole story. I've lost muscle tone that I'd built last year. But at least that number isn't as horrendous as I'd expected.

I'm taking it one day at a time right now. And hoping today is a calm, easy Saturday.

Where do I start?

Once you hit bottom, I guess there's no place to go but up. Right?

This morning I found some old pictures of me from before I was pregnant with Luke. It was like looking at another person. I *know* I spent the majority of my adult life around 200 pounds, but the past year and a half has made me feel like a new person. And I want to forget that I ever looked like that.

But recent life events have pulled me back into the old lifestyle of eating for comfort & not working out, and that's pulled my body back toward the way I used to look. No, I don't look like I weigh 200 pounds. No, my face is not round & undefined. My arms aren't huge & my pants aren't a size 18. But an extra 15 pounds from my lowest weight this fall has me feeling squishy & wearing very tight clothes.

And I'm scared. Because I feel myself falling further & further down the slippery slope. It's entirely possible--and hell, if I look at the ridiculously low statistics of people who are able to maintain a weight loss, it's probable--that I could weigh 200 pounds again.

I don't want that. I don't want to look like the woman in the pictures from 4 years ago. Or even 2 years ago. I don't want to be another negative statistic. Or someone people gossip about--"Oh, I knew she'd never be able to keep that weight off."

I want to run. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to wear sun dresses & shorts & skirts & tank tops with confidence. I want to be strong.

The trick is figuring out how to want all that when I'm bored, tired, depressed, sad, angry, happy, scared, sleepy, or any other emotion that drives me to eat.

How the heck did I do what I did in 2007? Where do I begin again? That's how I feel. Like I'm starting from scratch & have no clue how I'm ever going to lose the weight I want --no, need -- to lose.

Like just about every dieter, I know the mechanics. That's not the problem.

It's the "I want this more than anything else" that I need to find again.


***EDIT***
And then I read this post, linked to from Natalie, and the last sentence just gave me a big ole bitch slap: "No one likes a whiner - they suck the ever livin life out of you. "

I'm so damn tired of being a whiner. I need a good kick in the ass is what I need (gee, 3 curse words in one edit.... nice).

Temporary Insanity

Seriously? I think I'm losing my mind.

Monday night Sophie started having hallucinations. She'd woken up Monday with a dizzy spell & had had a pretty rough day. I was snuggling with her at bed time before she fell asleep, and all of the sudden she sat up & said "Mommy there's a spider on my doll's leg!" The doll is on her bookcase & had a couple of little flowers on her pants. She was seeing a spider instead of a flower. I explained that to her, then she saw a spider on her wall where there was a dark spot. We went to the family room where she could fall asleep to TV & keep her mind off the dark spots/spiders.

I assumed this was a side affect from her ADHD meds, and called her doctor Tuesday morning & he agreed we should stop the medicine. I scoured the internet & found that in January the FDA released research that found hallucinations are more common in ADHD meds than previously thought. So, oh joy, we have to stop the medicine that was helping her so much. Thankfully the hallucinations only lasted through yesterday and are now completely gone.

But the dizzy spell is still around. Day 3. We have an appointment at the St Louis Children's Hospital on April 8th. It can't get here soon enough.

Yesterday I called my doctor & got the OK to go back on Wellbutrin. I've been feeling horrible on the Lexapro & was reading about the side affects with that drug (which I've been on before but it's been years), & was reminded about how easy it is to gain weight on Lexapro & how hard it is to lose weight on Lexapro. Wellbutrin was awesome for me, in the 150 mg dose. Only at 300 mg did it become a problem. So I'm back on my drug of choice in the lower dose, and glad I came to my senses about Lexapro before it was too late. I feel a teeny bit better today, and I think it's mostly because I just feel relieved to be off the drug that would likely have put 20 pounds on me in 6 months.

More fun in our household--Luke is allergic to the cat. The cat we've had for 13 years. The cat who my daughter says is "her baby." I'm trying zyrtec & am going to put up a gate on his room & "de-cat" all his stuff. I just hope it's enough to make his sneezing & congestion & itchy eyes stop. I can't imagine the misery that losing our beloved Earl Grey would cause.

And, the piece de resistance--Mark busted a tendon last night in his leg, while playing chase with kids. It's the plantar's tendon, which the ER doctor said is ruptured. Mark's sister brought over her crutches last night at 9:30 and he took himself to the ER (which is 2 minutes from our house). He couldn't put any weight on it, it hurt so bad. The kids were of course freaked out. They wouldn't go to sleep after daddy left by himself for the ER at 10. So they piled in bed with me and stayed up & watched a movie until after 11:30. Then Sophie fell asleep in Luke's bed, & Luke fell asleep on our floor. I fell asleep around Midnight, and then woke up a few minutes later when Mark called & gave me the ER report. He got home sometime around 1 a.m. He's on pain meds & can limp around now without crutches. He worked a few hours this morning but now is home while I'm at work (with Sophie, of course). He said the pain isn't as bad as he thought it would be & he promised not to be an invalid that I have to take care of.

Which is a good thing, because I'm pretty much worthless right now & don't feel like I can take care of anything or anyone else right now.

I especially can't take care of myself.

For whatever reason, I'm still wired to eat, eat, & eat some more when faced with crises. I guess it's my brain saying "feed me some happy shit & feed it to me now." Unfortunately, my brain needs to take a good look at my ass, because it's clearly not happy with the recent feeding schedule.

This is only temporary. This is only temporary. This is only temporary.

God, I hope so.

How I'm Doing

Not so great. I feel like I shouldn't even post because I've not got much positive to say, but when did I ever let that stop me. Ha.

I did get a 4 mile run in on Saturday. It was gorgeous. Windy, but I ran in a tank top & shorts. I even got hot a few times! But that was the most healthy thing I did from Friday - Sunday.

I'm still in that no man's land between medications. I'm taking my new med, but my old one is still wearing off, I suppose, & my new one hasn't kicked in. Friday I came home around 5 p.m., got in bed, and didn't get out except for bodily necessities. Thankfully my Mom took care of the kids until Mark got home, then he took care of them. I felt like I had the flu, only without any body aches or sore throat or headache. Basically, I just couldn't move my body. At all.

It was awful.

Saturday was a teeny bit better, but only because I had to get out of bed. I'd volunteered with my Sunday School class to prepare & serve breakfast at a downtown shelter (the count was around 210 people that we served), so I was out the door at 7 a.m. It was good to be around people from church & realize how freaking blessed I am. I got home around 11 and went for a run. Then I took the kids & picked up a friend of Sophie's for a sleep over. Then I was back in bed from around 3 to 5 p.m. Two hours is about Mark's threshold for handling the kids, so I had to get up & help out after that.

Sunday we made it to church (after the time change--which kills me for the first few days), & then grocery shopped for a couple of hours then went home & put everything away & made lunch, and by then I was wiped again. I didn't lay in bed, but I camped in the recliner for the rest of the afternoon. Finally around 6 p.m. I started cleaning Sophie's room & gave her a bath.

I ate horribly all weekend, and Sunday morning I stepped on the scale, dreading what I'd see. 159.2.

I've got a lot of ground to make up. It's scary how quickly bad habits can add back the pounds. It was just a little over a week ago that I was at 151.4.

And running with the extra weight is a killer. I had mild shin splints on and off for the first 3 miles of my run Saturday.

But honestly, my energy is still in the tank & I feel like I'm barely functional. I'm praying these meds get straightened out quickly. I did take my blood pressure at Walmart Sunday and it was much better--the bottom number was 71 (down from 90 before medication).

Other bad news--Sophie woke up with another dizzy spell this morning. She also described a type of aura around objects for the first time today, and when I asked if she's had that before she said maybe twice before, just recently. That's a new development & to me says these episodes are truly leaning toward migraine, even though they are atypical. I'm still waiting for the St Louis Children's Hospital to call & get us an appointment. It should be soon. The good news with Sophie is her ADHD meds are going great. She got an A on her spelling test Friday, and that's the first A on a spelling test she's had all year. The side affects seem to be mostly gone now, too. I'm hopeful we'll luck out & the first med will be the right one.

Mark's on spring break this week, so he doesn't have class the next 3 nights. That should help. Maybe I'll have it in me to go for a run after work today.

Right place, right time

After I wrote a guest post for MizFit, an associate editor for PBS contacted me about being included for an article he was writing about dieting bloggers. And even though I had my suspicions at first, turns out he was legit & had a lot of articles on the PBS.org/mediashift website.

So I talked with him the weekend before last (on a Saturday while sitting on the bathroom floor with the door locked--the only place a mom of two can get some privacy) and spilled my guts about my blog.

It's an interesting article. The writer, Simon Owens, asked insightful questions & was genuinely interested in the whole blogger/dieter phenomenon. Go have a look when you have a chance.

Doctors, doctors everywhere

I'm going to see my doctor this afternoon, for two big issues.

First, I think I have high/borderline high blood pressure. My mom & sister both have high BP problems, and I am nothing if not my mother's daughter. She had to get glasses at age 40 after having perfect vision her whole life; I had to get glasses when I turned 38 (I'm such an overachiever & had to beat her on that one). She's been on BP meds for years & years, she thinks since her early 40s; I've been having headaches for months (which was the symptom that caused her to go to the doctor way back when) and I finally took my BP at Walmart yesterday. The first time it was 140/81 & the second time it was 131/93. So it's up there. It's time to get it addressed officially. I'm tired of these headaches & I'd really like to avoid having a stroke.

Second, I'm going to ask to see a psychiatrist. My emotional state is completely bizarre lately. I increased my depression med back in January, but what I've been going through lately isn't just depression. It's panic attacks, crying for no reason, horribly awful thoughts that come from nowhere. I can be completely UP for a few days--like last week I had some really really good days & felt wonderful--but then am in the basement again. But it's not the basement--it's the deep dark wet root cellar.

These aren't my normal ups & downs, which I've *always* gone through. They are more extreme. And I'm getting to the point where I can't function properly. I've got to get my head fixed now, before things get worse.

Partly I think it's situational. Seen the market lately? But we are doing OK right now & I'm letting go of my fear & worry on a daily basis, and asking God to fill me with love & peace. And He is. So it's not just situational. It's chemical. And I need help.

**Edit** Just got back from the doctor. He put me on a low dose (5 mg) of a BP med to see if it helps with the headaches. My bottom number was consistently 90 while I was there. And I explained how I've been feeling after having my anti-depressant increased & he said that it's possible for anxiety to be amplified in some people on the medicine I am taking. Which makes complete sense--the extremes started about when the increased dose would be nice & solidly established in my system. So we are switching my med to a different one completely & I don't have to see a psychiatrist at this point. I feel relieved to learn that I'm not suffering a total mental breakdown & the medicine is likely responsible for what I've been feeling. A few weeks from now, I hope I'm on a more even keel. **End Edit**

And the other Doctor's issue is with Sophie. This is all good news. He diagnosed her with attention deficit ADHD & we started her on medicine Friday. She is experiencing several side affects but they aren't horrible & so far she's dealing with them OK. She is, thankfully, responding positively so far to what it's supposed to do for her--give her focus & attention. I've noticed a difference at home already. Her teacher is going to give me daily updates on how she's doing in class, as well.

We are also going to take her to the St Louis Children's Hospital in about a month (as soon as they can get us in, but the nurse said it should be close to the end of March) for her dizzy spells. Our pediatrician thinks it's in the migraine realm, but agrees that we need more specialized doctors to confirm that they are migraine, since if they are, then they are extremely atypical.

I'm so thankful we live in a time when doctors can help all of us with these health issues. I'm praying things go well, on all fronts.

Mid week update

Wait, is it Thursday already? That's the kind of week it's been.

But relative to recent weeks, it's been stellar. Nobody's sick, everyone's in school & at work. No (more) major technology failures. And as far as I know, I haven't pissed anyone off recently.

Food & exercise are perfectly acceptable. I'm on Day 11 of the crack diet & I'm sticking to the plan. I weighed 151.4 this morning. My jeans that were cutting off my circulation a couple weeks ago now fit much more easily and I'm not straining against all the seams any more.

And I have run the past 2 days--3 miles Tuesday & 4 miles Wednesday. I have yet to do the Shred video again, which is silly really because it's only 20 minutes. But seriously, the only 20 minutes I'd have is at 5:30 a.m. (which isn't happening...yet) or at 9 p.m. I'm not quite ready to commit exercise to either of those times yet, so it's going to be running after work/before kid pickup for now.

This afternoon I'm meeting with Sophie's doctor about her dizzy spells & my suspicions of her ADD (attention deficit, not hyper activity). I'm hoping it's a productive meeting & we get some solid next steps.

Then tonight I'm going to a friend's house for a Southern Living at Home party. I've never been to one of these, and really I couldn't care less about what they have to sell. Unless it's a kitchen multi-tasker that I can't live without, I'm not buying anything. I'm so over *consuming* stuff. I don't want anything for my home, my yard, my car, my body. I'm satisfied with what I've got. I don't need no more.

But I'll get to visit with my girlfriends, and that's why I'm going. Time with the girls without kids is, unfortunately, very rare.

Not much else to report. Good stuff is good stuff & I'm thankful to not be whining and complaining any longer. I hope it lasts for a while. :)

Still on the wagon, but hanging on with my fingernails

Life has been crazy lately. Thankfully, this low carb diet helps keep the food cravings away even when I'm under stressful conditions that would normally trigger a carb binge.

Work is nuts. I've had multiple technology failures since last Thursday. The printer & my email have taken up countless hours and money. I hate it when things don't work, because it makes me a grouchy girl & I get absolutely nothing done.

All this plus the stock market tanking is making me a big bottle of nerves.

Oh, and did I mention I haven't run in over a week?

It's all just been too much.

But, again, thank God I'm on this diet plan because otherwise I'm sure I'd be pushing 160 by now. Instead, I weighed 151.2 this morning! Woohoo!

My pants are already looser. I still have the muffin top (sometimes I truly wish we'd go back to high waisted pants from the 80's), and that doesn't go away until I get into the mid 140s. At least it went away the last time I visited 146 in October.

I ended the first low carb week at 5 days. Sunday night I had a little slip--a few vanilla wafers, a couple bites of ice cream, but that's it. And Monday when I woke up I just could not take eggs again for breakfast. So I made an executive decision to skip the 2 days I had left of low carbing, and go straight to week 2.

Which means I had grits with protein powder for breakfast yesterday, and I just had rice & beans for lunch today. Tomorrow I get 2 carbs before 3 p.m.

I love this plan. I love the variety. I love that I can stick to it. I love that I have energy & don't feel bloated. I love that my waist is already back to 29 1/2". (Like the true tracking freak I am, I started measuring every day when I started this diet. I had no idea that water weight affected my "size" so much. I really just thought it was a scale thing. It's not.) And I love that in a few more days I can have a few fun foods.

I'm praying I can get out of work by 4 p.m. today so I can go running. It's gorgeous... cold, but not windy and it's sunny. I have been having runner's envy for days & days--you know, when you see a runner on the road & you wish with your whole heart that was you out there. Yeah, I saw 3 people this morning running and I about hopped out of my car & ran in my high heals. I just can't contain myself anymore.

I have been a very bad blogging friend because I've had no time to visit with any of you. I'm thinking of you, though, and hope that your health journey is gearing up in a very positive way, as the weather starts to turn toward Spring. Oh, it cannot get here soon enough!

So the food...

...is going well. There is something powerful in eliminating bad carbs for a week. I'm basically not hungry and not craving anything. I'M EATING, don't get me wrong. It's not like I've picked up an eating disorder the past few days. But getting the crap out of my body & brain and eating protein & veggies & fat can cause remarkable change in a short period of time.

The trick, of course, is making the change stick.

If you recall from my last journey on the Crack diet, week 1 is the strictest week. Under 20 carbs a day for 7 days. I'm on day 3. I weighed 152.6 this morning. And my waist is already 2 1/2 inches smaller. It blows my mind how water weight impacts the body so much. The first couple of days can be tough, but strangely after the first day I've felt OK and really haven't lost that much energy.

The 2nd week starts carb cycling. As much as the low carb week feels good for a while, you really do get excited about that first morning when you can eat oatmeal or have Ezekial bread.

The exercise.... not so much. I miss running so badly. But it's been one thing after another this week and I haven't fit it in. Ah well. I know eventually I'll get time again for me. At the very least I'll do some 30 Day Shred this weekend.

I'm swamped at work, haven't been to the grocery store in 2 weeks, and have laundry & dishes piled to the ceiling. Why I thought it would be OK for me to go to sleep last night at 9 p.m. is beyond me.

But today is another day. I'm off to the grocery & then home to snuggle on kiddos (and eventually the hubs).

Kick some ass this weekend, bloggy friends!

A little better

First, I want to thank MizFit for posting my guest blog today. I wrote it about 3 months ago and wouldn't you know it? I'm still pretty much in the same state of mind--fighting to find time & energy to get my winter fat layer off but often losing the battle.

As with all of The Miz's posts, there's lots of engaging conversation going on in the comments. And it seems clear that some folks can do this healthy lifestyle thing with ease (or, at least, the majority of their choices are healthy ones & it's not a massive struggle to make those choices--that's the way it looks like on *this* side of the fence anyway :).

Others of us (ME! ME!) aren't quite to effortless, but we're fighting the good fight and not giving up.

So where am I today on this crazy roller coaster?

Yesterday was much better. I stayed on track with the Crack the Fat Loss Code diet. I already feel the bonds of carbs & sugar loosening their hold. Today has started off well, food wise. I'm still not craving junk & the scale is playing along already (water weight loss is water weight loss, but it's still motivating to see lower numbers on the scale right off the bat).

Exercise has been The Suck, though. No time for myself since Sophie's at the office with me during my normal running time, and Mark has classes on Mon, Tues & Wed nights so I can't run after I pick up kids either. I am so not a morning runner, so that's out. Last night I could have done the 30 day shred but frankly I was so fried from my day long sprint at work I just didn't have it in me.

But. One step at a time. I'm happy I'm getting the carbwants out of my system. Exercise will come again soon, most hopefully tonight. And it won't be soon enough.

***
ETA: Sophie made it to school. I took her in at 10 a.m. & she didn't feel dizzy during the long walk to her class, which is a very good sign that we might be done with this round.

Can't get a break

Last night I'd had enough. Again.

I've been on this roller coaster of "motivation" (truly, I hate that word because I don't really believe in it--you either do, or do not, and that's that, but I'm using it here as a short hand for "I can't get my shit together"). And I've been doing better workout wise (last week I ran 4 days & did the 30 Day Shred once) but my food has still been in the toilet.

I think the food issue is because--I can't do moderate when it comes to food. My brain LOVES carbs. When I'm eating carbs, just like most people who struggle with weight, I want more carbs. And more carbs. And more carbs. Until I've gained 10-12 pounds in about 4 months.

So yesterday I decided, made up my mind, drew up the plan, to do the Crack the Fat Loss Code again. It works for me. It allows for healthy carbs & promotes whole foods. It allows for "cheat days" on occasion--because real life includes cheat days. And I got to my thinnest ever last October (146.2.... ah, I remember you well) on this diet. Yesterday I committed myself, again, to getting it done & was bound & determined that this. was. it.

Then, unfortunately, I got slammed down this morning. Sophie woke up early with a raging dizzy spell. She's been dizzy since last week, but not bad; she's made it to school every day. This morning was the super awful kind--can't move, can't tolerate light, cries & cries because the spinning in her head is so bad. I hate it when she's like this. I feel so helpless. I can't do anything for her. She missed her class field trip to see James & the Giant Peach today. I ache for all she's missing out on.

My food & exercise are not my priority today. Sophie is. I haven't face dived into a vat of carbs yet, mainly because I'm just sick of them. I did have a carby breakfast, but I'm done with that food today. I've got a healthy low carb lunch & I'll have a decent dinner. Perhaps tomorrow I'll be able to focus on me & my goals.

Today is another story.

Sophie's dizzy spells have gotten worse the past 6 months. She's had a spell every single month since October. Next week I have conference with her pediatrician, which I'd intended to primarily focus on her possibly having attention deficit disorder (not hyperactivity, the attention & focus problem of ADD). And we'll talk about that. But I'm going to ask him to refer us to Vanderbilt. I've had it with this disorder & the lack of answers from the tests we've done over the past 3 1/2 years . My daughter deserves more than a life like this. I just pray God opens the doors we need opened so we can find a cure.

Freakishly Flexible 5K-- For Nancy

Wanna join me in a 5k this weekend?

Nancy has been one of the most inspirational blogger's I know. She's upbeat, shares the running love to the point of putting in hours and hours of her time with many virtual races, and is all around a super cool chick.

So reading her post today about the official diagnosis of her hip problem choked me up. Running means more to me than I can fully express. It does to her too. I know she's mourning the loss. I know she's in shock. I would be. It's a majorly "life's not fair" kind of deal.

But I know she'll find her way back, through another sport that complements her body, because she is who she is.

Another blogger created the virtual Freakishly Flexible 5K race in Nancy's honor. If you go to his website you'll see that you don't have to be a runner to join in.

I'm running a 5k this weekend for Nancy. And thanking God every step of the way for my 38 year old body that can run, and praying that Nancy has a successful surgery & heals well, and then comes back & kicks some ass.

Old School

So I've gone back to writing down in a journal everything I put in my mouth and the corresponding calories, just like in the good old days. And thankfully for the past two days, it's worked.

I'm shooting for 1800 calories a day and have actually been under that--Monday it was 1510 & Tuesday, 1390. I ran 4 miles Monday & did the 30 Day Shred video Tuesday.

I've lost 2.4 pounds so far. Boy, does that feel good.

Just like every other time I've gone from mindless, emotional eating to controlled, planned eating--I feel free & at peace. There is so much freedom in doing what's good for you, it makes my head spin to wonder why in the world I stray in the first place.

Yet I'm not taking any of this for granted. I still feel fragile & a day at a time is what I'm focusing on.

Spring teasing us this week is making a big difference in how I feel. It was mid February of 2007 when I joined LA Weight Loss. And it's mid February now. Something about leading up to a season of renewal that helps kick start my determination.

Next up: half marathon training for my May 2 race in Indy. I want to weigh 145 by then.

Because it is damn hard to run at 158 pounds. I found that out on Monday. Shedding those extra pounds so I can run faster & easier is extremely motivating.

How are you holding up? What's kicking your motivation up a notch?

Monday

The weekend was more of the same from Friday's post, but today was MONDAY. A day for new beginnings, right?

I've written down all my food so far & am counting calories. I'm getting ready to change my clothes & go running in (wait for it) 70 degree weather. It could not be a more different start to this week than two weeks ago.

I'll post more when I have more time.

I do want to thank you all for your comments. Holy cow, what amazing friends you all are. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

A Lesson from Cool Hand Luke

I've seen a lot of Guy Movies over the past 15 years that I've known my husband. The Outlaw Josey Wales, The Maltese Falcon, & Cool Hand Luke are a few of my favorites.

This morning as I was walking in to work, a line from Cool Hand Luke flickered through my memory. "You've got to get your mind right," the Boss says to Luke as Luke's digging his own grave in the prison yard.

While I've not committed any crimes & I don't have an SOB prison guard standing over me, I feel like I'm in a prison of my own making right now. And I need to get my mind right or I'm going to be shoveling my way out of my own deep hole, very soon.

Before I joined LA Weight Loss in February 2007, I was always playing the mind game of "I'll eat this box of donuts now, but tomorrow I will definitely stop! I'm just going to eat this now to get through the _____________(insert the mood of the moment--boredom, anger, sadness, happiness, stress, busyness, overwhelmedness, depression, rain, sunshine, winter blahs, blah blah blah). Tomorrow I will, I WILL, start to eat right & won't do this anymore."

For a good solid year, I didn't play this game. And really, I guess it's been almost two years since it's now February of 2009.

But I guess two years is my Statute of Limitations on the Give Up the Bullshit Thinking issue.

Because it's back. In full force. And I'm smack dab back in the self-imposed prison of denial & misery.

I haven't bought a box of powdered donuts yet--they were a huge problem for me & I simply loved everything about the little bastards (except for how fat they helped make me). But I've been looking longingly at them while grocery shopping, and last night I even picked up a bag and considered putting it in my cart.

Instead I bought a pint of Ben & Jerry's Phish food, hid it in the back of the freezer when I got home, and ate it in secret while the kids played with the hubs. I then hid the empty container at the bottom of the trash can.

I even ate some cookie dough in the bathroom the other day, hiding from the kids so they wouldn't want any.

This is some seriously f*cked up behavior. And I can't believe I'm living it again.

I know it's hard--unbearably hard--to change life long coping mechanisms. It's practically heroic to establish new coping mechanisms that won't slip away and be replaced by the old ones. I used to feel like a hero, and felt like I'd mostly replaced my food issues with running & strength training.

But since the exercise & the endorphins it provides has been virtually non-existent the past couple of weeks, the bad old coping strategies are back.

And I hate them. I hate everything about the after. The before & during, I'm pretty much back to being a zombie & in robot mode. Not in control--like the foods are putting themselves in my hands and I have no choice but to accept them.

Ultimately, I think this is about control. I have completely lost control over so many things in my life right now. And the way I'm dealing with the lack of control is to say "F*ck it, I don't care about my weight, my body, my health. All I want is to feel better NOW. NOW is all that matters. Later will have to wait because I can't deal with later. Food makes me feel better now. So I will eat what I need now, because I can. To hell with the consequences."

Obviously, I've gotta get my mind right. I know this. I know that living like this is the path to weighing 200 pounds again. I know that living in denial is going to only get me tighter clothes & more unhappiness. I know that, in the end, this destructive behavior leads me to hate myself. Not just because of the fat, but because of the shame of the addiction.

Getting my mind right is what I'm working on right now. I'm not feeling all that strong, though, so I'm simply taking things a moment at a time. And praying like crazy for strength, purpose, and a desire to remember that my actions, whether good or bad, have consequences.

I don't want to stay in these chains any longer. I'll get my mind right, and then I'll be set free.

Roller Coaster

Yesterday was not a good day. I didn't have time to blog about it, but Sophie woke up with a stomach ache & then threw up before getting on the school bus. I was thankful she got sick at home instead of school, at least. She came into the office with me & was an angel, and luckily she didn't throw up again. She did have/still does have diarrhea now, but it's not horrible and I'm guessing she's almost done with this virus.

Work is crazy, since we are doing annual reviews with clients. So I'm not getting to have my blogging time like normal. That always kinda bums me out a bit.

After work, we had to go to Walmart to buy bread & other essentials and the kids were very well behaved. But after we got to the car & had everything unloaded, Sophie's diarrhea kicked in and we had to go back inside. It was around 10 degrees last night, so we were cold cold cold. And we were in the Walmart bathroom for a good 20 minutes (poor Soph!). We still had to pick up Mark's dry cleaning & didn't get home until after 7 p.m.

It was a frozen pizza night, obviously! We had dinner around 7:30, and I was just fried by then. Didn't clean the kitchen, didn't give kids baths, didn't workout. Basically I pretty much just gave up.

Which is usually when my food goes to hell too.

So today, I'm feeling down again. Sophie was still sick this morning & is with me again at work. She should make it to school tomorrow. It's still really cold but tomorrow it's supposed to be warmer & as God is my witness, I'm going running. Tonight if life doesn't blow up in my face, I'll do the Shred DVD again. I'm still sore from my first time through, which is a good sign. Those 20 minutes were very effective--I think it's going to be an awesome muscle building routine.

I'm pretty much in just-get-by mode. I'm hopeful for the future, but getting tired of living there instead of in the here & now.

Better

Quick update today because we're swamped at work.

Today's weight was 154.6. The past 2 days have been decent, food wise. And I did the 30 Day Shred video last night! I really liked it--a tough workout in 20 minutes.

It's supposed to be in the 60s by the weekend. I am so looking forward to running again.

*******BIGGEST LOSER SPOILER BELOW*******
(sorry this wasn't here earlier, Vickie!)



TBL fans--were you happy to see Joelle go? I have really mixed feelings about her. I'll have to write more on that when I have some time.

Holy crap

Well, an ice storm is about as bad as the holiday's for weight gain.

I hadn't weighed in a week, still haven't run since a week ago last Friday (that's a whopping 10 days now), and I've been eating like a 10 year old boy on summer vacation.

I finally bit the bullet this morning, the first weekday we've been back in our house, and got on the scale. It was ugly.

157.8

I have some serious ass kicking to do on myself. Which is tough when I still feel pretty wrung out emotionally, & physically still feel rough from the cold that will not die.

But I'm not burying my head in the sand & not letting this get worse. I've scaled back the food today big time, and am having hot tea with honey while I finish some work tonight. I'm likely going to have to white knuckle through the night time eating cravings later. Whatever. I want to see some water weight lost in the morning.

Hopefully I will get to do some kind of physical activity soon. The park where I usually run is blocked off because of trees down, I guess, and the sidewalks--everywhere--are still covered in ice & snow. So if I want to run it will have to be on the street, and I'm not overly fond of taking my life into my own hands like that. If I have to dodge a car and run off the road, I could slip & fall on the ice. It may be a while until I get on the pavement again.

I've got the Jillian Michael's DVD that I need to do. Was going to try tonight but I've got a monster headache & my sinuses are hurting, so (yada yada yada excuse excuse excuse), no workout today.

Life is my workout right now. Soon enough it will be spring.

Even though the Groundhog saw his shadow today, warmer weather is only 6 weeks away.

It's Back!

Power came on last night around 8 p.m. We stayed at our friends' house because we were already settled in and wanted to let the house warm up. Came home this morning & all is well.

I'll be posting more. Lots to do with kiddos & gotta go get the dog.