The knee & the shoulder (148.6)

My knee is still swollen.  It can feel fine when I walk, and then if I step wrong or do something else weird (which I can pinpoint exactly), the tendons will hurt again.  I wrapped it, iced it, and elevated it last night.

I didn't rest it on Tuesday.  I overdid it.  My thought process was--it's not that bad.  I've never had knee problems and I'm sure it will heal quickly.  I didn't injure it exercising so it can't be that bad.  And, I hadn't worked out in forever and just wanted to BE at the gym.  So, I took a weights class.  I used very light weights on squats and no weights on lunges.  I didn't go as deep as usual.  It didn't hurt once during the class.  Then I walked--slowly, between 3 - 3.3) on the TM for 45 minutes while I watched an episode of Lost on Netflix on my phone.  It didn't hurt.  I stretched gently.  I went home and wrapped it, iced it, and elevated it.

Obviously, Tuesday's workout was stupid, because it was really swollen yesterday.

It doesn't hurt that bad, and a lot of the time it feels normal.  But it is swollen.  So I know there's damage in there of some kind.

I'm getting some KT tape tonight and will have my friend who's a PT help me tape it.  I'm not working out again until it's 100%.  Which better be soon because the weather is finally going to get nice in a couple of weeks and I want to be out there running.

I did notice yesterday that when I sit at my desk, I often cross my legs and I tend to let my lower leg drift to the side, which puts pressure on the sides of the bottom knee.  I am trying really hard not to cross my legs at work. It's as hard habit to break.

Also, my left trapezius muscle is tightening up again, and so is my neck.  I had this problem a few years ago and went to a PT for it.  I know it's work related because it's fine at home.  When we moved into our new office in February, I got a new chair like my old one (I only had to pay $30--the office paid $200 and I had a coupon for Office Depot and saved $100).  My arms are level at my keyboard.  My monitor is at the right height.  I don't know what the problem is.

I have started stretching my chest again, lying on the floor with a rolled towel under my spine.  It's not as bad as it was before, but it can really hurt after working a full day.  I've only been at work an hour today and it hurts a little already.

I have also decided to back down to once a month acupuncture (b/c the sun is out more and the weather will be warmer & I can run more, I feel like I can switch to maintenance treatments now).  And then add a massage once a month.  My first massage is April 26 (first available that fit my schedule--April is a busy month).  One hour massage is the same cost as acupuncture ($65).

I'm going to a massage therapist that the owner of our office goes to.  He even gave me a gift certificate so my first one is free.  He is THE best person ever.  Seriously, we are beyond blessed to work in this office (it will be one year on April 18--can you believe that?!)

I think the massage will help a lot with my back & neck issue.  It's cheaper than PT, which my insurance doesn't cover until I reach my $2500 deductible, so I'm not doing PT.

Getting older can really suck.  My body has put up with office work for decades.  Now it decides it doesn't like it.  And I have to figure out how to make it last for another couple of decades (unless God has some plan for me not to work anymore, which I don't foresee but who knows). 

Mark's back has been good and bad since his procedure. It tends to hurt worse on long, stressful days.  Stress has a huge amount to do with how much pain he has.  His PT has had him work on his core muscles--somehow Mark doesn't relax his core the right way and it's always tense, which puts stress on his lower back.   I don't really understand it.  He has breathing exercises he's supposed to do, but I'm not sure how much he's doing it.  He sucks at "compliance" and isn't all that proactive most of the time.

He also is the kind of person who thrives on stress--I don't know how else to put it.  He rarely allows enough time to get ready or to get from one place to another (his sense of time is skewed--I think it's a right brain thing; Sophie is the same way). He is almost always in a hurry.  He must somehow get a rush or is addicted to the stress hormones.  I HATE stress hormones and I do everything I can to not be put into a position where I have to hurry.  I do fear for him, that the stress is horrible for his heart.  But I can't change him, and he's not changing himself.  I don't nag him about it anymore.  Nagging just makes it worse.

This is the second time in a week I've seen 148.6 on the scale. Wednesday will be 180 days of abstinence.  I'm very happy with how things are going right now.

I'm also still tapering off of wellbutrin.  I'm now at skip three days, take one.  I will do that for about another week, then will do skip four days, take one for a couple of weeks then I'll be done.  It takes four days for wellbutrin to be completely out of your system.  It is an easy drug to wean off of (as opposed to other SSRI's, which can be brutal).  I have felt a faint brain "zap" a couple of times when I switched from skip two days to skipping three days but it wasn't bad or long.  I haven't felt any depression from it. I'm guessing I'll be back on wellbutrin in the fall.  I'm still taking lamictal 75 mg, which has been a miracle drug in stabilizing my moods.

Now the real work begins (149.0)

I ran the OA meeting last night, which means I gave my "lead" (I talked about my story for 40 minutes). 

It was the second time I'd given my lead.  The first time I gave it, last November, I told my story at a high level, getting in as many details of my life as possible.  This time, I still gave details but not as many and they were more in depth. 

I talked a lot about my life between 2007-2012.  How I'd lost and gained.  How I felt when I'd lost weight the first time.  How I did the outside work but not the inside.  How I still had a "fat head" at 146 pounds.  How my life wasn't perfect when I got thin.  And how when life hit me in the shins, I went right back to food.

At the end of my talk, I said I feel like the first 6 months of OA have been a honeymoon phase (which is a term they use) and it has been a blessing to be free from the power of food.  I couldn't have done it by myself; only through meetings and the program have I been able to lose 25 pounds and become free of the prison of sugar.

Now, the hard work begins.

I didn't do the hard work the last time.  The hard work is the inside work.  It is working the 12 steps.  It is examining those parts of myself I'd rather ignore (that's what the 4th step inventory is mostly about--which I'm not working on yet).  It's acknowledging every single day that I am a food addict.  It's identifying foods I think I can eat safely, but when they become a problem, eliminate them from my diet (like fried foods---fried anything makes me think about more food).  It's reading more OA lit and writing more often about my feelings.

I read this weekend in one of the OA books (on my Kindle) that simply overeating is a pathway to compulsive eating.  I have noticed this, as well.  I have overeaten several times, and each time was because I subconsciously wanted the comfort food offered.  I have eaten other than meal times, mostly on the weekends, out of boredom or for distraction.

I have to be honest about these eating behaviors, or I will slip back into compulsive eating.  Addiction is insidious that way.

To help me keep a journal, I downloaded an app on my phone called Daily Diary.  I love it.  I hate to write long hand.  It takes too long and my hand writing is atrocious. I don't have the patience to write neatly.  Plus, I don't have a big purse so I can't carry a journal around with me.  I always have my phone.  I can type pretty quickly with my thumbs (I always wonder what kind of damage we are doing to our thumb joints?  will there be an abundance of thumb arthritis 30 or 40 years from now?).  I typed out my notes for yesterday's OA talk on there.  I also journaled on Sunday, after I'd had three days of not so great eating, to work through WHY I was eating the way I was.  The diary is just one more tool in my arsenal.

Tools are how I stay even.  I think of all these as my tools: meetings, my sponsor, my OA friends, medication, abstinence from sugar/fat/flour foods, my SAD light, exercise, reading and writing, my therapist, acupuncture, my blog and all of you. 

If any of these tools aren't being used, I can slip and get out of balance.  I've got plenty of proof to that effect.

Sleep needs to be a better tool--I still don't have a great bed time/wake up time habit.  I like to stay up late and I don't like mornings.  This may forever be a challenge until I learn to accept what is good for me, instead of wanting things my way (kind of like with food, no?). 

Random news: I did something to my knee yesterday.  I sat on the bed for a few minutes with one leg folded underneath me.  When I stood up, the tendons on both sides of my knee hurt.  Felt like I'd strained them.  It's hard to describe, because I haven't felt anything like that before.  I stretched it and elevated it for about 30 minutes.  It got better, then when I stood up after sitting for about 20 minutes, it did it again.  I wrapped it last night in an ace bandage and slept with it elevated on a pillow.  It still feels weak this morning--not the same pain as last night, but I can tell it's not right. 

It didn't hurt to walk up stairs this morning at work, so that's a good sign.  I'd planned on working out tonight (run or walk or class).  Not sure if that's going to happen or not.  I think walking might actually be good for it, if I don't push too hard.  We'll see.

Kids are at my mom's today and tomorrow.  I have a free night for me! I'm going to a concert at the university where our church choir director teaches. He's conducting a Bach concert with his university choir and the Bach Singers group he put together a couple of years ago (the Bach Singers perform at our church twice a year).  I'm so stinking excited to have a night to myself and to support his efforts.  Unfortunately I'm going by myself.  I asked Mark's cousin to go with me but she's busy. All my friends have kids and can't go.  Mark has a meeting tonight.  I'm okay with going places by myself, but it would have been nice to have shared it with someone else. 

It snowed here all day yesterday.  No accumulation other than a dusting on our deck and fence (didn't even stay on the grass).  But it was totally bizarre to see blowing snow on the first day of the kids' spring break.  I am so winter weary.  I'm not alone, I know.  Last March was the warmest we'd had in over 100 years.  I'm guessing this is one of the coldest in years.  Ah, climate change.  I'm sure we'll have more extremes in the years to come.

Nothing sinking this ship (149.2)

Warning: brief whine session ahead
I am so tired of being cold.  I am tired of my winter clothes.  I'm tired of wearing tights all the time. I miss wearing summer sandals. I'm tired of paying a stupidly high utility bill (I don't keep our house cold like a lot of people--I like to be comfortable in my own house. But it's not THAT warm, and I always have to wear a sweater & socks).  I'm tired of being cold at work; I need to just buy a space heater but I keep hoping the weather will warm up and I won't have to buy one (but I'm done waiting and I'm getting one ASAP).  I'm sick about how cold it's going to be Palm Sunday, when we have our Easter egg hunt at church.  IF we even have it.  It's supposed to rain too. 

I know I'm preaching to the choir. I'm sure you're all just as anxious as I am for spring weather to arrive.

Whine over.

So I'm doing really, really well. 

Sophie was sick yesterday with a touch of a migraine and a tummy ache.  A friend at work told me about her niece who started getting tummy aches once a month about a year before she started her period.  Sophie will be 12 in May, hasn't started yet.  I'm now tracking her tummy aches to see if there's a pattern, so we can be aware of it. 

I stayed home in the morning with her, then came to the office at 11.  Mark didn't leave for home until 1 pm, so she was by herself for a couple of hours, which she is fine with and I am too. 

Mark had a back procedure yesterday (steroid injections).  The radio frequency procedure (where they burn the nerve around his spine) he had 4 months ago has worked well, but it's starting to wear off.  He's been having more bad days recently.  He had this procedure done to carry him the next two months; he can get another RF at 6 months (the nerve grows back).  I stayed with him at the doctor's office (Sophie was home another 2 hours by herself) during the procedure because he was nervous and wanted me there.

I had a conversation with my mom about the insurance settlement from the car wreck she had (with my kids in the car) almost 2 years ago.  She was very upset because the attorney said she'd get $3600 after they pay all the expenses and attorney's fees.  That won't cover what she's had to pay out of pocket.  She has back pain from the accident.  She has not been seeing a pain doctor, which I told her to do months ago.  Insurance doesn't care how you feel; they care that you can prove your injuries through doctor visits.  Needless to say, she's not settling for that amount.  Who knows how it will work out--it's not my job to fix it and I'm not worrying about it.  (They settled with us last month, and we got more than that for the kids.)  Even though I'm not worrying about it, I'm still upset for my mom and hate to know she's going through this. 

Then last night Luke & I went to a friends house to hang out with our core group of church friends. My close friend Paula and her family moved to Iowa in December, and they were here for their spring break.  It was wonderful to be back together with everyone.  We laughed and laughed and had so much fun.  These are the kinds of friends where you can be apart but pick up right where you left off when you get back together.  Our kids are all big enough to play upstairs by themselves (youngest is 3) so we had adult time around the dining room table.  It was fabulous.

None of this sank me.  Not one bit.

I feel really good today (other than being cold).  My food is in line.  I was able to be around pizza and dessert last night and have no issues.  I had salad and two slices of cheese (more on cheese in a minute).  I allow two slices on my program, since that small an amount doesn't trigger cravings for me.

On the cheese, I think I have to stop eating it all together.  I have digestive issues a few hours after eating it and it continues into the next day.  I really only eat cheese on pizza and grilled cheese.  I don't eat it every day.  Other than Starbucks lattes, it's the only dairy I eat.  So it shouldn't be too hard to give up.  It's just a mind shift that I need to make.

I bought a kleen kanteen water bottle, which I love.  I didn't buy the sports cap at first, but found that unscrewing the cap, which takes longer than a typical bottle because it has a longer "thread," was taking too long.  I know that sounds ridiculous.  But I like to drink all day at my desk, and taking the time to unscrew the cap was getting annoying.  I won't leave it open on my desk--too risky around my keyboard and paperwork.  So I ordered the sportscap from Amazon and love it.

I also have been making smoothies more.  I put in a big handful of spinach, soy protein powder, coconut water and milk (the lite milk in a can, which has no sugar but some fat for staying power), and about a cup of frozen berries and pineapple/mango mix.  I had been using 1/2 a banana, but decided that was a bad idea b/c they are high in sugar and some people (Vickie in particular) have reported gaining weight when adding banana to their diets. I'm not having them every day, so I'm not worried about eating too much fruit. They are nice when I don't feel like eating food.  I can't taste the spinach, and this is a great way to get it into my diet.

My cough is almost gone, but my throat has been hurting the past two days and I'm all snotty again.  It's driving me crazy.  My mucas had a thread of red in it this morning, but I'm hoping I can fight it off (taking Vit C) and it won't become a full blown infection. I don't want to take another antibiotic.  And I definitely don't want to be sick again!

No workouts for me this week.  Again, it's the stinking cold keeping me (giving me an excuse) from going to the gym or getting on the treadmill at night.  Thursdays are when I can take a weights class, but Sophie's school choir concert is tonight so I can't go to class.  I am planning on making the yoga class Saturday's at 9 a routine, so hopefully that will happen this weekend.  I might get on the treadmill for 20-30 minutes after class, so that will be good.  I need the cardio and the release.

I'm also planning to go to the eye doctor Saturday and see if I can get contacts.  I have to wear glasses to read and work, and I'm tired of them.  I look much better without glasses--I've got this pretty new eyeshadow to show off!  It's been over two years since I last had my eyes checked, and I think my eyes continue to get worse.  I've never had contacts, but I have no problem touching my eyeball. 

Kids have spring break next week.  I'm taking Monday off, taking them to the dentist (I know, what a fun spring break).  Then they'll be with my mom a day or two, and not sure about the other day.  We have Good Friday off since the stock market is closed.  It's going to still be cold next week, so not much of a "spring" break.  Have I mentioned I'm sick of the cold weather? ha.

I have acupuncture tomorrow.  Can't wait.  It still helps me, a lot.

So that's the scoop.  I'm very thankful I am in the place I am right now.

18 year anniversary (149.0) and Makeup Talk

Today is our wedding anniversary.  I have this picture on my bedside table.  It is one of my favorites from our wedding day.  I can't believe it's been 18 years already. 

I had a pretty good weekend.  We enjoyed our date night Friday (Oz was a fun movie--a bit slow in a few places, but overall very enjoyable.  If you have an IMAX theater nearby & the funds to spend, I'd recommend it. The 3D is amazing). 

Saturday I took a yoga class--I was still very sore from Thursday's weight class, and it was hard to hold poses that required strong legs.  Saturday night we went to a hockey game with the kids, and it was a lot of fun.  Sunday was church, then grocery shopping, then a bit of laundry.  I took it easy most of Sunday.  It was cold and rainy all day, so definitely a lazy day.

I handled the grey weather Saturday afternoon & Sunday pretty well, and didn't get into a funk.  I guess the increased sunlight is making a difference.  I didn't sleep well last night (cough is still there but it's much better) and it's still nasty outside, and I'm in a bit of a funk today.  I think it's a case of the Monday's.

I got several compliments on Sunday morning.  I am receiving & processing them differently this time around.  I feel more like "yes, this is who I AM" instead of "oh yes look at me! I've lost weight and aren't I special? Pour on the praise, please." 

And I DO feel like this is who I am.  Much more at peace with my body.  I don't care that it's not perfect.  I'm not dying to get to a certain weight or clothing size.  I don't care if I ever get into a size 6.  I like the clothes I have.  I feel comfortable and confident. 

I'm thankful my workout clothes fit better, and I'm even comfortable in my yoga/running pants without a big shirt covering up my backside.  That's progress!

I'm thankful I am strong and I can run and lift weights and do yoga.

I'm thankful every single time I squat down--life requires a lot of squating, and I'd rather squat than bend over at the waist to save my back--that I can get down & back up without any assistance (hands on floor/wall/chair). This is a simple thing, but when I was heavy, I couldn't do this.

I feel like I'm finally OK with food.  I will always be addicted to food--and I am not arrogant enough to think I've licked this disease, not by any means--but I'm not its slave anymore.

***
Warning--totally girly makeup talk below.  If you're not into make up, this will bore you to tears.

Saturday after yoga I went to Ulta and played with the makeup.  I'd been feeling really drab, like the colors I was using were washing out my face. With my pale skin, it's difficult to balance between looking dull with too little color and looking garish with too much color.

My friend Amy is a makeup fiend, and she gave me many recommendations on our trip to Florida.  So I had a starting point and it was easy to find what I needed without feeling overwhelmed.

I got eyeshadow, liner, and blush.

My favorite purchase is Urban Decay's Naked 2 eyeshadow pallette.  I've only every used cheap eyeshadow, choosing to spend money on good foundation, skin care, and mascara.  Oh what I've been missing!  This pallet is a perfect balance of neutrals.  I can mix up the colors on my eyes and look great in any of them.  The colors blend easily, much more so than what I'd been using before.

I couldn't wait to wake up the past two mornings so I could do my eyes. Obviously, I'm a make up fiend too.

I also got an Urban Decay eyeliner to match.  It's a bronze color, which makes my blue eyes stand out.  I'd been using a lot of black eyeliner, which I love, but I can get carried away with it and it actually makes my eyes look smaller. 

I needed a new blush color, too.  That's where it's really tricky.  I don't wear pink well.  I can't have anything too dark.  I want to look natural but still have color & brightness in my cheeks.  I have also found that powder blush is making my cheeks and skin near my eyes look crepe-y.  Tarte has a cheek stain which is basically colored wax in a stick. I got the peachy toned Tipsy.  One of the reviews I read said she'd had her stick for 7 years.  I can see why.  It takes next to nothing to get color.  It took some getting used to, but I perfected the application by day 2.  I have a natural glow, not big peach/pink cheekbones. And no dry looking skin.

Last week I needed new foundation, so I bought Tarte's BB cream in Fair from Sephora.com (yes, it was risky, but I'm almost always the lightest shade.  From the reviews I learned that the 2nd lightest shade was too dark for several women. Thankfully it was perfect).  I've been using a tinted moisturizer with loose powder over it for years.  I don't like heavy coverage and since my skin is good, I don't need it.  The BB cream feels like silk going on.  It's a bit more coverage than the tinted moisturizer, so I need very little powder, which helps reduce the dry skin look.  I also discovered that the tinted moisturizer I've been using is actually too dark.  It matched my skin tone OK, but it wasn't until I got the new BB cream that I realized the tint was a shade too dark for me and making me look more tanned than I like (at least I don't like it when I don't have a tan).

So that's the story of my makeup.  :)

Insanity, as it applies to us in OA (150.2) and Measurements

Thought I'd share what I wrote for one of my OA 30 questions:

Some say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  This applies to diets/compulsive eating.  I've tried in the past to "control" my eating but food actually controlled me.  In the past, I prayed that God would help me lose weight, but what I really wanted was for God to make me thin but still be able to eat anything I want.

When it comes to food, I have acted in a completely irrational (insane) and self destructive manner.  I have eaten and behaved in ways that no sane person would dream of.

I was obsessed with diets for years.  After being on diet after diet, I would inevitably overeat and return to compulsive eating behaviors.

True insanity--I kept trying to find comfort in excess food, long after it began to cause me misery.

Food caused me to act insanely, especially in regards to how I treated my children and husband.  I am a mean sugar drunk.  I hurt the people I love most, because I choose food over them.
I was more comfortable with food than people.  I isolated myself.  Food became my friend, comforter, lover.  But food is FOOD. None of those things can be found in food for a sane person.

****
I went to a Group Power (weights) class last night for the first time in months and months.  The hour went by quickly.  It was wonderful to feel my muscles work.  I am sore today--I will be sorer tomorrow.  I plan to take a yoga class tomorrow morning and maybe another weights calls Sunday afternoon.  I haven't run since the race, but I expect to add that back in next week, at least a couple of days.  I like that I can have balance in my exercise, since I don't have a race to train for. 

Still not sure about the April half. Talked to a guy yesterday who runs, and he said the hills aren't that bad--there aren't any as steep as the two areas I run on.  The biggest problem with that race, he said, is it's boring.  You run through a lot of cornfields.  That more than anything will deter me. I love running in the city.  I get so much energy from city running.  It's hard to explain the WHY of where this energy comes from.  Maybe it's because I like cars and I like houses and neighborhoods.  I can feel the energy of the people around me.  Maybe it's the power lines...who knows.  :)

I was able to sing in church choir rehearsal last night.  Even hit the G notes pretty well (although not as strong as usual).  It was bliss.  I love music, I love to sing. Not having a singing voice for 3 weeks really affected how I felt in a negative way. 

I took my measurements this morning while I was waiting for my root touch-up hair color to process (root touch-up color is brilliant, but why is it almost expensive as a box of full color?  ticks me off).

They were:
Waist, narrowest part: 29.5
Waist at belly button: 31.5
Chest under arms: 32.5
Chest (boobs), no bra: 36.5
Hips (upper, around bottom of underwear): 39
Saddlebags (widest part of lower body): 42 (ugh)
Calf: 14.5
Thighs (forgot to measure)
Ankle: 8.5
Upper arm by armpit: 12
Bicep: 11
Wrist: 6
Neck: 12.5

I also have 2010 measurements in my notepad on my phone, when I weighed 164 pounds. They were:
Waist (narrowest part): 32.5 (down 3")
Hips (upper): 42.6 (down 3.6")
Saddlebags: 45 (down 3")
Upper chest: 34.5 (down 2")
Chest (boobs), no bra: 38.5 (down 2")
Upper thigh: 23.5 (down ?)

This is great to know, because I thought I had lost the most in my upper body.  My upper body noticeably slims down sooner than my lower half (I can see my collar bones and my ribs across my chest).  But my lower half lost more inches.  Which is cool!

It also surprises me how much I lose in small places, like my neck, feet, and wrists.  I can see tendons in my feet that weren't there last year.  I can wear the pearl choker I wore on my wedding day, that I couldn't wear when I was at my heaviest.  I got my Movado watch fixed, that Mark bought me for my 35th birthday almost 8 years ago; it needed a new battery and I had three links taken out of it. I needed those links when I weighed 200 pounds. 

We celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary Monday.  Going to dinner (Mark wants Red Lobster b/c they have lobster fest on.  Not my favorite restaurant, but it will make him happy) and to see Oz tonight. 

I am now the age my mom was when I got married!  I look back at pictures of my wedding, and while my mom was beautiful, I do look younger than she did then.  Which is encouraging--I hope I still look younger when I'm 60 than what she does now.  It's my theory that people who have kids when they are young, and also when they work a factory job for 25+ years, age more quickly than those who have kids when they are older.  My step dad is one year older than Mark--he has two grown sons and a posse of grandkids. He also is a heavy equipment operator, which is a physically demanding job. He looks much older than Mark.

Hopefully, please God, it will be warm today like it's supposed to be.  I know I keep whining about this, but this winter has been the longest I can remember.  It's going to be in the 50s/30s next week.  Still!  Our church Easter egg hunt is next Sunday, and it's supposed to be 36/51 that day.  Sooo not right.  When we got married in March of 1995, the trees were budding and flowering trees has flowers, and it was temperate like a spring day.  No such luck this year.  Gah! I cannot wait for the heat to get here.  I do solemnly swear that I will not complain when it's 90+ this summer.  IF it even gets to 90+. 

Feeling great, feeling stable.  My weight will be up for a week or so while I go through mid-cycle hormones and stabilizes a bit. I can't wait to get & stay under 149--normal BMI that I so desire. 

Happy weekend, peeps.

Almost normal (149.6) and new bras

.6 more pounds and I will be in the normal BMI.  Woot!

I bought new bras last week.  I haven't had new bras in ages.  I was wearing 36Ds before I lost more weight, and now need 34Ds.  I had two 34Ds from 2008 that I've been wearing, but they were pretty worn out. 

I went to Dillards and bought four good bras.  A good bra completely changes how I look; cheap bras do the same, but in a bad way.  The Girls need proper lift and support.

I bought two Modern Movement bras, which I got for $60 for two ($42 for one).  One is nude, and the other is black with white polka dots (and sooo cute).

I also got two b-tempted push up bras (b-tempted is a Wacoal brand; $40 a piece).  I haven't had a push up bra since, well, I can't remember.  The Girls don't sit as high as they used to (thanks to gravity & childbirth--you all know what I mean).  I thought I'd just try one on, to see if would work.  It does.  Pushes the Girls up and forward.  One is dark brown with purple straps; the other is beige with pink straps.  They make me feel girlie.  I can't wear them with everything.  Smooth t-shirts work better with the full support bras.  But I can wear them with dresses and dressy shirts.

The girlie bras make me feel pretty and confident. 

I also bought new undies.  (TMI coming up....) I wear thongs because I hate panty lines, and my backside doesn't accomodate regular undies well.  I've worn thongs for years--they don't bother me at all.  I like to match them to my bras--adds to the pretty and confident feeling.

So that's the story of my underwear.

It's sunshiny today, but cold.  I'm tired of this cold weather.  It was warmer this past weekend, but very windy.  Then it got cold yesterday.  We should be in the 60s Friday, but then it's back to the 50s & 40s next week.  Gah!  I'm tired of my fall clothes & want to wear spring stuff.  At least we are closer to warm weather....I'm just impatient for it to get here.

I finally feel better.  Still have a cough, still have a bit of a raspy voice, but it's closer to normal and I can finally sing again.  It's very nasal, but I can get the high notes out.  I sing in the bathroom when I'm getting ready and sing in the car, and in the church choir. Hopefully by rehearsal Thursday I won't sound so nasaly.

New low - 150.2 - and general updates

I swear, 2 to 3 pounds up or down make a big difference in how I look & how my clothes fit.

I am feeling a bit better.  A lady at my church meeting last night told me to put Vic's vapo rub on my feet & wear socks while I sleep, and it would help my congestion/cough.  I woke up feeling less congested.  I still have the cough.  I will do it again tonight.  I've heard of this before but haven't done it until now.  Have any of you tried this?  Has to do with the reflexology points in your feet connecting to the rest of your body.

I had an acupuncture session yesterday.  It had been 3 weeks since my last session, and it was wonderful.  The more "out of balance" I am, the more it makes me feel relaxed & centered. 

I am weaning off wellbutrin.  I've been taking it for a couple years now and it's at the point where it's not only not helping, it's making me feel worse.  I've been here before.  I talked to my psych nurse practitioner last week about weaning off.  She has other patients who do this, too.  The idea is that I get it out of my system for a few months, and then when I can tell I need it again, I start again and it works like it should.  I wean off slowly.  Take it every other day for a couple of weeks, then every two days for a couple of weeks, then every three days, etc., until I can get down to taking nothing.  It's a good time of year to do this, since the sun and warm weather (and the ability to run more often) will go along way in keeping my depression away. 

I'm still taking lamictal, which keep my moods stable.  I take 75 mg in the morning.  I took 100 mg last summer and it caused panic attacks, so I have to keep it at 75.  The same panic attacks happened in 2009 when I took 300 mg wellbutrin.  Clearly there's a level of medication that my brain can't handle.  It's good to know those boundaries.

Sophie has strep throat.  She had her tonsils out in 2nd grade but she still gets strep occasionally.  She must be a carrier.  There's a strong strain going around--doctor told us at her appointment yesterday that last week they had 6 cases of strep in one afternoon.  A friend of hers has it.  Many kids out for strep at school.  She's on an antibiotic and is home again today.

Luke is getting glasses!  He's such a cutie in them.  He has different levels of far-sightedness in his eyes; one is extreme, which causes him to have depth perception problems.  No wonder he doesn't like baseball or pitch & catch.  He's excited to get them.  I will be interested to see what he has to say about what the world looks like with them on.

The weather is going to warm up tomorrow--thank heavens.  I am hoping to feel good enough to go for a run or two.  I'm toying with the idea of doing a half marathon on April 6th.  My main hesitation is that it is hilly, and while I do train on a hill or two, I mostly run on flat roads.  A friend in OA has run it and she said they aren't that bad.  Others I've talked to have said it's really hard.  Guess if I want to challenge myself I should run it.  I'll see how my training goes in the next few weeks and decide.  I love races and they keep me motivated to run.

So that's it for me.  I am glad to not feel exhausted and to see the sunshine today.  Hope you all enjoy your weekend.

Still coughing nonstop (152.2)

I felt pretty bad all weekend.  I have a horrible cough, still.  At night when I lay down it gets worse.  I didn't sleep well all weekend.  My abs are sore from coughing.  It's getting very tiresome.  I had no energy to workout, and haven't run since the race.  I want to, but can't. It sucks.

I ate comfort foods this weekend and it showed on the scale this morning.  No sugar foods but not great choices.  I also started my period Sunday, and was crampy, so one more reason (excuse) to comfort myself.

Yesterday was 5 months of abstinence. I'll get my 5 month chip tonight.

I didn't lose any weight this past 30 days.  I'm not surprised.  I didn't excercise much.  Travel food, while not sugar based, had a lot of sodium.  I also expect my body is leveled out right now.  To get the weight loss going again I will need to change up my diet and add weight training to my routine, which I can do now that I'm not training for a race.  I love weight training classes and can't wait to get back into them.

I have no idea where my weight will end up.  I want to get into the normal BMI range (149 is normal).  I'd like to get down to 145 at least.  Eventually I'd like to get a lot more weight off my lower half, which will take probably another 10 pounds (so down to 135).  Last time I was 135 was probably middle school. 

I'm not concerned about how long it takes.  I like the way I look and feel in clothes.  I can wear most of my size 8s & mediums from 2008.  I still don't like the belly fat and hip/butt fat.  Weights and more cardio will help get it off.  And I need to reduce my carb intake and up my veggie intake at night.

Other than feeling sick and frustrated with this cough and congestion, I'm doing fine.  I am SO over the cold weather.  It's a drag, too.  We are supposed to be in the 60s by Saturday and Sunday. Hopefully it's the start of warmer weather to come. March can be cold, though, so I'm not holding my breath.

Photos from the race (151.4)

I still have a terrible cough and squeaky voice.  It's been 8 days now.  I finish my z-pack (antibiotic) tonight.  Hopefully I'm on the down hill with this crud.  A lot of people around here have the same thing.

So I'm totally addicted to Disney races now.  I'm already saving for next year.  It was so much fun, and I can't wait to do it again.

Here are some photos.  I felt so good about how I looked this trip.  It was wonderful to be comfortable in clothes & in my own skin.  We bought matching tiaras in Germany at Epcot and wore them all weekend.

First thing we did after checking in at the hotel was go to Epcot.

Here I am at 3:45 AM in my tutu.  I ran the whole race in the tutu.  Didn't bother me at all.  I was Sleeping Beauty again this year. Next year I'm planning to be Alice in Wonderland.



At the expo, the day before the race for packet pickup, with the girls and Cinderella's footmen.  

At dinner with the girls, the afternoon of the race. (Amy is wearing her big tiara--she has three!)

About 6 miles into the race, we run through the castle.