Quick race/weekend report (152.2)

I have to pick up kids in about 10 minutes so this will be short.

I had a wonderful girls' weekend.  I did not have a great race.

I had a cold that started on Thursday which culminated in a teeth-chattering fever 3 hours before I had to get ready for the race. 

The race starts ridiculously early.  The last bus leaves the resorts at 4 am and we are to be in our corals by 5 am.  My coral crossed the start line at 6:10.  We wake up at 2:45 to be ready to leave the hotel at 3:30.  Insane, yes.  Fun, heck yes.

My fever hit at midnight.  I took 3 advil and prayed I'd be okay.  I was, but obviously not 100%.

That's not all that made the race crappy.  I registered for the race late, so even though I put a finishing time of 2:46 (you had to have proof of time from a previous race to get in an earlier coral), I ended up way back with the walkers. 

Last year there were ~18,000 people in the race.  Last year I was in coral D.  Last year, even though there were a lot of people, I was able to easily run the whole time without being blocked by slower people in front of me.

This year there were 26,000 people.  This year I was in coral F.  This year I spent the entire race--the ENTIRE race--weaving between people.  Not once did I have a clear path to just run.  It's frustrating and exhausting to run a race like that.  At mile 11, when it got congested again (path narrows many times when it's harder to dodge & weave), I just gave up and walked the last 2 miles.  I knew I'd finish, I didn't care about my time, and I was sick and tired. 

Even though the race was my worst experience ever, the experience was still fabulous.

And food was not an issue at all.  Not once.  I had no desire to eat sweets or over indulge.  I am SO THANKFUL that I was abstinent for this thing.  It made traveling easier, not harder.  I'm grateful that, even though I'll always be a food addict, I do not have to eat like that any more.

I started an antibiotic when I got home last night.  Called the doctor while I was still in Florida yesterday morning.  I have a horrible cough and congestion.  I am glad to be home.

Princess! (150.4)

I'm in the car, my friend Heather is driving, on the way to Indy to
catch a flight at noon for Orlando!

Sunday I'll run my 7th half marathon. As Princess Aurora. In a tutu.
Should be interesting!

I haven't trained like I should have. I had a good 10 mile run 2 weeks
ago, and I know I'll finish but I won't be fast. Which is totally
fine. It's going to be warm--65-70. I weigh 20 pounds less than I did
last year, so that should help. I am stopping this year to take pcs
with characters on the route. I didn't last year because I didn't want
to stop and wait.

We moved into our new office this week. It's so pretty. The walls of
our offices are blue. Hallways are blue grey. Floors are dark
bamboo--they are gorgeous. Trim is all white. Hallways are wide. Big
galley kitchen. Bathrooms are pretty. Big windows in the front. I have
a window, and new office furniture.

By Wednesday I was completely unpacked and had pictures on the wall. I
will take pics and post them in the next week or so.

I started getting a little sick yesterday. Had no voice when I woke
up. I felt ok until late afternoon and then started feeling pretty
rough. I'm on adrenaline right now so don't feel too bad but my voice
is squeaky. I'm hoping I feel a lot better by the race. Taking vitamin
c and drinking a lot of water.

This is the first time I've travelled while in OA. I talked with my
sponsor about it. She travels a lot and gave me plenty of tips and
ideas. I'm giving it to God and know it will be fine.

I feel so much better this year than last. I'm wearing smaller clothes
and am more comfortable in my skin. It's a nice place to be.

I'll report back next week.

Steady as she goes (152.0)

Life is plugging along. 

I ran 4 times last week, including 10 miles on Saturday.  My endurance isn't as good as I'd like for the race next weekend (omg, next weekend!!), but it's good enough.

Food is still OK.  I go to OA meetings every Monday night and talk to my sponsor and read my OA material.  It all keeps me abstinent.

The wedding Saturday night was wonderful.  It was very small, just family and a few close friends. I love weddings.  Love them.  So I was ready for a good night.  I wore a simple black dress (size 8 from my 2008 wardrobe), with black tights (regular waist tights, not high-waist spanx, and still no muffin top) and cute shoes, with my hair up in a twist. I felt confident and comfortable in my body and my clothes.  It was wonderful!

At the reception we sat with the couple's friends from Washington, DC, who all work for the FBI (the newlyweds work for the FBI).  Very interesting people, who of course told us nothing about what they do.

We danced & danced.  Dinner was easy--soup, salad, veggies, red potatoes (I had one), fish. I had absolutely no problem with the cake.  It doesn't even appeal to me anymore.

I think the dancing worked all the lactic acid out of my legs because I wasn't sore at all on Sunday after the 10 miles on Saturday. 

We are half way through February, the days are getting longer, the weather will be warmer soon, and in a little over a week I'm leaving for 4 days in Florida.  Things are pretty good right now.

"New" dresses (151.4)

So last night I was thinking of what I could wear to a wedding we are going to on Saturday.  I wear mostly black, grey, and blue clothes (seriously, my wardrobe needs a makeover) and nothing currently in my closet is festive enough to wear to a wedding in February. 

I remembered a dress from my skinny years that is pink and black, with an empire waist and deep-V neck and back.  It was in one of the "these clothes don't fit" underbed boxes in Luke's room.  I dragged out the box, found the dress, and tried it on.

It fits perfectly.  It's a size 8.  I haven't worn it in over 3 years. 

I have several other dresses that I didn't give away, all size 8s, so I tried them on too.  They all fit. 

Today I am wearing the brown dress that I remember looking at last year and thinking "my gosh, you were skinny when you wore that."

This weight loss has snuck up on me.  I am still carrying a lot of weight in my hips and legs--more so than I did when I was this weight the last time.  And I figured a lot of stuff wouldn't fit (my size 8 capris, for example, are still too tight--or at least they were a few pounds ago; I'll try them on again before I leave for Florida in a couple of weeks) .  My dresses are A-line and the hip area is forgiving; the top portions are fitted at the waist.  Stacy & Clinton would be OK with my dresses, ha.

I can also wear my size 8 brown wool coat.  I tried it on a few months ago and it was super tight.  It's dress length, fitted at the waist with 3 buttons, A-line shape.  It's not snug at all and looks great.

The first time I lost weight I was in the mall every time I lost a few pounds.  I watched my clothing sizes like a hawk and enjoyed getting the emotional "hit" when I bought clothes in a boutique store like The Loft or J.Jill. 

This time, I decided not to make this all about the clothes, to not spend the excess money, to only buy what I need to function during the week.  It has been fun, though, to go through my skinny clothes and have them start fitting.  Being this size and getting into clothes I love motivates me to keep in shape and watch my food.

But I am very aware that I need to be careful about how I react to the attention I might get from the now-noticeable weight loss.  That attention likely contributed to my derailing last time.  That can't happen again.  At least I am aware of it this time and have a therapist and a sponsor I can talk with.

For today I'll just enjoy my "new" clothes and be thankful.

Good riddance January. Hello February! (152.2)

The sun is shining and although it's very cold (15 degrees), I feel so much better in the sunshine and high pressure system.  I hate that my moods are so extraordinarily tied to pressure systems & sunshine.  But it is who I am so I have to work with it & enjoy the UP times as much as I can.

Thank you for your thoughtful comments to yesterday's post. You are right--I am burying feelings.  I haven't seriously examined what feelings I'm having when I turn to mindlessness.  My guess is.... anxiety, fear, helplessness, frustration, exhaustion, disappointment.  It would help to reflect and WRITE while I'm going through a period like that, so I can concretely identify the WHAT and WHY's.  And then devise a plan for next time. 

There will always be a next time.

I agree that I set myself up for an avalanche when I don't "just do it."  Wednesday was the perfect example.  I will learn from it, and the next time I don't wanna, I will remember it's easier to get it over with and not ruminate all night. 

It also helps to know that this is just my pattern in life.  January is my worst month of the year.  Whether it's a self-fulfilling prophecy or not, who knows.  Even though it was as tough month, I am thankful I didn't bury myself in food.  When I reflect on the month, I have a lot to be thankful for.  I was never in bed all day.  I didn't move through mud every day of the month.  I did run several times and did two long runs. I have been busy with the kids.  I have been busy at work.  I never put myself in a food coma.  I was a good mom.  My husband is very understanding when I go through periods like this, and he takes up the slack at home (he does laundry and cleans and does dishes, and is super supportive).

I realize I need to just get over my hatred of the TM. I don't know when I started disliking it so much. It's totally irrational. 3 miles takes me about 35 minutes on the road.  I almost always walk more on the TM, though, so it can take longer, probably because I watch TV instead of listening to music.  AHA! Listen to music on the TM.  Do intervals.  Push & challenge & get it over with more quickly.  That is how I've made the TM bearable in the past.  It's going to take some mental muscle to get past this.  I know I can do it.

Last night was another late one.  We got home around 8:10 pm.  We didn't go home between school and variety show rehearsal.  I took an apple, celery, and peanut butter (that I keep at work) with me to rehearsal and ate that at 5:30 pm. When I got home I had some of the couscous/veggie dinner from the night before, and three lavash crackers lightly spread with PB (prob a tsp total). I had hot tea & went to bed.  Not the couch.  I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep.

This morning we had a blessed two hour delay at school because we got some snow last night.  We all needed those extra two hours at home. 

We are closer to spring every day.  Two of my Facebook friends posted pics this week of daffodils blooming, which is nuts. But it brings me hope and reminds me that winter is almost behind me.

I am planning to run after work today.  Outside if it's not windy.  The roads are clear enough for me to run on, and I can avoid any icy patches if it's still light outside.  I love running when there is snow on the ground.  Hopefully Saturday morning I can run 9 miles before the variety show.  It's supposed to be windy Sunday afternoon, so I really don't want to wait until then.  I do not want to run 9 miles on the treadmill. I've done it before and it is not easy.

Today is 4 months in OA.  I will get my 4 month chip Monday.  I am down 3.2 pounds in the past 30 days.  Total of 23 pounds since starting the program in September.  The small losses each month add up quickly, because time moves so quickly.  My husband thinks I look great.  I feel great.  My size 10 pants are loose.  I can wear a pair of my old size 8 jeans (they are stretchy, though... I couldn't wear size 8 Levi's.  My size 10 Levi's are comfy and not at all tight).

In three weeks I leave for Orlando.  Now that is something to be excited about.