Struggling

It's been a tough few weeks.

I do fine during the day. Then I walk into my house at the end of the
day and it's like the air is let out of a balloon.

I deflate. I feel oppressed. I feel the weight of the world.

It makes me eat.

And I've gained 6 pounds.

A lot of this oppression at home is self imposed. I am much harder on
myself about keeping the house up than my family cares about. But *I*
care.

Just the shear fact of getting kids and myself dinner, and baths
(which they only get a few times a week--it's not an every night
thing), and homework (school's out today), picking up clutter, doing
laundry, opening mail and paying bills, and the myriad of "to do's"
that never get done.... Basically I get home and don't sit down or do
anything for me until after 9 pm.

And then I have nothing left. I am in the rut of sitting on the couch
and watching TV and eating sugar. A lot of sugar.

I know it's The Afters. The nights I've done Yoga have been better. I
got to go 3 times last week. That still left 4 nights of severe
Afters.

I have been thinking all morning how to break the cycle (Vickie, I was
just getting ready to write this when you commented). My pants are
tight today. It's a constant reminder things have to change.

I want to start running again. When I run I do better. It's summer
now. I should have more time. I'll be training soon for a half
marathon in October.

It's the energy that's the issue. It's a monumental task right now to
work all day, then take care of Life at Home, then workout. It's also
impossible for me to get up before work to run--I can't make myself
get out of bed early. Mark can pick up kids one or two days a week,
and I take advantage of it when he does.

Even on those days, though, I struggle with the deflated thing at
home. It's easier in some ways because I had time to recharge a bit.
But not that much easier.

So that's life right now. Work is still great. We love it here. And
I'm not feeling depressed. Just overwhelmed, I guess.

The summer is already packed. That has me anxious because it's going
to cost us a good deal to do everything--summer day camps are a
fortune; a trip to Colorado in July for our niece's wedding; Mark's
50th birthday surprise party at the end of July.

I have to find the energy to change. Today it feels like a huge undertaking.

I pulled up Kay Sheppard's website this morning. I'm taking steps to change.

I know it will get better. It always does. I will find my way out. Again.

Yoga

My gym opened a new hot yoga studio last month.

This week I've been twice.

It's amazing what a mind-body connection will do for you.

It's not free--$45 a month unlimited classes (drop in rate is $10).
Worth every cent as long as I go.

Which I plan to. Often.

The instructor told us last night to think of one thought to hold onto
during class. Mine was "peace with sugar."

I didn't eat junk last night for the first time in weeks.

Ahhh. At least for today I have some peace.

Vickie, I do need to work on chest openers. I will look at your link
soon. My chest is so tight and inflexible. I can tell how it hampers
me in several poses.

Quick update.....

I am doing ok. My weight is stable at 168 but I have not been eating
well or exercising. So it's not going to stay stable if I don't get it
together.

Last week was amazingly successful at work but very stressful. I've
also got some personal issues at home adding to the stress. And I've
defaulted to food for comfort.

I'm taking those baby steps back to getting on track. I bought veggies
at the grocery. I picked up fitness class schedules at the gym. I'm
going to set a couple nights a week for ME, which Mark supports me
doing, so I can start working out regularly.

My energy has been directed toward the business move for a few months
now. I've had no mental or physical energy to do much of anything
else, above the usual Mom and Wife stuff.

Thankfully the intensity at work will be lightening up soon. And when
it does I'll be in a great position to start moving forward again.