Day 312 - 155.4 Time to pay the piper

No more free ride for me. The poundage has arrived--a little over 3.5 pounds--along with the New Year. Is it any wonder January 1st is when so many people start a new diet?

While this isn't a new diet for me, I definitely need a new commitment to my previously healthy lifestyle. There's no need to beat myself up or lament the past few weeks; what's the point in that? They are what they are and they're over, and thankfully The Holidays happen only once a year.

So. I'm out of the house today, with a short work day and a run ahead of me. I haven't had my running shoes on in a week and I truthfully haven't missed it. I would like to say I'm aching to run, but you know how a a body in motion stays in motion and a body at rest stays are rest....well, that's me. My body's been at rest far too long. Time to kick it into gear.

While laying around on my lazy butt this weekend, I read Water for Elephants and absolutely loved it. I could not put it down and spent every spare minute reading. I love and hate books like that. Love them, because they're so fabulous, but hate them, because my life is basically on hold until the book is done. If you haven't read it and decide you want to, I will caution you on one thing--don't read the prologue if you like surprise endings. Me, I don't mind knowing how things turn out and have even been known to skip to the end of a book because I can't stand not knowing. But it drives my DH crazy, so if he reads it (and I'm hoping he does because it's one of the few non-chick-lit/diet/running books I've read and I like it when we can share thoughts on books) I'll have him skip the prologue.

I'll leave you today with a fun pic of the kids. One day last week--I can't remember which, they've all run together--Sophie and Luke were in the back of the house while I was cleaning and picking up, and they were quiet for about 20 minutes and I figured I better go see what's going on. I find them in Sophie's room, and they are both dressed up in fairy costumes. Luke says "I a butterfly Mommy! I a butterfly!" Too stinking cute, don'tcha think?

Happy New Year!!!

Day 309 - 153.0 Holiday Recap Ramble

Hiya gang! I am happy to report I haven't gained any weight over Christmas. Yes, it's up today, but that's because I had dinner out with DH last night complete with potatoes and bread and teriyaki fish, and also had potato chips at 11 p.m. while watching "A Few Good Men" on DVD, so I'm retaining some serious water today. (We saw "Charlie Wilson's War" after dinner, and it was everything I expected and I recommend it.)

Yesterday's weight was 151.8, my "holding steady" weight. Yesterday was the first day I'd stepped on a scale since my last post on 12/20, so I did a little happy dance that I had stayed the same.

I got to run on Christmas eve, a nice 4 miles at sunset, so I enjoyed the Christmas lights. I haven't run since, but am planning on doing something either today or tomorrow.

Santa brought me a Garmin Forerunner 205! My husband completely surprised me. He also bought me a PajamaGram, a fabulously beautiful red velour strappy gown (with matching robe) and it looks like I should be on a dance floor instead of lounging around, it is so pretty. I joked that the Garmin is so I can stay looking good in the nighty.

I can't believe Christmas is over. We had a great one, but it was a blur. The kids had fun and got way too much stuff, but at their ages it's quantity over quality, right?

We hosted DH's family (a total of 15 adults and 4 kids, including us) for Christmas night dinner and it went well--my stuffed chicken and glazed carrots were a hit. I'm always nervous when I have to cook for a group of people, since I don't cook. But I follow recipes well, and everything turned out quite tasty.

The tree got knocked over at the end of the night, and surprisingly no alcohol was involved. Just too many people in the family room with a very old tree stand. We lost several precious ornaments--a kitty cat one that was Sophie's favorite and she cried and cried over--but it could have been so much worse. I collect a new ornament for Sophie every year (gotta get that started for Luke), and I was afraid those were broken, but they all survived. Everyone helped take the ornaments off and I got the rest of the tree down yesterday, so it's down early. That's record time for me--usually it's up until after New Year's.

So my mom had the kids last night and today so we could have a night out and I could work today (see how much I'm getting done?), and I slept in until 9 a.m. this morning. Ahh, heaven! More of DH's out of town family is coming over tonight, and the weekend will hopefully be non-eventful. Just hanging out with the kids, enjoying their new toys and maybe I'll get the rest of the decorations put away.

I'm hoping to try out the Garmin on the next dry day; it's raining and cold and so it's the treadmill for me until the sun shines again.

At my Mom's house on Saturday, where we had Christmas with my side of the family, I saw a horrible picture of me from last Christmas when I was 60 pounds heavier than I am now, and the resulting emotions are fodder for an upcoming blog post. Stay tuned.

I hope you all had a holiday that you can look back and smile upon.

Day 301 - 151.8 Holding steady...

Well, I've stopped writing down anything I eat, because I'm not on plan AT ALL. But, thankfully, the scale is being very very good to me (why I act like The Scale is some kind of god is beyond me, but that's the power it has). At least for now. I'm sure there will be hell to pay before I get to December 31st.

Sophie, I am thrilled to report, has made it to school the past 2 days and is fine. She has had some dizziness in the morning, but it goes away quickly and she's enjoying herself at school. Vickie, I agree, a decongestant is in order. Actually, I think I'm going to start her on Claritin and keep her on it for a while and see what happens. There's so much allergy crap in our area that it won't hurt her either way, I'm sure.

After I finish posting, I'm headed to the gym for a run, 3 or 4 miles, we'll see how I feel about Tready after I hit 3. It's just started to rain and is windy and cold, so no outside running for me today.

Here's what's on tap for me the next few days...
Friday--finish Christmas shopping; shop for Christmas dinner stuff; run; dinner with our Church Group Friends

Saturday--laundry; clean clutter from living room; take care of kids; dinner at my mom's for My Side of the Family's Christmas

Sunday--church; nap; wrap, wrap, wrap!

Monday the 24th--more cleaning; more shopping for Christmas dinner; make stuffed chicken breasts and refrigerate for Tuesday night; church at 7 p.m.; wrap, wrap, wrap!

Christmas Day--presents; clean up the wrapping paper storm that will be our family room; get stuff ready for family dinner; bake chicken breasts (DH is grilling salmon, too); greet DH's family at 4 p.m. and serve 20 people dinner at 5 p.m.

December 26 - January 1st--I've got the kids until January 2nd (DH will probably escape to the office as much as he can for "2008 planning"). I'm sure I'll be certifiably insane by then. I'm a work-outside-the-home mom for a reason. Hopefully the little monkeys will enjoy their new toys for at least a week and it will keep them busy.

If I don't check in for a while, you'll know why. I will try to get back here and post some Christmas pictures, because I'm sure you're all just dying to see my gorgeous children with their Christmas haul. Heh.

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas. May your presents be lovely and your waistbands, stretchy.

Day 300 - 151.8 Dizzy-ness stuff

Sophie's back at school today. I got her to bed early, and let her sleep until she woke up herself. She wasn't dizzy upon waking, and only felt slightly dizzy when she sat up and when she first started walking. We just take it slow and let her adjust with each movement, and if the dizzy goes away, then we're good. We were at the house for about 90 minutes before I took her to school, and even though she felt a little dizzy after getting out of the car, she walked the whole way to class and was fine. The kids were in "centers" (doing different works around the room) when we got there, and a little boy came up and asked her to help him with legos. So she got right to work and didn't even tell me goodbye. It was a very good thing.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this was a short episode and we are not going to see a repeat of the last one that was two weeks long.

I appreciate all your comments--I am so frustrated and at wits end on what to do next. The more I think about it, the ENT was really discouraging. He basically just gave up and shuffled her back to the neurologist. His statement that even if it is something inner ear related, they can't fix it anyway, is infuriating to me now. What I should have said, and what I will probably discuss with her pediatrician, is that I want to KNOW if it's inner ear related. Fine, we can't fix it, but at least we will know what it is.

Maybe we'll see another ENT. Maybe the neurologist will want to repeat all the tests she had when she was 4 (I have mixed feelings about that). Maybe she needs to see an allergist (none of the doctors has mentioned that at all).

DH wants me to start keeping a log of everything she does--when she sleeps, what she eats, her activities, if she has a cold, what the weather is like--so maybe we can pick up patterns. What I can tell him already is that it does seem to happen when she's got something sinus-related going on (she's had a runny nose and cough since the weekend). And when she doesn't get enough sleep. And sometimes when she's had a fever or other virus. Other than that, there's no rhyme or reason. At least that I can tell.

So no running for me yesterday; and I didn't eat too terribly bad, even though I was on no kind of food plan and didn't eat one fruit or veggie. I just didn't max out on junk. Thankfully the scale is still holding steady, even down a bit more today.

The weather is gorgeous here--mid 40s, sunny--and I'm aching to be running. But being out of the office for two days, and I'm leaving at 2:30 to pick Sophie up so she doesn't have to stay in day care and it's not such a trying day, doesn't leave any time for ME. But it's not about me right now. And that's just fine.

Day 299 - 152.8 - Sophie's sick again

I got a call from school this morning at 7:50 that Sophie was dizzy. She couldn't get off the bus by herself. I left her there for about 30 minutes while I got dressed and took Luke to his sitter, to make sure it was a real dizzy spell and not her just wanting to come home. It was real, and she's lying down and can't move or else she gets dizzy and feels like she's going to throw up. I've called her doctor's office. Nothing we can do, but I've asked that they talk to the neurologist about retesting her for everything again. I just don't know what else we can do.

On the positive front, my weight is stable. I was afraid I'd gained 5 pounds after the weekend, but it's still where it's been the past two months. With all the crap going on, I'm happy to be maintaining.

I did get a two mile run in while Sophie was at swim class last night. It wasn't much, but it was something and I feel better today.

Day ? Weight ? -- Weekend review (long)

I know it's the Holidays when I'm so mentally and physically exhausted from the weekend that I have to take Monday off just to recover.

Which is what I'm doing today--a mental health day off. And I kept Sophie home from school, too. She was up late every night this weekend and I thought she needed the rest. She continues to be dizzy every morning, but thankfully it's not lasting long. We took Luke to his baby sitters (he asked to go--"I wanna go Ginger's" he said after he'd been awake for a couple of hours), then I got Sophie a donut and me a latte and scone. Apparently I'm also taking the day off from giving a hoot about what I'm eating.

Friday I didn't end up doing my fabulously planned long run. Instead, DH wanted to go see a movie while Mom had the kids. Unfortunately, my resolve of needing that run drained away with an opportunity to see Will Smith (I love him). We saw "I Am Legend," which I really liked but was haunted by all weekend. It's one of those movies that is so vivid and the situation so terrible, it's impossible to forget and images kept flashing into my mind.

We also had to bake a turkey for Saturday night, when our group of church friends did the dinner for our city's Rescue Mission. I had forgotten about it and hadn't gotten the turkey out of the freezer, so at 3:30 Friday I started the 24 hour process of babysitting the 18 pound gobbler. I'll spare you the details, but basically we thawed it in cold water for 11 hours, then spent 6 hours baking it, and DH spent an hour carving and cleaning up afterwards.

Saturday I felt really awful with S.A.D. symptoms. I just could not motivate myself to do anything other than babysit the turkey and keep the kids from tearing the house apart. We all got ready for the rescue mission and left the house at 4:45 p.m. We (7 couples and 12 kids) put on a Christmas program there and served dinner, then we all went to dinner at Pizza Hut, then went home and got the kids to bed around 10 p.m., and then DH & I spent 5 hours setting up DH's new TV and A/V system (he decided he needed some new big boy toys from Santa this year). Yes, that's right--I was up Saturday night until 3 a.m.

Sunday morning, even though I wanted to sleep in and DH in fact did sleep in (he stayed up until 5 a.m. watching movies--he's insane), I had to take the kids to church, because the children's choir sang and I didn't want Sophie to miss it. So I got both the kids ready and got us to church at 9 a.m. on time.

Then at 1:30 we all left for the Log Inn ("officially recognized as the oldest restaurant in Indiana, the Log Inn was built in 1825 and has been in continuous business since") where we had the N. family reunion. Mark's family has been getting together for over 40 years, I think. There were 11 kids in the original N. clan, so there are about 100 N. relatives that gather each year. The food is all fattening--the best stuffing ever, fabulous potatoes and sweet corn, tasty milk gravy and famous fried chicken--and I ate it all. This is a once a year event, after all, and I don't feel guilty about partaking of such wonderful food.

What I do feel guilty about is my general malaise and lack of movement. Guilty isn't really the right word, though. These SAD symptoms are biochemical, and there is only so much I can control and make myself do, and I just have to get through it the best I can. I get this way every year, and this year I'm not on antidepressants like I have been in the past. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it yet. I'd like to not get on drugs if at all possible; I'm not anti-Rx drugs, but I know that they can and did contribute to my weight problem and I'd prefer to use other methods to treat my SAD (I have a light for it, and exercise helps a lot) for as long as possible before I go back on something.

ANYWAY, sorry for the depressingly long post. It's only temporary, and hopefully some rest today will help put me back on track for tomorrow.

Mama said there'd be days like this,
there'd be days like this, my mama said.

Day 295 - 152.0 Sophie's doctor report

We met with an Ears, Nose & Throat specialist yesterday about Sophie's dizzy spells. He doesn't think her dizziness is caused by something inner ear related, at least not a "big thing" like Menier's disease. They did a full hearing test, and she passed perfectly. And the doctor spent a lot of time with us, listening as I described her symptoms over the past year.

He said even if he did a bunch of tests and they found it was some kind of "smaller" inner ear thing, there was nothing they could do to fix it. He thinks it's probably brain related, and passed the buck back to the neurologist.

The past three mornings she's woken up dizzy. It's gotten better as she's stayed vertical, and she's gone to school every day and been okay (not perfect, as she has felt dizzy some at school, but she's functioning). This morning she told me that she felt dizzy when she rolled on her right side, then when she rolled back to her left side it stopped. That tells me it's positional, which could be a good thing because then we know a little bit what we're dealing with.

But basically, there are still no answers and it's probably something she's going to have to deal with for a long time.

I'm going to call her Pediatrician and see if we can lay out a plan for what to do when another big episode hits. The girl is now over 60 pounds and is quite tall for a 6 year old (the prednisone she was on for 2 weeks back in October totally made her go through a growth spurt) and I just cannot carry her around everywhere like I had been doing. We'll need a wheel chair the next time she can't walk, and I want to know in advance what we'll need to make that happen. And I want to know if he or the neurologist feels that another MRI should be done.

We were at the ENT's office for 2 hours; it took an hour before they even got to us. And we left just in time to pick up Luke from day care. So I didn't get to run, and felt completely drained and emotionally wrecked because I was hoping we'd have some kind of answer from the ENT.

And because apparently this time of year makes me unable to cope with such things, I took the kids to Sonic and I ate lots of deep fried junk and some ice cream. It was a knee-jerk reaction to soothe my pain, and last night I felt bad physically and emotionally. I honestly don't know if I will ever not run to food when I feel like I've been hit by a train. It's still my balm of choice

Today, my friends, is a new day. And even though I desperately wanted my Starbucks grande nonfat sugar-free vanilla caramel machiato extra hot, and a cinnamon scone, I skipped it. I'm forcing myself to contain the urges to drown in carbs and fat. I can't promise I'll be chocolate free, but I will keep the damage to a minimum.

I am planning a long slow run today--not sure how many miles. Mom picks up the kids on Fridays so I don't have to worry about a 5 p.m. stopping time, and I'm going to leave work early if possible and just go running. Hopefully it will be outside, but the weather is iffy (thank goodness we aren't getting hit by the snow/ice storm) and it might be cold and rainy. If it is, the treadmill and I are friends and things will be just fine.

I need this run today like I need oxygen. I wish I was out there now. Hope you all have a healthy & relaxing (HA!) weekend.

Day 294 - 150.6 - Holiday Tag

I snagged this from Pokey's blog, even though she didn't tag me. So if you're in the mood, consider yourself tagged and have fun. I copied the list with no answers below, so you can copy to your blog and fill in.

Get to know your BF's (blogging friends).....holiday style. Let us all know how you celebrate this time of the year.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bag? Mostly wrapping paper, but I'll use a gift bag if I've got one and it fits the gift better than wrap.

2. Real tree or artificial? Artificial--always has been, always will be. The smell of pine gives me a massive headache (tragic, I know).

3. When do you put up your tree? After Thanksgiving

4. When do you take down your tree? After New Years

5. Do you like eggnog? Never tried it.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? For the life of me, I just can't remember any. I do remember really wanting a Bible the year my parents were going through their divorce-that-almost-was (they got back together after about a 4 month separation). I was in 2nd grade. There's a picture of me holding a green Living Bible like it was the best gift I'd ever gotten.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes, it's the Little People Nativity Set. The kids play with it and it is just the cutest thing ever.

8. Hardest person to buy for? My husband. He buys everything he wants for himself. This year he's getting a massage chair thingy, because he has chronic lower back problems and he'd never buy this for himself.

9. Easiest person to buy for? The kiddos.

10. Worst Christmas gift you've ever received? My dad's wife (I refuse to call her my step mother; as a follow up to #6, my parents eventually did get divorced after 30 years of marriage, when I was 31) gave us a plastic rotating spice rack thingy and a cake baking set where the cake can be baked with a hollow spot to fill it with ice cream or other filling. I put them in a yard sale last summer, but I don't think they sold.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail

12. Favorite Christmas movie? A Christmas Story. I could watch all 24 hours on TBS if it didn't drive DH nuts after about 3 hours of it.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? December, and I have been known to do it all on Christmas Eve.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Of course!

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? My grandma's chocolate pie

16. White or colored lights? Colored

17. Favorite Christmas song? Carol of the Bells and Handel's Messiah

18. Traveling for Christmas or stay home? Stay home. We are hosting DH's family at our house for dinner on Christmas day this year. But at least once, I would absolutely love to spend Christmas at Disney World.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? If I sing the song in my head..."You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen. But do you recall, the most famous reindeer of all? Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer..."

20. Angel or Star on top of tree? Star

21. Open presents Christmas Eve or Morning? Morning

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? The stress. I mean, really, it's supposed to be all about Jesus and family and love. But there are so many gatherings and presents to buy--we have 5 events to go to including our business open house--that it just gets overwhelming.

23. What I love most about Christmas? The Christmas lights and holiday music. And of course, my kiddos opening their presents on Christmas morning. This will be a fun year with Luke at a great age to enjoy his presents. I hope Sophie is happy with hers and it' s not a "Is that all?" kind of year (insert holiday stress here).

Gosh, I didn't mean to be such a downer on my responses. I guess that stress is getting to me already. Well, Merry Christmas to you all anyway. I think I'll go eat some chocolate and take off my Grinch hat now. =)

EDITED LATER TO ADD: Guys, go give Jill a shout of support when you have a chance. She's a victim of the recent ice storm and needs some cyber hugs right now.

For your blogs....
1. Wrapping paper or gift bag?
2. Real tree or artificial?
3. When do you put up your tree?
4. When do you take down your tree?
5. Do you like eggnog?
6. Favorite gift received as a child?
7. Do you have a nativity scene?
8. Hardest person to buy for?
9. Easiest person to buy for?
10. Worst Christmas gift you've ever received?
11. Mail or email Christmas cards?
12. Favorite Christmas movie?
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
16. White or colored lights?
17. Favorite Christmas song?
18. Traveling for Christmas or stay home?
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers?
20. Angel or Star on top of tree?
21. Open presents Christmas Eve or Morning?
22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?
23. What I love most about Christmas?

Day 293 - 151.2 - 5 miles and a trip to Target

Yesterday I made it out for a 5.1 mile run. It wasn't a great one, and I was ready to quit around mile 2. That's the good thing about running outside--once you're out there, you can't just give up 'cause it's your own two feet that have to carry you home. Anywho, I had a choice around 2.5 miles whether to turn left and finish with 3 or turn right and go for my planned-for 5. Obviously I ran the 5, but it wasn't without protest.

It must have been the warm humid weather (we either tied or hit a new record high yesterday, 68*), or else my recent malaise, but I was not feeling it. Around mile 4 for about 5 minutes I felt great. That's not saying much for a 57 minute run.

Once I was finished, I was happy I'd put in the effort. I know my evening went better with the endorphins running through me.

After my run and after picking up the kids, I had to go to Target. I needed to buy a ton of stuff, so I got the cart with the two kids' seats on the front so the basket would be empty (Sophie usually sits in the basket and Luke sits in the kid seat). This was the first time Luke's been in this kind of seat, which provides more freedom even though he was sort of strapped in. It was such a pain. He did not want to stay put, especially since Sophie kept getting up and walking around.

I bought them a pretzel to share and Sprites to drink, and that kept him busy for a while. I got all the stuff I needed, and then we mosied over to the toys. I finally let Luke out of his seat, and he found a tricycle sitting in the aisle that his butt stayed glued to until it was time to check out. He was so cute, riding all over the toy aisles and up to the checkout area. Needless to say, he's getting a new tricycle for Christmas. But-- Oh, the drama when I had to take him out and put him back in the cart. I was ready to sell my 2 year old to the highest bidder.
***
I got the Bourne Ultimatum for DH, and last night I was able to watch about 30 minutes of it before falling asleep (saw it in the theater, but can't wait to watch it again--LOVE this trilogy). Wendy, you'll appreciate this. The back of the DVD has the bonus features listed, and on all but one, they end with an exclamation point. It was so annoying, and I kept thinking how stupid they looked-- "See the making of the car chase!" "Listen as Matt Damon talks about how sexy he is!" None of them were ! worthy. Luckily the movie doesn't reflect the DVD case writer's abilities.
***
Sophie was dizzy this morning, and it started when she rolled over on her right side. I made her get up, and made her go to school even though she still wasn't feeling 100% after breakfast. I called school about an hour ago and they said she was doing fine and hadn't complained about being dizzy at all, Thank God. I was feeling really guilty about pushing her, but I'm glad I did. Santa brought letters to her class today, and she'd have hated to miss out. Her ENT appointment is tomorrow; I'm praying we will get some answers soon.

Day 291 - 153.8 Monday Melt Down

It's been a strange couple of days. Nothing out of the ordinary, events-wise. But it's like I've gone off kilter, food-wise.

Yesterday was cookie day. I could not get enough cookies.

Today, I ate a glazed donut at the office for breakfast, a Starbucks latte and cinnamon coffee cake for lunch, and a Happy Meal cheeseburger with fries and a Coke for dinner. And a few more cookies.

I've been struggling with weekend food for a couple of months. But it has been only weekends. This Monday melt-down is a new phenomenon. And I don't like it.

It was the old "I can't help myself" feeling, the auto pilot of self destruction taking over.

I haven't felt that way in a long time, and I'm sure it's no coincidence that it showed up on day 3 of a Rain Fest here in Evansville. And it's the holidays. And I tend to internalize other people's difficult situations and somehow manage to let their negativity or sadness or frustration eat up my positive strength. I've been around several of these people this past weekend.

So my reserves are low right now, and resistance to my inner Fat Girl has been futile.

I know it's temporary, and I don't feel hopeless or anything--I know I will get back on track. I'll have a healthy breakfast tomorrow, and get back to eating vegetables at lunch and dinner again, and will get a strong run in tomorrow afternoon. Eventually the sun will shine again (not for a while, though, since there's more rain forecast until Saturday). I may have to start sitting under my S.A.D. light for a while.

But it surprised me how easily I slipped into the helplessness of easy comfort food. If I'd been in Target today, I can't say I'd have been able to resist buying Twinkies. It was that bad.

No wonder January is a time for new beginnings. I'm guessing December's going to be a little rough.
****
Edited later to add: So I just started to catch up on my blog buddies, and I come across this. I am in freaking awe. The amount of time it took to put all this together and the thoughtfulness with which it was done just blows me away. Blogging friends are da bomb.

7 on the 8th

I'm a DNF in the 8 on the 8th race. But not because I didn't try. I just ran out of time.

I dropped off Sophie at her Girl Scouts meeting at 12:30, then was going to take Luke to the gym's kids center while I ran (it was 40* and raining and I wasn't in the mood for a cold, wet run so ran on the treadmill). But DH decided he'd finished with his work and would keep Luke. So I dropped him off with Dad at the office and I headed to the gym. This was a good thing because Luke needed a nap, but it set me back time wise.

I got to the gym at 1 p.m. Sophie's meeting was over at 2:30, and I was a 10 minute drive from her. That left me 80 minutes to run 8 miles. I am not a 10 minute mile runner, so I knew I'd be short. But I ran my heart out for 7 miles. I finished in 77 minutes and hit my race pace target of 11 min mile average.

The first 2 miles I felt really strong and didn't take a walk break at all, and held a 10:30 pace. I listened to the Dave Matthews Band Concert in Central Park CD's, an awesome soundtrack for this indoor run. The first song got me through an entire mile.

At 2 miles I took a water/walk break for about a minute, then cranked it back up to 10:30 per mile and ran another mile and a half. Then another break and another mile at 10:30. At 4.5 miles I started feeling tired and thought I was probably running too fast, but instead of slowing down, I kicked it up to a 10:00 pace. I figured I'd run as hard as I could while I still had some life in me, and it worked. I ran mile 4.5 - 5.5 in 10 minutes.

After a final water/walk break, I had to slow down for the last 1.5 miles. I probably walked a half mile total and ran the rest mostly at an 11:00 pace.

I hurried out of there to get Sophie and felt pleased I'd run more than I ever have before (my previous long run was 6.3 miles) but bummed I didn't get to finish the full 8. I'd thought about running 1 mile at home outside, but I was shaky and exhausted and it was really raining, so I just skipped it.

So it was 7 on the 8th for me. I'm still really glad I signed up and would probably not have run at all today if it hadn't been for the race. And now I have a new long run distance I can brag about.

Day 288 - 150.6 What a difference a year makes

I am a completely different person now than I was a year ago.

Last year if I'd had a night all to myself, I'd have had a fast food dinner, gone to see a movie, eaten popcorn and chocolate covered peanuts (Goobers are my favorite movie candy), and maybe even had some ice cream on the way home.

This past Wednesday when Mark took the kids and I had a free night, I went to a 60 minute Pilates class, then ran 3.1 miles, then got a skinny Latte and Christmas shopped. I felt like such a super star after 96 minutes of exercise.

A sugar rush just does not compare to an endorphin rush.

Yesterday was nuts--we are getting ready for our office's Holiday open house which is today from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. You're all invited! =)-- but I still made it to the gym for 3.1 miles on the treadmill. It was C-O-L-D and dreary and I was not in the mood to fight the elements. So the treadmill it was. I walked the entire first mile, but then kicked it up a notch and even ran .5 miles at 9:30 and .2 miles at 8:57. I was smokin' it.

Tomorrow is 8 Miles on the 8th, Non Runner Nancy's virtual race. I am hoping desperately this rainy weather skips us, otherwise I'll be running on an inside track & treadmill. I may take a movie with me if I have to run inside; we're back in the gym (after the fire this summer--it's not all done but the fitness center is back up) where the treadmills all have TV's and DVD players. Either way, it will be an early morning run since I have to leave to pick up the kiddos at my mom's by 10:30 a.m. (they are spending the night with her since we have the open house). And it will also be the first time I've run 8 miles. Should be interesting.

Here's the pic of Mark & me that turned out so well. I will catch up on your blogs this weekend. I miss you guys. Have a healthy and happy Saturday & Sunday.

Family Christmas Photo

If you look closely in Sophie's hand you can see a green M&M. These are what *finally* got Luke to smile. We spent a good 15 minutes trying to get him to sit still and smile, before I got a bag of M&M's from the photography studio's Snack Box.

Day 286 - 152.0 Photo Session & Parenting Saga

We took the kids to have our Christmas picture made yesterday afternoon. Now, typically, I'm a big believer in the casual kids-in-front-of-the-Christmas-tree-in-their-PJ's photo for Christmas cards, but these go to our clients and we have a good friend who's a professional photographer and has done our pictures for several years, so he cuts us a deal.

I knew it was going to be a challenge because Luke is 2 and he is all boy and doesn't like to sit still. And it was tough, but we got a few good shots and with the magic of digital photography, my best face will be moved to the picture with the best faces of the rest of the family.

We also had a shot of just Mark and me, for business use. The picture turned out great. When I get the .pdf's, I'll post here.

It was the first time since our wedding that I was really happy with a studio picture of me. Mark even said I looked beautiful. Which made me tear up because I was not feeling beautiful last night....

My daughter and I have been butting heads a lot lately. It's like a teenager has invaded her 6 year old body and taken over. She complains a lot and doesn't like me asking her to do things, like getting up in the morning or going to bed. And I get impatient easily and lose my temper with her. And last night was just ugly and I made her feel bad about herself, and even though we made up, I felt like I'm damaging my kid and I'm a terrible mother.

I'm overly sensitive, she's overly sensitive; I'm strong willed, she's strong willed...it's a lethal combination. After she went to sleep, I still had to go to the grocery store at 9:30 at night. I felt like sh!t and wanted to drown myself in ice cream. Instead of Ben & Jerry's, I bought a Blue Bunny "personal indulgence" serving of chocolate chip cookie dough, which has 340 calories. Not a disaster, but still a big ole dose of my drug of choice.

I've got a book on 6 year olds, and I read a chapter on their behavior that made me feel better. Basically, she's normal, and it will get better as she gets older, and then will get worse again when she turns 11. It said parents need to not be emotional when dealing with this kind of behavior. And to get a break when you need it.

And boy do I need a break.

So Mark's taking the kids tonight and I get a night off. Not sure what I'll do, but hopefully it will include a trip to the gym since I can't run at 4 pm like I usually do (we have clients coming in for a meeting). A night all to myself is pretty rare, and I'm very much looking forward to it. Hopefully I'll find some non-emotional patient reserve deep down inside myself so my daughter will make it to age 7.

Day 285 - 150.8 Fabulous 3.1 Miles

I had one of the best runs ever yesterday. I went out earlier than usual, at 3:15, so there was daylight the entire run. It was cold--only 39*--but not windy. It was "only" a 5K, but I hit a PR of 32 minutes (3 seconds faster than my first 5K race pace).

Before my feet hit the pavement, I was in a terrible "I don't wanna" mood. I made myself change clothes and was this close to not even going. Then while talking with a client on the phone, I got a gander at my hips all spread out on my chair in my workout pants. Let me tell you--when there's nothing but thin black running pants on this body and its all slouched down with legs stretched out and nothing squeezed in, it's not a pretty picture. It was quite motivating, because I got off my butt and got out the door.

Obviously I'm very glad I did. Runs like that are reasons to keep running. The next time I'm in one of those moods before a run, I'll remember this day and find my motivation and make it a good one.
***
In other running news, the Indy 500 Festival Mini Marathon is sold out. I got an email today that all 35,000 slots are filled, with participants from 50 states and 8 countries. And I get to be part of it! Pasta Queen is running it, too, and we've emailed and I will hopefully get to meet her. How cool is that?

Day 284 - 152.4 Weekend in Review

Weekends are proving to be fatal for my diet. It's like I become a different person from Friday night until Monday morning, eating whatever I want and not writing anything down in my food journal. I even had half a Moe's burrito Saturday, which is filled with sodium and fat (but it was SO good....I love Moe's and haven't had a burrito since before my diet started in February). The way the calendar is shaping up for the rest of the month and all the stuff we have to go to every weekend in December, I don't foresee things improving much.

No running Friday, due to a bunch of work I had to get done before I left the office, which wasn't until 5:30. And since Evil Laura takes over on Saturday and Sunday, no running over the weekend either. I only ran twice last week. Pitiful!

It was a busy weekend for the family--I got all the decorations out of the garage and I put up the Christmas tree on Friday night. I had bought lights at Target but when I got them out, I saw I had bought white wire instead of green wire (DOH!) so DH had to go buy new lights Saturday.

Sophie woke up Saturday morning feeling sick to her stomach, and sure enough she had a stomach bug that lasted about 4 hours. So my morning was spent comforting my little girl, holding her head while she threw up. After she slept a couple of hours around lunch time, she woke up feeling fine, thank goodness.

I put the lights on the tree while she and Luke took naps, then she helped me put the ornaments and icicles on in the afternoon. We watched Christmas movies and listened to Christmas music, and around 4 p.m. we all went outside and put up the outside decorations. A good time was had by all (heh).

DH and Sophie made a gingerbread house Saturday night. They are so cute together--they're both artists and have a flair for that kind of thing.

The dining room table is piled with the remaining decorations that go in the living room and the kids' rooms (they each get a little tree). I'm hoping to get that done during the week.

Sunday was church in the morning, lunch at Hooters (the kids love it there, and we get to watch football), a nap (yes, I take naps on Sunday whenever I can), and then the Advent program at church from 6 - 8 p.m. It was rainy, windy, and cold, but we went anyway, and I'm glad we did. It was a soup & sandwich dinner, followed by a lesson about Christmas, singing carols, and a craft. DH & I took turns chasing Luke (he is such a 2 year old), and Sophie had fun playing with her friend Annie. It was a late night, but a good way to start the Season.

This morning it was in the upper 20s, and it's only getting to 40 today for the high. I've packed my cold-weather running stuff and am going to get out there, even if it's only 3 miles. 3 is better than zero. Food is back on track. Hopefully I can erase the weekend damage in a few days.

Day 281 - 150.8 A Ramble... And to cookie or not to cookie?

I was pleased to see my weight stay the same this morning, especially considering that, even though I switched to the new plan yesterday, I had 300 more calories than I was supposed to. That's not much, but it all eventually adds up. I still finished the day at 1645 calories, which is not too shabby.

I woke up with a headache and felt like I'd barely slept, and now am still pretty tired. I had to get a latte this morning, just HAD TO. I seriously need the extra caffeine. I'm such an addict.

So today I'm planning a 5 mile run, hopefully around 3 p.m. I usually leave around 4 and it's been getting dark before I get done. And even though I enjoy the sunset on the last leg of my run, I still prefer to finish while it's light since I'm not wearing anything reflective right now (I know, Vickie--wearable lights are on my list of things to buy. Any body have any suggestions for reflective gear?).

Tonight we'll be dragging out the Christmas stuff. My garage is such a disaster, we'll have to clean it out just to get to the decorations. We still have boxes and bags of stuff from my mother-in-law, who passed away almost 2 years ago. I'm hoping DH will be okay with me donating it to Good Will, but it's a touchy time of year and I'm honestly not sure if he can handle that right now. Maybe after the holidays I'll ask him about it, and just continue to live with the messy garage. At least we can get both our cars in there still.

One of my most favoritest things in the world is baking. When I was a teenager, I was the official cookie baker in our house. I even made a red velvet cake from scratch one Valentine's Day. I've always said I can't cook, but I can bake. Of course, since this year I'm Miss Skinny Thang, the baking thing presents a conundrum. How do I still bake and share the tradition with my kids, but not put on 10 pounds? Because, truly, give me a glass of milk and I can eat and eat and eat cookie dough. Then I have to eat the finished product too. I just have no control.

Is there such a thing as healthy cookies? Any good recipes out there? Should I just say screw it and bake and eat and enjoy? Or should I skip it and make it to goal by the end of the year? My guess is we'll bake at least one day, and it will be done, and I'll gain some weight but it will be temporary.

I know! I could bake them on December 8, the day I'm running 8 miles for Non-Runner Nancy's "8 Miles on the 8th" race. That way, I'll have 90 minutes of running in and won't feel so guilty about the cookies. I'm so glad that's all decided. But please share any cookie recipes or recipe sites if you've got a favorite.

****
Go wish Wendy well on her Marathon this Sunday. I admire this woman so much. This is her 2nd marathon in just over 30 days. Wowsa. Here's to a healthy and enjoyable race, Wendy.

Day 280 - 150.8 Plan 1 on LAWL

Woohoo, back into the 150 range. I am one pound from the 140s, people. ONE POUND!

Yesterday at LAWL, my official weight was 152.4, which is what I weighed the week before Thanksgiving week. So not much action "officially." The counselor did say it's still a 55 pound loss, and I totally hadn't added that up in my head--I've been saying 53 pounds to anyone who asks how much I've lost. But I get to put a FIVE on the end of that total poundage lost, which is sweeeeet.

She also moved me to Plan 1, which is the lowest plan I can go to without starving to death. I'm not officially supposed to move to Plan 1 until I hit 149, but she said it would help to go ahead and move down now if I wanted.

So today, my new food plan is:
2 proteins
2 veggies
2 fruits
2 starches
1 dairy
1 fat
2 LA Lites

From plan 2 to plan 1, I am losing:
1/2 protein
1 veggie
1 dairy
1 fat

This is not a lot of food. And I'd like to be eating more. So I've got to get to goal pronto so I can eat more food again. Sounds nuts, huh?

Here's the dealio... when I hit goal, they start adding food back a little at a time, and over 6 weeks I get to stabilize until I reach my maintenance level of portions. They make sure I don't gain weight as they add it back in, until we find how much I can eat without gaining.

With this little food, I've got to make sure the quality is superior, so I'm going to be skipping my frequent fast food salads and daily Starbucks latte. You have no idea how hard it was not to drive to Starbucks this morning (Marcy, we don't have a Dunkin' Donuts or I'd sure go there instead). I had to drink plain old coffee with coffee mate this morning. (I am such a spoiled brat, I know.) Lunch was broccoli and 3 oz of chopped sirloin. Can you feel my excitement?

But I am getting to 145, and now I want to get there so I can eat more. Whatever it takes, whatever it takes.....

I got in a 3.1 mile run yesterday, and today is a rest day because I didn't have any clean workout pants and because my shin hurts a little and I just wants me a rest day, 'kay?

Hope y'all are having a good one. TTFN.

Day 279 - 151.0 Pretty Woman

Remember towards the end of the movie when Richard Gere tells Julia Roberts he'll set her up with an apartment in New York and all the shopping her heart desires? And she replies "That's a really good offer for a girl like me."

That's how I've been feeling, after a couple of roller coaster weigh-in weeks--that the mid 150's are a really good place for a girl like me. You know, it's the lowest weight I've been in over a decade. And I look good. And when people ask if I'm at goal and I say (depending on the scale that day) that I have 7 or 8 or 9 pounds left to go, they act shocked and say "where's that going to come from?" And I pinch my muffin top and point to my saddle bags and laugh and reply, "Oh there's plenty of fat left, believe me."

On my low days, I feel like I should just be grateful for what I've achieved and not expect more. That apartment in New York looks pretty good.

But then, I get a 5 mile run in (like yesterday--yes!) and have a couple good food days, and the scale shows a lower number again. And then I think....I want the fairy tale. I want the Knight in Shining Armor with colors flying riding on his white horse. 145 suddenly seems possible, and even--dare I dream it--140 or 135 (my "ultimate" low weight that I wanted to weigh when I was 145 at age 23).

So today's a Julia Roberts day. I feel good, like I can really do this. And I'm worth it, and the effort is worth it. I am walking away from the consolation prize and going for the fairy tale.

****
On DH and my BIL-- BIL came through surgery with no problems, and gets to go home today or tomorrow. Should be back at work Monday. Thank you all for your well wishes.

And I didn't give DH credit yesterday like I should have--he does work out, when he's not injured. He's had a back injury for over a month and is still struggling for that to heal. He taught kick boxing at our gym for several years, and in his 30s was a runner and swimmer. He blew out a knee and had surgery, so running's out. And he might get back into swimming. For the past year he's been doing hot yoga 3-5 days a week, which I think has been excellent for him in many ways until he screwed up his back and had to stop. His biggest issue is eating--he's all or nothing, eating like a little piggy or fasting on the lemonade diet. He's got an appointment with his doctor in a couple weeks and is going to ask for an EKG to look at his heart, and he knows he's got to get serious before it gets serious.

Day 278 - 151.8

Well I didn't get a run in yesterday, and I could give lots of excuses but basically I just didn't have it in me to make the effort. It was a blech day all day. I blame it on the "return from holiday" blues. This afternoon is going to be perfect running weather--50s, sunshine--so I'm all set for a great run today. I'm planning on 5 miles and just cannot wait. I need this run like I need my daily Latte. =)

My brother in law had a mild heart attack Sunday night and DH and his sister left for Nashville yesterday afternoon to be with him. It's his second in 2 years, and it happened because the stent in his heart from the first heart attack got clogged. He knew what was happening when it started, and went to the hospital right away where they gave him meds to somehow unclog his heart and stop the damage. They are putting a stent inside the stent today. The prognosis looks good, but it's still serious, of course. Hopefully DH will be home tonight. Nashville is only 2ish hours away from us.

My husband's dad died at age 51 of a heart attack in the middle of the night when Mark was 8 years old. So this heart attack business is touchy stuff and brings up not only worries about his brother, but memories of his dad and thoughts of DH's own health. He's 45 and in much better shape than his father (and his brother, who's 55), but he has tons of stress and the bad genes and eats crappy food quite often. His cholesterol is high and he needs to get back on meds for it; I don't know exactly why he stopped taking them, but after this episode with his brother we're sure going to talk about what he needs to do to make sure this doesn't happen to him. I know there's only so much we can control, but I need my husband to be healthy for a very very very long time.
****

You can find Jillian Michaels on iTunes via KFI AM 640 Weekends Sundays. In "Power Search" enter "KFI" in "Artist," then click on "Sunday." You'll get a list of all their Sunday shows and viola! There's Jillian. Enjoy!

Day 277 - 152.2

Well, I dodged a bullet. No weight gain for me, but I certainly have no idea why. I ate like a food junkie all weekend. I'm back on plan today and just hope that my weekend doesn't catch up with me later in the week.

We had a great Thanksgiving with the kids and DH's family. We got to Indianapolis Wednesday night around 9 p.m. and left Sunday around 1 p.m. We stayed over Saturday so we could take the kids to the Children's Museum Sunday morning, and that was a total blast. I can't wait to take them back when we have more time.

Last night DH unpacked all the suitcases and did all the laundry--shocked the hell out of me! He just got into a git 'er done mood and finished it up. I am very thankful for his work, because I had nothing left after getting the kids dinner and baths and putting them to bed. We were all pretty exhausted.

I did get to run on Thanksgiving morning, about 3.5 miles. It was cold and there was a strong wind, but I ran anyway. The rest of the mornings I was too tired or it was too cold (it was below freezing every morning and I'm not sure what I need to run in sub-32* weather, but it's more than what I have now).

Today I'll be running on the treadmill, since it's raining and cold here, too. I'm looking forward to loading more Jillian Michaels on my Shuffle (yes, Lori, they downloaded fine and I listened to several episodes on the drive up--wonder why they won't go on yours???). She's got a lot of good info and is very inspirational.

I've got tons of work to do and some online shopping to get in, so I will leave you with this little picture of my kids as dinosaurs at the Children's Museum. How cute is that? Have a great day!

Day 272 - 152.8 Happy Thanksgiving!

Well I made it through yesterday, even got in a 3 mile run while getting my oil changed.

And that wasn't easy. I had forgotten to pack my socks in my gym bag, and as I'm changing at work and can't find them, I go into "don't panic" mode. As you know, my day was limited and I packed it full. It did not have room for a trip home to retrieve socks.

Rather than give up and not run at all, I decided to wear my black dress socks (thank God I was wearing running pants and not shorts!) with my shoes and I ran 6 minutes to Kohl's, bought running socks, ran 6 minutes back to the road to the car dealership where I dropped off my bag o' socks in the bushes (you know, they don't just sell ONE pair of socks... you have to buy a minimum of 2 pairs), and took off for another 20 minutes of running.

I am so proud of myself. Can I just tell you how easy it would have been to say "f*ck it" and not run? But I was determined. And even though it was hot (it was almost 70 yesterday) and I'm sure I got some weird looks coming into the car dealership in a sleeveless running top all sweaty and grimy, I felt great for getting it in.

And I wasn't alone on this run. I took Jillian Michaels with me. Lori had posted a month or so ago a way to get her podcasts, and I finally loaded them onto my Shuffle yesterday. She rocks! I will have to share some of her insights in a later post.

So here's the hair cut. It's not drastically different, just shorter. I like it a lot.

We are all packed for our trip to Indy for Thanksgiving (that took about 5 hours--OMG it is ridiculous how much there is to take for 2 kids and me--my husband packs his stuff, thank goodness). I still have to grocery shop for the salad, but that's it. We should be heading out around 4 p.m. The weather is supposed to be crappy as a cold front comes through, and that will make the drive a little slower with the rain. At least we aren't flying.

We'll be in Indy until Sunday, so don't be surprised if you don't hear from me until Monday. I'm taking my laptop, but not sure how much time I'll have to post anything. You all have a happy and healthy Turkey Day!!!

Day 271 - 153.4

I made it out for a run yesterday, and felt so much better during and afterwards. When will it sink in that if I feel bad, I just need to go running?

I did manage to get new running shoes Saturday, (Brooks Addiction 7)and they felt great on their first time out. I had been wearing motion control shoes, in size 8 1/2 extra wide. My new shoes are 8 1/2 but are a regular width. Even though they are motion control still, they are much lighter than my old shoes. I swear I was running faster with the new shoes on. I ran 3.1 miles is 33:30, which is around 10:50 minute miles, so I guess I was a little faster. Sweet.

Today is going to be unbelievably busy.

10 a.m. - Haircut. I'm thinking of getting it cut short. I was all about skinny girl long hair, but am kind of getting sick of the length already and it's not even to my shoulders. I was inspired by Jess's cut and am going to ask my stylist how short she thinks I can go. There's nothing wrong with completely changing your hairstyle right before a major holiday and family gathering, right?! (can you tell I've lost my mind?)

11:00 a.m. - Run home and change shirt after haircut; and get camera for...

12:30 p.m. - Sophie's Thanksgiving Day Feast & Play. She's an Indian, er, Native American Girl, and DH & I are going to watch her 5 minute play. I'm also going 15 minutes early to help set up the food for their feast.

3:00 p.m. - Oil changed, tires rotated, and run. Gotta get the VUE in shape for the trip to Indy. The plan here is to leave the car, and go run for an hour. It's in a part of town I haven't run in before, so I'm going to map a route and hopefully enjoy some different scenery (which will be mostly traffic and businesses, but oh well).

5:30 p.m. - Sophie hair cut. She needs one badly, but doesn't want her hair cut at all. This is going to be fun.

6:30 p.m. - Grocery shop for Turkey Day. We have to bring salad for 16. I'm going to do a take on Panera Bread's winter salad, with pears, dried cherries, blue cheese, candied pecans, and a sweet balsamic. I love fruity salads; I hate raw onions and raw tomatoes, so when I get to do the salad, it's all fruit and nuts and cheese. The greens will be a spinach/lettuce mix

8:30 p.m. - After the kids are in bed, I will get as much packed as possible. Last night I did the kids' laundry and put the clothes we are taking with us on the dining room table. So I'm close to getting them done. I hope to get as much done tonight as possible so we can leave at a decent time tomorrow afternoon.

?? p.m. - Pass out from exhaustion.

Hope your day is as fun-filled as mine!

P.S. Thanks to you all for your words of encouragement yesterday. You all really did help boost me up. Thank you.

Day 270 - 154.6 Fat Head

It takes talent and sheer drive to gain 4 pounds in 3 days, let me tell you. A terrible cold coupled with the desire to eat everything in sight helps a lot, too.

And I'm feeling every ounce of that gain this morning. My fat head thinking has really been messing with me lately. Like Saturday night, in my size Medium black dress from The Limited which I was excited to wear for the first time (I forgot to take my camera with me, so I don't have any photographic evidence to share, sorry). I know it looked good and fit well, but all I could see and obsess about was the fat roll at my waist. The dress did a good job of camouflaging it mostly, but I could see it and it bugged the hell out of me. And then this morning, I just know that my jeans don't fit like they did Friday, and I feel like I'm as big as a house.

It's not just these couple of examples, either. In the past few weeks, I've been having these unsatisfied glimmers of recognition that my body is not going to look the way I want it to when I reach my goal weight. And instead of being happy with what I've accomplished, I am only seeing what is still left to do.

Weight loss is such a mental game, and I am letting my fat head get the better of me. There's so much crap that goes on in my mind about all this, and I often just choose to shut down rather than deal with it. Shutting down means I don't log my food and I eat to make myself feel better. That's what happened this weekend. And the weekend before that. I've got to get a handle on this before things really start falling apart.

And oh look! It's the holidays, the time of year when things naturally just fall apart because there's so much crap to do and so many people to deal with. I'm going to have to dig down and find that inner skinny girl and get her to help me off this roller coaster ride.

Day 267 - 150.6

Yes, my friends, that is a ZERO in third place there. I now weigh what I did on my wedding day in 1995. It's a good thing!

I got in a fabulous run yesterday--5.5 miles in 61 minutes. It was 45 degrees and thankfully the wind had really died down from earlier in the day, when we had gusts at 25 mph. I went out in my new Champion fleece sweatshirt (on sale at Target last week for $14.99) but had it tied around my waist after half a mile (I had on a long sleeve tee underneath, of course). I did enjoy my ear warmer headband thingy, which I've never used before but am now in love with. It kept my ears all toasty and warm yet didn't screw up my hair too badly for when I had to pick up the kids afterwards. I kept my gloves on the whole time except when I had to retie my shoes once.

Speaking of shoes, I finally need a new pair. I've been alternating between my Brooks and New Balance, which I bought last summer when I weighed 200 pounds. These are motion control shoes, good for "heavy runners," but since my foot has changed with the lost weight (I went from 8 1/2 to 8) I don't think I need motion control any longer. My right shin is sore this morning, just a bit, and I think it's because of my shoes. We don't have a real running store around here, but there is a family owned running/biking store that I think can help me out. So that's on the agenda for the weekend.

Also on tap for the weekend--DH and I are going out Saturday night with my sis & bro-in-law (I adore both of them) for dinner and dancing! Remember how we took ballroom dance lessons at church for a couple months? Well, we have totally forgotten all that, but my SIL & BIL are members of the local dance club and they go once a month. They invited us last month but we couldn't go, but we can tomorrow. We will probably be the youngest people there! I have a black dress I bought at the Limited this summer that I still haven't worn and even though it's short sleeved, I can't wait to wear it. I'll be sure to have a picture taken so I can show off for y'all! =)

The sun is shining, it's a gorgeous fall day, and thankfully my mood is lifted as well.

I'll leave you with one of my all time favorite songs.....

10,000 Maniacs, These Are Days
These are days you'll remember.
Never before and never since, I promise, will the whole world be warm as this.
And as you feel it, you'll know it's true that you are blessed and lucky.
It's true that you are touched by something that will grow and bloom in you.

These are the days you might fill with laughter until you break.
These days you might feel a shaft of light make its way across your face.
And when you do you'll know how it was meant to be.
See the signs and know their meaning.
It's true, you'll know how it was meant to be.
Hear the signs and know they're speaking to you.
To you.

Day 266 -151.8

Since a few of you mentioned it yesterday, here's the scoop on the percentiles--

Luke is in the 90th percentile for his weight and 75th percentile for his height. Out of all 2 year olds, he weighs the same or more than 90% of them and he's the same height or taller than 75% of them. Conversely, 10% of 2 year olds weigh more than he and 25% of 2 year olds are taller than he. There endeth the percentile lesson. =)

Basically he's growing like he's supposed to and his growth has progressed normally during his 2 years of life. And he can beat up 3/4 of his fellow 2 year olds. Ha.

So I made it to the gym for a treadmill workout after his doctor's appointment. Barely. I did not want to in the worst way. It's been raining for a couple of days, and like many of you I get messed up without sunshine (gonna have to start sitting under my S.A.D. light again). And that means I'm highly unmotivated and want to go home and park the kids in front of the TV and put my nose in a book.

But I thought of all of you, and what I'd have to say tomorrow (today) on this blog, and how whiny it would sound that I skipped a run because I didn't feel like it. Now, I know, it's totally cool to do this once in a while. Sometimes, not feeling like it is a good thing--the body needs the rest (even Wendy, who took her one rest day this month yesterday).

I, however, was not in need of physical rest, since I'd only logged 1.6 miles this week prior to yesterday. What I needed was a kick in the pants, which I gave to myself in the form of a four mile run on the treadmill. I varied it a TON to keep things interesting--easy running, hard running (a couple of 90 seconds intervals at 8:57 min/mile--lung chucking for me, man), hill running, hill walking, easy walking, moderate running, etc. and so on. My iPod died at mile 3, so the last mile is when I hit it fast and hard just to get it over with.

And afterwards I felt so much better having put in my time and some more miles this week. Honestly, if I weren't running for a reason and didn't have you guys to report to, I don't think I'd have made it at all.

No weights work--those 4 miles were all I had in me. That, and giving the kids each a bath and folding a load of the kids' laundry (when the clothes are small, there's twice as many per load and it takes twice as long to fold as it does adult clothes. Have I mentioned how much I hate doing laundry?) and running the dishwasher and putting Sophie to bed. (Luke, bless him, gets lovingly placed in his crib with his music, his pacifier, and his precious blankie, and we close the door and he goes to sleep on his own. My 6 year old still requires that I lay down with her.... what can I say? She is and always will be my Princess.)

Thanksgiving is one week away. We are going to Indianapolis to celebrate with my husband's family. We're staying in a hotel for 4 nights (driving up Wednesday, coming home Sunday). There is so much to do before we leave (more laundry, darn it), and I need to start this weekend. Thankfully we can drive since it's only 4 hours away, because the amount of crap it takes for a family of four to survive 5 days away from home is insane.

Day 265 - 152.4

So that 3 pound gain is gone, thank goodness. I've had a couple of good food days, with just a smidge of running (only 1.6 miles on the treadmill Monday while Sophie had swim lessons, and nothing yesterday). Yesterday was nuts, and while it was a good nuts (new clients!) it threw my afternoon running routine off. Oh well, such is life.

Today is Luke's 2 year doctor check up, and he gets shots but at least I get to find out what percentile his height and weight are. For some weird reason I like knowing where the kids fit in with the rest of the Western World. Luke, for example, was in the 10th percentile for height and 90th for weight when he was 4 months old. His height caught up to 50th at 18 months; his weight was (I think) 75th. Since he's still mostly wearing 18 month pants I'm guessing he's still on the small end.

The steroids Sophie was on must have caused her to grow, because all of the sudden none of her clothes fit. She's 6 and a half, so you'd think she'd still be in 6x clothes, right? Well, none of her jeans fit, her shirts are all too small, and she tried on size 7s from Target last night and they were still too small. It looks like she's skipping 7 all together and going straight to 8s. Both the kids got new shoes a couple months ago, and I bet you anything we'll be getting new ones again next month.

I plan to take the kids to the gym day care this afternoon after Luke's appointment so I can get in a run. Hopefully I can do the weights class again at 5:30, too. Lately it seems my plans are getting out of whack, so I'm keeping them fluid and will just do the best I can.

Day 263 - 155.8 Three pound gain!

I am retaining so much water, even my eyes were puffy this morning. Seriously, I can't remember the last time I gained 3 pounds in one day, but there it is.

Yesterday was a perfect storm of crappiness. And how did I cope? I ate like a mad woman. Emotional eating is still such a struggle; it probably always will be.

So the perfect storm was (a) mid-cycle moodiness (I seem to get just as PMS'y and bloated when I ovulate as I do right before TTOM, and sometimes it's worse); (b) a low pressure system went through fast and hard yesterday, bringing my mood down along with the barometer; and (c) Luke had a low grade fever when he should have been napping, so I didn't get to go to the gym to workout.

I was so emotional that Sunday morning during Sunday School, I cried during the video lesson (it was very powerful, but still) and then cried again during church when we were honoring our Veterans. It was all I could do to keep from blubbering all over myself.

I was hoping to salvage things somewhat with a workout at the gym, where I'd take Luke to the Kids Club while Mark and Sophie were on their "date" at Fired Up (a paint your own pottery studio). When he woke up crying after just an hour into his nap, I went in to check on him and his head and belly were hot. So I gave him Tylenol and cuddled him on my lap for the rest of the afternoon. He was fine last night, and okay this morning, so I'm not sure what it was. But it kept me out of the gym when I'd planned to go, and by evening I had nothing left to give and so I stuffed my face instead.

School's closed because of Veterans Day, so Sophie's with me at the office. I can't do my normal afternoon run outside since she's with me, but as God is my witness I'm running at the gym today. She has swim lessons at 5, so I'll park the kids at Kids Club and do some time on the treadmill. I'm still feeling crappy and deflated, but I'm going to fight to not fill up the emptiness with food.

I'll get through it. Tomorrow is another day.

Day 261 - 152.8 New Day, Same Weight

I seem to be holding steady weight wise, which means I need to kick something into gear. Perhaps if my muscles heal by Sunday I'll do another Group Power weights class and a few weeks of that will help. Some speed intervals would help pick up my metabolism, too, I'm sure.

And I need to go back to basics--writing down everything I eat, sticking to my food plan instead of making it up on my own, and going to LAWL 3 times a week. I didn't go at all last week, and I'd say it's because I was so busy (I was--had an appointment out of the office every day) but the truth is I knew I wasn't losing and didn't want to deal with them right now. My food log looks horrible, not on plan for every meal. I just didn't feel like dealing with a "talking to."

Today I don't feel like being strictly on plan, either. My muscles still ache, although it's getting easier to sit down and pee (I need a handicap rail in my bathroom like we have at the office!). It's going to be a busy one--Sophie has an art class with a friend from 9 - 1 at our university, which is 25 minutes away but thankfully her friend's grandma is taking the girls out there so I only have to drive part way; and (please don't hate me, Tigerlilly) I have a spa appointment with my girl friends today at 10:30.

I had completely forgotten about it until Heather asked me last night at Group if I was going. I said I wasn't sure, I'd check with Mark, and he (bless him) said it was fine with him. See, our husbands--all 7 of them--got us gift certificates to the best spa in town for Christmas last year. As is typical for Moms, we are just NOW getting around to using them before they expire next month (truth? I used mine in April for my birthday, but they all have waited and I get to treat myself, again. I know, you all hate me now). It's for a pedicure, manicure, and facial, which I'm not all that jazzed about. I know, I know, I'm a spoiled rotten baby. But if I'm going to the spa, I want to get naked and have someone massage me all over. It's a group thing, though, and this is what the Girls decided. It's okay, really, I will enjoy the camaraderie. And the pedicure will be nice, especially, on my yucky feet.

Last night was a TON of work. Holy crap, 7 families all with kids, with Tacos for dinner where everyone brings part of the meal, is a lot of food and a lot of clean up. We only host once in a blue moon, and now I know why! It's a PITA. Thankfully, DH was on his game and a HUGE help in the clean up arena. The kids' rooms looked like a bomb had gone off, and DH started cleaning up an hour before everyone left (which was between 9:30 - 10:00p.m.) and I was working on the kitchen area with help from my friends before they left. And we both cleaned the family room/kitchen area (we have one big open room with a bar separating the two) and had everything back to normal by 11 p.m. I was asleep around Midnight.

Not sure if I'll fit in a run or not. Gosh, I want to badly, which is nice to want to. The spirit is willing, the body is weak. We shall see who wins.

***
Speaking of Tigerlilly, go over and give her a big pat on the back for having a stellar 2 months and an excellent weight loss result. She's sweet as pie and beautiful to boot, and despite her hating me for my cleaning lady, I think she's da bomb!

Day 260 - 152.8

Ow ow ow. This is what happens when you do squats and lunges in a weights class on Wednesday, then run 5 miles on Thursday. It hurts to simply sit down. No pain, no gain. Ha. So I'm popping Advil and drinking lots of water and hoping it passes quickly.

We are having our group of church friends over to our house tonight for Friday Group Night. My cleaning girl came yesterday so I don't have to worry about getting the house straightened up. (The sister-in-law of the girl I work with cleans my house every 2-3 weeks. It has made a huge difference in my sanity, and I only pay her $60 for 4 hours, which is a bargain.)

This week has flown by--I can't believe it's Friday already. No big plans for the weekend, just running and laundry and we'll do something fun with the kids. I like it with things are normal and uneventful, but it sure doesn't leave me much to blog about.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Day 259 - 152.0

I made it to the weights class last night, and it was great. The hour went by really quickly--I didn't look at the clock once, that's how much I enjoyed it. The best part was working out in a group. I've been solitary for months now, running by myself. So having 4 other women in the class was a nice change of pace. The instructor is one of my favorites, and her music was energetic and fun, not annoying.

Another bonus was how pleased I was with what I saw in the mirrors. I have developed some nice muscles just by running. I've commented on it before, but it was really obvious last night how my shoulders and triceps have developed. And my lower body is starting to shape up nicely, too.

Planning on a run today, but not sure how many miles I'll put in. Depends on how the day shapes up at work and when I can get out of here. It will be outside, though, because it's supposed to be back up to 60* this afternoon. Lovely running weather.

The big bummer today is AquaDots. You've probably heard about them on the news by now, how they have been recalled because when they're ingested they act like the date rape drug. My daughter LOVES AquaDots. I just bought her 3 refill sets this past weekend. She makes something almost every day. And now I have to tell her she can't play with them anymore. She is going to freak out. I'm tempted not to get rid of them, but with a 2 year old in the house (even though he doesn't put stuff in his mouth that's not food, there's always a first time) it's just not worth the risk. DAMN THOSE CHINESE TOY MAKERS!!!!!!

Y'all have a lovely day. =)

Day 258 - 152.8

The boy's birthday was fun. My sister got him a ride-on airplane that he pretty much had his butt glued to the whole night. He said over and over again, "I flying!" It was just precious. Thanks for all the birthday wishes!

I totally indulged, eating 2 slices of frozen pizza (350 calories) and a slice of Baskin Robbins ice cream cake. I wasn't gonna, but I'd had a crappy day, and another run where I didn't wanna, and just didn't have it in me to pass on the treats. And I felt really bloated this morning, could barely get my rings off before my shower, so I know I'm retaining water. Maybe I'll see a decent loss if I can keep some decent food days together.

Last night when I left the office for my run, it was just too windy and cold (45*) and I almost didn't go at all. Then decided I better, since I didn't want to so much. I had a date with Tready and did 3 miles in 31:31. I pushed it for one 10 minute mile, and then pushed for 9 minute mile-pace for .4 miles. That's the fun of the treadmill--I can really push hard and get feedback on how I'm doing. But I push hard just so I can get it over with.

A couple friends from church who are runners (husband & wife) asked if I'd like to join them for a February or March half marathon somewhere in the U.S. I said "Heck yeah!" They are looking into where they want to go, and will get back to me. So I may be in half marathon training by December. I am SO ready. I printed a training program yesterday (from Hal Higdon's website); I'm going to do the Intermediate program, I think, because I'm pretty well past the Novice mileage already. I want to push myself and not go backwards for this training.

And I'm going to start a Group Power weight lifting class at the gym. It's a free weights class in an aerobics studio environment, and is like having a personal trainer without paying for one. I have no excuses--there's one on Wednesdays at 5:30, one on Fridays at 5:00, and one on Sundays at 3:00. I should be able to make at least 2 each week. So tonight is my first class. Hopefully the muscle building will help me get these last pounds off and tone up my flabby bits.

****
Sophie update: We met with the neurologist this morning. He spent over 30 minutes with us. He doesn't think her symptoms are from a migraine; he's sending her to an ENT and having them look for Menier's Disease and some kind of inner ear bone that could have broken loose (I forget what it's called). He wants us to video tape her the next time she has an episode, and ask her to roll from her back to her side and see if it makes her dizzy. I think he's looking for some kind of positional vertigo. Frankly, and he said this, he just doesn't know what it is. He agreed that the prednisone didn't do anything to stop the dizzyness, so we won't be doing that again (thank goodness). We're hoping to get into an ENT before the end of the year. So that's where we are for now. She's doing much better--the effects of the prednisone are mostly gone, she just needs to lose the rest of her puffy tummy and cheeks.

Day 257 - 152.6 *Birthday Boy*

Today is my little guy's 2nd birthday. Here he is with my Big Guy at our church's Halloween Carnival. I love this picture--I'm sure he's making some type of growling boy-noise.



Tonight we'll do cake & ice cream (God help me, I'm going to try to have 2 bites of each and that's it) with our families. He's still too little to understand it's his birthday, but we'll have fun celebrating anyway.

He was born on the day our city had the worst tornado in its history. 25 people died the day Luke was born. 2 years is long enough time for people to rebuild their homes and their lives. Mostly, the areas that were hit are healed, except for the missing trees.

One woman lost her 2 year old son in the tornado. Kathryn Martin took her grief and turned it outward, helping to create CJ's Bus, a mobile recreation bus that goes to areas of disaster and provides a place for kids to play while parents clean up whatever mess is left behind. Recently a tornado went through Owensboro, Kentucky, and CJ's Bus was there for the kids and families.

There was also a bill in congress introduced in June, called CJ's Home Protection Act of 2007, which will require new mobile homes to have weather radios installed. The majority of deaths, including CJ's, occurred in a mobile home park about 3 miles from our house. Those folks had no warning--the tornado hit in the middle of the night.

We were lucky--we were not in the tornado's path. I was induced with Luke, and Mark & Sophie were with me in the hospital that night, probably the safest place we could have been.

Luke's birthday will always be bitter sweet, and as he gets older the news of his birthday's tornado will not be as prominent. I will never ever forget, though, how blessed we are to have this wonderful boy in our lives. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUKE!

Day 256 - 153.0

The scale was back up a bit this morning, which totally makes sense after the Chinese food Saturday night (I haven't had Chinese since February!) and the Halloween candy and 6 mini cookies last night (damn that Famous Amos =).

I ran again on Sunday, but nothing as fabulous as Saturday and not what I'd planned. Only 3.3 miles, and it was after church and in a strong wind and I was in a "I don't wanna" mood that never lifted the entire run. They can't all be fabulous, I suppose. At least I was out there.

We took the kids to Toys R Us Saturday, to buy Luke's birthday presents and let Sophie spend her money. It was like Christmas in November at our house this weekend. Luke is now a certified Thomas the Train junkie. (So is my husband.) We set up the train table in the family room so we could all play with the trains, and still watch football Sunday afternoon. My daughter wants to leave the table in there all the time, instead of moving it to Luke's room, so she can play with it too. It'll stay there this week, I told her, then it's going to its permanent home in his room, where she can visit any time she likes.

Tonight is swim class for Sophie, and I haven't decided if I'm going to workout or not. It would be at the gym after her class and the kids would have to stay in the Kid's Club (which they like, but sometimes aren't in the mood for after a long day at school/day care), and I may just take a rest day. We'll see. Definitely going to get the food back on track today. Weekends can just be a killer. I've got to get rid of that Halloween candy, and not by eating it.

Saturday post

I did something today that I've never done before--got up at 6:30 a.m. and ran! I had planted the seed of a morning run the night before, and when I woke up at 6:15ish, I tried to go back to sleep but couldn't. The thought kept itching my brain... get up and run... get up and run...get up and RUN. So I did.

And it was cold, but great. The first mile I couldn't believe what I was doing. I was dressed okay--warm hat & gloves, long pants & shirt, & Climalite jacket--but my eyes kept watering from the cold. And my butt was cold--I have no idea why, there's way too much fat back there for it to get cold. You'd think it would be self insulating. hahahaha.

By mile 2 I had unzipped my jacket, and at the start of mile 3 I'd taken it off and tied it around my waist. I got to see a gorgeous crescent moon and stars at the start, and the sky change colors as the sun began to rise as I got back home. I finished in 33:36.

I'm planning on doing this again Sunday morning, with 5 miles. My 7 mile plan kinda went out the window when I realized how much stuff we have going on this weekend and I would have to run in the morning if I was going to run at all, so I decided to split it between the two weekend days. Which actually is better probably, because usually I do no running at all on the weekends. Hopefully this activity will keep my eating on track, too.
****
Last night we took Sophie to a church activity--a nature walk through a local nature preserve at night. (Luke stayed at the church with babysitters.) By the time we did the last part of the walk, it was completely dark. I was so not into walking through the woods--even with a guide and my husband and about 20 other people--in the dark. Way too Blair Witch for me. I am such a wimp.

But then we got to have a camp fire, roast hot dogs, and have S'mores!!! My all time favorite Fall activities in the whole world. Nothing better than roastin' a dog over an open flame. Sophie cooked my hot dog and it was half way cold, but the best ever because she made it for me. I also had a S'more and 2 more marshmallows. It was a lot of junk, but totally fabulous. And I had run 2.8 miles that afternoon (not enough time for the 3.5 I had planned, but 2.8 was better than nothing), so I figured what the heck? I'm living my life, not living a diet.

I hope everyone who's reading today has a lovely Saturday.

Mark & Sophie at the camp fire. (I was not popular after snapping a flash picture in the dark. But isn't that what mom's are for? =)

Day 253 - 151.6 Four Eyes =)

The scale was down again today, and I'm at my lowest since my mid 20s. This is about what I weighed when I got married on March 18, 1995!

No run yesterday. Instead I had to go get GLASSES. I have had perfect vision almost my entire life (notwithstanding the year when I was in 3rd grade and I wore Flintstone's frames because of astigmatism, which somehow was cured by my magical plastic frames). But I was complaining to DH yesterday how letters are getting fuzzy and I'm having to focus really hard when I read. I thought I should just get some magnifying cheapo glasses at the drugstore, and he asked when the last time was I had my eyes checked. About 20 years ago, I think. In high school.

So off to Eye Mart I went. The doctor said I was far sighted and had (surprise) astigmatism, and I was "this close" to needing bifocals. She said single lenses would be fine for now, but probably in a year or two I would have to trade up to bifocals. Oh joy.

Picking out frames was daunting. The really cool ones were $150+ plus $40 for lenses (or $258 for two pair--a bargain!), so I moved down to the sorta cool ones and found a couple of decent pairs in the 2 for $158 range. Unfortunately, my favorites had to be sent off to the "home office" to be fitted with lenses and I'll get them sometime next week, so no pictures of me yet. The 2nd pair that I'm wearing now (the letters I'm typing are crisp as fall apples) are basic wire rimmed frames in brownish metal, shaped like rounded rectangles. They are "Columbia" brand, so I feel all sporty in them (not).

I wore them while watching a movie last night, and while I read a book before bed. Shocking how fuzzy the letters were when compared with how they should be. I had no idea how bad it was.

When I get the cool frames, I'll take my picture and show you all my four eyes.

Speaking of movies, DH rented "The Fountain" with Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz. Holy cow, that was a moving film. It is tough to get into, because you don't know what the heck is going on in the very beginning, but stick with it and it's just amazing. Hugh J. gives an intense performance, and I cried at least once. Then after it was over I hugged DH for at least a full minute (wow, we are such lovebirds) because it's just one of those films where you want to love on your loved ones when it's over. Go rent it this weekend and watch it with someone you love!

Today was gonna be a rest day, but will be instead a 3.5 miler. I realized this morning that if I run 3.5 miles, and 7 this weekend, then I will hit 20 miles this week. That, my friends, is a lovely milestone to hit.

Enjoy the weekend. Remember to Fall Back on Saturday. What will you do with that extra hour? I almost always use it to sleep.

Day 252 - 152.2

Made that second chance at 5 miles a success yesterday. And I'm realizing that I truly hit my stride and feel the rhythm of the run after 3 or 4 miles. I could have kept running after that 5th mile, but of course couldn't because I had responsibilities and had to stop after my 56 minutes of running. But that makes me look forward to my long run this weekend. I'm gonna shoot for 7 miles. Today I've planned an easy 3.

Halloween with the kids was too much fun. They were so good, and we were out only for about an hour and got back before dark (SO glad "they" delayed daylight savings time change until this weekend). The weather was perfect--no jackets required. Here's some pictures. Sophie is a Snow Fairy, and Luke is a clown. My favorite is their "after" picture in the recliner. They are tuckered out!

Day 251 - 152.4 Goal by 12/31???

Holding steady in the 152s--woohoo! Official weigh in today at LAWL was 153.6, so I'm only 8.6 pounds from goal. My loss for October was only 1.4 pounds--the least amount in any month since I started this in February--but considering the stress eating and lack of exercise for the almost 2 weeks of Sophie's dizzy episode, I'm thankful for the 1.4 pounds. Better than a gain, better than just maintaining. I'll take it.

So that leaves me in a contemplative state on this last 8ish pounds. If I'm really good and really paying attention to what I eat, and keep running 4-5 days a week, I think it's possible to lose 8 pounds by the end of the year. I *hate* putting time limits on losses now, because I don't want to set myself up to fail and be all depressed about not hitting a time goal (been there, done that, it sucks).

That said, I still am gonna strive for a 1 pound a week loss for November and December, and shoot for weighing 145 by December 31, 2007. If I don't make it, so what. If I do, then we'll all have a party at my house, 'kay?!

Yesterday's run was 4.5 miles, shy of my planned 5. I have lots of excuses--didn't map it out so didn't have a planned course, forgot my stop watch and used my cell phone to track my time which threw me off time wise, and just didn't feel it the entire run--but the bottom line is I was PMS'y and tired and was lucky I got in the miles I did. The weather was perfect, and it was a shame I didn't have a better run mentally. We all have off days, and that's what yesterday was for me. Oh well, that's life. Today is a new day and the weather is perfect again, so I've got a second chance to make it better.

Trick or Treating with the kiddos tonight. This is the 3rd time they'll be dressed up in their costumes. And the 3rd time they've collected candy. And the 3rd time they will beg "please can I have one more piece of candy?!" And the 3rd time I'll say yes and feel guilty because I let my kids eat too much junk. I am so ready for this holiday to be over. Bring on Christmas baby! hahahahahahaha