Why can't I.....

...get it together enough to stay on a plan? I know why-- it's all the stress of work, family, our office move and the financial implications, the uncertainties of business, Mark's stress, the kids being sick, me being sick, the holidays. I'm self medicating the stress with food.

And I'm tracking towards 200 pounds again. My clothes don't fit. I'm miserable. This has got to stop.

If only I can give myself 3 hours a week to exercise. 3 days a week to eat right. It would be a good start. But is that possible? I feel so drained, so empty, and food is the only thing that fills me up.

I know this is temporary, but until it ends I will continue to be a slave to food. I need to find some resolve that Anne talks about over on AFG. Where did I put it? Maybe it's hidden at the bottom of my closet.

Christmas

It's been here and gone. In typical fashion it was hectic and a tad stressful, but I really enjoyed our kids this year. Sophie was so cute and excited about Santa. Luke was a hoot with how he was into everything *but* his presents. Mark has had a hard time with the holidays, since it's the first of them without his mom. She's noticeably absent and I even miss her. She'd have loved the Tickle Me Elmo we got Luke, and she always got Sophie such sweet gifts.

So, diet wise--HA! Now that Christmas is over and I have no more excuses to eat, I suppose I have to get back on the wagon. It's gonna be tough with the work stress and family stress. Where am I gonna get my comfort? Who's gonna be my best friend, if I don't have comfy soft foods to eat? Gotta change my mind set, I know. First thing is to get back to the gym. That will help things fall back into place.

A big shout out to Vickie! You are so sweet to check in on me and to let me know you're out there. You are why I posted tonight. I am blessed to have you in my life and hope to have time to learn from you and your successes.

A different approach

So, the no flour/sugar/fat thing lasted for, oh, about a day and a half. Whatever. What did I expect, truly?

Then, through the wonder that is Amazon's referrals, I found a book called "Life is Hard, Food is Easy" by Linda Spangle. I've only read the intro and first chapter, but it has helped.

Obviously I'm an emotional eater. This is not news. How to identify the feelings and the types of food I want to eat based on those feelings, that is new. Head hunger (stress, work) = crunchy foods--I want to "chew" on the person/situation that is getting to me. Heart hunger (empty, lonely, unloved) = soft comfort foods-- these are truly my drug of choice (cake and icecream).

I've stopped and thought for the past couple of days about what I'm feeling and WHY when I've gotten the urge to eat. I've allowed myself to explore the feelings instead of stuffing them down with food. I've lost 2.5 pounds (down from 194 to 191.5).

Methinks there's something to this, if only I'll allow myself to feel the feelings instead of stuffing them down, maybe my waistline will come back. More to come......